Swept (17 page)
I think about Ryan and what he said. He’s been there for me for so long. He was the one to put me back together after having my heart broken time after time. He was there to keep me on track and focused on my studies. He was always there to protect me. With Ryan I feel safe. When I picture our lives together I see him there helping me, making life easy for me. But to be with Ryan I have to give up control and I don’t know if I can let go. He dominates me in bed and I still don’t know how to feel about that. I know if it were to ask Kelly she would tell me to choose Ryan. There’s only one thing hanging me up. If I don’t choose him he’ll go away forever. I’ll never get him back. I’m not ready to lose him. He’s been my rock and I need him. I need Gabriel too. I can’t lose him either. I still want to experience things with him. I’m not ready to let go of him either.
Why does Ryan have to do this to me? Why does he have to be so harsh? He’s isn’t making this easy on me. Gabriel says he’s fine with whatever. Ryan wants me to himself. I feel so torn. I’m swept away by one, and I feel safe with the other. I like how they both make me feel. I don’t think either one of them is better than the other. I want to experience what life has to offer. I want to be both dominated, and be the dominator. I want Gabriel and I want Ryan. I want them both.
Maybe there’s a way to have both. Maybe there’s a way to keep Ryan and still be with Gabriel. It wouldn’t be easy, but I’m sure I can figure it out. I can have Gabriel and keep him a secret from Ryan. I breathe a breath of relief. I have my answer. I don’t have to give either one up. I can have both until I know what I truly want. Sure, it will take some planning. I’m selfish, and I know this makes me worse; but to choose right now? I can’t do it so I choose both. My mother told me that I have to work hard for what I want. I’ll have to work hard for both of them. It will require for me to learn to be manipulative and sneaky, but I’m up for the challenge.
I pick up my phone and I call Ryan. He’s excited when I tell him that I chose him. Gabriel is going to stop by later. All I have to do is wait, and my plan will go into action. I may be selfish and this may make me a low down dirty lying slut, but I don’t care. I’ll still get what I want.
To be continued…
What happens next with Crystal, Gabriel and Ryan? Find out in the sequel…
“Secrets”
Coming Soon.
If you or someone you know has been the victim of abuse, rape, or addiction and you need someone to talk to call:
National Domestic Violence Hotline
800-799-7233
National Child Abuse Hotline
800-4-A-CHILD
National Runaway Hotline
800-621-4000
People Against Rape
1-800-877-7252
Sexual Assault Hotline
800-656-4673
Alcohol/Drug Abuse Hotline
1-800-662-HELP
Or visit:
Sexual assault/abuse help:
http://www.rainn.org/
Abuse help:
http://www.avhotline.org/
Addiction help:
http://www.smartrecovery.org/
You are not alone and there is always someone willing to listen and help.
About the author:
Becca Lee Nyx has spent all of her life in the state of Oklahoma. She is a wife to her wonderful husband that she met when she was 8 years old when he moved to the US from England. Becca, is also the mother to two wonderful kids, a boy and a girl ages 5 and 22 months. When Becca isn’t writing, attending to her husband or children she is crocheting, working out at the gym, cruising the internet, or curled up with a good book.
Table of Contents
Chapter Eight: Friends with Benefits
Chapter Eleven: Two’s Company, Three’s a…?
