Take It (8 page)

The next week was great for Brandi. Zack was loving and attentive, and although she hadn't really talked to Kayla, she had texted her a little bit and they were still friendly. The only bad thing was the message that Brandi's mom had left on her phone, telling her that she wasn't welcome back home. Zack had held her while she cried, assuring her that she wasn't planning to go home anyway so it didn't matter. Brandi agreed, but it was hard to hear her mom cut her out like that.

Friday morning, Zack walked Brandi to history. "Bye, baby," he said, kissing her. "I'll see you later."

Brandi sat down next to Eric. "Hey," she said softly.

"Hey yourself," he said. "I was thinking. We should work on the project this weekend. What are you doing on Saturday?"

"Umm, nothing, I guess." She had been looking forward to spending the day with Zack, but she was starting to get a little stir crazy from being in the motel all day. "Can we go to your house though? My house is...uh...well, I'm not living there anymore."

"Oh," Eric said, surprised. "Where are you staying?"

"At a motel with Zack," she said softly.

He didn't ask any more questions. He wrote down his address and Brandi made plans to go over at noon the next day.

Brandi sat down at her normal table at lunch and thankfully, Kayla sat down with her. "Hey, bitch," Kayla said half heartedly. "You look skinny. Have you been eating?"

"Yeah," Brandi lied. She still had no appetite.

"How's motel life?"

Brandi shrugged. "It's ok. Kind of boring, honestly. It's nice being with Zack, but I'm starting to feel claustrophobic. I'm going to Eric's tomorrow to work on our project. I'm even excited about that."

"The hell you are."

Brandi spun around to see Zack glaring at her.

"You're not going over there, Brandi. Over my dead fucking body."

She stood up. "Can we talk about this later?"

He grabbed her arm. "No, we're going to talk about it now. You're not going."

"Get your hands off of her," Kayla snapped.

Zack ignored her and tightened his grip on Brandi's arm. "You're. Not. Going."

Brandi nodded. "Ok, Zack. I won't go." She would tell him what he wanted to hear now and talk to him later after he had calmed down. She didn't want to make a scene and people were starting to stare.

"Good," he muttered, pushing her away and storming out of the cafeteria. She smiled weakly and sat back down. "I'll talk to him later," she assured Kayla, who was staring at her with her mouth open. "It'll be fine. Really."

Kayla shook her head. "Brandi, I'm sorry. I can't do this anymore."

Brandi furrowed her brow. "Do what?"

"I can't sit here and watch him treat you like shit while you make excuses for him. It's fucking heart wrenching."

Brandi shook her head. "He doesn't treat me like shit. He's just..."

"YES HE FUCKING DOES!" Kayla screamed. The entire cafeteria became silent. "He does, Brandi. He treats you like shit and everybody can see it but you."

Brandi squeezed her eyes shut. "Kayla, please," she whispered.

"Screw this, Brandi. As long as you're with him, don't talk to me anymore. I can't stand to watch him destroy you like this." She got up and stomped out of the cafeteria.

Brandi glanced around at everybody staring at her and got up and left. She went to the bathroom and locked herself in a stall, crying.

Brandi met Zack after school by his car. She got in without a word. He was clearly still upset with her. Neither of them said a word on the drive to the motel. He pulled into the parking lot and she sighed, getting out. The tiny house was starting to feel like more of a prison to her.

As soon as she shut the door to the room, he turned to her. "How dare you embarrass me like that," he said in a low, threatening voice. Her eyes widened. "I didn't mean..."

"Of course you didn't mean it, Brandi. You never mean it. How do you think I feel when you make weekend plans with another guy?"

"Zack, it's not like that!" She cried. "His mom is going to be there. We're working on a history project together. That's all. Why are you so jealous?"

His eyes widened. "Really? You want to know why I'm jealous?" She nodded.

"Ok, Brandi," he said slowly, as if she were stupid. "I'm jealous because you're making plans with some other asshole when you're supposed to be my girlfriend. You won't even fuck me, and you're going to go fuck that loser?"

Brandi's mouth dropped open. "I...Zack, what are you talking about? I'm not going to have sex with him. Why would you think that?"

He stepped closer to her. "Why won't you fuck me, Brandi? Are you saving yourself for him?"

She shook her head, looking down. "You know why," she said quietly.

"Look at me," he demanded. She reluctantly looked into his eyes. "Do you love me?" He asked. She nodded. "Then prove it," he whispered. "Let me make love to you."

Brandi's eyes filled with tears. "I don't want to, Zack."

He scoffed at her. "So you don't love me then."

"No, that's not true. I do love you. I'm just scared."

He shrugged. "I can go get it from somewhere else, you know. I'm sure that receptionist would love to give it up. You saw the way she was looking at me."

Brandi almost gagged. "Are you kidding? That receptionist was like 40."

"Well then maybe she can teach me some new things. And I can use them on you when you're ready to stop being such a baby."

The thought of Zack with the receptionist made Brandi feel sick to her stomach. "I'll do it," she whispered. "Just be gentle this time."

Zack grinned at her as if the last five minutes hadn't happened. "I love you so much, babe. Don't worry. You're gonna love it." He pulled at her shirt. "Take it off."

Brandi slowly got undressed, telling herself that it wouldn't be so bad this time. He promised he'd be gentle. And she might like it and want to do it more. Then maybe he wouldn't be so stressed out all the time.

She stood in her bra and panties, looking at the floor.

"Take off your bra," Zack said impatiently. She hastily took off her bra and dropped it on the ground. "Lay down."

She laid on the bed, wishing he would just get it over with. Zack took off his clothes and laid on top of her, kissing her. "Your tits are so nice," he whispered, squeezing one. She wasn't sure what kind of response he expected to that so she didn't say anything. He reached his hand in her panties and started rubbing her. She tried to enjoy it but it just felt uncomfortable. "Does that feel good, baby?" He asked.

"Yes," she lied. "Do you have any condoms?"

"Uh huh," he muttered, kissing her neck. "Wanna suck my dick?"

Tears filed her eyes. "Okay," she whispered. He sat up and Brandi slid down the bed. "I've never done this before."

"It's fine," he snapped. "I'll tell you what to do. Just do it."

Brandi took him in her mouth, moving up and down.

"You have to suck, Brandi. You can't just move your mouth."

Brandi tried to suck, but holding back her tears made it hard. Zack sighed. "You're fucking awful at this. Just lay down so I can fuck you."

Brandi laid down and tried to think about anything else as Zack rolled on the condom and slid inside her. She gasped in pain. "Why aren't you wet?" He muttered, glaring at her. He pulled out and spit on her, shoving himself back in. Brandi couldn't hold back her tears. She laid there crying quietly while Zack had sex with her. It seemed like forever until he finished, and she felt relieved when he pulled out. "Was that so horrible, Brandi?"

She shook her head. "No," she whispered.

He stood up and stretched. "I'm gonna take a shower. We'll order pizza or something. You hungry?"

She shook her head. He shrugged and started the shower. Once the water was running, she let go of her sobs, wailing into her pillow. She couldn't even have sex right. In the past week she had pissed off her mom and Kayla, and everything she did made Zack angry at her. She cried until she heard the water stop, then wiped her tears away. Zack came out of the bathroom and rolled his eyes at her red, puffy face. She got in the shower and cried until she had no tears left. She took a deep breath, trying to calm herself down.

What's your problem? It's just sex. Everyone does it. He's your boyfriend. This is totally normal.

She felt a little bit better by the time she finished showering. She wrapped herself in a towel and left the tiny bathroom, sitting on the bed. "I ordered pizza," Zack said. "Put some clothes on before the guy gets here."

Brandi threw on her pajamas that she had swiped when her mom was at work. "So what do you want to do tomorrow?"

"I have to work," Zack said. "You can just hang out here. It's looking kind of messy. Maybe you can clean up a bit."

Brandi nodded, sad to have to spend the day alone after Zack had gotten so mad at her for making plans. "When will you be home? Maybe we can do something after."

"I'm working noon to six. We'll see." There was a knock on the door and Zack paid the pizza guy. Brandi nibbled on a small piece. "I should have gotten something less fattening. I know you're trying to lose weight," Zack said.

"I'm not trying to lose weight," Brandi said. "I just haven't been very hungry lately."

Zack glanced at her stomach with a look of disgust and shrugged. Brandi sighed, throwing her half eaten piece in the garbage. "I'm going to bed."

"It's like eight o clock, Brandi. What are you, sixty? What the hell am I supposed to do now?" He snapped. She got under the covers. "Watch a movie or something."

He shook his head. "No, fuck that. I'm going out."

Brandi sat up. "Out where?"

"I don't know," he said, picking up his phone. "Out with the guys I guess. I've been so busy with you that we haven't had much time to do anything. I won't be too late." He walked out before Brandi had a chance to protest. She was fuming. So he was allowed to come and go as he pleased, but he had yelled at her for trying to work on a school project with Eric? He was working tomorrow from noon to six. If she went, he would never know. She hated to do things behind his back, but she refused to let her grades suffer any more than they already were because he was jealous. She went to sleep, feeling better about her plan.

Zack was in bed by the time Brandi woke up the next morning. She hadn't heard him come in, but he smelled like weed and cigarettes. She sighed, trying to imagine her future with him. Maybe if she was better in bed or didn't say stupid things, he would be nicer to her and they could be happy together. She didn't feel very happy now though. It was probably just being around each other too much in this tiny room. It was enough to make anyone snippy.

She quietly rolled out of bed and jumped in the shower. She at least felt better today than she had last night. She hummed to herself as she washed her hair. The shower curtain snapped back and she gasped. "Jesus, you scared me. What are you doing?" She asked Zack. His hair was disheveled and he squinted at her. "Why are you showering?"

She shrugged. "So I'm not disgusting? Besides, I thought I'd go food shopping today. It'd be nice to get out for a bit."

He narrowed his eyes at her. "Tired of me already, huh?"

Brandi sighed, rinsing her hair. "You know that's not true. You won't even be here. I don't want to sit around all day staring at the wall. And we need food anyway."

"Mm hmm," he mumbled, looking her up and down. "Did you gain weight?"

She gasped. "No! Why, do I look like I did?"

He studied her stomach. "I don't know. Maybe. You definitely didn't lose any."

Brandi's face burned with shame. She knew she had lost weight over the past few weeks because her pants were hanging off of her. How could she look fatter when she was getting thinner?

"It's not that big of a deal," Zack said, rolling his eyes at her reaction. "Don’t take it so personally. Just hurry up so I can get in there when you're done."

Brandi finished and stepped out, drying off and putting on her bathrobe. "Done!" She yelled to Zack. She brushed her teeth and her hair and Zack still hadn't come in the bathroom. "Zack?" She called, leaving the bathroom. He was naked on the bed, grinning at her. Her heart dropped to the floor.

"Come here," he said to her. She reluctantly sat on the edge of the bed. "I thought you had to shower," she said softly.

"After," he said, grabbing her and pulling her back. "First I'm gonna fuck you."

Brandi looked away. "I'm not really in the mood."

The smile fell from Zack's face. "Well why the fuck not?"

She shrugged.
Because you just called me fat,
she wanted to scream.
Because it hurts. Because you say mean things to me.
"I'm just not," she said.

Zack's jaw clenched in anger. "Really, Brandi? We have to go through this again?"

"I thought you didn't care about sex," Brandi whispered.

"Stop fucking whispering, Brandi. God, you're so fucking weak. I don't know why I put up with you."

Brandi's eyes filled with tears and she shot up. "Then don't!" She screamed. "I'll leave."

She grabbed her suitcase and started throwing clothes in it.

Zack laughed. "And go where? Your mother doesn't want you back. Your father sure as hell doesn't want you. Kayla hates you. Nobody wants you, Brandi."

Brandi froze. He was right. She had nowhere else to go. "Fine," she said, sitting down on the bed. "Then you can go. Get out."

"No. I'm not going anywhere."

"Get out!" She screamed. "I hate you!"

Zack grabbed her arms and pulled her up. "Shut the fuck up. You might be paying for this room with your daddy's pity money, but my name is on the room. You're seventeen. You can't stay here without me. I'm not going anywhere, Brandi, and neither are you."

Brandi put her head down and sobbed. Zack pushed her away and she fell back on the bed.

"You know, I'm really trying to make this work," Zack snapped. "I don't ask for much. I wanted to make love you, and you threaten to leave me? Are you on your period or something?"