Swim Again (6 page)

Remember how I said I had a future with Brayden? 
I was wrong.  I didn’t have a future with Brayden.  Only Brayden could have a future with Brayden because he’s self-absorbed to the fullest.  Why did I forget how much of a jerk he could be?  I know he didn’t care about my swimming, but he didn’t have to crush it like it meant nothing to me.  Like I was nothing more than a loser, forced to go to school because I lost. 

I made the choice to go to school.  I was invited to swim for the team, but I didn’t want to join.  I didn’t want to train and try again.  I wasn’t going to only be known as the friend to two world champions, two Olympians.  I wanted to be known for being me and the best way was to get away from it and go to school.  I didn’t quit because I wasn’t good enough. 

I huffed.
  How did I not see that?  I knew he was a little selfish, and arrogant, but wow. I thought that was more of a personality that he showed the world.  He’d love me and care about me more than he did.  He didn’t want to help me.  He didn’t want to see me reach my dreams.  He just wanted me to support every little thing he did, and hang onto every little word he said, then be there for his comfort at night.   

I stomped back to the other side of the room and exhaled again.  Putting my hands on my hips, my vision cleared, and I saw Kaz lying on his couch, waiting for me to say something.

“Did I just say all of that out loud?” I said in a timid voice that I didn’t recognize.

“You did.”

I clenched my teeth together, put a hand up to my forehead, and exhaled again.  “I’m sorry.” 

“
For what
?” Kaz said, with a tone as if he was offended.  He hopped off of the sofa to surround his arms around me.  “Mauri, you don’t have to be afraid to express yourself around me.  I think it’s best, in fact, to let it all out.  That way you won’t carry all of that anger around.” 

I laid my head on his chest and brought my arms up his back and slid my hands onto his shoulders. 

“How are you feeling?” he asked and moved back some of my hair off of my face.

“Angry.”  That wasn’t totally true.  I was a little distracted from his cologne.  Man, he smelled good.  I inhaled a big whiff. 

“If you have to cry, cry.  Let it all out.  I’ve got you.”

That made me smile.  “You were never this nice to me before.”

“Well, I’ll go back to being mean when you’re feeling better I promise.”  He rubbed me on my back some more, which made me need to distance myself a little bit from him.  I was hurt, sad, angry, felt alone, but he was wiping that all away, making it the perfect situation for me to get myself into trouble.

“Can we watch a movie?” I said.

“No.”

“OK.”

“I’m just kidding Mauri!  Yes, of course we can.  But the DVD is only set up in my bedroom.”

I went to sit down on the couch inside his room and thought about how it took me a minute to want to let go of Kaz.  My resistance was getting worse.  He came and joined me.

“Why do you have a couch in your master bedroom?” I asked.

“For times like this when you kick me out of my bed,” he joked.  He always did try to make me smile when I was upset.  “I know you’re not going home tonight.  You can stay over.  The bed is all yours.  For as many nights as you need.”

“I thought you had guest rooms.”

“Yeah, one for my office, and one for something else.  I haven’t decided yet.  Either way the only bed is in here.”

“I’m not going to kick you out of your own bed,” I said.

“Don’t worry,” he said.  “It’s the right thing to do.”

“Your bed is huge.  I’ll take one side.”

Then I may not stay on the other. 
Seeing Mauri angry with a mix of tears made me want to hold her close all night and take care of her.  Wash the pain away. 
Agh!  Don’t think about washing anything.  It will make things harder.  I’d be taking advantage of her, not care.

“Mauri,” I said.

“This couch is not comfortable,” she said.

“It’s one of the coziest couches in the world.”

“But you’re too tall.  You’ll get a crook in your neck.”

“I’ve slept on it before.”

“I’ll make sure the pillows divide our sides if you want me to.”

But I don’t want to end up embarrassing myself, grabbing hold of my pillows because I’m trying to stop myself from grabbing hold of her.

“You’ll be alright,” she said.  “You’re a big boy.” 

That’s the problem.

“You’re not going to budge are you?” I said.

“So it’s settled.  Which side is your favorite?”

Knowing Mauri I knew that she was too exhausted to want to sit and watch an entire movie.  I pushed myself up off the sofa and hunted for some clean pajamas, shirt and shorts, for her to wear.  I wouldn’t be able to deal if I had to see her in my shirt alone.  I’d be sleepless the entire night.

“Here you are ma’am,” I said. 

She cracked a smile.  “These clothes are brand new.”

“I know.”

The next morning, I woke up feeling more comfortable than I had in the past few years.  The sheets were soft.  My head remained sunk, yet supported, in the pillow.  The heater hadn’t played games with me while I was asleep.  I yawned and rolled over to take a chance at seeing Kaz wake up.  I planned to tease him about the last time he fell asleep on my shoulder when we were teens, traveling back home from a swim meet.

Dang.  No Kaz.  I repositioned myself on my stomach and hugged the pillow.  It collapsed into my arms.  It had to be made of feather behaving material.  Kaz wasn’t fond of feathered pillows, but the feel was so airy.  Having performed my inspection duties for the day, I lie back down.  Only then did I hear the shower.

Why did I hear the shower?  My mind shot to places off limits to visit. 
If only he knew.
  The water stopped. 
Good.  Not good. 
He appeared a few minutes later with the towel clinging to his waist, making sure the carved muscles that detailed his body a little bit below his hips peeked out.  Curious to see if that towel would hold, he had my attention. 

After squatting down to consult the bottom drawer, I was sure it would unravel.  Nope.  Too bad because in seconds would have been out of that bed, running to find a towel I could wind up and playfully smack him with real quick.  Brayden and Kaz got me a few times with that game.  I vowed, but never got the chance, to seek my revenge.  Then again, I was glad that towel had stamina because he’d be too tempting. 

Deep in my thoughts, Kaz noticed me possibly with my mouth wide open, staring at what was once his back side.  His eyes lit up as they opened wider.  His hands went straight for his hips, to sit on his skin.  No, no, no.  I had to stop day dreaming right in front of him.  Kaz knew what he was doing.  He knew very well.  Usually, he’d make a joke.  Nothing was said.  He returned to his dresser, picked up his clothes, and returned to the bath room to get dressed.

Minutes later he reemerged in some jeans and a T.  He began to approach me, and I shut my eyes.  He didn’t see me drooling before.  I was in the middle of arising from my deep sleep, theta wave style. 

The sound of Kaz’s footsteps got louder then stopped as he must have hovered over me.  Not wanting to wake me from my slumber, he headed out of his room and closed the door.

I opened my eyes and lie there for a little bit.  Kaz liked to play around, mess with me, trick me.  Closing the door could have been a test.  Not hearing any more sounds, I got up and found that Kaz left a note for me in the bathroom.  A silly note, discussing the importance of using the specific towels he laid out for me. 

They’ll dry you, comfort you, keep you warm.  Make you forget about your troubles after the shower relaxes your tension away.  You’ll never want to go home.  You’ll want to cook those sizzling fajitas that you made for my eighteenth birthday.  And you’ll want to continue through all of your delicacies, pampering me all along the way, while helping to coach me to the world record.  So feel free to enjoy this treat below then come join me for the best microwaved breakfast that you’ve ever had in your entire life.

~Compliments of La Casa de Kaz~

I chuckled.  Now, I knew what to use against him.  If I didn’t get my way, no fajitas.  Continuing the jokes, I found that Kaz left a chocolate mint on the towels under the note.

Five seconds into the shower I frowned.  How I had missed out on such a luxurious experience, I did not know.  Man.  Kaz never said anything about it in his last house, only invited me to use his.  I, not wanting to feel weird about the situation, stuck to the facilities of his guest bathroom.  And I thought that bathroom was great.  My fingertips mimicked raisins as I lived in that shower for a little while.

Kaz was right again.  The towels were kind and caring.  They were warm, having hopped out of the dryer not that long ago.  I was curious about how he produced that magic trick but glad nonetheless.  All of my dreamy moments halted when I thought about getting dressed.  No clean clothes.

I went back into the room to find a plastic shopping bag on the bed.  Kaz knew me.  He didn’t mind if I had a little look inside.  Carefully, I moved the plastic over enough to reveal a few packs of underwear.  Women’s underwear in different sizes.  For me. 

I laughed and was relieved as I got dressed.  I became excited when I smelled breakfast coming through the door. 
That’s some microwave breakfast.  I thought you had to cook it to get the same aroma. 
I sprinted out of that room.  He cooked!  And it wasn’t burnt.

“How did the lady find her accommodations?” Kaz asked. 

What in the world? 
I know I appeared to be confused. 

“What were you watching this morning?” I said and climbed into my seat that was the height of a bar stool. 

“Everything was to your liking I hope,” Kaz said.

He put a plate of breakfast in front of me on the small, but tall, cherry wood kitchen table. 

It didn’t include egg whites!
  Yes!  He remembered.

“Were you replaced by an alien?” I asked.  “The mint, the towels, the garments on the bed, breakfast…”

“The view this morning,” he added.

“What view?”

“The one you gawked at.”  Confidence was exuding all over him. 

“I don’t recall a view,” I said.  “I hadn’t opened the blinds yet.”

“Ah. So to answer your question, I hate seeing you in pain.  I did my best to make you forget about he who shalt not be named.”

I threw my head back and laughed.  “Oh, so his name is—”

“Thou shalt not speaketh of the name in my house.”

“OK, dear sir.  But how are we going to refer to your competition?”

“My competition is handled outside of these walls.”

“What if I want to complain?”

“Go ahead,” Kaz said.  “I won’t punish you.”  I didn’t know how he kept a straight face with that line.

Yeah.  I’m keeping that thought to myself.

“So,” Kaz said as he pulled out one of the chairs across from me.  “Are you busy today?”

“No.”

“Later on, guess where I’m going?”

“You know, I forgot about the rest of the sobbing I have to do,” I said.  “I lost a champion swimmer, and seeing that pool will just bring it all back up.”

Kaz smiled.  “It’s good to let it all out as soon as possible.  If you keep hanging onto it, you won’t heal.  Learned that from experience.  Life lesson number thirty five.”

“You mean number four hundred and thirty five.”

“No, I was an exceptional kid growing up.  Don’t you remember?  Anyway, let’s get back to the conversation where you agreed to help coach me.  Get revenge on he who shalt, if it was warranted, by aiding me with your expertise, knowledge, and experience.”  He put some toast in his mouth.

“Now, that you put it that way…”

“Be the talk of the whole town.  Queen of all queens.”

“Kaz, you were doing well until that statement.  I thought you knew me better,” I said.  “All that hoopla isn’t my thing.”  

“Be a silent partner,” he said.

“Mmmm.”  I tilted my head to the side and looked up as I bit my lip.  Imagined what could be.  No one would think of me as the girl who never made it anymore.  Then again, if my secret happened to be revealed, which it would, the fact that I lost so many times would be blasted all over the world.  Again.  I frowned.

“You nursed me back to health, Mauri.  Come on and finish the job.” 

I rolled my eye to the side to see him staring, waiting to claim victory.

“OK, enough of that,” Kaz said.  “I’m going to get to the cocky athlete side of myself and say I’ll see you there at 2 pm.  That gives you plenty of time to go tell your mother about one of the greatest deeds that you’ll ever do.”

“Oh, my gosh Kaz—”

“You’re an athlete.  You don’t give up.  Not now.  Not in the deepest times of trouble.  You figure out what you need to figure out.  Cry it out if you have to cry it out.  You shake off your sorrow.  Learn from your mistakes.  You get back on your feet.  And you win!”

“That was a good speech… I need a recording of it.”

“
Mauri.
”

“Mmm… Alright.” 

“Alright what?  I need to hear you say it.”

“I’ll help coach.”