Sweetest Desires (A Sweetest Day Romance) (15 page)

“Good night.” His voice was a throaty whisper.

She didn’t move, and neither did he. What was he going to do? He could have stopped her before the infatuation became serious. Yet he’d done nothing at all to discourage her. Why hadn’t he? The truth that had been staring him in the face almost since the day he’d met her hit him hard and he blanched. He knew exactly why he hadn’t discouraged her.

He forced himself to turn away. Not even the cool night breeze could relieve the heat in his body. After trampling about without any sense of direction for he didn’t know how long, he stumbled upon a small, quaint, twenty-four hour chapel that must have been no more than a mile from the cottage. The lights inside were low. He approached the altar and fell on his knees, he prayed aloud.

“Father, I’ve committed adultery in my heart by having lustful thoughts of Cindy. I’ve prayed and struggled to purge them from my mind, but they’re too strong for me.”

They are the temptations of Satan.

“Yes, I know. I feel like I have to give into them or else I’ll go crazy. I haven’t had such strong feelings for Cindy before, but tonight, for some reason, I just wanted to be with her.”

The atmosphere is familiar. You must not see her again. The temptation is too great.

“But she’s my friend, and I need her comfort for what I’m going through with my marriage.”

I am your comforter. I am all you need.

“Yes, Lord. But my faith is too weak.”

You must conquer this devil. You must continue to pray, and I will give you the strength and restore your faith and your marriage. It may be the greatest test of character in your life.

“I’m not sure I want to conquer it.”

You are embracing this devil rather than fighting it.

“I—I want to embrace it. I can’t control it. My flesh is powerless.”

This attitude is not worthy of you. You will fast for forty-eight hours and pray constantly. At the end of that time, your flesh will be weakened enough to obey My Will, and I will give you power and authority to conquer the adversary.

Carson was silent for a long time. Finally, he whispered, “Yes, Lord,” and raised himself from his knees. Tears blurred his vision.

I will not leave you comfortless. I will come to you.

The words echoed softly in his mind.

* * *

Cindy wanted him desperately. All those years she’d given herself to men, mortified by the loveless, mechanical act, feeling nothing beyond a sad and lonely affection for the men whose faces went soft as they stared into her eyes, their mouths hungry for her breasts. They wanted only to kiss her face, to enter her body, but not to find out whether anyone lived behind that face, inside that body.

Until Carson.

Just when she’d thought she’d never find a man worthy of her affection, Carson had come along, and everything had fallen neatly into place to bring them together. She was flirting with disaster, but he was worth it.

Even though he had pulled away from her and disappeared into the darkness, Cindy was feeling good. She snuggled comfortably under the warm comforter, deciding it was time she returned to church. It would please Carson and score her some brownie points. It’d been months, no—at least a year—since she’d set foot inside her church.

Chapter 19

“I’m so excited!” Katharine exclaimed,
as she prepared breakfast for herself and Natalie. The children were in school, and she’d arranged to take the next four weeks off from work for the surgeries and recovery times. She thought about singing the Pointer Sisters’ song, but remembered she couldn’t carry a tune. Oh, but she could hum. She had a Mahalia Jackson-type moaning voice. She could hum the most awful sinner into a state of sobbing repentance, but she could not sing a lick, so instead she chanted, “Supercalifragilisticexpielidocious!” She was so thrilled ’til she wanted to float in the air like Mary Poppins.

“You’re going out of your way to take back what was stolen from you, aren’t you?” Natalie asked, si
pping her hot coffee with due caution and observing Katharine in her gaiety over the rim of her porcelain mug.

“Seeing Carson come and go these past several weeks has been hectic,” Katharine answered. “I’ve tried to hold up, but not doing a good job. Luckily, the children seem to be accepting it much better now.”

“Does CJ have his bedwetting under control yet?”

“He’s improving. His classmates don’t tease him anymore, especially after his confrontation with Je
ffrey the jackass.” She frowned at the memory. “They now view CJ as a hero.”

“I’ll bet.”

“CJ and Bethany still love being with Carson, but it grieves me every time I have to pack their overnight bags so they can stay with him.”

“So how is the dialogue between you and Ca
rson? I mean, does he talk with you when he comes to pick up the kids, or does he just blow the horn for them to come out?” She upturned the mug to her parted lips.

“Blow the horn? You’ve got to be kidding!” She fanned her hand as if to brush off the suggestion. “Carson knows I don’t play that. I’d never tolerate such rudeness. He’s still the gentleman he’s always been. He hangs around for about fifteen minutes and shoots the breeze.” She felt her face burn. “He still flirts with me. I think he feels almost like we’re courting all over again. It’s kind of sexy, but I want my family back together.”

“What about Cindy?”

“What about her?” Katharine gave Natalie a look that said,
I can’t believe you brought her into our conversation.

“Is she there when the kids are with Carson?”

“They’ve told me she comes over sometimes and takes them shopping or out to eat. Carson told them she’s a very good friend who helps him out from time to time. They seem to like her, but they have no idea she’s the reason their father left.” She paused and corrected herself. “Well, partially responsible. As for my part in his leaving, well, in a few weeks, that’ll all change.”

Natalie gave her a skeptical glance.

“What?” Katharine said. “What’s wrong?”

Natalie shook her head. “Nothing,” she muttered.

“Anyway,” Katharine carried on, shrugging off Natalie’s doubts. “I try not to ask them too much about Cindy. I don’t want them to become doubtful and insecure. Bethany just adores her daughter, Deanna, if I recall correctly. Bethany looks up to her as a big sister.”

“Daughter? How old is this daughter?”

“Twelve, I think Bethany said.”

Natalie rolled her eyes and grunted a sour ha
rrumph.

“Honestly, I don’t have anything against her daughter. She’s just an innocent child.”

“Yeah, but she’s her mother’s child, and don’t forget that!”

“At the banquet, I’ll finally get to see this Cindy woman face-to-face.”

“The banquet?” Natalie frowned. “You mean to tell me that hussy will have the audacity to attend?”

“Carson insists they’re just good friends and that she’s been a great support to him.”

“Uh-huh. All right, great support,” Natalie said suspiciously, cutting her eyes. “Don’t let him and floozy-Suzie fool you.”

“Please don’t feed into that, Nat. I’m trying ev
erything within my power to believe Carson would never act on his lustful desires. He’s still a man of God. His flesh may be weak, but I know my husband. His spirit is willing.”

“That’s the problem—he’s a man first, and he’s confused.” Natalie paused. “Dolly Parton said it best: ‘He don’t know whether to scratch his watch or wind his butt.’”

Katharine chuckled then dropped her smile. “Then you should know Satan is behind all this chaos because God is not the author of confusion.”

“Blame it on Satan if you want—I say it’s Ca
rson’s own selfish desires. And besides, even Jesus was tempted.”

“Point taken.” Katharine lifted her forefinger. “But Jesus never succumbed to sin.”

“So what’re you saying? That Carson won’t sin?”

“No. I’m saying Cindy and pornography are Carson’s temptations. Carson has too much Word in him to give in to the wiles of the devil.”

“Girl, please,” Natalie waived in a brush off gesture. “Since the beginning of time, women have always been man’s temptation.” Natalie took another sip of her coffee.

In the silence that followed, Katharine tried to read her facial expression. “I know what you’re thinking,” she said. “You’re thinking that if Carson is so holy, why would he allow Satan to destroy our marriage?”

Natalie smiled. “Is ESP a spiritual gift?”

“It’s called discernment.”

“Look, Kat, I do know that Jesus came as an example for mankind—to show us how to live. Now, if Carson says he’s a man of God but can’t follow His example, he’s—”

“You have to remember, Nat, that Satan’s job is to steal, kill, and destroy. And the destruction of ma
rriages is his top priority. He knows if he can destroy a family, he can destroy the family members.” She took in a short breath, anxious to express her next thought. “People think because you’re Christian, you’re incapable of sinning or being tempted by sin.”

Natalie nearly choked on her now cold coffee. “So your plan to keep Satan from destroying your family is to have cosmetic surgery?”

Katharine’s features toughened. “That’s not funny.”

“Seriously, though. Have you consulted God about this plastic surgery? Where does He fit into all this nonsense?” Natalie bit her lower lip as if her words hadn’t come out the way she’d intended.

“It’s not nonsense, and, yes, I’ve asked God to confirm the scripture: ‘Ask and it shall be given unto you.’”

“I think you’re looking at that all wrong. I b
elieve you’re asking amiss. After all, God looks at the heart, not the outside appearance.”

Katharine didn’t respond right away. “But I’m not doing this for God, I’m doing this for Carson.” Immediately she reconsidered the statement. “I hope that didn’t come out wrong . . . but you do understand what I’m saying, don’t you?”

She didn’t acknowledge it one way or the other. “Kat . . .” Natalie began hesitantly. “I feel compelled to say this to you, and please don’t take it as being preachy or judgmental. I’m only trying to be helpful.”

Katharine pursed her lips. “Go ahead . . . say what you have to say.”

“‘They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.’ Isaiah 40. And add in there somewhere Psalms 27:14, which says, ‘Wait on the Lord, be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: Wait, I say, on the Lord.’”

Katharine’s breath caught in her throat. Natalie was right. She should be pleasing God first and her husband second. Stay prayerful and
wait
on God. But she was lacking one ingredient in the fruit of the Holy Spirit—patience.

“Do not tempt the Lord thy God,” Natalie a
ttached.

Katharine’s brows furrowed. “How is that tempting God?”

“I’m just saying.” Natalie’s words lingered in the air.

“Okay, thank you. I receive it,” Katharine said firmly, hoping Natalie would drop the spiritual d
ebate. God was taking too long, and she was determined to take matters into her own hands, trusting God would be with her. “But let’s forget about Carson for now and go over the schedule for my surgery day after tomorrow.”

Natalie sighed resignedly but said nothing.

“Look at it this way,” Katharine said. “If all else fails, at least I’ll fill my jeans just right, and my blouses won’t sag on me anymore.” She could hear God’s gentle voice through Natalie telling her to wait, but her heart’s desire was to please her husband. If she could make him happy by changing her appearance, she could save their marriage.

With that thought in mind, she finished breakfast feeling calm and peaceful for the first time in months.

* * *

Now that she was actually in the doctor’s office about to be cut open, Katharine felt suddenly afraid. “Will I come through this okay?” Her voice tre
mbled a little.

“Yes, Mrs. O’Connor,” he promised her. “You will only sleep. You’ll awaken when you choose to awaken. You have nothing to fear.” His voice was soft and reassuring.

“Is there anything else I need to know?” she fretted.

“You’ll more than likely experience discomfort from the stitches or bruising, even if you’re not groggy from the anesthetic.” He paused. “When do you want to do this?”

“Right now, I suppose.”

“Good.” He nodded to the anesthesiologist to dispense the medication.

I love you, Carson
, she thought.
I want us to get on with the lives we promised to each other. There is so much ahead for us to share, my love.
The anesthesia took effect quickly, and Katharine drifted into unconsciousness.

* * *

The breast implants surgery was successful. Since the implant was placed above the muscle, the doctor stated she should be able to return to work in about a week’s time after the buttock appendages, with no lifting heavy objects for at least three weeks.

For both surgeries, Natalie had taken Katharine to and from the hospital to begin her recuperation. She’d also helped out with Bethany and CJ and household chores.

The stare Natalie gave Katharine could’ve been interpreted as her having compassion for the pain Katharine was encountering or pity for being so foo
lish to go through such unnecessary agony.

CJ and Bethany were running around u
pstairs. It had given Katharine a headache. She squeezed her forehead, hoping to still the throbbing.

“You want me to get you some aspirin?”

“I’ve already taken two. I’m just waiting for it to kick in.”

Natalie rose from the chair. “I’ll go tell the munchkins to layoff all that running around up there.”

“No, never mind. When they’re getting along like this, I just let them be, ’cause sooner or later we’ll hear Bethany crying over something he’d done to her.” She moaned and repositioned herself on the sofa.

“Are those extra pillows you’re sitting on helping any?”

“Not really.”

“How much pain are you in?” Natalie frowned as if smelling a foul order.

“Moderate, I guess. What, with two separate surgeries and two recoveries on top of the other, there was bound to be some discomfort. There’s some swelling, bruising and soreness involved, and changing my bandages is painful at times from the stitches and tenderness. And what’s really weird is that my breasts feel higher up on my body than they did before.”

“What about your butt?”

“What about it?”

“I mean, how do you sleep?”

Katharine closed her eyes, tilted her head sideways and laid her clapped hands against her cheek. “Like this,” she giggled quietly.

“Ask a bootie question, get a smart-butt a
nswer—pun intended.” 

In fact, Katharine did experience some muscle contraction in her buttocks and she grew tired of resting on her abdominal section. But most of her discomfort was controlled by prescribed medic
ation.

Katharine looked at the ceiling and rubbed her right temple. “Those two sure are having fun up there.”

With a serious expression, Natalie asked, “So when are you going to tell them?”

“I’m not. I don’t think they’ll notice the changes.”

It was easy for Katharine to camouflage her appearance from the children, who were used to seeing their mother in oversized dusters and muumuus. She didn’t want them spilling the beans to Carson. And she didn’t feel it was necessary to have to explain to them about her surgeries. But she did share her discomforts by simply stating,
she wasn’t feeling well
, and asked them to be on their best behavior and to help around the house while she was in recovery.

* * *

In the fifth week after the buttock augmentation, sitting at her dressing table getting ready to return to work, Katharine stared at the woman in the mirror, but the picture was wrong. She was wrong. All her life Katharine had been an honest, forthright woman with simple, basic values. She’d never thought much about the future because, as a wife and mother, her future had seemed set. Now nothing was set, nothing was sure. She wasn’t even certain what was basic anymore. All she knew was that while she had been hibernating in the warm, dry, safe cave of marriage, the world had changed. When she’d been pushed out of her cave, she’d discovered the rules had changed as well. And now, she had changed too.