Symphony In Rapture (17 page)

In sudden inspiration, he pulled one of the drumsticks out of her vagina, inserting just the tip into the puckered slit. “Oh, yes,” Michelle moaned. Nick pushed the rod in further. “Yes,” Michelle whispered, “God, yes!” He probed her ass and her cunt simultaneously, semen spurting from his excited member as he felt the two instruments striking each other, playing her thick tissues like the vibrating skin of a drum. “More!” Michelle insisted. Nick pushed them in all the way, placing his thumbs over the barely protruding ends and wiggling them back and forth as she came, over and over, screaming his name.

He flipped her quickly onto her stomach, removing the stick from her ass. He reached into her saturated cunt, coating his fingers with her juices, rubbing them over his steely erection. He held her cheeks wide as he buried its tip in her tight ass.

Michelle desperately wanted to take all of him inside her, even though it hurt. She wanted him to own her completely, taking her in every possible way, marking her entire body as his. She crept backward, Nick pulling her butt-cheeks apart insistently as she inched herself over him. She whimpered a little as she came to the thickest part of his member. “You don’t have to do this,” he said, though his entire body was trembling with insatiable lust. He wanted this, but she had to want it, too. He would never do anything to hurt her.

Michelle shook her head. She gathered her nerve, then shoved herself back, screaming and pushing until Nick’s hands disappeared and she felt the warm skin of his groin against her buttocks. “Yes!” she said triumphantly, though she was throbbing violently, tears streaming down her cheeks. She began to rock minutely, back and forth. Nick grabbed her waist with his hands. “Are you sure about this?” he asked, his voice thick with animal lust. “Yes,” Michelle insisted. “Take me, Nick. Please.” Nick felt her purposefully contracting her anal muscles rapidly, relentlessly. “God,” he moaned. He grasped her waist tightly, holding her in place, and began pounding into her, over and over. The drumstick still dangling from Michelle’s cunt inched out as he fucked her, the added stimulation drowning her in a torrential tide of sensation. Michelle screamed again as pain and passion mingled exquisitely into a gut-wrenching, paroxysm-inducing orgasm. Nick roared as he released a raging river into her frantically convulsing canal.

Nick supported her, waiting as his cock softened. He removed himself from her gently. “Thank you, so much,” he said reverently. “I can’t tell you how good that felt.”

Michelle nestled into his arms. “Mmmm. It was good for me, too.”

“Are you hurting?”

Michelle shrugged, “Yes, but it’s a good kind of hurt. Pain that borders on pleasure. An…insistent ‘I-can’t-believe-it-but-I-already-want-him-to-fuck-me-again’ kind of hurt.”

Nick growled. “Fuck you again?”

Michelle nodded. “Yes, please.”

Nick rolled over, mounting her. “Michelle…” he said as he slipped his cock into her waiting pussy yet again.

“Hmmm?” Michelle mumbled.

“I love you,” he said.

Michelle’s eyes filled with tears. She wrapped her legs around him, drawing him deep. “I love you, too,” she whispered, clenching his penis with her pussy.

He remained stationary above her. “Will that be enough?” he asked.

Confused, Michelle frowned. “What do you mean?”

“Can it be enough? Just knowing that I love you?”

“I don’t know,” Michelle sobbed. “I don’t think so. Not forever. Can’t you just tell me what it is that’s bothering you?”

Nick shook his head, pushed curls damp with sweat back from her forehead.

Michelle closed her eyes, a tear tracing a slow curve over her cheek. “A while longer,” she said. “It’s enough for a while longer.”

Nick nodded. He began bobbing his hips gently, fucking her for the last time that day—slowly, tenderly, his smooth cock soothing her feverish need, whispering ‘I love you’ into her ears over and over; licking salty tears from her cheeks until their bodies surrendered to bittersweet ecstasy.

(Highly discordant notes or sounds)

Three weeks later, Michelle was home doing laundry, frowning to herself as she considered her position. She was practically living with Nick—spending every moment away from rehearsals and gigs with him, unless he had rehearsals or concerts of his own. When he did, she rushed home and did laundry, paid bills, or called Penny and met for coffee or lunch.

But she had no desire to continue this way indefinitely. Nick kept saying that he loved her. She wanted proof. She wanted permanence. A ring on her finger. She wanted marriage and a house that was theirs, not his. Plans they consulted each other about, not just informed one another of. This ‘I’ve-got-a-secret’ shit was for the birds.

And…Michelle winced, hardly believing she’d been so stupid.They hadn’t been using any protection . Michelle wasn’t worried about sexually-transmitted diseases, despite Nick’s confession about having utilized prostitutes. He’d gone ahead and had his physician test him for hepatitis and AIDS again, just to be sure, even though she hadn’t felt it was necessary, confessing to her that he had hired an escort one night during their brief break-up. Her chest had hurt at the news, but she could understand his frustration. Besides, she’d been the one to put their relationship on hold. But pregnancy…that was another story. She had called her gynecologist that morning and made an appointment for the next week, but realized now that she was reluctant to resume birth control.

If she and Nick were going to make a permanent commitment to one another, she didn’t want to wait to start a family. At thirty-five, there were already several risk factors for her, concerning pregnancy, and even though he didn’t look it and she had never specifically asked, she figured from the little that Nick had told her about his life and from what she knew of his career that he had to be about forty. If they were going to have a child, Michelle wanted it to be soon.

She smiled, surprised at herself. A few months before, she’d thought she would never even want sex again, much less a marriage, or evenconsiderhaving another child. Now, here she was, visualizing herself with Nick in that picturesque picket-fence fantasy she’d previously decided didn’tever really exist, for anyone.

Michelle frowned again. But Nick had not said a word about marriage. As a matter of fact, he seemed more and more adamant aboutnot marrying. She no longer doubted that he was telling the truth when he said he loved her, but he exhibited continuing unwillingness to make that final commitment. Every time she evenhinted at making their relationship official, he clammed up, closing her out. This secret he was hiding; was it something he had done in his past, or something he was doing now? What could it be? She had to find a way to convince him that whatever it was, she could handle it. She loved him too much to give up hope.

Strange, how her feelings for Nick kept going through transformations. In the beginning, it had been so new, so vibrant, that she had pushed thoughts of consequences or loss out of her mind, living for the moment. Then, those doubts had finally overwhelmed her, making her reluctant to remain involved for fear of suffering the painful loss of another loved one. Then she’d decided it didn’t matter, willing to accept whatever crumbs the man she now believed was her soul mate was willing to give her. Now, though…now she knew that she could not continue seeing Nick while he kept a large part of himself closed off from her. Her love for Nick was consuming her—it brooked no resistance. At this point, Michelle wanted itall —or nothing. She’d rather they end it now and go their own ways, than to continue on knowing that he would never commit. Never be hers. Never truly reveal himself to her, secrets and all.

As she folded the last of her clean garments, Michelle caught her lower lip between her teeth. She was going to have to confront him. Find out once and for all exactly how he expected this relationship to continue and where he thought it would end. She would have liked to believe that she had absolutely nothing to worry about, but the ball of apprehension in the pit of her stomach argued otherwise. Unfortunately, Michelle felt there was a strong chance she was not going to hear what she wanted to hear.

* * * * *

Nick watched Michelle surreptitiously as they ate a late supper. They’d gone to a comedic play earlier and she had seemed to enjoy it, but not with her usual carefree abandon. He could tell something was bothering her. She was unnaturally reserved, and remained that way throughout the evening.

When they arrived home, Michelle turned to Nick as he locked the door behind him. She took a deep breath, as though fortifying herself. “Nick, there’s something I need to talk to you about.”

A dark foreboding settled in the region of Nick’s heart. “Okay.” He led her into the sitting room and turned on the light. He sat on the couch and Michelle perched on the edge of an over-stuffed chair, staring at her nervous hands.

Finally, she looked up. “I need to know where this relationship is going.”

Nick’s throat tightened with alarm, and he had a little trouble finding his voice. “What do you mean?”

“I mean,” Michelle stood abruptly and began to pace, avoiding his eyes. “I love you so much, Nick. I never dreamed love could be like this.” She halted before him. “And that’s the problem. I want our love, Nick. I want our love more than anything I’ve ever wanted in my life.”

Nick leaned forward earnestly. “So do I.”

Michelle licked her lips nervously. “Good. Then you’ll understand when I say—I want itall . I want your ring on my finger. I want to get married.”

Nick’s countenance darkened abruptly, as though a door had slammed shut, but Michelle pushed on. “I want to know that you’re going to be with me forever. I want to have your child. I—”

“Impossible.” Nick stood, shaking his head.

Michelle stared at him uncomprehendingly, swallowing tears. “I don’t understand.”

“I know this is difficult,” Nick said, “I never wanted to hurt you. But I can’t make those commitments. I told you. I’ve warned you more than once, that marriage wasn’t a possibility.” He reached toward her. “Can’t what we have now be enough?”

Even though she had been expecting it, Michelle was still shocked. She stepped back. “No.” She said it with a firm finality that surprised him. “Nick, now that I know thereis a life to be lived, even without Angela, I want tolive it. If that means letting you go, looking for someone else, then so be it. I will not spend it in limbo with you, waiting for some invisible axe to fall.”

Nick couldn’t believe she was doing this. “If you knew—” he faltered, tried again. “There are so many reasons this can’t work that way,” he finished lamely.

Michelle’s tone softened. “Tell me, Nick. Tell me what the problem is. I promise you, we can find a way to work it out.”

Nick shook his head. “I can’t.”

Michelle looked at him pleadingly. “Nick, why are you doing this? We love each other. How can you throw that away?”

Nick’s face reddened. “Damn it, Michelle. I’m not throwing it away. You are. Why do you have to have that piece of paper? Why can’t you just accept the way things are, and enjoy it while it lasts?”

Michelle shook her head. “It’s not just a piece of paper.” She balled her fists, wanting to pummel him. “It’s giving yourself over to another person—opening your self and your life to them completely.” He rolled his eyes, but she continued calmly, “I’m filled with your essence, Nick.” He opened his mouth, and she anticipated his remark. “The essence of your soul, Nick—not just your penis. And I’m in you, too. We belong together, no matter how much you deny it.”

Nick laughed harshly. “Denial really is a bitch, isn’t it?”

Michelle took another deep breath. “Well.” She picked her purse up from beside the chair. “I’d better go, then.” She strode from the room. Nick followed numbly.

At the door, she said, “If I’ve left anything, just drop it by Penny’s gallery. She’ll make sure I get it.” Michelle steeled herself against the trembling in her legs and walked down the drive. All the way, she expected to hear Nick calling her back. He didn’t, and she fought a losing battle against her tears until she reached home.

* * * * *

Nick prowled the house, but couldn’t escape thoughts of Michelle. He’d stood in the doorway, disbelieving, until long after she walked out of sight.

Why didn’t he just marry her? As much as she wanted marriage, so did he. He could marry her, enjoy living the fantasy. Until it became obvious he wasn’t aging. Then he would have to disappear. That’s what he had done before, resurfacing elsewhere as a different person, with a different life. But he hadn’t been leaving anyone important behind. Just business associates, a few casual friends. No one he cared for the way he cared for Michelle. When the time came, he might not be able to do it.

So why not tell her the truth?he asked himself. Because the truth was so damned unbelievable, that was why. Because she would think he was looney, and he couldn’t bear the thought of Michelle ridiculing him; or worse—pityinghim.

Besides, even if she did believe him—what then? How could they build a life together, given the ramifications? She had said she wanted a child, and that was something he could never give her. How could he marry her knowing how much she wanted one? And if she accepted what he was, and he took her with him when he ran, he would have to watch her age, watch her body fail. He didn’t think he was strong enough to do that, and he couldn’t bear the thought of possibly abandoning her at that point, to ease his own anguish. And if hewas strong enough, what about her? Would she spend her life wondering if he wanted to be rid of her, whether he longed for other, younger women? It was bad enough that older men did that to their wives of years, searching for their lost youth, but Nick would stillbe young, in appearance and vigor. How would she handle that?

And it would be much more difficult to uproot and create cover stories, backgrounds, and all the rest of it for two people, than it was for one, especially since Michelle had several strong, established friendships. She couldn’t just disappear.