Take a Gamble (5 page)

MAC

It’s been a week.
Seven
days. That’s it. I can’t believe it’s only been a week. I feel like I’ve known Roe my entire life at this point. There are probably a few things he wishes I hadn’t told him but I don’t care. I’ve been completely honest with him.

Well, almost.
There is one thing I have neglected to mention but I know I will. When the time is right. If it’s ever right. If I’m being completely honest with myself, I probably won’t tell him unless we continue to talk after I leave.

He says that he’s been completely honest with me
, but I know there are still a few things he’s neglected to mention. First, I haven’t heard the story about his full name. I guess, in the bigger scheme of things, it really doesn’t matter that much. It doesn’t change who he is or how I feel about him.

Also, there was something Sara said the other day
which has been stuck in my brain ever since. She was talking about their grandmother and how she might not be as crazy as everyone thinks. I asked Roe about her and why everyone thinks she is crazy and he brushed me off.

I let it go but I have a feeling that whatever he’s not telling me is important.
If I pressed him about it I would feel like a hypocrite. We are each entitled to a few secrets.

I hear my phone ringing from my nightstand.
It’s Alexa’s ringtone. I haven’t talked to her in a few days. I feel bad for being so distant but all she wants to talk about is Roe and I feel like she’s over analyzing everything. Maybe I don’t want to think about it too much. I know at the end of the month things will end even if I don’t want them to.

We’re young.
I might be in love with him but it won’t matter. Wait. Did I just say I’m in love with him? Shit! Am I?

I let her call go to voicemail but my phone never alerts me to a waiting message.
Maybe she got the message. Maybe she’s still mad at me for the way our last conversation ended.

My phone
rings again. I set my curling iron on the bathroom counter and walk over to where it’s sitting. I look down and recognize the number but can’t place it. It’s a Chicago area code.

I let it go to voicemail and wait to see if the caller leaves a message.
It chimes through only a few seconds later and I dial in.

This message is for MacKenna Trist. Miss Trist this is Janet from Doctor Norman’s office. If you could please call us back as soon as possible to schedule an appointment we

would greatly appreciate it.

My phone falls to the floor before I can end the call.
I knew this was going to happen eventually. I was going to get
that
phone call. The one where I can’t get my test results over the phone. I have to actually go in and talk to the doctor. That has to mean bad news.

I pick up my phone and
place it back on my nightstand. I head back into the bathroom to finish getting ready for dinner. Roe is meeting my parents tonight. Actually, our families are going to dinner together at the country club. I get to meet his parents too.

I stare at myself in the mirror for a second looking for signs.
Looking for anything really. My skin tone is good. I’ve been sleeping well. I don’t have any pain anywhere. I feel normal. I look normal. Well, except the fact that half of my hair is curled and the other half is straight. You would never be able to tell that I’m sick again by looking at me.

I finish getting ready and m
eet my waiting family in the foyer. I was the last to arrive, of course. Without a word, I walk past everyone, out the front door and to the car. Hopefully, my parents will think I’m nervous.

Meeting the parents is a big deal.
Especially for me. I’ve never brought a boy home before. I’ve only really dated one but I never let him meet my parents. Not because I thought he wouldn’t pass the “test” or anything. I never let us get serious enough that I felt the need for him to meet my parents.

Dad has always been too busy to ask if I was dating anyone and I
am pretty good at keeping Mom in the dark if I want to. As far as they know, I’ve never dated anyone in my life. That could be why my mom was so persistent when it came to meeting Roe. She obviously knows there is something special about him.

Dinner
is pretty uneventful. I try to engage in the conversation, to act casual, but my heart isn’t in it. I excuse myself halfway through the meal. I make up a lame excuse about not feeling well. Roe immediately volunteers to drive me home.

I ma
ke eye contact with my mom and see the recognition in her eyes. She knows. Without saying a word, she knows it’s more than me being nervous about dinner. A mother’s intuition, I guess.

For a moment
I think she might break down. Then, after nudging my dad and telling him to give Roe the keys, I see her strength surface. I call it her “brave face.” I don’t even think my dad noticed the shift in the room. He’s too busy talking to Mr. Gamble. He hands over the keys without even pausing his conversation.

Roe wait
s until we are almost all the way back to our houses before he calls my bluff. I think, for a brief second, that I might be able to get inside and break down without having to explain what’s going on. I’m wrong.

“So.
Are you going to tell me what the hell is wrong with you?”

The way he says
it, like he knows it’s more than not feeling well, scares the shit out of me. How can he possibly know?

I take a deep breath and then another.
I don’t really want to tell him. Not yet, anyway. Whatever this is, it’s new and fun and exciting. This is going to change everything. He will see me in a completely different light and I don’t know if I will be able to handle that. I like the way he looks at me. I treasure it. I’m not willing to give it up.

“Nothing.
I just feel weird. I think maybe I’m coming down with something.” His eyes linger on me but I don’t turn to look at him. I stare out at the waves as they crash against the beach while he drives back towards the house.

“I call bullshit.
You might not want to tell me what’s going on but I can tell it’s something more than you not feeling well.”

He doesn’t sound angry, more frustrated.
Concerned.

I don’t respond because I really don’t want to continue to lie to him.
I want to tell him the truth but I don’t want anything to change and, no matter what he says, things will change. They always do when people find out.

He punches the code in the gate and parks outside the front door.
Without saying anything, I get out and head up the steps. I need to escape before he continues to ask questions and I start answering them honestly. I need a moment alone. I need to talk to Alexa.

Locked.
I let my head fall and I stare at the concrete between my feet. Roe has the keys to the front door and he knows it. I can’t get in without him. I have to go back and face him after my lame attempt to escape. It doesn’t matter. I’ll head home on Monday and, more than likely, I won’t be coming back.

H
is hands land on my hips as he slowly turns me around. I can’t bring myself to look up at him. I know this is the end of everything that is just starting. If I look up at him, make eye contact, I’m afraid that he’ll be able to see it.

His hand finds my chin and he slowly raises my eyes to his.
I close my eyes to shut him out. I feel him moving closer to me. I hear his shoes scrape against the concrete landing. I can feel the heat radiating from his body.

My heart is going crazy.
I feel it crack a little bit more every time it beats. Then I feel his lips on mine and I inhale sharply. The tears I’ve been holding at bay since listening to that voicemail hours ago are now streaming down my face.

Roe
pulls back and caresses my cheeks, wiping away the tears which continue to fall. I try to get them under control but it’s useless. I need to cry at this point. I need to face my reality. That’s what it is after all. Reality.

What I have with Roe, what we are beginning here, is all going to be a distant memory in a few days.
I will cherish it for the rest of my life. I will always hold him close to my heart. I’ve fallen for him and if I thought things could work out differently then I would fight for him. I would fight for us. Right now, I only have enough in me to fight one battle and it can’t be this one.

“Mac,
” he whispers yet I hear him loud and clear. It’s a plea for me to tell him the truth.

“I can’t talk about it yet.”
It’s as close to the truth as possible. I could talk about it but not with him. I can’t tell him. I don’t know if I will ever be able to.

“Please look at me.”
I give in and find his brown eyes sparkling. “Whatever it is. Whatever you need. I’m here. I need for you to know that. I’m not going anywhere. Nothing can change the way I feel about you. Ever.”

I want to smile at him.
I wish it were true. I know he thinks that it can be, that he really means those words, but there is no possible way his words can be true. When he finds out what’s going on he will run, as far away as possible, and I can’t blame him. No one wants to deal with it. I don’t even want to deal with it. I have no choice, but he does and he will choose to run. No matter how strongly he thinks he feels about me.

I don’t want this to end.
This feeling. I want to hold onto him for as long as I can. I want to feel his love and I want him to feel mine. Even if I know it will all come to a screeching halt in a few days. I need for him to know how much I love him, to feel it.

I do.
That’s unreal. How did I let that happen? How did I fall so completely head over heels in love with him in a week? Is that even possible? It doesn’t matter. I love him and nothing will ever change that. Nothing will ever erase the way I feel at this exact moment.

“Roe.
I want to be honest with you and tell you what’s going on, but I can’t. Not right now.” I take the keys from his hand and slip my fingers between his. I squeeze gently and tug him towards me as I pop up on my tiptoes to kiss him gently on the lips. “There is one thing you can do that will help erase the pain.”

“Anything.”

I turn and unlock the door. He follows without hesitation as I walk through the living room, only pausing long enough to grab a blanket off the back of the couch, and out the patio doors.

I walk all the way to the edge of the ocean and stare, taking in the enormous beauty of it.
Roe stands by my side, waiting for me to speak or show him what it is that I’m asking. I don’t know how to ask him for it and I’m not sure if I’m bold enough to show him what I want.

“MacKenna.”

He pulled out my full name? I must really have him worried. I don’t think he’s ever called me MacKenna. I need to change the mood, lighten it up a bit.

“Monroe.”
I try to sound playful. When I look over at him I realize attempt has failed miserably. He is heated.

“Mac.
I’m not playing this game with you. I need to know. I know what you want from me. You don’t have to ask me but I can’t give it to you unless you’re sure. That’s a big deal. I’m not even sure how that will make you feel better.”

He’s breathing heavy and rambling on.
I finally put my finger on his lips to silence him. This causes him to take a deep breath and I feel him let it out slowly.

“You’re right.
It is a big deal and that’s why I want it to be you. As far as making me feel better… I can’t really explain that to you. You are going to have to trust me on that.”

His eyes are searching mine. For what? I’m not sure.
He’s probably looking for doubt or uncertainty, but he’s not going to find any. This is what I want. I am certain of that. If nothing else, I want to experience this with Roe. It may be the only chance I will ever get and I want it to mean something. For both of us.

He takes the blanket from my hands and walks us over to the shed where we first met.
I can’t help but smile at the thought of that night.