Tackled by Love (16 page)

Getting back to work, I let my mind drift to the events that happened moments ago on that table behind me. Landon brings out things in me that I never knew existed. He has the ability to make me feel sexy, desired, things that are completely foreign to me. Since losing the weight, I’ve had guys pay attention to me when I’m out, but I still feel self-conscious in my skin, like the old me. The fat me. In high school, the idea of a guy seeing me naked was absolutely paralyzing. It’s not like they were lining up at my front door to take me out, but the thought of having to take my clothes off and be that exposed would send me into a panic. Since becoming thinner, I’ve been with a couple guys and kind of hated every second of it. I kept worrying about the way I looked or if they noticed a certain flaw. The constant thinking kept me from enjoying myself. Hence, why a man has never given me an orgasm either. I couldn’t escape my head long enough to let go. Weirdly, with Landon those thoughts aren’t present. He can make me forget all about my past and the lingering doubts I have about myself. And don’t even get me started on the orgasm.

Holy. Shit.

I’m pretty sure my vision blurred and I went temporarily blind when it hit me. I’ve never felt something so strong, so intense, and he was able to do all that with his
tongue
. I can’t imagine what he can do with other things. Just thinking about it has my panties growing wet again as I squeeze my thighs together to relieve the ache. I’m never going to get any work done at this rate.

***

Two weeks have passed since my encounter with Landon’s tongue, and I’d be lying if I didn’t think about it regularly. But right now, I’m on my way to workout. Going to the gym is second nature to me now, and I make it a point to not skip any days. The fear of slacking and gaining all that weight again is what keeps me going. After my eating disorder, I researched everything I could on weight loss, keeping it off, and healthy ways to maintain a good body. I found that with good eating habits, cardio, and some weightlifting, I could achieve my goals in a good way and be in shape. I’ve just finished re-racking the weights I was using to do my squat workout when I hear snickering behind me.

“I guess when she lost all that weight she was finally able to fit something between her thighs, right, Rob?” Turning around, I see a few guys I went to high school with laughing and grinning at each other like they’re the funniest people in the world. They would always jump on the opportunity to make fun of me back then. Looking at them reminds me of the time they taped a WIDELOAD sign to my back. Of course, I had no idea it was on there, but I quickly figured it out when people would call out ‘Beep! Beep! Beep!’ whenever I’d get up to walk somewhere. Apparently, Rob and his goons haven’t grown up since.

Rolling my eyes, already tired of their shit, I ask, “Can I help you with something?”

“Yeah, you can give me some of what you were giving Landon. If I had known you’d give it up that easily, I would’ve taken you out long ago.” Rob’s eyes trail up and down my body, making me feel sick to my stomach.

“Right, man? And I’ll bet she kinks it up in bed too. Fat girls always have to compensate for their lack of looks,” Charles, the other guy says. They start high fiving each other as I look down at the floor. I’d like to say I’m stronger than I was in high school, and in certain ways I am. But having them gang up on me brings me right back to all those years ago and I’m humiliated again. I know what I did with Landon was out of character for me and I’m just as shocked as anyone else by my brazen actions. Having it thrown in my face with the town gossip makes me want to crawl back into myself like I used to.

Suddenly, I hear a thud followed by a few grunts. Snapping my eyes back up, I see Landon has Charles pinned to the mirrored wall with his forearm pressed firmly against his throat. He’s inches away from Charles’ face, which flashes from utter shock to a little fear.

“You wanna repeat what you just said to her?” Landon warns through gritted teeth.

“N-no, we were just joking around. It’s cool.” Stumbling through his words, Charles looks at his two friends for help. They both just stand there motionless.

“Is it funny? Are we all laughing now?” His voice remains low and menacing. The muscles in Landon’s forearm flex as his grip on him tightens.

“Relax man, we were just fucking around. Get off of me.” If I’m being honest, watching the worried lines form on Charles’ face is somewhat gratifying.

“If I hear of any of you dickwads so much as saying one fucking word to Autumn, I swear to God, you’ll regret it. I’ll give you the ass beating you should’ve gotten in high school. Got it?” Charles nods his head several times before Landon finally lets him go. Charles sags with relief and takes in a deep breath. “Apologize to her.” His tone is firm, brokering no argument. This isn’t a request, it’s a demand, and the look on Landon’s face shows that they better do it or there will be hell to pay.

“We’re sorry, Autumn. We really didn’t mean anything by it, we were just kidding.” The other two nod in agreement and mumble sorry. The only response I can give is a nod, but it’s not okay. It wasn’t okay then, and it’s not okay now.

“Get out of here.” Landon jerks his head in the direction of the door, seeming somewhat satisfied with their apology. Once they’re gone, he grabs me by my shoulders and squats down to eye level with me. “Are you okay?” His eyes search mine as his eyebrows draw in with concern, and it makes me feel good that he’s worried about me. I’ve never had anyone defend me, always going it alone and enduring the suffering in solitude.

Nodding, I reply, “Yes, I’m fine. They’re just a bunch of idiots. It’s really not a big deal.”

“You let me know if they bother you again, alright? Or anyone else for that matter.” Still holding me in place and looking deep into my eyes, he waits for my answer. I give him a small nod as my body fills with warmth. The way he’s looking at me makes me feel valued. Normally, I’d shy away from this kind of attention, especially with people staring the way they are now. But he makes the world melt away and it’s just him and me. Releasing a breath and closing my eyes, I soak in the contact.

“Good, let’s get out of here.” He lets go of my shoulders and holds out his hand. Placing mine in his, I let him lead me out of the gym.

“How long have you been here? I didn’t see you.”

“I just walked in and saw those guys harassing you.” His face flashes with anger, but it quickly disappears. Leading me to his car, he opens the passenger door and waits for me to climb in. I’m not sure where we’re going, but at this point I don’t care. I feel safe and protected when I’m with him.

Once we’re situated and he pulls out onto the road, I say quietly, “Thanks for what you did back there.”

“Don’t mention it.” He looks over and smiles at me and I return the gesture. Not wanting to dwell on it, I let it go, but he doesn’t understand how much that simple act means to me. If I had someone like him in high school, life would’ve been so much better. The emptiness I felt from not having anyone to relate to or confide in would have been filled. Life wouldn’t have been so miserable and lonely. Either way, I’m keeping that to myself, not wanting him to know how much I suffered emotionally in the past.

“Where are we going?” I look out the windows trying to figure it out.

“Just sit back and enjoy the ride. We’ll be there soon.” He picks up my hand and kisses my knuckles before lacing his fingers through mine. I love when he does that and it instantly liquefies my insides. Resting against the headrest, I do exactly as he says and relax while waiting to see where we’re going.

We ride along in silence, the only sound coming softly from the radio. Wake Me Up by Aloe Blacc comes on. It’s one of my favorite songs, but it’s made even better when I hear Landon quietly singing beside me. Not wanting him to stop, I slowly glance at him from the corner of my eye. His gaze is fixed on the road as his deep voice floats through the car.

Looking quickly in my direction, Landon catches me watching him. A shy, boyish grin crosses his face. It’s the most carefree I’ve seen him look. “What?”

“Oh, nothing. Just listening to you sing. Who would’ve known you had such a nice voice?” The car stops and he looks at me with a heated stare. Gone is the shy, boyish charm, and in its place is a rugged man ready to make his claim. The way he switches gears so quickly has me feeling a little off balance.

Leaning in, he places his lips at my ear. “I wonder if I can make you sing.” He nibbles on my ear and my breath hitches, which makes him chuckle. This man can bring me to my knees so easily. “But that will have to wait. We’re here.”

He pulls back and I look out the front window and see we’re at a lake. The water is calm and sparkles with the sun’s reflection. The surrounding trees are in various shades of yellow, orange, and red, signaling the beginning of fall. Landon opens my door and helps me out of the car.

“There’s a pier just a little ways up. Wanna take a walk?” he asks.

“Sure.” We link our hands together and walk in silence, enjoying the crisp fall air. Once we make it to the pier, we walk out to the end and he takes a seat, letting his legs hang off the edge. He pats the space next to him and I sit down. Our bodies are barely touching, but the heat coming off of him covers my body, counteracting the chill that’s in the air.

We’re both staring out at the water when I look over at him and see his eyebrows are furrowed like he’s deep in thought. “What’s wrong?”

After a moment, he looks at me, “Does that happen to you a lot?”

My face pulls down in a frown as I try to figure out what he’s talking about. “Does what happen a lot?”

“Guys bothering you.” His tone is quiet and gentle, like he doesn’t want to upset me by bringing it up.

I let out a sigh and look back out at the water. “Now? No, it hardly ever happens. But I guess I gave them a lot to talk about with my show the other night when you dropped me off.” I feel the heat rising in my cheeks, but I don’t know if it’s from embarrassment of being caught, or desire from thinking about what we were doing.

“Did those guys used to tease you in high school?”

I really don’t want to talk about this. There’s no point; the past is in the past. I’ve moved on—or at least I’ve tried—and I wish he’d stop questioning me about it. “Yep, in fact, the list of people that
didn’t
participate would probably take less time to recite to you. Can we drop it now?” My tone is clipped as I look back out toward the lake, hoping that I’m sending the message that this really isn’t up for discussion at the moment. Landon gently grabs my chin and turns my head to the side so that I’m looking at him again.

He leans in until he’s a hair away from my lips. “I’m sorry I brought it up,” he whispers before sealing my lips with his. All thoughts of what happened at the gym and my past vanish from my mind as I focus on the feelings he pulls out of me. The kiss is slow and tender with no tongue, but somehow it’s one of the hottest kisses I’ve ever had in my life. I feel my pulse quicken and the need to take this further intensifies. All too soon, he’s pulling away, and a small whimper leaves my mouth from the loss of contact.

He throws that sexy, half grin of his at me before pulling back some more. Then he completely throws me off guard with his next question. “What’s going on between us?” My eyes widen and I’m struck with a moment of panic. I know I must have a deer in the headlights look on my face because he laughs softly, “Do you want me to go first?” Swallowing hard, I nod but am so nervous to hear what he has to say.

“I’ve been giving this a lot of thought lately,” he starts quietly, looking back out to the lake. “Part of me wonders if I should back off from you. I’m still going through a nasty divorce and I don’t want to rush things or pull you into my shit. The selfless thing to do would be to walk away while my life is so fucked up.” He turns and looks at me with soft eyes. “But I can’t fight these selfish tendencies. Maybe that makes me a shithead, but I want you in my life. I want you to be my girl.”

With each word he says, my heart beats faster and faster. How the hell do I respond to that?

What feels like minutes pass by as she just stares at me. I just laid it all fucking out there and she’s not saying a word. I’m starting to worry that I’ve read this whole situation wrong, when she finally speaks up.

Blinking several times, she says, “Wow, you kinda caught me off guard with that. I’m not going to lie. I’m a little nervous about getting involved with you. I’m not looking to be someone’s rebound, so if that’s what this is, then I can’t see you.” Her lower lip starts to quiver as she holds back her unshed tears. “I’ve had enough heartache to last me a lifetime, Landon. I can’t go through more. I’d rather know now while I can still walk away and save myself the pain.” Her voice is barely above a whisper as it cracks on certain words. The hurt coming from her nearly breaks me. I’d do everything in my fucking power to shelter her from pain. She looks down at her hands as she starts picking at her nails.

“Autumn, look at me,” I say gently. When she does, I continue. “Do you honestly think that’s what you are to me?” She doesn’t say a word. “Let me clear it up for you then; you’re not a fucking rebound. I might want to break your bed, but never your heart.” This gets her to crack a smile. It’s a small one, but I’ll take it. “Come here.” I hold my arm out to her and she leans into my side. After a few minutes, I feel her take in a deep breath and let it out in a sigh. I lean back and say, “You okay now?”