Swell Foop (10 page)

Peek sent him a sidelong glance, which was convenient for her to do because she was now running beside Pook. The pooka did not talk, but they understood perfectly, and their glances could convey much.

"Why, you are correct," Justin said, surprised. "There are five of us—seeking six Rings. We are missing a Ring holder! That is surely a complication, unless someone else volunteers." He shook his head. "Oh, dear, I fear this will delay my marriage to Breanna. She will not be pleased." In fact she would probably generate such a black cloud of ire that Castle Zombie itself would shake on its mushy foundation. It was enough to make a man wonder whether they shouldn't have eloped.

In such manner their journey to Castle Roogna passed. In due course they spied its orchard and moat and turrets and all. The ghost horses deposited them at the drawbridge, went to sniff noses briefly with Soufflé the moat monster, then were gone in a ghostly stir of invisible air.

Justin and Unpun introduced themselves to Soufflé who was all the guard the castle needed on a quiet day like this, and walked on into the castle. No one met them; they were unannounced, and the castle ghosts had probably been reassured by the presence of the ghost horses. Had they been hostile intruders it would have been another matter; the castle had its own ways of dealing with those.

They found Princess Ida's little chamber. She was entitled to much fancier lodgings, but preferred to live simply. Her talent was the Idea; whatever she believed would come true, did come true, if suggested by someone who did not know her talent. Most folk did know her talent now, so it didn't get much exercise. But she also had Ptero, and that made all the difference. That was her moon, whereon all the characters who ever existed, or would exist, or might exist, stayed, waiting their turns for lives in regular Xanth.

"Why, hello, Justin," Ida said, rising from her simple chair to greet them. A ball the size of a cherry bomb circled her head. It hid shyly behind her hair the moment Justin looked directly at it. "But I don't think I know your friend."

"He is Unpun Zombie. He knows where—"

"Oh, Punny's friend!" she said. "She came here last year, hoping to wait until there came a way to restore him to full life."

"Yeth!" Unpun agreed.

"And have you found a way?"

"We have, perhaps," Justin said. "We have come for the Ring of Idea."

She looked at him with surprise. "What use could you have for that?" Her moon was evidently curious too, for now it swung back into sight.

"We need it to obtain the Swell Foop. Unpun says that Punny has it. When I get it, I can use it to restore Unpun to life, so that he can resume dissipating puns. That seems straightforward."

"Yes, it surely is," she agreed. Justin knew then that it was true, for Ida did not agree to things she did not believe, and what she believed was true. It did not matter, in this case, that Justin knew her talent; he was not originating the concept, merely repeating what he had learned from Unpun. The zombie evidently did not know.

"We shall need to go to Ptero to find it."

"I will help you go," she agreed. "Lie down on those cots." She indicated two beds in the chamber. Perhaps their visit had not been entirely unexpected. She brought out a bottle. "Sniff this soul remover; it will release your souls for the journey."

"Buth I can'th go there," Unpun protested.

"Yes you can," Justin said immediately. "You must lead me to Punny."

"Noo!"

"If he does not wish to go—" Ida said, concerned. Her little moon clouded over; evidently it did not like stress.

"He does want to go," Justin said. "It's just that he can't stand all the puns that have accumulated around her. So I must be guided by his objections. It's the only way."

"That is sad," she said. "I wish I could help."

"Comth with me," Unpun said.

"I will sit beside you and hold your hand," she said, doing so. "But I can't—"

"Comth with me!" the zombie repeated. "You are a nize woman. I like your touch."

"But Unpun, I can't—"

"Yeth you can!" Now the zombie was echoing Justin's response to him. "Your touch gives me strength." Indeed, he was speaking better now. "Come with me to Ptero! I can handle it then."

Ida looked at Justin, startled. "Do you suppose—?" Her moon paused momentarily in its orbit, similarly surprised.

Justin was as startled as she was. Everyone knew that Ptero was the one place Ida could not go. But was it true? "We just assumed," he said. "But where was the proof? Unpun needs your company." The zombie clearly believed it was possible. He did not know of the limitation on her talent. Maybe she
could
go to her moon.

"But Ptero orbits me," she said. "How can I go?"

"It is only the soul that travels," Justin said. "Your soul can go, while your body remains here, just as ours do."

"Come with me," Unpun repeated.

"I believe—I believe I will," Princess Ida said, her smile radiant. It illuminated the little moon, banishing the last of its clouds. "I have always wanted to visit my worlds, but never thought—"

"Doubt is death," Justin said. "We'll all three go. Lie between us, and hold our hands." He spoke as positively as he could, because he wanted Ida to have this chance to do what she had always wanted. As long as Unpun believed she could, she
could.
They had to seize the moment.

Ida moved another cot between them, and lay on it. The moon adjusted its orbit so that it would not bang into the bed. They held hands. "Now orient on Ptero," she said. "After sniffing the bottle. You will be disoriented at first, but when you see Ptero you will know where to go." She passed the bottle to Justin, who sniffed once and lay back.

He found himself riding out of his body. In a moment he saw the other two doing the same. They were both rather shapeless. "This way," he called. "Take my hand." They were holding hands in their bodies, but not with their souls.

The other two vapors floated toward him, extending pseudopodia. Justin extended his own and realized that it was the branch of a tree; he had unthinkingly reverted to that form. He revised it to man form, caught Ida's hand, and she caught Unpun's with her other extremity. Both of them were starting to shape into images of their physical selves.

"Oh, this is weird," the Ida form said voicelessly. "I never did it before, myself."

Justin saw the moon of Ptero orbiting the reclining head of the physical Princess Ida. "This way," he said, and urged them toward it. Travel was mostly a matter of thought, in this condition.

"We must make ourselves small," Ida said.

Oh. Yes. Of course. Justin focused on smallth. Now the moon began to grow, becoming a world. It was no longer cute or shy; it was significant. They were flying toward it, and the closer they got, the larger it loomed. Then it seemed that they were falling toward it. The fall accelerated as the world of Ptero loomed huge.

"We need to slow!" Justin said, alarmed.

"Just focus," Ida said.

They focused, and their descent slowed. They came to land on a level plain surrounded by faint haze.

"Oh, this is wonderful!" Ida exclaimed. "Just the way others have described it to me!"

"Blue haze?" Justin inquired dubiously.

"That indicates cold north," she said. "South is red-hot."

Justin looked the other way, and saw that the haze in that direction was indeed reddish.

"What's the green?" Unpun asked. His slight impediment of speech had entirely disappeared; maybe it was an effect of soul travel. Justin had not realized until this trip that zombies even had souls. Breanna would have chided him severely for that ignorance.

"That is To," Ida said. "That is, the Future. West. And East is From, the Past. It is such a beautiful system."

"But surely when one proceeds any distance, the mists will lose their effect," Justin said. "For example, if one goes north, he will be entirely in blue haze."

"You are being reasonable," Ida said. "This is not a reasonable world. I am told that the colors hold regardless of location. Furthermore, age changes as folk move east or west. This may make travel awkward."

"Is this physical or chronological age?"

"Chronological. That usually means physical as well, though I can't be sure how it will affect your appearance. I hope your destination is within your range."

"I don't know." Justin had not thought of this aspect. He turned to Unpun. "Exactly where is Punny?"

"I can't—" the zombie began. But Ida took his hand, and he reconsidered. "She is in the Pun-kin Patch of a Comic Strip. I can't possibly go there."

"Because of your age, or because of the humor?"

"The humor. It must be within my age range, because Punny was no older than I, and she got there."

"Well, then, Ida and I will go, and then return here for you," Justin said.

"Is that wise?" Ida asked, puzzled. Her moon looked puzzled too; Justin realized that it had accompanied her here. He would have to think about the significance of a moon appearing on the surface of itself, but not until he was not standing on it.

"Oh, yes," he said, for he had something in mind.

"Yes," Unpun said.

"Then it is surely all right," she agreed. That made it so, for Unpun did not know this aspect of her talent.

"Now we shall need to get there," Justin said. "It is in walking distance?"

"No," Unpun said.

"Is there some way to gain transport?"

"Yes," Ida said. "I understand that visitors to Ptero normally arrive in Centaur country, and may gain the help of centaurs by trading favors."

"Favors?"

"It is a barter system."

"But what do we have to barter?"

"Your talent is, as I remember, voice projection. Could that be entertaining?"

"Why, I suppose it could," he said, startled.

"And perhaps I will be able to provide interesting information." She glanced at Unpun. "But I'm not sure what—"

"He is covered," Justin said quickly.

"I am?" Unpun asked.

"To be sure. Now how can we find a centaur?"

"I understand it is merely necessary to announce your desire to trade."

Justin shrugged. He faced the blue mist and spoke loudly. "We are three visitors to Ptero who would like to exchange favors with centaurs. One of us is a zombie."

Suddenly there was the sound of the beating of hooves. Three centaurs galloped out of the north. They came to a halt before the visitors. "Shall we exchange introductions?" the male inquired.

"By all means. I am Justin Tree, this is Princess Ida, and this is Unpun Zombie. We are from Xanth proper."

The centaur nodded. "I am Cassaunova Centaur, this is Cassaundra Centaur, and this is Catarrh Zombie Centaur."

"Those are interesting names," Justin said.

"I have the ambition to be every filly's lover, but lack the ability," Cassaunova said.

"And I have no power of prophecy, but others think I do," Cassaundra said.

"I lost my talent when I became a zombie," Catarrh said. "It was not a nice one anyway."

Justin decided not to inquire. "We wish to go to the pun-kin patch. Can you convey us there?"

Cassaunova glanced at the other centaurs. "We can, but would prefer not to. That is in one of the worst of the comic strips. The puns are ferocious."

"They would be," Justin agreed. "Nevertheless, we must go there. Our mission is rather important."

Cassaunova turned to Cassaundra. "Do you foresee a problem?"

"There you go again!" she exclaimed. "I
have
no power of—"

"I'm sure he meant it figuratively," Justin said quickly. "He does not wish to make an exchange of favors that might cause you distress."

"Exactly," Cassaunova agreed as quickly.

"Oh." Cassaundra seemed momentarily flustered. "No, no problem other than distaste. The puns are so thick there it's hard to avoid stepping on them. Have you ever had to scrape a squished pun off your hoof?"

"I'm sure it's a horrible experience," Justin said. "But as it happens, our mission relates. We may be able to commence alleviation of that situation."

She glanced sidelong at him. "You seem to be a fair hand at expression."

"That has on occasion been intimated."

She glanced at the other two centaurs. "Let's do it. They should be interesting to converse with."

Cassaunova nodded. "Turn we now to negotiation. We offer to transport the three of you rapidly to the pun-kin patch. What favors do you offer in return?"

"A modicum of entertainment, perhaps," Justin said, projecting his voice so that it seemed to emanate from behind the centaurs.

All three turned to look, but of course there was nothing there.

"My talent is projection of my voice," Justin said, this time projecting it to a spot over their heads. "I thought it might amuse you." Then he made a dirty sound behind Catarrh's tail, and an ugh sound from before Cassaunova's face, as though he had spoken it.

The male centaur smiled. He of course had no foibles about natural functions, but appreciated the humor. "I will carry you, if you continue that entertainment while we travel."

"Agreed."

"You act as if something funny occurred," Unpun said sourly.

"It did," Cassaundra said.

"Oh. Thank you for informing me."

The filly turned to Ida. "You strongly remind me of someone. Have we met before?"

"Have you encountered a woman with an orbiting moon?"

"Not directly, but I do know of one. But her moon is in the shape of a foursided pyramid. Yours is spherical."

"That would be that version of me who exists on this world. I understand that each version has a satellite of different shape."

"That surely accounts for my thought," Cassaundra agreed. "What favor are you prepared to exchange for transport?"

"I thought I might provide information on the relation between Ptero and Xanth."

"We already know that Ptero is a derivative of Xanth," the centaur said. "We are the souls of all creatures possible."

Ida nodded. "Perhaps I have no information of interest to you. I had not anticipated this, because I had never expected to be on this world. I had no ideas about participating in it."