Sweetest Desires (A Sweetest Day Romance) (7 page)

Carson opened his mouth but said nothing, leaving Katharine to handle the awkward moment. She saw him glance over his shoulder with a defensive expression as if he blamed her for making him resort to girlie magazines for sexual satisfaction. He turned away without a word to her or the children and went downstairs.

She heard the door open and shut with a swish and a click. Deep in her soul a voice struggled to cry out, but she silenced it.

Later that night when she went to bed, she woke to the sounds of Carson snoring beside her. She cried silently. While she mouthed her prayers, her tears—remorseful, bitter and hopeless—slid noiselessly down her cheeks.

Chapter 9

Come by here, dear Lord.
Come by here

I really need you, Lord. Come by here

Oh, Lord, come by here.

Katharine sang the tune in her head all morning long. It helped her to find the right words to console her children before she took them to catch the school bus. Certainly, it wasn’t the first time they’d heard their parents arguing.

She faced the day at work in exhaustion. Before she left work, she’d called in a pizza order for pick-up on the way home.

CJ and Bethany rushed into the house and dropped their bookbags and jackets on the floor. CJ carried the pizza into the kitchen, opened the box, and was just about to lift out a slice when Katharine said, “You two know better than that. Go wash your hands first and say your grace before you eat.”

Katharine escaped into her bedroom to allow herself a moment to breathe and think. Noticing a flashing red light on the cordless phone, she pressed star zero to retrieve the messages. One was from Natalie, one was a hang-up, and the last was from Ms. Cavacas, CJ’s third-grade teacher, reminding Katharine of the parent-teacher conference for the next day to discuss CJ’s failing grades and insubordinate conduct.

Katharine made a mental note to call Natalie, and she was too concerned about CJ to give much thought to the caller who’d hung up. What’s going on with my son? It had to be the bickering that she and Ca
rson had been doing so often lately.

She thought it would be a good idea to sit and eat pizza with the children and talk to them about what had been happening between Mommy and Daddy. Standing in the doorway, she watched her two little ones eat and talk. Well, Bethany was talking while CJ was eating and not necessarily listening as his little sister babbled on about nothing and yet everything.  She jabbered about being angry with her friend, Bri
tain, for not sharing her snacks, to talking about her favorite Play-Doh colors and how much she wanted a Baby Alive doll for her birthday, not to mention other things in between.

Katharine needed to rescue her guy from his chatterbox sister. “Hey,” she said, strolling in and sitting down in her place. “Did you guys save some for me?”

“Yes, Mommy,” Bethany said, swinging her feet under the table and talking with her mouth full. “CJ had three pieces and I had two, but I only have one left. The rest is for you and Daddy.”

“Why thank you, darling, and don’t talk with your mouth full. It’s very unladylike.” Katharine opened a napkin and placed a slice of pizza on top of it.

“She ain’t no lady, that’s for sure,” CJ inserted. “She talks too much.”

“Mommy said don’t say ain’t ’cause it ain’t—I mean”—Bethany put her fist to her mouth and blushed—“
ain’t
isn’t a word. Right, Mommy?”

“Right, sweetheart. Ain’t isn’t a proper word. It’s a slang term.”

“Why don’t you just shut up sometimes?” CJ fussed.

“I don’t have to if I don’t want to. Right, Mommy?” Bethany looked at her mother with tear-filled eyes.

“CJ, in this household we say be quiet, not shut up.”

He remained silent, peeling a pepperoni from the crust and tossing it into his mouth.

Katharine folded one arm and held her cheek in her hand with the other as she stared at her little man, contemplating asking her question. “CJ, do you sometimes wish I’d be quiet too?”

“Huh?” he responded with the crust halfway between his lips.

“When you tell Bethany to be quiet, do you sometimes wish you could say that to me also?”

His expression went blank. “No, ma’am.”

“Yes, he does, Mommy, because he told me so,” Bethany chimed in.

CJ sucked his teeth and rolled his eyes at his si
ster. “See, I told you she talks too much. Why don’t you shut—” he glanced at his mother. “I mean, be quiet.” He frowned hard, bringing his brows together.

“Bethany, sweetheart, go watch TV in the den. I want to talk to CJ alone.”

“But I haven’t finished eating my pizza.”

“Take your pizza with you, but don’t make a mess.”

She stuck out her tongue at CJ, then lifted her plate and left.

“Aw, why does she get to watch TV with her pizza?” CJ complained.

Don’t worry about her for now. I want to know what’s going on with you.”

“Nothing’s going on with me. Nothing.”

“Now, CJ, that’s not completely true. I got a call from your teacher today. She wants to talk with me about you tomorrow. And after talking with Ms. Washington yesterday, I think there must be something serious going on with you.”

“Nothing’s the matter, Mom, I promise.”

“Then why are two people telling me the same thing about you?”

“I don’t know. Maybe they don’t like me.”

“Why would they not like you, CJ? You’re a lovable little boy.”

“I don’t know.”

“Is it your daddy and me?”

“No,” he answered almost immediately.

Katharine knew better. She took in a light breath and released it gently. “CJ, your dad has been under a lot of pressure, and sometimes it makes him angry and he’ll say things he doesn’t mean. But it has nothing to do with you or your sister. He loves you both more than anything.”

CJ squirmed in his chair, picking at the toppings on his pizza. “Can I take my pizza in the den and watch TV with Bethany?”

Katharine closed her eyes for a moment and nodded, understanding his need to escape from this conversation.

He rushed out of the room.

Before Katharine could compose her thoughts, she heard Bethany shouting, “Mommy!”

Katharine rushed into the den to find Bethany sitting on the floor, crying. CJ slouched on the sofa, as if in authority, with the remote in hand, channel surfing.

“What’s the problem?” Katharine asked, looking between the two.

“CJ changed the channel,” Bethany sniffed. “I was watching The Berenstain Bears.”

Katharine’s hands went to her hips. “Okay, that’s enough for tonight, you two. Let’s get ready for homework and bed.”

“Mommy, CJ needs to pray. He’s been acting really mean.”

“And what about you?” CJ snapped. “You need to pray too.”

“We all need to pray,” Katharine said matter-of-factly, taking the remote from CJ and hitting the off button. All of them knelt and bowed their heads, and Katharine led a family prayer. Afterwards, she scooted them off to do homework, allowing CJ to lie across his parents’ bed to do his.

Two hours later, after baths and tucking the children in their beds, she returned to her room. The silence brought tears to her eyes. She dropped to her knees, clutched her hands together, and began to talk to God again, this time on a more personal note.

“Oh, Lord. Oh, God. Oh, Jesus. Make him stop. Make her leave him alone. Make him happy with me again. My heart desires to please him. I’m committed to my marriage. It’s hard work, Lord, but you have made us one and satan’s trying to destroy what you’ve put together. I respect and reverence my hu
sband for being the head of his home, but he has obligations too. Please lead and guide us. Help us to avoid arguments and to keep our marriage holy. Help us to teach our children to be devout and responsible Christians.”

Feeling no comfort, she moaned in despair until her own moaning snapped her to her senses. She sat up, glancing around wildly and rubbing the heels of her hands against her eye sockets.

The pillow beside her was empty now, but it still bore the imprint of CJ’s head.

* * *

Carson arrived home around two o’clock in the morning. As he inserted the key into the lock, he hoped Katharine would be sound asleep. He was in no mood for quarreling. He was exhausted and gritty-eyed, and he wanted to sleep for about twenty hours undisturbed, but he had an early morning appointment.

No such luck. Katharine was sitting up in bed with the lamp on, reading an inspirational book. When Carson entered the room, she offered a mousy greeting then charged right in with the details of her exasperating day with CJ.

“I’m sorry you had such a rough time with CJ,” Carson said, trying to sound sympathetic. “Mine wasn’t exactly a mardi gras, either. I’m going to shower. Then let’s go to bed and sleep it off, okay?”

Katharine turned off the light, but when Carson finished his shower and reentered the bedroom, she was waiting for him between the sheets with lots of questions.

She snapped on the nightstand lamp. “Carson, we need to talk.”

“Not now, please, Kat. I’m exhausted.” He was too tired for an
our-marriage-is-in-trouble talk
tonight.

Disregarding his fatigue and foul mood, she launched into a familiar litany on the problems with their marriage, harping on his shortcomings and esp
ecially on her discovery of the girlie magazines.

“I’m not going to talk about this tonight, Kat,” he said, his voice edged with irritation. He switched off the lamp and buried his head in the pillow.

“Let not the sun go down on your wrath,” Katharine said.

“Yeah, I was just thinking the same thing,” he mumbled. “It’ll probably be best if I sleep in the other room.” He pulled off his covers and left.

* * *

Carson woke before Katharine. Watching her sleep, he realized he needed to make some changes. He wished she were as happy that he’d received the AJA award as Cindy seemed to be.

He was sure Cindy, as his friend and a professional counselor, had his best interests at heart. She’d told him that in order to avoid arguments, he needed to escape his bad relationship. In other words, he had to leave Katharine.

His reverie was interrupted by light tapping on the bedroom door. He opened it and Bethany jumped into his arms.

“What are you doing up, young lady?” he whispered, lifting her up and kissing her on the cheek.

“It’s time to go to school,” she said, rubbing her eyes. “Daddy, CJ’s been mean to me,” she added. She’d probably gone to bed with that thought on her mind.

“Well, we’ll take care of CJ. Don’t you worry about that.” He lowered her to the floor. “Now go brush your teeth and get ready for breakfast.”

“But Mommy didn’t put any clothes out for me to wear today.”

“Okay, let’s take a look and see what we can come up with.” He scooted her out the room and down the hall to her closet to select an outfit—a pair of khaki Oshkosh overalls and a long-sleeved pink top with a crew neck.

“Daddy, can you pick out my clothes all the time?”

He tickled her tummy. “I don’t think your mom would like that, Cherry Blossom,” his personal nickname for Bethany.

Bethany giggled.

Since Katharine was still asleep, Carson woke CJ and told him to get dressed and come down to breakfast. He poured himself a bowl of Cornflakes and set out bowls, spoons, milk, and boxes of the children’s favorite, cold, sugary cereals—the kind of breakfast Katharine permitted only on Saturday mornings.

As he was pouring orange juice for everyone and trying to remember how to make coffee, the children came in and sat down. Bethany squealed with delight. “Cereal!”

After grace, Carson talked with CJ about his behavior toward his sister.

“Bethany is your sister and I understand her ta
ttletales can be aggravating to you.  If you talk nicely to her, she’ll talk nicely to you and may not be as annoying.”

CJ promised to do better. Bethany gobbled her cereal eagerly, but CJ seemed oddly uninterested in his breakfast.

“I don’t wanna go to school today,” he said, stirring his soggy cereal with his spoon.

“Why not?”

“’Cause my teacher don’t like me.”

“I’m sure she does like you, CJ. She’s just u
nhappy with your inconsistencies. But you’re going to fix that, right?”

CJ nodded, still looking unhappy. Probably, he didn’t know what inconsistencies meant, but at least he knew it had something to do with his behavior and he seemed to be cooperating. Carson decided not to push the matter any further.

Katharine stepped into the kitchen just when everyone had finished eating. “Why didn’t anyone wake me?”

“You were sound asleep, so I thought I’d give you a break this morning,” Carson said, smiling.

Katharine’s eyes widened in surprise as if she wasn’t sure what to make of his cheery disposition. “Thank you,” she said in a civil tone. “CJ, go brush your hair, and Bethany, come here so I can comb yours.”

“I’ll drop them off at school on my way to the o
ffice,” Carson offered.

“Don’t worry about it. I have a conference with CJ’s teacher this morning, so I’ll take them.”

“It’s already seven thirty. By the time you get dressed, they’ll be late for school. Why don’t I take them, and you can stop at the school on your way to work, okay?”

Katharine sighed and rubbed the back of her neck. “Okay, thanks. I’ll clear the table.” As she b
egan plaiting Bethany’s hair, Carson helped CJ gather his belongings and headed to the car to wait.