Sword in the Storm (52 page)

“This is peace? No, Connavar, this is a form of self-torture. You are not the first man to lose a loved one. You will not be the last.”

“You know nothing of it!” he said quietly.

“Then tell me,” she insisted. “Tell me why the new laird is sitting in a cave while his duties are being undertaken by
others.” Eriatha advanced into the cave. There were no candles, and the fire cast little light. Conn was withdrawn, almost emotionless, as if he had emptied himself of all feeling. “The lything voted for you. You are the laird,” she said. “Now why are you skulking here? Your wife is dead; you have avenged her.” There was still no fire in his eyes, even at the use of the word “skulking.” She took a deep breath. “What is the purpose of this … senseless exile?”

“There is no purpose,” he told her. Tears fell to his cheeks. “Just go. Leave me be!”

She forced a laugh, the sound filled with as much scorn as she could summon. “I did not think to see this,” she said, contempt in her voice. “The great Connavar unmanned. Crying like a wee baby.”

Suddenly furious, he stormed to his feet and loomed over her. “Get out now!” he hissed, grabbing her by the shoulders and hurling her toward the cave mouth. She fell heavily and cried out, more in shock than in pain. Conn ignored her and returned to the fire.

Eriatha sat up and rubbed her arm. “I am not leaving,” she said.

“Do as you please.”

Eriatha was satisfied that she had drawn him from his lethargy. All that now remained was to get him to talk. “I want to understand,” she told him softly, rising and moving into the cave to sit beside him. “Tell me why you are here. Tell me and I will go. And you will have your peace.” At first she thought he was continuing to ignore her. He finished skinning the rabbit, then put the meat to one side. When he spoke, his voice was barely a whisper.

“I was warned to keep all my promises. Warned by the Seidh. I took the warning lightly. Why would I not? For I am
Connavar.
” He almost spit out the name. “And
Connavar
is known as a man of his word.” He fell silent again, staring into the fire. “I told Tae I would ride with her. I
promised
her I
would be back by noon. I broke that promise, and she rode with Ruathain. Rode to her death. And why was I late? I was with a woman. We were rutting like two dogs in heat.”

“What do you want me to say?” she asked him. “That you are not a perfect man? Ha! As if that beast has ever existed. You broke a small promise, and the consequences were terrible. Aye, there is no arguing against that, Conn, my friend. You will have to live with that broken promise all your life. It will hurt for a long time. Maybe forever. But we all live with our hurts. You once told me that you were determined never to be like your father, never a coward. Consider this: What would you call a man who makes a mistake and then runs away from his responsibilities? I’d call him a coward. You also told me that one day the Stone army would march on our lands and you were determined to stop them. Are they not coming now? Or is it that you no longer care about this land and its people?”

“I care,” he admitted.

“Then what are you doing here, Conn?”

“Trying to make sense of my life,” he said. “You helped me once before, when I left the children to die. I accepted what you said. I believed it. Perhaps because I needed to believe it. But what has happened has all but destroyed me. Tae was beautiful, and she had a life to live. She was the sister of my soul. I knew that when I first met her. I know it even better now. But I am not sitting here full of self-pity. I am not wallowing in my grief. I am haunted by remorse. It eats at my spirit because I cannot change what happened. I cannot make it right.”

“No, you cannot. She is dead. Her spirit has flown.”

Conn glanced at her. “You think it is just about Tae? Do you know what happened at Shining Water?”

“You killed the men responsible. Everyone knows that.”

“Oh, Eriatha, if only that were true. Why did you come here? Tell me truly.”

“Your mother came to me. She thought that you and I …” Eriatha sighed, then gave a shy smile. “She thought we might have a bond.”

“And we do,” said Conn. “You are one of my dearest friends. And even with you I am finding it hard to speak the truth. I do not want you to hate me.”

Eriatha sat very still. “I think you had better just say what is in your mind, Conn.”

“I burned the village. And worse. I can scarcely remember how I felt as I rode to the Fisher Laird’s hall. It was as if all the anger and the hurt, the loss and the shame turned me to winter. I went into the hall and killed the laird and his sons. Flames were all around me. The hall was burning. I cannot remember how it started. But when I left, I carried a lantern and set fire to nearby houses. There was a roaring in my head, and then there were people running around me, screaming and shouting. I lashed out at them. I killed them, Eriatha. When dawn came, I walked through the ruins. I saw the bodies. Two were children. But there were women, too.”

“You killed women and children?” Eriatha was aghast. “Oh, Conn! That was evil.”

“I know.” He looked away from her face. “I didn’t know what to do, so I came here to try to think. Yes, it was an evil deed, and I know this is no excuse, but I truly did not know what I was doing. When I saw their bodies, it was like a spear was being thrust through my heart. If I could bring them back, even with my own death, I would do it. Without hesitation.”

“But you cannot bring them back,” she said coldly. “No one can. And you cannot make amends, Conn. These deeds have stained your soul. And they will haunt you, as they should haunt you, till the day you die. I thought you had learned a lesson when you fought the Perdii. I thought you had come to realize that hate leads to vileness and evil. I hope for all our sakes that you have learned that lesson now.”

“Aye,” he said. “It is burned into my heart.” He looked at
her stern face and noted the coldness in her eyes. “Do we still have a bond?” he asked.

“I’ll not lie to you, Conn. I think the less of you. I thought you were stronger than this. Oh, I always knew of the violence in your soul, but I believed—foolishly—that you were in control of it.”

“Then we are friends no longer?”

“We will always be friends, Conn,” she said softly. “There is much that is good in you and much that I admire. And as your friend I am more sorry than I can say that Tae has been lost to you. Tell me this, though: How is it that if you loved her so well, you could rut with a stranger?”

“It was no stranger,” he said. “It was Arian. I did not know she lived close to Old Oaks. I rode in to speak to the herdsmen who tend the laird’s cattle. She was there. Alone. I thought I had put her behind me. I do not love her, Eriatha. But when I am close to her …”

“Hah!” she said scornfully. “That at least I understand. It is the call of the flesh. Men are cursed with it.” Her expression softened. “But you did love Arian desperately, Conn. I remember the night you told me of her. Love made your eyes shine like lanterns.” She looked at his eyes now and saw that they were haunted and bloodshot. “How long since you slept?”

“Several days, I think. When I sleep, I dream of Tae. Then, when I wake—just for a moment—I think she is still alive. Waiting for me.” He shivered. “Better not to sleep.”

“Well, it is time to sleep now. Come,” she said, rising.

Wearily he climbed to his feet. “I don’t deserve your friendship,” he said.

“No, you don’t. But you have it, Conn.” She helped him undress. His clothes were filthy, and there was dried blood on his hands. Eriatha led him to the bed and slipped out of her clothes, and together they lay down. Pulling the blanket over them, Eriatha drew him close, his head upon her shoulder.

And he slept.

Eriatha lay beside him for more than an hour. Then she eased herself clear, put on her dress, and, taking his pony, rode back down to the settlement. Before the dawn she was back. He was still asleep. Conn awoke to the smell of frying bacon. Sunlight glowed in the cave mouth, and he could see the beauty of a clear blue sky outside. He sat up and saw that fresh clothes had been laid out for him.

“Go and wash in the stream,” Eriatha told him. “Then you can eat.”

He rose and walked out into the sunlight. Eriatha cracked two eggs into the pan and toasted some bread. Conn returned minutes later, dried himself, then dressed. They ate breakfast in silence, and she watched him carefully. His eyes were less haunted now, and he looked more like the young man she knew.

“Are you ready to leave this cave?” she asked him.

“Aye. I’ll go back to the world. But not as the same man.”

“Be a better one, my dear.”

He strode from the cave to find Parax waiting for him. He was leading a second pony. The old man smiled and lifted a hand in greeting.

“You feeling better, boy?” he asked.

“Well enough, old man. How did you find me?”

Parax grinned. “You left a trail a blind man could follow. It was hardly worth calling on the services of a great man like myself to find you. Are you ready to ride?”

Conn nodded. “I am ready,” he said.

16

T
HROUGHOUT THE SPRING
and summer Conn worked tirelessly, hurling himself into his duties with almost frenzied energy. He rode the lands, organizing the building of mills, granaries, and storehouses, and ordered a census of every person living in the lands of the northern Rigante. Putting Fiallach in charge of Seven Willows, he told him to build watchtowers along the coast and strengthen the defenses of the town. Braefar was appointed second counsel under Maccus, for the older man fast found himself exhausted with the new workload.

“Why all the new granaries?” Maccus asked Conn one day as they were riding to inspect a newly discovered gold mine in the Druagh mountains.

“War is no longer a matter of individual bravery and mass tactics,” Conn told him. “It is about supply. No matter how courageous the men, they cannot fight if they are not fed. It is vital that when war comes we can feed a standing army without relying on neighboring tribes.”

“Maybe so,” Maccus replied, “but in a mere four months you have all but emptied the Long Laird’s treasury. Let us hope that there is ample gold in this new mine.”

The mine had at first proved a disappointment. The mine governor, Lycus, a short, stocky man who also ran the laird’s two silver mines, assured Conn that in time the mine would prove itself. Conn remained suspicious and sent Govannan to
the site, ordering him to pretend to be an itinerant worker seeking employment. After six weeks Govannan discovered that more than two-thirds of the gold was being carried northeast to Queen of the Rocks, a port settlement on the coast where Lycus owned several houses and a large parcel of land.

Conn, Ruathain, Maccus, Govannan, and twenty of Conn’s Iron Wolves arrived at the settlement in the first week of autumn, raided three warehouses, and discovered a hoard of gold and silver.

Lycus was taken back to Old Oaks, tried in open court, and hanged in the main square.

Braefar took charge of the mining operations, and the income rose spectacularly.

With the first snowfall news came to Old Oaks that the Long Laird had died. The old man, broken by the death of Tae, had suffered one illness after another. He had died in his sleep in a bedroom whose window overlooked the soaring peak of Caer Druagh.

Conn did not attend the funeral. He had journeyed to Seven Willows to meet with Fiallach and see the new defenses for himself.

The following spring the first of the foals was born, a white colt with a long black mark on its brow. The birthmark looked like a sword, and Conn called him Dark Blade.

By his twenty-first birthday Conn’s Iron Wolves numbered 220, and they met regularly to train, galloping their tall Gath horses in close formation, peeling away, and re-forming into the flying wedge Conn had first seen among the Gath. Braefar’s stirrup design had proved a huge success, giving the riders greater purchase. Conn also ordered two hundred lightweight shields to replace the small bucklers commonly used by riders, and each man was armed with two swords: one a long curved saber and the second a short stabbing sword based on the Stone design.