Take Your Time (Fate and Circumstance #2) (14 page)

Instead of giving me more, he slipped his fingers out, leaving me empty and unsatisfied. But he didn’t stop. He went back to my throbbing clit, his fingers now wetter than before, and tormented my nerves. I couldn’t breathe as the buildup took over, the ball of heat forming in my lower abdomen.

Bentley flicked my earlobe with his tongue, and then nipped it between his teeth. “Wishing this was my tongue doing this to you? Wondering what it would feel like to have my face buried in your pussy?”

“God, yes…yes.”

He twisted my nipple between his fingers while picking up the speed and torment with his others. “I want to hear my name come out of that mouth when you come. I want you to know who did this to you. Remember it. It’s not some random guy, some creep from the bar making you come. It’s me. Bentley. I wanna hear you say it.”

That’s all it took for the waves of fire and ice to flood my body, make my eyes roll to the back of my head, cause my legs to wobble on weakened knees. “Bentley…” I whispered, even my voice box too feeble to function properly. “Bentley…”

As the ripples of pleasure began to wane, the tingles slowly fading away, he ground his hips into my ass, making me feel how hard he was. His groan ripped through his chest, sending vibrations through my back. “Fuck, Sarah,” he said in a rumbling whisper. His teeth sank into my neck once more before he laid two soft kisses in its place.

I felt sated, content, and at peace…and then he pulled his hands away from me and took a step back. I slowly turned around, unsure of what I’d see on his face. But the moment my gaze locked with his, the entire world stopped spinning. His eyes were filled with regret, his posture rigid. His mouth hung slack as he patiently waited to catch his breath.

I took a step forward, reaching my hands out for him. But he caught me by my wrists, preventing me from touching the spot on his chest, over his heart, where I desperately wanted to feel. I’d never felt this way after sex before, even though that’s not technically what we did. Regardless, I’d never been with any man, in any capacity, and felt this way, had this undying need to touch him, to hold him…to be near him. But Bentley wouldn’t let me do that.

Needing to get closer, I stood on my tiptoes and used his hold on my arms to pull him into me. Our lips were so close I could feel his breath pass over my face in warm waves, yet he still wouldn’t give in. Instead, he turned his face and pressed a kiss to my cheek, holding it there for an extra second.

I dropped my forehead to his chest, the weight of what had happened between us finally hitting me. He’d given me what I needed, but he wouldn’t go past that. Because it wasn’t what he wanted. He didn’t want me.

“I should get going,” I said on a sigh into his T-shirt, praying my tears would hold back for a few more minutes so I could leave with at least some dignity still intact. I pulled myself from his hold and tried to step around him, but I didn’t get far.

His arms came around me, locking me to his chest. The soft beat of his heart lulled me into serenity as I let him hold me. “Come with me. I don’t want you to be alone right now—you shouldn’t be alone.”

I shook my head as much as I could with my cheek pressed against his solid muscle. “I’ll be all right. Don’t worry about me.”

“It’s too late for that.”

I almost didn’t hear him, but I did. And I stilled, replaying his words in my mind, wondering if I’d misunderstood them. It was as if he’d spoken them to himself, not meant for me to hear.

“Bentley,” I said, pulling away from him so I could see his face. “I appreciate all you’ve done for me. Staying in town to make sure I’m all right, checking in with me, dinner last night.” I sighed, my chest constricting, thinking of all he’d done for me, even after I continually pushed him away. “I’m so unbelievably grateful that you were here tonight, for saving me. And thank you for…
that
”—I waved my hand behind me toward his truck, indicating what I’d meant without saying it—“even though I know how much you hated to do it. But I don’t think I can be around you right now. And I don’t know how comfortable I am in letting you know where I live.”

The hurt my last confession caused became evident in his dropped gaze. “You don’t have to thank me. And it’s not that I didn’t want to do
that
, it’s just…I don’t think you need it.” He gently took my hand, holding it between our bodies. “I’m sorry for making you uncomfortable—that was never my intention.”

I let out a pathetic, airy laugh when I realized I had tears falling down my face. I wiped them away with the back of my hand and sniffled. “I’m not really making too much sense right now, am I? You don’t make me uncomfortable. Quite the opposite, actually.
Too
comfortable sometimes. But my house has been this place for me where I can let go and cry, mourn my mom, grieve and let it all out. It’s become my own personal safety zone, and
that’s
what makes me uncomfortable—having you there.”

“We can go to my cousin’s house. It’s only five minutes away.”

I shook my head. “But my car is here.”

“I can bring you back for it. Later tonight or in the morning…whenever you’re ready to leave. It’ll be on your terms, whatever you’re comfortable with.”

“I don’t know…” I wanted to say yes. The thought of being alone with all the intense emotions swirling inside my head didn’t appeal to me. But I wasn’t sure being with him in this frame of mind would be any better. At least if I were by myself, I could let it all out. I wouldn’t have to pretend.

“Just come with me. If you want to leave, I’ll bring you back to your car and let you go home. But you don’t need to be alone right now. I know you think you do, because that’s what you’re used to doing, but you’ll never move forward if you continue repeating your past.”

I knew he was right, but I still wasn’t ready to give in. His words had brought me to the edge, tempted me to jump off and follow his lead, but I couldn’t find it in me to let go of the protective railing I’d held onto for the last six months—my defiance. “You don’t even know my last name. You don’t really know anything about me other than what I’ve told you. And you’ve even admitted that you know I tell lies to keep from letting people in too far.”

“Then tell me your last name. And give me a chance to know you. That’s all I want, Sarah. I don’t care how dark, how sad, how broken you are inside. I want to see it all.”

“You want to fix me…”

“No,” he said, raising his voice. His harsh tone caused me to freeze in place. “I want to help
you
fix
yourself
. I want to be there with you while you learn to surface from this ache you’re drowning in. I don’t want to carry you through it, or push you along. I want to be by your side, holding your hand, cheering you on every step of the way. This is
your
journey. I only want to witness it.”

“Campbell,” I said, wiping away more tears from my face. “My name is Sarah Campbell, and ever since my mom died, I’ve used sex for the company, because I constantly feel alone, even when I’m surrounded by a group of people. And sex clears my head from the depressing reminders that my mom is gone and I don’t have anyone left. It’s become a distraction…a punishment of sorts.”

He lightly ran his fingertips from my cheekbone to the corner of my lips. “You’re not alone, Sarah. What about your sisters?”

“They’re there…but they’ve moved on. They aren’t stuck in this shitty place where I am. They have each other and husbands and lives outside of me. Bree has a daughter to keep her busy. I don’t even have a dog. I know I have people in my life, and I’m not technically alone. But that doesn’t change how lonely I feel—
all the time
.”

“So then why do you want to go home and be alone instead of spending time with me?”

I dropped my head, leaning into him. “Because you scare me.”

“How do I do that? What can I do to—”

“No,” I said, shaking my head and pulling back again. “You scare me in a good way. I mean, for nearly six months, I haven’t wanted to open up to anyone, and I’m still scared shitless to do so, but you make me want to share myself with someone. With you. You make me want to be around you. You make me feel, even when I don’t want to. You confuse me, piss me off, make me want to run away from you at times. But at the end of the day, when I lay my head on my pillow, it’s not my mom’s last words I hear. I don’t picture her body on her bed where I found her, and my chest doesn’t feel like I have a million-pound weight sitting on it…it’s you who runs through my thoughts. It’s you who I want to see, talk to, be near. I don’t know what to do with that, and it scares me.”

He held my face in his hands, staring intently into my eyes. “I’m right here, Sarah. If you want to see me, talk to me, be with me…then do it. I’m not the one pushing you away. You just have to stop fighting—fighting me, yourself, what you want, what you’re scared of. Just stop, and give in. Let go.”

“What if I can’t?”

“What if you
can
? You haven’t tried, so you don’t know.”

“What if it breaks me?”

“You won’t break. You’re too strong for that.”

“What if I let go and I fall?”

“Let go. Fall. Take your time on the way down. And when you open your eyes, you’ll see you’re not actually falling, but soaring. Flying. Weightless and living.” His voice was almost breathless, yet his words were so powerful they slammed into my chest, knocking the wind out of me.

I closed my eyes and nodded, his sigh of relief striking my face.

“Come back to my house, Sarah. Come with me. I don’t care if we play Monopoly and talk about the newest celebrity gossip. I just want to be with you,” he begged softly with his forehead on mine.

“Okay,” I whispered, not giving myself a second to contemplate my answer. I had no idea where we were headed, no idea what stood in front of me. I didn’t care, though. All I saw was Bentley. He was all I felt around me. And that’s all I needed at that moment in time.

Step one—let go.

And I did.

Bentley

I kept my eyes on my rearview mirror, making sure Sarah didn’t turn around and head home. She’d agreed to come home with me, so I didn’t argue with her decision to follow me in her own car. I knew she needed some security, and I couldn’t strip her of it all too quickly, so I relented, and then watched her headlights in my mirror for the entire five-minute drive.

There was a part of me that hated what I’d done. I knew I shouldn’t have crossed that line with her, but something had come over me. I smelled my fingers and smiled, blocking out the part of my brain that berated me for touching her. It was wrong, yet it felt so right.

She
felt so right.

So responsive.

Reacting to my touch more than anyone else ever had in the past.

The night before, after dinner, when she asked for the weekend to think about things, I have to admit it had gutted me. I didn’t want her to talk herself out of spending time with me. But I understood why. She had this impression that sex helped her, and as much as I wanted to do so much more than finger her, I knew giving in and doing more wouldn’t help my case. It wouldn’t help me convince her that sex should mean more. It should be taken more seriously. It could be so much better than what she’s experienced from these random men each Saturday night.

Then, when Luke informed me of her showing up at Dixie tonight, I thought I’d lost it. I waited at the house for a few minutes, pacing the living room, trying to decide if I should go after her or let her learn on her own. Those few minutes I’d only managed to torture myself with thoughts of her with other men. And thinking about those few minutes, how I wasted them when I shouldn’t have even questioned it, made me sick to my stomach. Had I just left when Luke called, I could’ve found her before that fucker had her against the wall.

Walking into the bar and finding her that way…I lost it. All I saw was red. Had we not been in a public place, I would’ve killed him. A possessiveness had taken hold of me from the inside. Not that I’d claimed her as my own, or thought she was mine. But I’d begun to feel that her safety was my responsibility. Her happiness was my obligation. I was in charge of her wellbeing. I knew that sounded ridiculous, but it’s what I felt as soon as I found her trapped between a man and the wall. Then I heard his words to her, and nothing could’ve held me back. I was ready to choke him, steal his last breath as I told him, “
Touch another fucking woman again and I’ll rip your dick off with my own hands. You’ll be begging for me to gut you when I’m done
.”

I checked my rearview mirror again before pulling into the driveway, watching her lights follow me down the long pathway to the front door. It wasn’t until I knew she was really here, really with me, that I could finally breathe.

Luke had warned me that I was playing with fire.

And I was.

The longer I spent in town, the more I never wanted to leave. But I knew I didn’t have that option. I knew that once Sarah knew the whole story, she would probably push me away forever. I only needed to make sure she was okay before that happened.

Before I had to let her go.

But she made my heart feel like it beat again.

I didn’t want to let her go.

But I had to. She wasn’t mine.