Sweetest Sin: Bad Boy Bundle (91 page)

I didn't want to linger on the topic of men. Though I liked Chrissy a lot, I didn't quite trust her fully yet. If I said something negative or personal about Dane it might get back to him and he'd boot me out. That was not what I needed right now. I finished her measurements and the two of us sat down for a consultation.

I asked Chrissy questions about what she wanted and scribbled furiously in my notebook as she sipped her tea. A lot of it I knew already from seeing her red carpet pictures in magazines. Her lipstick was always a deep matte wine color and her hair was always in some variation of beachy
waves. She didn't do fussy, loud dresses with prissy patterns. Her style was simple elegance with a twist. It suited my own aesthetic perfectly.

I asked her more questions to get my idea straight in my head. She was very helpful and rather knowledgeable about design terms. She certainly knew a hell of a lot more than my previous clients had. Most of these people didn't know the difference between cotton and silk for Christ's sake. Chrissy's knowledge automatically placed her miles ahead of the old clientele. Maybe it wasn't a fair comparison. She had worn more designer gowns in her lifetime than most people could wear in their wildest fantasies. It would be difficult not to pick up a fashion tip or two along the way.

She started by telling me her dislikes. Chrissy hated bare midriffs, tulle and anything that sparkled too much. There were other dislikes, she said, but these three would make any dress into a complete deal breaker for her.

“Right,” I said, “No bare midriffs, no tulle, no sparkles. Got it.” “Great,” she said, “Now we can move onto what I do like.”

When designing a custom piece it was always better to have a client with more likes than dislikes. In the rare occasions since college that I'd gotten to design from scratch, my clients had been persnickety old ladies with mile long lists of what they didn't want. Being left with so few options made things a lot more difficult.

Chrissy turned out to be very open minded. She liked all the fabrics I'd chosen and stroked each one of them appreciatively.

“They're gorgeous. I'm glad you decided to go for something colorful,” she said. All I could do was breathe a sigh of relief. Picking them out had been positively agonizing for me. I'd been so terrified that she'd hate them all so much that she would never want to work with me again. It wasn't likely, but it was a possibility. Celebrities were volatile creatures. It was best to give them what they wanted.

I asked Chrissy to choose which fabric she liked the best. This took longer than expected. She hovered over all of them, debating the pros and cons of each. Finally, just when I was starting to
feel like giving up on ever getting an answer, she made a choice. She went with the pink silk. “It's just so beautiful and glamorous,” she said. I nodded in agreement.

“Yeah, it really is.”

That was true, but I felt the knot in my stomach tighten. I was a great designer, there was no doubt about that. My technical skills were out of this world and I had the creativity and imagination to back them up. Of course I could create something beautiful for Chrissy with such special material. Even so, I'd only sewn silk a handful of times. It was expensive and notorious for being difficult to work with. One mistake would be too many if I was going to work with this.

Despite my reservations I forced myself to smile. I'd chosen this fabric, after all. A part of me must have believed that I could do something amazing with it, or I wouldn't have bought it in the first place.

“I can't wait to get started,” I said. Chrissy was thrilled by my fake enthusiasm. So thrilled, in fact that she had to reach forward and pull me into a hug.

“Come here, genius,” she said. “I can't believe I'm lucky enough to get to work with you on this. I'm going to have the gown that stands out the most, all thanks to you!”

I thanked her for the compliment, but the way she worded it only made my stomach knot tighten even more. It would stand out all right. I just hoped that it would be for a good reason.

I drew a few preliminary sketches of the neckline I wanted and she squealed at the sight of them, obviously enthralled by my art skills. I hadn't even gotten to the exciting parts yet but she had already fallen in love. I just hoped that the magazines she would be appearing in would feel the same way.

Eventually it became clear that I needed time to start my work and Chrissy needed time to do whatever it was she had to do in her busy and fulfilling life. She gave me another hug as we parted ways and asked me if Dane was going to say goodbye to her.

“I don't know,” I said, “Let me check.”

I called up the stairs to him. The high ceiling made it so that my voice echoed all across the place. It
was spooky.

“Dane!” I yelled, “Dane, Chrissy's going. Do you wanna come say goodbye?”

We waited patiently for a response and for a minute it didn't seem like we were going to get one. However, Dane wasn't quite that cold with us. He wasn't the type to ignore somebody.

“No, I'm fine!” he said. I couldn't say that I was surprised. She'd injured his pride by shooing him away. We both had. It would take a lot to make things up to him, but I would do what I could. Once I wasn't so stressed about the design anyway.

“Never mind,” said Chrissy, “You just tell him I said goodbye.”

“I will,” I said. We said our own goodbyes and I watched her drive off in her fabulous sports car. It was so strange seeing a girl my age living such a fantastic life when I had been struggling so hard to survive. It wasn't that I begrudged her anything. She was talented and she deserved to be recognized for her talents. I guessed for me it was the fact that I was just as talented in my own field and that I was still a complete nobody despite all my hard work and ability. It just wasn't fair how some people seemed to get all the breaks in life and I got none.

Well, I couldn't really say that anymore. Most women would consider being wooed by a sexy movie star and co inhabiting his house with him to be the biggest break a person could get. Not me though. I had bigger fish to fry. My time was now. My talents were going to be seen in all of their glory very soon. Everyone would be so proud of me, I just knew it.

I closed the door after Chrissy and considered getting straight into my work. After all, the premiere was only two weeks away and I had a great deal of things to get done before then. A great deal indeed. Procrastination was the enemy of productivity. By starting right away, I could nip it straight in the bud and ensure that the dress turned out as beautifully as it could. It all made sense to me at the very least.

I'd long ago found that my rational brain and my emotional brain were not the best of friends. Though I knew I should just get stuck in, I didn't. I instead I padded upstairs to Dane's bedroom. I found him laying on his back, reading a book.

He glanced up at me.

“Oh, it's the superstar designer,” he said with a smirk, “How did things with Chrissy go? She's not so bad, is she? Even with all the bullshit she spews.”

I sat down next to him on the bed that we'd been making love in for the past few weeks. In a split second every tiny scrap of tenderness that he had ever shown me flashed before my eyes. I looked at his face and he looked into mine. There was no denying it, not on my side. I loved him. That was it.

“You're right. She's not so bad,” I said, though my brain was repeating the same three words over and over again. I loved him. I really did love him more than anything in the whole wide world. I'd been trying to avoid thinking it, not to mind saying it out loud for weeks now. It had all been in vain, because I had fallen for him. Now the thought of him not being in my life anymore made me feel like crap.

If this meant nothing to him then I needed to know.

“I told you she wouldn't be this big bitchy diva like you were expecting,” he said triumphantly, “See, I'm always right. Aren't I?”

“I love you,” I blurted out. It was like word vomit that I couldn't hold in any longer. As soon as the words had registered in Dane's mind I saw the blood drain from his face. His mouth opened wide in shock, “Oh shit, no I don't. I'm sorry Dane, just forget I said that.”

“OK,” he said, but that drove me crazy too. I couldn't go on with my life and my day to day interactions as if he didn't know that I loved him. I realized now that I desperately needed him to say it back to me. Even if he was lying. I needed to hear it.

“But I'm in love with you,” I repeated softly. Dane looked at me like he was only truly seeing me for the first time right in this very minute. Who would have thought that a drunken one night stand would lead us here together? Not me. Not Dane either. If he'd known how things would have ended\ up going he wouldn't have come near me with a ten foot pole. I wouldn't blame him. I was beginning to sound like one of his pathetic groupies now. Only, I wasn't a groupie. I wasn't in love
with his movie star image. I was in love with the person he was deep down inside. The person who'd taken me on that rooftop date. The person who'd called me 'Blondie' that first night in the bar. I didn't want to feel this way, but I did. I just wished that there was some chance in this unlucky world that we lived in that he could feel the same way.

He said nothing for a very long time. We just sat on the bed, looking at each other. Things wouldn't be the same now and we both knew it.

Eventually, he pulled me into a tight embrace.

“Shut up Savannah,” he whispered playfully. That was the best I could expect from him.

Dane

I love you. Those three little words were so meaningless out of context. People said 'I love you' all the time. Jesus, some people even said it to their pets before they left for work in the morning and before they went to bed at night. Yet when used at the right time they could turn someone's entire world upside down.

I guess I hadn't been expecting to hear them so soon, though I shouldn't have been surprised. Savannah and I had become like something of an old married couple in the last few weeks. Well, I say that, but I didn't know many old married couples who fucked like we did. The sex was as wild as it ever had been. Only now I stuck with one partner and I cuddled her in the aftermath of it. Maybe the cuddling had been my first mistake.

The first time I did it a thought popped into my head. I was holding her in my arms and nuzzling the soft blonde hair on her head when my mind said 'you're going to fall in love with this girl and there's nothing you can do about it'. As much as I tried, arguing with myself never worked very well for me. No matter what happened I never managed to come out on top.

When Savannah told me she loved me my heart sank. My heart sank deep into my chest because I knew that I loved her too and that I couldn't tell her. Telling her would mean risking everything I'd worked so hard to protect.

What if she decided next week that she didn't love me at all and moved out. She might go back to her old apartment or back to Mark or back to god only knew where. Somewhere without me. Love was so unpredictable. That was why I'd always promised myself not to fall in love with anyone. I'd been an idiot to bend my own rules to suit my selfish needs. Now we would both be hurt.

That night she fell asleep in my arms without knowing that I loved her back.

The next morning I got up early and left her a note telling her that I'd gone to pick up some groceries and that I'd be back by the afternoon. The part about the groceries was a blatant lie. The part about coming back might even be a lie too, I hadn't decided yet. It depended on what Craig had to say.

I didn't call ahead but when I arrived in his office he was alone and playing solitaire on his laptop. He seemed surprised to see me. I didn't blame the guy. I'd never gone out of my way to talk to him in our entire working relationship so far. As far as I could remember, I hadn't even called him before. He was the one who always had to initiate because these business things were like pulling teeth for me.

“Dane, I wasn't expecting you at all,” he said, “Please, sit down.” I took a seat across from him and he closed his laptop.

“Hey Craig. Just called in for a little man to man talk. Does that sound all right?” I said. Craig nodded eagerly.

“Of course that's all right, Dane. I'm your manager. If I'm not here to listen to you then I don't know what on earth I'm here for,” he said, “Though I gotta say, it's a surprise to see you. I've been trying to get through to you forever now. I've had so many offers come through my office that would be perfect for you. In fact, some of them are still open. Maybe if we respond quickly we might get a bite today?”

It was nice of him to try but I really didn't give a shit about movies right now. Acting was something I loved doing more than anything in the world (maybe even more than fucking. Maybe), but being in movies was not. I hated the waiting around, the giant egos and the endless pandering to the
presumed stupidity of the audience. Subtly was not encouraged in any of the genre films I's starred in.

“Nah,” I said, “I appreciate the offer but I'm all right. I need to take a little break from movies because they're driving me crazy. No, what I want to talk to you about today is my image.” Craig nodded sagely.