Sweetened With a Kiss (23 page)

So, she forced herself to her feet, took another deep breath.  She knew exactly what to do.  She got dressed, called Lizzie, then got started on building that life.

It took Lizzie about ten minutes to reach the house. She got out of the car and stopped dead in her tracks on the front steps. Stefan was sitting on the front porch, with his back to the door. He was wearing cutoff shorts and nothing else. The heel of one hand pressed against his forehead and the other hand was shaking as it lifted a cigarette to the white line of his mouth.

A cigarette? Stefan? Lizzie closed her eyes then slowly opened them again. He blew smoke out then spotted her staring at him. He dropped his chin, resting his forehead against his hand. She almost demanded to know what he had done with her brother, but there was something so lost about him she just couldn’t bring herself to give him a hard time.

“What did you do?” she asked slowly, coming quickly up the rest of the steps and crossing the porch to him.

“Fucked up. Biblical proportions.”

She grabbed the cigarette out of his hands. Surprised to find that it was real. In what universe did Stefan smoke cigarettes?

“I am pretty sure you smoking is a sign of the apocalypse.”

“What’re you doing here?”

“Jen called me. I guess the prom dress seduction didn’t go well.”

He laughed bitterly. “No, it was great. The after-party went to hell.”

Lizzie reached for the doorknob.

“She’s not leaving.”

“Stefan, you can’t keep her here against her will.”

“Oh, yes I can. She isn’t stepping out of that house.”

“Have you lost your mind?” Lizzie asked, her heart breaking. She had never seen her brother like this. His eyes were desperate and he looked like he didn’t know what to do. Stefan always, always knew what to do. It was a constant law of the universe. Lizzie had done the math.

“You have to back me up on this, Lizzie.”

“Let me go inside. I’ll talk to her,” Lizzie said, then slipped into the house.

“She isn’t leaving this house!” he yelled after her.

She found Jen sitting at the coffee table, busily typing on a laptop.

“Jen,” she said tentatively.

Jen looked up, and gave her an apologetic smile then turned back to the laptop.

“What have you done to my brother?” Lizzie asked, trying to lighten the mood.

Jen shrugged. “Is he still here? I thought he’d be running.”

“Uh, no. He’s sitting outside, guarding the door, and smoking a cigarette, or he was.” Lizzie waved the butt in the air before running it under the tap in the kitchen and tossing it away.

“Seriously?” Jen almost smiled. “A cigarette?”

Jen seemed okay. She looked odd, but her voice was steady. She didn’t seem to be drifting in and out like she normally did when she was under a lot of stress. “You do realize how bad it is, if Mr. Health Nut is smoking?”

“The apocalypse, I know.” Jen nodded. “We had a small one earlier. I remembered Robert pulling me out of the car, and Stefan finally told me what happened.” She looked back to the laptop.

“Oh, honey,” Lizzie said, dropping down next to her. “I’m so sorry.”

Jen clicked the button that sent a print job to a printer in Stefan’s office. “I’ve been so selfish, Lizzie. So completely selfish. How is it possible I forgot Robert saved my life?”

“You didn’t forget it, Jen. You just don’t think about it.”

“But that’s even worse,” Jen said. “How could I just stop thinking about Robert? Pretend he didn’t exist.”

“You're very good at not thinking about things that upset you.”

“Like I said,” Jen took a deep breath. “Selfish.”

“Not selfish, self preservation. It’s a blessing you can’t remember all of it.”

Jen nodded and took a deep breath. “I’m really not going to fall apart.”

“I believe you,” Lizzie smiled. “Tell me what happened.”

“That’s what I am really confused about,” Jen admitted. “After the thing you and I are not going to talk about, which was amazing by the way, we fell asleep. I thought I heard him say curiouser and curiouser and it was the tone of his voice. Now I’m not sure he even said it. It’s weird. I can’t explain it.”

“I think I can,” Lizzie sighed. “But can I let him come in. He really looks pitiful.”

“Not yet,” Jen said. “That’s from
Alice in Wonderland
, isn’t it? That was your favorite story when we were little.”

“You were stuck in the rabbit hole.” Lizzie said, her voice breaking slightly. “I thought you were going to die, so I refused to leave your hospital room. Threw a huge tantrum until Stefan finally agreed to read you Alice in Wonderland. You finally opened your eyes a few days later.”

Jen didn’t know what to say. She could see it in her mind. Lizzie curled up next to her. Stefan in a chair reading. But she couldn’t remember it. What else had she lost? “He misses Robert,” Jen whispered, her throat threatening to close up again.

Lizzie nodded. “It was very hard for him.”

“He stopped running track and started running longer distances after Robert died, didn't he?” Jen asked, puzzle pieces starting to float into place. Pieces she hadn’t even known were missing.

“Because he couldn’t sleep. His senior year, he would run at night, would be gone for hours, just running. Then he’d come in, go to school, come home and crash in the afternoons on the sofa. He couldn’t sleep after dark. I think he started the triathlons because they pushed him so hard he could spend ten hours in a row not thinking about what happened.”

Jen choked, pushing tears back. She had lost her entire family in that accident. Stefan had lost his best friend—for all intents and purposes,
his
older brother too. “This is unbearable,” she whispered, her voice hoarse. “I can’t believe what I’ve done to him.”

Lizzie tried to reassure her. “None of this is your fault.”

“But, when I didn’t talk about Robert, all of you stopped talking about Robert, Stefan had no other way to deal with it, did he?”

“What? You think my brother was going to have grief therapy sessions?” Lizzie teased, trying to lighten the mood. “Stefan Sellers talking about his feelings. I can’t even imagine.”

“No,” Jen said. “Of course not, but at least—”

“Jen, I think it was easier on everyone to just let it go. I know my parents and Stefan think you may break apart at any minute, but you and I know better. You are one of the strongest people I know. What happened should have destroyed you, honey. And look where you are. You have a life, you have friends, you’re starting a business, you have a really annoying business partner, and you have the most eligible bachelor in Louisiana sitting on your front porch falling apart over you. He was smoking a cigarette, Jen. A freaking cigarette.”

Jen laughed. “You should have taken a picture.”

“I was too shocked to even think that way,” Lizzie laughed. “Can I please let him in? He thinks you are going to leave him. He might start boarding us up inside any minute now.”

“Stefan promised Robert he would look after me,” Jen said, softly. “I think I’ve always known that, so when Madlyn cornered me at Rogan’s birthday party—”

“I knew it. Whatever she said to you, Jen, you know how the Red Queen lies.”

Jen took a deep breath and smiled sadly at her best friend. “But that’s the best part. She didn’t have to lie, Lizzie. Everything she said was absolutely true.”

“What did she say?”

“That he didn’t love me and would one day regret marrying me.”

“She was wrong, Jen, and I can prove it. Step outside your front door and see what you think.”

Jen smiled sadly, and got up to collect the papers from the printer. “He loves me, Lizzie. But we both know he’s not in love with me. But, I’ve decided I’m keeping him anyway. Madlyn can’t have him. If that makes me selfish and childish, I really don’t give a damn. He’s mine, Lizzie, and Madlyn can go to hell.”

Lizzie laughed. “So why am I here?”

“To drive us to the airport.”

“The airport?” Lizzie echoed, completely confused. “Where are you going?”

“Not me. We.” Jen said, “All of us. Let me go take care of this first, and I’ll explain on the way.”

With all the shocks she’d had over the last few days, when she had time to process it later, she was pretty sure seeing him with a cigarette was in the top three. Lizzie had gotten one away from him but apparently he had a stash. He looked up when she walked out. She almost lost her nerve. But the look on his face kept her from stopping. And he had that suffering young Marlon Brando thing going on, all barefoot and shirtless on the front porch in New Orleans, smoking a cigarette while the street cars clattered up and down St. Charles. No way she could ever walk away from that.

Jen took a deep breath. There was no turning back now. Not that she wanted to. She was finally ready.

“Hey,” she said, kneeling down in front of him.

“Hey,” he said, blowing smoke away from her face. She shivered, thinking she might let him take just one more drag before she took it away from him.

“You have any idea how hot you look sitting out here smoking?” she asked, “I swear if you yell ‘Stella’, even the nuns will come running.”

He just looked away from her, apparently too tired to even make a comeback.

“You can take one more drag and then you are putting it out.” She smiled, but she was so nervous it didn’t have the usual effect on him. He looked spent, exhausted, and lost. She’d never seen him so pale. He put it out without taking a drag, watching her warily.

“You are not leaving.” he said, sounding more like a growl than a statement.

She held his gaze until he looked away first. Something that had never happened before. “I won’t let you leave,” he said again, softer this time.

She reached out and put her palm against his face. “I have new terms I want to discuss with you,” she said, hoping that would stir him up. His breath hitched, and a moment later he nodded his head, clearly not wanting to hear what she had to say. “Are you ready?” she asked.

“I can’t wait,” he said, his voice ragged with sarcasm. A good sign that he wasn’t totally lost.

“You said you would never forgive me for tonight,” she began.

His eyes snapped to her. “I didn’t mean...”

She put her hand over his mouth. “I’m talking. You’re listening. It’s my turn to give instructions.”