Sweetest Taboo (9 page)

I felt his hips moving into mine, his kisses becoming more sensual, and his mouth wandering from my lips to my neck and then lower, lower, oh God, lower. Tom kissed me in places I had never been kissed before.

Liz had recounted lustful stories about the first time Brad had gone down on her, and it had sounded so sensual and pleasurable; yet, I never imagined that a man’s lips down there could feel so incredibly good. My body pulsated with sensation, and I could hardly contain myself. I felt an unfamiliar release of warm fluids, and my body exploded in ecstasy for the first time.

Tom made his way back up, kissing my flat belly, making his way up to my breasts, my neck, and then back to my lips again. He kissed me passionately, and as he did so, I could feel his hips thrusting gently into mine. Although I had nearly lost all my senses, I reached out and stopped him when I felt his hardness against me.

“I don’t think we should be doing this,” I whispered. I didn’t mind lying naked with him and kissing for hours, but I wasn’t prepared to go all the way. At least not like this, in the cab of a truck, somewhere in the mountains, with only a few hours to spare.

Tom immediately stopped the movement of his body and lay on top of me, gazing into my eyes.

“You’re right,” he replied, his voice sleepy. “I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable, and I’m sorry if I went too far. Are you okay?”

“Yes,” I whispered back. “In fact, I’m
too
comfortable, and that’s what frightens me. This is the first time I’ve been completely naked with someone else, and everything you’re doing feels so incredibly good. But I’m just not ready to go all the way. I feel like there’ll be a perfect time and a perfect place for that – and this just isn’t it. I think we need to be smart about this, too.”

Silence. Tom lifted some of his weight off of me, but still continued to gaze into my eyes with such intensity that I had to look away. He placed his hand softly on my cheek and turned my face toward his.

“Isabel, look at me.” I allowed his hand to turn my face toward his, and he continued, “Isabel, you’re such an amazing girl, you know that? I got carried away and I should’ve been the one to stop, not you. I know better, of course I know better. But my body seems to lose control when I’m with you, close to you, because you make me feel amazing. If lying naked with me is as comfortable as you’ll be, then that’s where we’ll draw the line. I’m not here for sex; I hope you know that. I want you to feel completely ready, and if I’m the guy you want to lose your virginity to, I’ll wait until you feel it’s time.”

I reached up and hugged him closely, glad he had assumed I was a virgin, which I was.

“Thank you,” I whispered in his ear. “Thank you for understanding me.”

He embraced me, one of his hands stroking my long, brown hair, while his other hand held onto my waist firmly.

“I’ve been dying to say this, but I didn’t want to frighten you,” he whispered, pulling back slightly, so that his eyes could gaze into mine. “But I can’t keep it to myself anymore. Isabel, I’m completely … in love with you.”

I must have looked as shocked as I felt. It was an unexpected confession – I always thought that if he said this, it would come much later, if at all. I didn’t think he’d say it in person. He rarely said things like this out loud, since it was easier to put on paper. What could I say now? I hadn’t expected this, and so hadn’t come up with a response. Making sure not to lose his gaze, I opened my mouth slowly; if I delayed for long enough, maybe I would figure out how to respond.

“I’ve never been in love before,” I finally confessed, looking into his eyes. “But I know that I would die if anything happened to you. I know that I can’t sleep at night because I want to be at your side. I know that seeing you in the morning brightens my day. If that’s what love feels like, then I think I’m in love with you, too.”

He smiled, a broad, genuine smile that made my heart skip a beat. He shifted away from me and began to reach for his clothes.

“Can I ask you something else?” I blurted out, wanting to stall him a bit.

He looked back at me. “Sure. What is it?”

I looked at him. “When we’re alone,” I said. “Can I hold your hand? I think it’ll make me feel … closer to you.”

He stared at me, and then chuckled, reaching out to kiss me on the forehead.

“Of course you can,” he said. “You’re my Isabel.”

Chapter Eight

Winds of Change

T
he swim season had come and gone, and with that, so had my sophomore year. I spent the last few weeks of school in mid-June finalizing the details of my trip to Europe with the French club. It was such an exciting thought … Europe! I had never been outside of the American continent, and this was my chance. It also gave me a chance to see the world before we went back to Chile, which was scheduled at some point during my junior year, an event I was already beginning to dread. Fourteen of us were going, including Vicky, my good friend and fellow swimmer. Mrs. Drake, our dreadfully obese and abrasive French teacher, would serve as the chaperone.

My relationship with Tom had lived through the end of the swim season, and somehow intensified, and was now challenged by the summer break. My mind was filled with questions: how would we continue to see each other without school as a meeting point? How could our relationship endure? Would either one of us be willing to take the time out to continue seeing each other, if it meant going out of our way, and potentially exposing ourselves, to do so? What kind of alibi could I use, what could Tom use as an excuse to go out and meet with me?

Most importantly, how would we handle all of this without attracting notice?

To my pleasant surprise, Tom seemed determined to continue spending as much time as possible with me. Just before the school year ended, we met for coffee in a public space. I told everyone that we were meeting to decide whether I had a future as a swimmer. In reality, we were meeting to figure out how to continue our relationship through summer without drawing attention. We were still limited with regard to meeting outside of school, and there was no way we could pass for a legal couple; I felt like a twenty-four year old inside, but I still looked like a teenage girl. Tom, on the other hand, was visibly older; he couldn’t pass for someone in his twenties, with the thin lines around his eyes and the gray peppering his dirty-blonde hair and goatee.

After much deliberation, Tom nailed down a plan. “We can continue to meet at school a few times a week, and then we can drive somewhere else for a few hours,” he said. “It gets us away from prying eyes, and gives us a chance to talk. What do you think?”

“Don’t you think people at school will get suspicious that I’m meeting you on campus and then driving off with you?” I asked.

“Not really,” Tom answered. “Since I’m teaching summer school, you can just blend in with my students, maybe coming in right when class ends. It will just look like you’re one of my students, hanging out after class. No one from the administration comes on campus during summer school, so it’s actually a safer time for us.”

“All right, if you say so,” I said, “I just don’t want to do anything that may bring attention to us. Last month’s rumors were bad enough.”

Tom looked wary. “What rumors?”

“Apparently, some of the students noticed our after-school routine,” I replied, “and although they knew nothing about what was really going on between us, they began to spread rumors about what they thought you and I were doing when we were leaving campus together.” Tom looked alarmed, but I quickly reassured him. “Don’t worry, I went ahead and took care of those rumors. I said that I was dating a college guy from UCLA and that I was asking you to give me rides to meet him someplace, so my parents wouldn’t be suspicious. I told them I knew you would do it because you gave students rides home all the time. So if anyone asks, I’m dating a guy named David who’s an accounting major at UCLA. Other than that, you have nothing to worry about.”

“Isabel, you’re too much,” Tom said, laughing. He stilled and gave me a fond smile. “I should be protecting you, not the other way around. You’re supposed to be the vulnerable one. Yet, here you are putting your hand in the fire for me.”

I squared my shoulders. “Do I look like I need to be protected?” I asked jokingly. “It wasn’t even hard – covering this relationship up is becoming second nature to me, at this point.”

Tom chuckled then led me out the door of the coffee shop. It was time for our drive up the mountain.

***

My daytime escapades with Tom took on an extra touch of excitement during the first half of the summer. Although we limited ourselves to two or three outings a week, Tom began calling me at home on the days we were not scheduled to meet. At first, I was worried. What would I tell my parents when he called? What would they think?

When my mom answered the phone one day, I thought that we were done for. Tom must have asked to speak with me anyway, though, as she walked down the hall a few seconds later and handed me the cordless phone.

“Isabel, it’s your friend John on the line,” she said quickly.

I looked up, surprised, and saw that she was completely disinterested. It was normal for male friends to call me from time to time, and she didn’t think that Tom was any different. I took the phone carefully and rose to shut the door behind her, sighing with relief.

After a few weeks, my parents became accustomed to my friend “John” calling, and they never asked me a single question about him. My parents thought I was too young to have boys over to the house, but phone calls were okay with them. He called on days when we didn’t see each other, so we had daily contact one way or another. The summer felt magical, with this new love, the impending trip to Europe, and the possibility of more happening between Tom and I.

***

Parting ways with Tom was more difficult than I thought it would be. Although I was only going to be away in Europe for two weeks, it felt like I was leaving Tom behind for good. We hadn’t been apart since our relationship began in March, and I had spoken to or at least seen Tom every single day since our first kiss. Nearly four months had gone by, and his presence in my life was now a constant. How could I possibly make it through two weeks without him? It was a problem I hadn’t thought about before. Now it seemed very big.

“God, I’m really going to miss you,” Tom said two days before my departure, during one of our routine mid-day trips to our mountain retreat. “I’m so used to seeing you every day, hearing your voice … life is going to be pretty boring for me for the next two weeks, while you’re having a blast in Europe.” He paused. “I’m sure some teenage kid will try to get into your pants, Isabel, so just be careful.”

I couldn’t help but giggle. “Since when have I not been careful? I’m totally into you, and even when we’re together I’m careful. What makes you think I’m going to let other guys get close to me? I’ll be far too busy missing you to even notice anyone else.”

“Well said. Just what I wanted to hear,” Tom said with a smile, although he quickly sobered. He took me into his arms and continued, “Look Isabel, I know I can be laid back and casual about a lot of things, but not about you. You mean the world to me, and if anything were to happen to you, I would be devastated. I just want you to be safe and I don’t want anyone to take advantage of you. Promise me you’ll be careful, that you’ll be safe if you’re drinking or out dancing, because there are some bad people out there. Okay?”

I nuzzled closer to his chest and listened to the sound of his heartbeat. The familiar clean scent of his laundry detergent reminded me of the first time I was close enough to smell him, when we were locked in an embrace in his dimly-lit classroom, forgetting about the world and its rules. Things were so different now, so much more established; I didn’t want them to change.

I lifted my head to look Tom in the eyes, noting his love struck look. “You don’t have to worry. I’m not going to do anything that would screw this up. You know I’m a responsible person and anyway Mrs. Drake already has all kinds of rules established. According to the contract she made us sign, if we break any rules, we fly home early at the expense of our parents. She’ll make sure that we’re safe. Don’t worry. I’ll be thinking about you and missing you like crazy the entire time.”

Tom tightened his grip around me. “Isabel, I love you with all my heart. I’ll be counting the days until you return.”

I squirmed with happiness. His endearments were becoming more and more common, and I loved it when he got romantic.

***

“Ciao ma, I’ll call you as soon as we land in Brussels!”

I leaned through the driver’s side window and gave my mom a quick kiss on the cheek. She smiled and blew me a kiss, and I waved and watched her drive off into the distance. Then I lugged my heavy suitcase to the curb in front of the student parking lot, where the rest of the students were chatting and waiting to set off. I made my way over to Vicky; her long, brown hair was tied in a messy bun and she looked up at me and grinned, revealing the metal braces that framed her teeth.

“So, we’re going to sit together on the plane, right? I already told Mrs. Drake that we’re going to share a room, I think she’s already set it all up.”

“Cool,” I replied eagerly. “You know, Mrs. Drake likes you way more than she likes me – if I had asked, she would have turned me down instantly!”

“Did you see who’s coming on the trip with us?” Vicky leaned closer to me with a conspiratorial smile. “R. Y. A. N.”

I blinked at her. “Ryan?”

“Yeah. Don’t you remember, I had a huge crush on him last year? He was a junior on the swim team.”

“Vicky, I wasn’t on the swim team last year,” I reminded her.

Vicky snapped her fingers. “Oh, that’s right. And Ryan quit the team this year, so you two haven’t really met.”

I glanced over at him, noticing his boyish good looks for the first time. “Vicky, he’s not my type anyway,” I told her. “I’ve seen him around school. He hangs out with that Goth group, doesn’t he?” I looked over at Ryan again, who was sitting on a bench nearby, looking at his passport. “He looks pretty normal now, though. What happened? It’s only been one month since we’ve been out of school, is that all it takes for him to lose his Goth look?”