Sweetest Kill (4 page)

Josslyn fell for Dean
that night.

She asked for him to
read her a bedtime story, she asked him to paint her toes instead of Lexi or I,
she wanted to eat with him. He was amazing about all of it. I could tell that
he didn’t have much experience with little kids, he would act as if she was
going to break if he sat too close to her but after a while he was like a pro.

When she fell asleep
between he and I, he carried her to bed I tucked her in and kissed her
goodnight.

When I stood up and
made my way to her bedroom door, Dean was standing in the door way

“You are amazing with
her.” He says with awe in his voice

“Thank you, I love her
to pieces, she’s just perfect.”

“Do you want kids?” he
asks throwing me off with his question

“I think it’s one of
those things I am made to do at some point in my life. I just feel like when
the time is right I can’t wait to be a mom. What about you?”

He looked at me with
such sadness in his eyes “I’ll never have children.”

“Okay Dean, why so
ominous with everything? We can’t be together, you will never have kids. Why do
you make all these choices now? What is so bad about your job that you can’t be
happy?”

“I can’t tell you.”

I don’t try to pry for
Dean to tell me what he does for a living.

He spends a lot of time
with me after that night.

When Josslyn comes over
he would hang out with us after she and I had alone time. She usually begs me
to text him to see if he wants come play with us

He’s amazing. He orders
food. He cooks. He rubs my feet, opens doors and always asks about my day. He’s
very attentive

When he learns about my
mom and dad, he doesn’t really say a whole lot. He tells me how amazing he
thinks I am for walking away from all of that, and for helping Jaxon raise
Josslyn.

His brother Ryan comes
around quite often, he seems to stress Dean out at times but for the most part
he hangs out with us at my place and seems pretty cool. We never go to Dean’s
which is okay. I’m more comfortable in my own space anyway.

We spend a whole month
together, nearly nonstop before he has to go away for the first time. From what
I gather whatever Dean does for a living Ryan has a hand in it. Whatever Dean
does Ryan calls the shots.

Ryan has come by to
drop “information” off to Ryan a few times, always in manila envelopes and Dean
always gets up and walk into his apartment to take care of them. He has never opened
them in front of me.

The day before he
leaves for his job he seems needy with me

We are not dating
obviously, but we have done a lot of making out. He stops it each time before
it can go further than that

Tonight however, before
he heads out of town for a few days, he seems to need more.

He sends me a text
message earlier in the day, asking me if he can hang out with me. Of course I
reply yes. He tells me he will come over as soon as he gets out of the shower,
so I unlock the door for him like I always do.

I change into a white
tank top and a pair of light purple Capri pajama bottoms

Part of me wants to
look cute, but he has been coming by so often I feel like I don’t really need
to try and impress him. He’s kissed me when I have just finished working out,
or am in a bad mood, getting dressed up feels silly. Instead of doing anything
cute with my hair like I have every other time I knew he was coming by, I just
throw it up in a high pony tail and wash off my makeup from the day.

When I come out into
the kitchen, Dean is just closing the front door with the pizza in his hands.

He looks up at me and
gave me a small smile

He brings the pizza
into the living room and sits it down on the coffee table.

I go into the kitchen
to grab plates and two soda’s and carry them in. He takes the plates from my
hands and gives us each a slice of pizza before starting the movie.

He’s wearing a white T
shirt that is tight on him. All his shirts seem to be tight I have noticed, which
always makes me want him even more.

We never really sit
super close while we hang out. Yes we have made out a few times, but it wasn’t
anything more than that. It’s not usually on the couch. I can only imagine how
much harder it would be to stop if it had been.

He’s always the one who
pulls away. He says sorry and then it doesn’t happen for a few days.

I never feel sorry. But
it bugs me that he does.

Tonight however, when
he is done eating Dean moves closer

I don’t say anything
when he grabs my blanket and lays it partially over his lap

But him being so close
makes the nerves inside me start running

My back is to the arm
of the couch, my knees are pulled up to my chest with my feet sitting towards
the middle of the couch. Now that Dean is sitting the way that he is, he’s practically
sitting on top of my feet

He gently pulls them onto
his lap under the blanket.

I look up at him and
notice that he is still watching the movie, but every few seconds or so he looks
at me out of the corner of his eye

I turn back to watch
the movie. It’s another romance tonight, I think Dean assumes that is what I
like. I can’t imagine a guy like him actually enjoying movies like this

I start to get into the
movie when I feel him start to slowly rub my feet.

He’s given me foot rubs
before, but usually massaging not like this, not like he is just absent
mindedly rubbing

I try to ignore him, it
tickles so my foot twitches

The next time my feet
wiggle he grabs them firmer and pushes them down into his lap against his semi
hard erection

He grips my feet
together and pumps his hips up while pushing them against him

I look up at his face,
his head is laid back against the couch, and his eyes seem darker watching me

I don’t say anything he
just continues to do the same thing for several moments

Then he leans towards
me, taking his left arm and wrapping it around the nape of my neck pulling me
toward him so he can reach

Normally his kisses
always start out really slow, gentle

This one is anything
but that. It’s rough almost inpatient, as if he thinks if he doesn’t kiss me
now he won’t get the chance later.

He shifts the both of
us so that he is lying on top of me, never once releasing my neck or my lips

He grinds his hips
against me, I can still feel him how wanting he is

I moan into his mouth
as he continues to rub against me, each time a little harder and a little
faster than before.

“Fuck” he moans pulling
my legs apart so that he is lying between them only our clothing keeping us
apart “I need to touch you Liv

I nod my head as he
pulls my pajama bottoms down, he sits up onto his knees to pull them off

He backs up slightly to
the other side of the couch. I begin to think that he is about to change his
mind again. That he is going to put the brakes on what we are doing once more.
He stands up and looks at me “Do you have any condoms?”

“No, I’ve never needed
them.” I answer

“Shit.” He replies
“I’ll be right back.” He practically runs to the door

Several moments pass. I
start thinking that I should probably put my pants back on. Maybe he got into
his apartment and thought better on what he was doing. He changed his mind.

I stand up pulling my
pajama bottoms up, and head towards the door that Dean left open

Just as I am about to
close it, he comes walking through his door, slamming it behind him like he’s
in a rush

He looks at me in
surprise “I thought I left you on the couch?” he smirks

“I just umm I thought
you changed your mind.” I mumble

“Hell no, get back in
there.” He orders

He gets me back to the
couch, kissing and touching me. Removing the bottoms he had taken down earlier
and my panties along with it.

He leans back in to
kiss me. It’s gentler this time, but I still feel the need. The emotion he is
forcing into each one.

“I have wanted you
since the first time I saw you Olivia.” He moans, his hands are now under my
shirt tweaking the nipple of one of my breasts

I whimper at the
contact, pushing my hips up toward his feeling braver with each and every touch
of his hands

He groans as he pulls
his shirt and bottoms off, revealing his huge erection. It’s huge. It’s swollen
with a drop of moisture at the tip

He smiles at the
bewildered look that I know is all over my face.  

“It’s okay, it will
fit.” He tries to reassure me

“Okay, but won’t it
hurt?” I ask I can hear the fear in my voice

“No, maybe a little
uncomfortable from the other times, but hurt? No.”

I gasp, he thinks I
have done this before. I told him I had never dated before, it was one of our
conversations we had about my life with really strict parents. Clearly he
assumed that I had still had sex, just didn’t date the guys. I thought the
condom comment would have addressed that.

Should I tell him? I
didn’t want him to stop, I wanted to do this. I cared about him. Dating or not
I wanted him to be the one to do this.

He sits up and pulls a
foil packet from the pair of pants lying on the floor, he moves back between my
legs before he leans on the side of his arm hovering over me to roll the condom

I open my mouth to tell
him

“Dean I…”

He cuts me off. He is
suddenly lying over my right at my entrance, suddenly taking control of my lips
once more

His kiss makes
everything going on in my mind drift away

The next thing I know,
he’s shoving into me. Making me scream

“Holy fucking shit.” He
pulls out of me quickly looking into my eyes

“You’ve never done
this? Why the fuck didn’t you tell me? He starts to climb off of me, but I
reach out and grab his arm pulling him back down

“Stay, I wanted to tell
you but I knew you wouldn’t do it. I want this to happen, I want you Dean.”

He doesn’t move for
several moments “I hurt you.”

“You did, but it always
hurts the first time. It’s done and over, there’s no changing it now.”

His brows are furrowed,
his jaw his clenching like he’s fighting an internal war on continuing or
walking away

“Just fuck me Dean,
don’t think about it so much.”

He makes a growling
noise and I think I have really pissed him off this time.

He climbs back on top
of me, roughly pulling my legs apart and entering me in the same quick movement

It stings, I bite my
lip to keep from crying out, worried that he will stop what he is doing and
walk away if I do

I can do this, I can
totally do this

His drives go from fast
to slow paced as he continues this battle he’s fighting

“You feel so fucking
good Olivia” he groans

The pleasure starts to
build up, and as it does his pace quickens

“Shit Liv” he starts
shouting

I feel like I am about
to splinter into a million pieces. The orgasm ripping through me causing me to
yell out his name which only makes me pump even harder

He grips my hips
harder, not slowing down, burring his face into my neck

“Fuck yes.” He roars
coming I feel a stinging bite on my neck and hear the long moan that escapes
him as he finishes

“That was seriously the
most amazing… I can’t just do that once… Liv?”

He looks at me, he
looks afraid

“What?” I ask

He shakes his head “You
are mine, I can’t not be with you. That was amazing… You are… I didn’t expect
you to be so perfect.”

He’s rambling. I look
across the room, afraid to meet his eyes. It’s too soon to fall in love right?
I am in love with him and it’s making me feel crazy

“Look at me.” He orders

I obey

“Olivia, I can’t be
your friend. I feel way too much which is going to blow right the fuck up in my
face when you….”

He stops for a few
moments watching my face

“You’re going to hate
me one day. I want to enjoy every fucking moment that I can with you until that
happens.”

I know I love him. I
think I have known since I met him that first day. There is nothing that he
could do that could make me hate him

“I could never hate you
Dean.”

“You will. Until then,
you’re mine.”

It wasn’t a question
this time.

“I’m yours” the words
are out of my mouth before I have a real chance to consider what that might
just mean.

He leans down and kisses
me again. This time it’s very gentle, almost loving

“Are you sore?” he asks

“A little.” I admit

“You should take a
bath, I will start one for you.” He pushes himself up, separating from me for
the first time since he finished

I don’t really pay
attention to anything for a few moments. I just lay there enjoying the moment.
This beautiful moment of bliss

Dean and I are a thing.

The smile that lights
up my face is short lived when I hear a crashing noise and Dean shout “Fuck.”

I stand up quickly as
Dean comes storming out of the bathroom

He looks scary

“The fucking condom
broke.” He shouts

Shit. Shit!

“That’s okay, I will
run to the store and get Plan B or something.” I explain trying to reassure him

“No, I’m not afraid of
you getting pregnant, I can’t have kids.”

“Why?” I ask

He looks at me, calming
slightly but not enough to make me feel better “I had a vasectomy.”