S*x and Secrets: Alpha Billionaire Forbidden Romance (26 page)

“I know what’s wrong. We can fix this once and for all.” Red gathered my hair and held it back as I spewed once more. Beads of perspiration ran down my spine and my clothing clung to my skin. I wiped my brow with the back of my hand to stop the trickles of sweat running into my eyes. Why was it so damn hot in here? I couldn’t breathe.

“What? How?” I murmured faintly, not believing her but willing to grasp any last bit of hope. I’d fucked up and Levi wasn’t coming back. I just knew by the way he’d left. As amazing as what he was, I sensed that he’d had enough. I’d pushed his limits by being reluctant to go beyond my own boundaries.

Levi was tenacious and he went after what he wanted. But he was also smart enough to know that sometimes a person had to quit. He must’ve finally reached that point before he left. I’d seen him walk out of business negotiations before, and he never returned once he was out.

It frightened the hell out of me. I’d be lost without Levi.

Red let go of my hair and produced anti-bacterial hand wipes from her purse and handed me a few. I’d forgotten what a germ-o-phobe she was, but now I was grateful for it. I wiped my face and neck, the cool dampness soothing my burning skin.

She gripped both my shoulders to force me to look directly at her, giving me a reassuring smile as her eyes locked with mine.

“You have to go back to the root of the problem. There’s no other way.”

A wave of sickness hit my stomach again, but there was nothing more to throw up. My mouth tasted like shit and my throat was raw and dry.

“What do you mean?” I croaked, going into full denial mode.

She handed me a small stainless-steel flask that she miraculously fished from her purse. “Here, take a few swigs. It will clear your throat and your head.”

When I didn’t reach out to take it, she screwed the top off and took a long swig herself without blinking, wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, and held it out to me again only inches from my face. This time she had an expression of determination I couldn’t ignore, so I didn’t bother arguing. I gulped down the fiery liquid as I screwed my eyes shut. It burned all the way to my stomach.

“Jesus,” I spluttered. Only Red would have neat tequila in her purse.
For emergencies,
as she always joked. If ever there was a disaster that warranted emptying the flask, this was it, but I was smart enough to save some for later. This was going to get a lot worse before it got any better.

“I mean your mom. You need to go see her and talk to her. Tell her about Levi and that you’re in love with him. Get her blessing.”

Oh God. Anything but that.

I took another swig without being prompted. Fire roared down my throat, numbing my insides and dulling the relentless ache in my heart for a few seconds. Maybe if I drank, it would numb my brain, too.

I pulled a face as I handed the flask back to Red. “I can’t face her. She made me promise,” I wailed.

Red was losing her patience with me. “That’s a fucking ridiculous thing to ask a fifteen-year-old. And even more so that you think you have to keep that stupid promise. How were you to know then that there was someone as awesome as Levi waiting for you?”

I shrugged. She was right. I’d never imagined someone like Levi existed. I’d fought so hard not to fall for him and yet I’d failed miserably.

“Don’t look so fucking sad. You haven’t botched this completely yet. Levi is so damn smitten with you that once you explain to him why you’re so resistant, he’ll give you another chance.”

My shoulders drooped and I stared at the floor. “I’m not so sure about that. He looked pretty pissed off when he left. He’s had enough, and why should he put up with all my bullshit when there are so many other women who’d gladly throw themselves at him?”

Red lifted my chin. “Because he wants
you
. Nobody else. He told me so the very first time I met him.”

“He did?”

Red laughed. “I tried to seduce him . . . I mean, could you fucking blame me, the way he was wearing those satin pants on his hips with the outlines of his huge dick so clear? But he told me no and said his cock belonged only to one woman. He couldn’t get rid of me fast enough because he was waiting for you and he wanted everything to be perfect.”

That was what they were talking about when I’d arrived on my birthday?

“I didn’t know.”

“You hit the fucking jackpot with Levi Barrington. What man buys his woman a sex swing for her birthday and transforms the whole rooftop into a romantic garden for fucking?”

A small smile twisted my lips at the memory of that night.

“It was perfect.” I sighed. “
Levi
is perfect.”

“Then don’t let him get away, Monty. Put on your big-girl panties and face your demons head-on. I’ll come with you to see your mom. She has to understand what she’s asked of you . . . to make that promise . . . It may have helped you then, but it’s irrelevant now. You’re thirty-three, for fuck’s sake. You’re not the little girl she’s protecting anymore.” 

Red was right. Why hadn’t I seen it before?

I’d held on to that promise, believing it would save me from heartache. But if I truly believed it, then why was my heart shredded at the idea of never seeing Levi again? Never again his lips on mine, his dirty words in my ears, his cock deep inside me? It wasn’t only the sex I’d miss. Never seeing him smile at me, being close to him without speaking a single word, or having him look at me in his special way would crush me.

It is fucking crushing me already.

For a supposedly smart woman I could be pretty darn stupid.

I swallowed the lump in my throat. “You’ll go with me?”

“Of course, sweetheart. We’ll face this together.”

“You’re the best friend ever,” I said, leaning forward to hug her.

“I’m the lucky one, Monty.” There was a smile in her voice as she squeezed the crap out of me.

“But before we go to see my mother, I need to pay Jake a visit. Can you wait a day?”

“Of course.”

“Thanks for doing this with me,” I said.

“No problem. You’ve done so much for me over the course of our friendship, not to mention that I’d never have met the love of my life if I hadn’t found you again.”

I pulled away slightly and bit back the tears. “You and Beckham are perfect for one another.”

“As are you and Levi.” She searched my face with misty eyes. “We’re going to get him back for you, babe. The man can’t live without you, and he doesn’t have to either.” 

Finding it impossible to hold back the tears any longer, I let them run down my cheeks.

“Give me a few minutes, okay? Beckham must be wondering where we are.” I lifted my chin and smiled through the tears. “Go tell him I’m going to be just fine.”

L
ooking into the mirror, I applied red lipstick and checked my hair. On the
outside
I looked fine, except for dark circles under my eyes due to lack of sleep the night before, but those were easy to cover with make-up.

Inside
was another story—I was a mess. Levi hadn’t called since he’d left the restaurant and I’d picked up my phone about a hundred times to call him, but every time my nerves failed me.

Until Red and I had been to see my mom, nothing could really change. There wasn’t anything I could say to Levi that would make things better. Marriage and kids were never part of the deal and I’d wrongly thought that’s what he wanted too.

No strings attached.

No emotions.

What happened to all of that?

I was so far out of my depth that I was drowning and nothing made sense any more. I hated feeling so out of control, so fucking helpless.

Red was right, I needed to fix things.

Put on your big girl panties, Montana, and face your fears. Emotions are part of the human condition, you’re never going to avoid them.

It was silly to ever think I could go into an arrangement and not be affected one way or another. I’d tried to guard my heart but clearly I’d failed miserably at that.

I had to dig deep and find an inner strength.

I can do this.

As soon as I’d arrived at the office that morning, I’d texted Jake to invite him to a café close by and he’d agreed to meet me at ten thirty A.M. after his morning show.

This was one thing I could handle. I had no other option. I wanted to live the rest of my life without the angst of worrying that Jake could hurt me or lash out at Levi again.

It wasn’t that I didn’t appreciate everything that Levi, Red and Beckham had done to stop Jake from being a threat to me, but deep inside I knew I had to face my fears head on and confront Jake face to face.

With only a five minute walk from my office, I was exactly on time.

Would Jake show up or bail on me?

I sucked in a breath and walked into the café. My gaze went directly to Jake sitting in the corner, dressed in jeans and a casual shirt. That wasn’t what I expected. I pulled my shoulders back and raised my chin as I approached the table.

How things had changed. I was the one making an entrance and turning heads instead of him.

Jake rose to his feet to greet me with a cold smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “Good morning, Montana. You look lovely.”

“Hello, Jake. You look like shit.” I took a seat across from Jake and scrutinized his face. I’d never imagined seeing him so disheveled.

He wiped a hand over his stubble and combed his hand through his unruly hair. No styling products holding every strand in place, no make up to hide the bags under his eyes.

He shrugged. “I cancelled my morning show at the last minute.”

The waitress arrive with two coffees and placed them in front of us. “I hope you don’t mind that I ordered for you. I need that caffeine injection.”

“No problem. I need it too.” It wasn’t what I usually ordered, but it was caffeine, so I wasn’t going to make a fuss.

“I’m assuming you know all about Levi’s visit yesterday?” He almost sounded defeated.

I’d come to meet Jake the Snake, the cocky bastard, the master manipulator, and instead I was faced with a vulnerable man who looked as if his pet just died.

“I do,” I said, taking a few sips of coffee and letting it infuse my body.

“Then you also know about everything else?”

“Yes. Everything.”

Jake sighed and his shoulders slumped. “I’ve had the whole night to think things through. Life hasn’t always been easy for me. I realize it’s not a great excuse, and I hope you can understand where I’m coming from.”

“I’m listening,” I said softly, giving him the benefit of the doubt.

“I’ve always had to fight for what I wanted. My parents wanted a girl, but I’ve always been a boy. It’s confusing when you don’t have a clear identity and you’re trying to please someone else . . . trying to give them what they want from you. ”

Wasn’t that the truth? I could totally identify with that. I wouldn’t be in this predicament with Levi if I hadn’t made those promises to my mother.

I swallowed hard and nodded, encouraging Jake to continue.

Jake cleared his throat. “Most of my life I’ve been angry. Asking
why me
? Even when I switched from Jacqui to Jake it wasn’t enough. I’d been shunned and rejected so often and I wanted other people to hurt as much as I was. That’s lame, but it’s the truth.”

Narrowing my eyes, I stared at him over my cup. “Well, I can ask the same question. Why me? Why are you trying to ruin my life and why did you sabotage my apartment?”

Jake hung his head, his hair falling forward over one eye. His jaw locked and he sat quietly for a few moments. When he looked up at me, his eyes were dull. “Because I could. You’re an easy target, Montana.”

“So are hundreds of other people. That still doesn’t explain anything.”

His fingers speared his hair, pushing it back. “You really want to know why you?”

My throat too dry to speak, I simply nodded.

“Because your life’s perfect. Because you were one of the few people who wasn’t nasty to me. Because I want you . . . and if I can’t have you then I don’t want you to be with anyone else.”

I threw back my head and laughed. It wasn’t a pretty laugh. “You don’t honestly believe I have a perfect life do you? You must have heard the rumors around school about Adrian?”

“You have a mother who loves you . . . protects you. Mine didn’t want to know me after I refused to stay a girl.”

All the breath left my lungs.

“I’m sorry for your pain, Jake. I won’t even pretend to understand what you must’ve gone through. If only you had someone to speak to who could’ve helped you—”

He cut me short. “Anyway, Levi threatened me if I didn’t leave the city and he’d probably kill me if he saw me here with you now. He must know a lot of influential people, because this morning before my show, I got called into the head honcho’s office and told I was being transferred and that it was for my own good.”

“Would you rather go to jail until your case comes up?” My tone hardened. “Levi has proof it was you who wrecked my apartment. Breaking and entering with the intent to harm someone is a crime, and you’ll certainly spend a few years in prison. The forensics will come to the same conclusion after their investigation as well as the insurance company. You did a fine job of ruining the whole place and the damages run into tens of thousands of dollars.”

“You have insurance. They’ll take care of it.”

I had to remind myself to breath.

Just when I actually felt sorry for this person, he said something that ridiculous.

“You don’t get it, do you?” I huffed. “There were things in my apartment that were precious to me—they may not have had high monetary value, but they’re irreplaceable. Some things money can’t buy.” I narrowed my eyes at him. “I could have died in there Jake. Did you ever think of that? Or do you just not care?”

Jake went pale, his mouth opening and closing a few times like a fish out of water.

“I was angry and I didn’t think it through.” He slumped forward and dropped his head into his hands. “I’m sorry.”

“I want you to promise me something.”

“What?”

“Think about other people instead of just yourself. Karma has a way of righting wrongs and even if you think you’re getting away with something bad, believe me . . . Karma will make you pay. It always does.”