Tainted (3 page)

Sparring class was today.  Once or twice a week, Pike and Ian took to sparring in front of the new recruits, old recruits, us ladies, and anyone else who would “oh” and “ah” their awesomeness at swordplay.  They thrust their swords in all the right places to make the crowd go “wow” at their every move.  They would somersault, jump, and even once Pike pulled the sword to my neck in a semblance of “save thy damsel in distress” for Ian to get uncomfortable.  He finally let me go and bowed to Ian for pure annoyance, but successfully only made him furious.  He did everything possible to not let me get that close again to Pike who now spent
too
much time at court.  All this defending myself act was wearing down on my girl nerves.  But it all died down in a day and Ian was his jolly self again after a talking with Pike alone. I wondered majorly about what he said to Pike, but let it go when both their eyes were black.  It did however give me a super, awesome, great idea in the “defend yourself” department. 

Sitting by the fire with the Seer, Altheon proved to be a favorite peaceful time to think.  He was very relaxed and easy to be in the presence of.  He was better informed about current and coming events, so Ian always seemed better at ease when he agreed to meet us for a night of drinks and snacks by the fire.  Tonight it was watered down red wine and cheese.  I longed for some marshmallows.

My calming moment was extinguished the second I thought of Kin and his dubious deeds.  I was worried a lot more lately about the surveillance Ian was supposedly doing over the exiled prince.  He was so watchful, antsy, agitated easy, you name it!

Ian thought I didn’t hear, but he shared with Altheon that he’d required Pike to pay up on a debt that would include that I would not be left alone anywhere outside the garden, campsite grounds, or the trampoline area.  He could trust Pike with my life, but he didn’t trust him with other things. There were just too many times he had to leave me alone and take care of the guards and surveillance and openly admitted he needed help.  He was being ridiculous.  I chose to keep my comments to myself knowing it would only ensure a fight that I most likely would never win.

Altheon made me practice with blocking, talking, and my mind mojo techniques after our treats ran out.  I was getting better every day.  He commented again on my glowing aura so I asked him about it.  He said he only joked about others seeing it and that only those with the sight could.  I wasn’t sure if that was comforting or not.

I interrupted after reviewing in my head some of their previous conversation, “Do you think Pike is really monitoring Kin as well as he should?  I mean, he doesn’t seem to be focused as well as you make him out to be.  I just worry about what surprises might arise that he wouldn’t catch because he seems so preoccupied with making your life miserable.” 

No one spoke so I kept on.

“I mean, Pike’s living in the fantasy world, excuse my pun, that he thinks is going to pan out the way he wants it to be and we can’t seem to shake him hard enough to rattle him out of it.”  Of course, I myself stepped into that fantasy world and embraced every single fairy tale part of it.  I was as much to blame myself.  Cursed to a doomed life spiked with the edges of my own randomly patterned mind that refused reality most of the time.

“I mean, I know he’s jealous and all of the whole us thing, summer court thing, left out in the field thing, but he could be happy.  We just need to find somebody for him,” I convinced myself.   “That’s it!  We’ll find someone for him.  Maybe that would lighten him up.  What do you think he would say to that?”

The most severe silence followed.

“Ian?” 

“Ian?” I said the second time.

He looked too smug. I said his name again. “Ian?  What do you think Pike would say?”

“Why don’t you ask him?”  Ian seemed rather pleased but still holding dread in his eyes.

Just then, a blood red, boiling Pike stepped from the shadows beyond the campfire with fists balled up and ready to hopefully not hit
me
.
Oh, no!
  “I—I—”

“You are so far off of what I need…you don’t have the faintest idea of what I need.  If you had a brain cell in that damn body of yours, you’d just stick to “happying” your prince and running your court.”  After Pike’s mutinous crack of the knuckles, his signature move to convey annoyance, Ian stood at the insult causing Pike to step up.  Hands up!  His maniacal laugh seemed intended to be taken as infinitely tragic with his poor circumstances, but somehow I found it disturbing and oddly sad.

“I came here to give you an update sticking to the deal I knew would backfire.  If you’d like, I can keep my information to myself and be on my way.  If your trust in me is that lacking, then what
need
of me is there?  Do you even know what you
need
right now,
my.la.dy
?”  His smile was laced with poison of the sweet variety.  So as to taste first, look back later variety.

I was outwardly speechless.  Inside, I ripped him up in my paper shredder mind.  This was not what I had planned for my next conversation with Pike.
Full of cynicism, sarcastic fool!
You and your snide remarks are so—

What?  What am I
?  He leaned in.

I gritted my teeth.

“Speak louder, they can’t hear you,” he demanded with a sardonic smile.  And then for some absurd reason, he tacked on, “or I’ll show you what you
need
, right now.”

Ian was there, blocking me physically, but he couldn’t shield me from Pike’s little thought rays of sunshine.

Bitter man.   Imponderable know-it-all who thinks he know what’s best for me.

Dictionary talk turns me on.

Note to self.

Got any more words from your personal Pike list-a-phobia.

STAY OUT OF MY HEAD, DAMN IT! 
I fumed. It was proof they’d both been listening to my head for years. 
Idiots.

Ian spoke fuming just as much, “First, insulting the queen is not tolerated.  Second, she has your best interest at heart.  Cut her some slack.”

“Like you cut me mine, man.  You knew I was standing there when she went off on her little scheming tangent.  You let her keep her irrationally minded thinking in the dark because you, Prince-y boy, are scared for her to think differently.  I know what you fear most, Ian.  Somehow, she will see through all of that with time.”  He turned to face me with eyes I couldn’t come close to reading.  However, he could shift thoughts my way in a heartbeat.  “You don’t want to trust me. Do you want to ask me why?  I think you don’t want to trust me because there is something else there that you don’t want to admit.” 

What was he hinting at?  I feared the answer to that seeing Pike’s usual bravado on empty.  He was bearing too much for all to see.

“There, I see it in your face.  My queen, who do you trust?”

What does he see
in
my face?   I straightened the best I could, but my mind was reeling with why he would do this to me in the first place.  I couldn’t explain the need to feel sorry for Pike or any other emotion attached to him at the moment.  I wanted him to be happy too.

He shook his head a vivid “yes” and adding his own unique boyish smile that sent the weakest girl into the shakes. 
And you know there’s something there too, Grace. 

There was a plea of hope even within his mind with the way he said my name. His lips softened into a smile that forced my eyes to keep from blinking and dry up. He repeated my name to amuse himself or to attempt to shut me down.  It did!

  Did Ian read Pike’s thoughts? Did Pike let him?  I snatched a glance at Ian.   

He only does when I want him too.  Some things...are private between me...and you.

I jumped up, fumbling all over.   Tripped.  Yanked.  My necklace was safe against my skin now.  Why in the Sam heck I didn’t do that before I got to this point was starting to make me wonder if I didn’t like this sadistic humor Pike and I shared and that I liked punishing myself.  “Why can’t you just be helpful and leave it at that?” My hands shot out to steady as I landed behind Ian and used him as a shield. 

  “And when I
need
your help, I’ll ask.  If I’m destined to solitude, so be it.  But…” he was fuming on the outside, but soft and mostly sweet on the inside.  He hesitated and motioned like he would turn his eyes towards Ian, but didn’t.  He kept his eyes directly on me
oh little me
.

I’ll be there if you need me.
  And he left, just like that taking his stronger than ever scent with him. The way he’d said
need
as many times as he did made me so very uneasy.

I couldn’t look at Ian but I felt like I wronged him. I wanted to sit back down, but the evening was ruined.  I spent the moment trying to figure why I challenged Pike convincing myself I was right and he was wrong.  I turned slightly intending to retreat to my room and say goodnight not wanting to face what just happened.  I stopped briefly contemplating what information
Pike was about to bring before I interrupted, but decided to let it go till Ian could tell me later.  I knew Pike would come back after I was gone to tell Ian.  Pike was just that way.  And I couldn’t help the only thought running through my brain over and over.  Androphobia.  The fear of men.

I didn’t say anything at all.  I bent down and pecked Ian’s cheek and left without a sound to the garden
. 
If I hide my head in the plants with a spade and some seeds, I could forget it all. I could do that because I did it yesterday and the day before.

Ian looked to Altheon observing his silent role in the scene that just took place.  “What do you think seer?” He didn’t rehash or mention his interpretation.

He half laughed, “It’s irrelevant.”

“Hardly!  You could tell me how things work out, later…with Pike and…”

“Master Ian, I could no sooner decide the dessert for tomorrow’s dinner.  You’ll have to wait and see.” 

Ian stood and walked to go through the woods in the opposite direction I did.  Pike was just outside the perimeter of the court. 

“What did you find out?” Ian was probably thinking it was best to avoid the recent events. 

His back was to Ian and I alike. I blocked like I should have with my mouth five minutes ago but continued to listen.  “Kin is snooping around her house.  Mostly standing watch at the dilapidated old fire hazard next to hers.  Bunch of crap.   Just watching.  I am still surveying the reasons why.  Has a few cronies stationed around the house perimeter.  The salt has him trapped on the outside.”

It is alarming to say the least.  “Just keep me posted.”  He’d normally stay and joke a bit, but not tonight for sure.  He was probably hoping like heck that the prior subject would be dropped.

“Later.”  Ian turned to go.

“She’ll question the hell out of you sooner or later Ian.  You’ll have to be more honest with her.  You know that.”

He didn’t return anything.  He just left.

I was left to wallow in self-pity all by my lonesome self.  I couldn’t sleep and it was really late so I just lied still unable to make sense of anything until I couldn’t stand it anymore.  I dressed in the quick pull on ivy green gown with the buttons all down the front and walked to the garden that I’d worked to fertilize earlier.  I sat staring at the water sprites dancing for me who never slept either.  I attempted a smile for them and even a laugh.  No one else was there to see my real thoughts, which was nice.

I easily enjoyed all of my gardening efforts as of late.  Danella brought me seed after seed of all my favorites never saying a word about my troubled mind.  The garden was richer than it had ever been.  Giggles and singsong fell all across the fountain mingling with my thoughts.  They continued for a while in the same rhythm until the sprite on the left of me jumped and looked off in a sideways direction.  I turned to look and there stood Pike. 

“What do you want?” I sounded a little more boldly miffed than I meant and hated that my entire body stiffened at his approach.  His scent seemed to never leave me lately and that miffed me even more since he never left the court leaving me without a detection system for either prince.

“Would you rather I leave?”

“That’s not up to me.”  I sat still focusing on the quiet night sounds of crickets and frogs.

“Is it not?  You’re not the queen of the Seelie court?”  He just stood there, staring at me in his same weaponed getup that Ian usually garnished twenty-four hours a day.

“That’s not it and you know it.”  Speech time.  I don’t know what came over me.  “You know, Pike.  I never did anything to you.  You act like you hate me, then you act like, I don’t know…you doubt everything I do, then act like I’m this wonderful queen you want me to be.  You double standard everything Ian does, yet you seemingly have his best interest in mind.  I don’t know what you are, or might be, or could be… that much I’ll say out loud, but you’ve got to sort out your priorities.  You can’t keep acting one way and not another.  If there is something I should know, tell me.  But don’t keep stringing me along like a yo-yo.”  I let out a long standing breath. 

He clapped his hands together as if applauding and clasped them together instead. I slit my eyes in anger.  He was still making his jokes.

“Sorry.  No jokes.  Your ingenuity is boundless.”   

I had it blocked.  What happened?  “Stop reading my mind.  And I believe you said I lacked brain cells so that would be hard for me to do.”  I rolled my annoyed-to-no-end eyes purposely.  One minute insults, the next compliments.  After closing my eyes briefly and holding my breath to block him out, I knew it would work as long as I wasn’t talking, but being able to think, respond, and block was complicated. 

“Very good!  You are amazing,”he stopped himself from advancing forward with actual real shock and maybe a little awe.  I knew the glint in his eyes and what it meant.    

“Please don’t.  Pike, what do you want from me?”

“A chance to show you your options.”

“There aren’t any.  I was claimed by Ian.  The prophecy is fulfilled.  You’re the only road block."  I paused then added,  "And Kin.”  My head was trying to convince me of something as the truth but really my heart knew it is an outright lie. All three of these men were important somehow.  I just wish someone would let me in on the little secret of why or how the other two factored into the equation. 

“Am I?  Or do you not find your own road blocks to substantiate an excuse.”

“Stop it.  You don’t own me.  Don’t try to sway me.”

“I’m not.  Just making you think about your own swaying.  And you’re the one exception to the claiming.”

“Why are you here?  And what do you mean?” 

“Isn’t it obvious, Grace?” Pike opened his arms wide at the sound of my name.

“I think you should go, cheerio.”  My name.  They liked to use my name against me.  I waved my hands at him wanting to be alone faster than he was letting me.  

“As you wish, Grace, my queen.  If you should
need
me, just call.”  His voice was so soft and purring.  He really meant it, I think, even above the “I’m so sexy I won’t get let down” voice going on with it.  He was so confusing.

As he faded back into the shadows my mind saw Pike as two separate things. Unfortunately, the rationalization wasn’t sane.  One described him as a multi-layered Twix bar that you never seemed to find the bottom layer too.  The other...a giant can of mixed nuts.  He couldn’t just be one kind of person. 

Funny, the word
need
.  It had the power to question what one really wanted and really
need
ed.  It had the power to persuade or deny one’s own true desires.  Or does it?  What does one really need?  And who really marks one's destiny?  I was somehow destined for being the Fey court queen without much order giving, destined for this prophecy that isn't precisely readable to the naked eye, and destined for being guarded by not one but three Fey princes all fighting for what...I wasn't entirely sure.   I just followed the flow the last few months and only now am I freaking out at the prospect of going forward another step.  

I sat there for at least another hour or so in thought.  The water sprites were true to their abilities and continued dancing after I was alone again.  He was most likely still in the shadows watching and waiting for me to
need
him so I blocked with everything I had.

When I started to stand, a hand grabbed my shoulder from behind, the same hand that grabbed my shoulder a hundred times over my lifetime. I seated myself again out of being polite to the forced hand that still to this day gave me small shivers all up and down my back.  I wished the sudden shift in wind would die back down for Pike’s scent hadn’t left the air yet. \

  Guessing he was having trouble facing me by the way he stood directly behind still, I broke the silence first. He
was
here and that was most important.  “How did you know I was here?”

“I don’t sleep, Grace.  And I always know where you are.  It’s my duty.”

Duty? 
Duty!
I couldn’t hold it in.   “Duty?  Why does it have to be duty, and not for want of seeing me?”

“That’s not what it meant.”

“It is, though.  You feel like you have to be there or you are failing me.  Well, stop it.  I don’t want to be found because of duty, I want to be found because you want to see me.  I’m not in any constant danger and you’re the only one who seems to visit me out of duty, not want.”

“You really have no idea what you are saying," he grunted.

"Really, Ian." 

He faced me.  "I'm a man, Grace."

"Yes, I noticed," I smiled uneven with sarcasm.

He sighed, "A man only harbors that duty when he can’t seem to function on a day-to-day basis because he finally found the one reason to be the warrior he was meant to be.  For the girl he loves. It is an honor. That is why, but I can’t erase the reason otherwise.  You will always be in some form of danger, Grace.  It comes with the territory.”

Others visit me because they are intrigued or want to be in my company. Pike's on the edge of the woods, guarding and well, other reasons too. “You act like you have no choice to be near me.  Like I’m an idol, not the one you love.”  Where was this coming from?  I was completely spilling my guts--all my recent fears.  Every last one of them.

“
He
came to see you tonight because he wanted too.”  He said it aloud.  He’d done it.  Now we could proceed.  But did he want to?

“Yes!”
Yep! 
He ignored the topic and headed straight for the most important one.  The one I wanted to avoid.  Great!

“Did you want him here?”

“Yes!  He is more honest with me than you.”

His heart was crumpling into a thousand icicle pieces sharpening and painfully stabbing him over and over, but he didn’t show it.  “I see.”

“I see!  Ian.  That’s all you have to say.  I’m screaming inside.  I know there is something you’re not telling me.  I know you are hiding something more about him and Kin and this whole prophecy.  It is killing me.  It makes my mind wander down paths that are excruciatingly painful.  Pike is a menace, but gives me something I’ve never had before, he tells me the truth.”

His face was beet red with anger. The wind picked up whipping his hair angrily across his eyes forcing him to brush it out every so often.

“The truth.”

“What keeps Pike hoping you will give up and move away from me?  You're possessive, I get that, but there's more to it.

“Because I don’t want to lose you,” he yelled at me.  Never done that!  Oh no, no, no, Mr. Hot Protector of my universe. 

“I know that.  But do you do it because you love me or because you want to win me?” I all but yelled back.

He couldn’t believe it came from my mouth.  I’d said the words that had been on both our lips for months and I’d just said it aloud.  He probably didn’t know the right thing to say though the truth would be good here.

“When…in freshmen year at the high school when Kin tried to take you...and Pike was there first, he claimed you for his own against Kin.  I had no way of knowing that day at the waterfall if it was me that claimed you, or Pike because he already had.” 

He saw the anguish in my eyes with his own showing clearly.  Then the light bulb in my mind went off.   “And Altheon’s not talking.  Then why did Altheon say you claimed me that day at the campfire?”

“No, I’ve replayed that many times.  He never said my name, or any other.  He simply said that the guardian had named you to his own.  You were claimed, but by who or how many?” 

“This is mad!  Don’t I get a choice in any of this?  And you were my guardian.  Two men can't claim the same woman.” I threw up my hands.  He didn’t respond but the wind howled letting me know it had incomprehensible answers that would go unanswered tonight. He told me, that's what matters.  “Well, do we need to know, or do I get a choice in who I deem “worthy of my love” to marry?”

“I don’t know.  I wish I did.”

“This is—insane.  This is pure drama…and not me.  Why do you give me hope and then do things like this that send me in a different direction.”  I looked at his face and softened mine so caught up in it all that I’d forgotten the pain he must be in to tell me all this. 

“Try being the tough guy in this.  You make us all act like pansies without so much as lifting your pinky finger.  I can't make this decision for you, Grace.  You know where I stand, how I feel.”

Fine, I'll seal it aloud, shout it to the heavens.  “Then you know I really don’t care about the others as much as I do you.  I choose who I want to be with.  And Ian, Prince of the Seelie Court, who hasn’t a last name for me to say when I mad, I love you!  I love you!  I.love.you!  I don’t care what everyone else says.  So stop hiding things from me that supposedly predict my entire dang future.  Pike is a good friend to you and perhaps to me one day.  He is honest with me or at least loyal.”  I turned now and stood, put my hands on his shoulders, and shook him harder than I meant too.   “Stop trying to protect me 100% of the time and try loving me 100% of the time.  Protection is a privilege, but not a requirement.  I want to see you smile, not destroy yourself inside because you are keeping secrets from me that could tear you and me apart in the end.  Or worse, destroy yourself trying to keep me safe.  What kind of life is that?  And how would that not turn to something to abhor later.   I don’t want to be your burden.”

He hated being vulnerable in front of me.  The more I am around him, the more I see the shield unfold it’s hidden depths.  He hated worse what he saw as power over him.  Not the court power, but the power I’d held for many years now and didn’t know it till right then, appreciate it like I will from here on out.  I could tear him apart at the seams if I wanted to and he’d follow me the whole way as he could do to me. 

“Then you should also know that Pike is honorable in his intentions.  He only wants what he thinks is rightfully his.  He doesn’t mean any ill harm to you.  And…that Kin is watching your house.  That is what Pike came to tell you tonight.  Us…tonight.  He is watching and waiting.  Though he doesn’t have any clues yet as to why Kin is watching.”

I was relieved at Ian’s honesty and alarmed at the news at the same time. 

“We have guards posted in your house and around it.  Kin knows we’ve been there.  If he’s looking for a loophole, we’ll find it first.”

I was calmer than I should be and only because he was talking.  “What if he is bluffing to keep you busy?  Perhaps his agenda is somewhere else entirely.” Then suddenly, I wasn’t...calm that is.

“Perhaps.”

“What if he intends to hurt my parents to get to me?  Or stir the human world to create mistrust or lure me there to hurt me or…”

“Stop, Grace.  This is why we hesitate to tell you things.  Pike isn’t completely honest with you all the time.  He has secrets to keep you safe too.” 

He liked saying that, I noticed.  Acting childish I noticed too. “Like what?”  I pouted my lip feeling the crisp wind slap my hair in my face.  It wasn’t this windy moments ago and for the most part, rarely happened at all near the Seelie court.  In fact, the angrier I got about Kin, the more it stirred.  The Fey have control of the earth's plant life and all that grows, so maybe more.