Takedown Teague (Caged #1) (20 page)

When I pushed myself up and off of her, I rolled over to my back as she sat up and wrapped her arms around her shoulders.  I could feel her looking down at me but didn’t meet her gaze.  I willed my cock to stop throbbing both painfully and obviously in my pants, but the moody little bastard wasn’t listening.  My heart was beating too fast in my chest, and my hands were aching to run over her skin, but I knew I couldn’t do that—I
still
couldn’t do that.

The thought was more than I could take.

“Going outside,” I said as I shoved myself off the bed.

I glanced at her long enough to see her nod her head before I left the room.  I walked out into the living room and grabbed my smokes out of my jacket pocket before running out the door and down the stairs.  I lit the cigarette before I ever got outside and then leaned against the edge of the fire escape as I blew the smoke up into the overcast sky.

I closed my eyes and tried to figure out how I had gone and managed to do exactly what I told myself I wasn’t going to do.  I wasn’t going to put her in this position.  I wasn’t going to get in the way of her life.  I wasn’t going to make a move on her and fuck up this little arrangement we had.

I tried not to feel as if what she had done and said was a rejection, but the thought bounced around in my head anyway.

I tossed the butt into the street and started to run.  As I ran, the skies went from overcast to raining down on me.  First, there was just a sprinkle and then a downpour before I made it to the tree.  Circling the tree made me think of Thanksgiving dinner, and that just pissed me off some more.

I’d fucked up royally.

Taking back what I had done was impossible.  I kissed her.  I didn’t just kiss her but hauled her into bed and would certainly be fucking her right now if she hadn’t pushed me away.  This was everything I said I wasn’t going to do, and now it was too late to take it back.  I couldn’t just pretend I didn’t want in her panties because I wasn’t much better at lying than she was.

Picking up speed, I turned the corner around an old steel plant and saw our building.  The rain ceased as quickly as it had started, leaving nothing but cold mist in the air.  The back of my thigh was cramping up, and I was breathing too hard.  Smoking before running, combined with the lack of warming up, was not a great idea.  I slowed before I got to the grate that marked three miles and coasted to a stop right in front of the building.  I leaned over with my hands on my knees and coughed a couple of times before reaching behind my leg and rubbing at the cramped muscle.

“Fucking hell,” I muttered.  I stood up straight, reached my hands up over my head, and then leaned against the broken security door so I could stretch the muscle.  A crow landed above me on the ineffective streetlamp outside the building, tilted its head, and cawed at me.

“Fuck you,” I snapped at the nasty black bird.  It squawked again and apparently captured the attention of Krazy Katie.

“The birds of leaving call to us,” she sang down at me.  “Yet here we stand endowed with a fear of flight.”

I glared up at her.

“Shut up, you crazy bitch.”

She just laughed in response and then continued with her babble.

“The winds of change consume the land, while we remain in the shadow of summers now past.”

Raising both hands, I flipped both her and the bird “the bird” before stomping back into the apartment building.  I got up to my front door and hesitated, realizing immediately that this was exactly what I didn’t want to have happen.

I was hesitating because she was in there, and I didn’t know if I should go in or not.  I wasn’t sure just how pissed off at me she was going to be, and rightly so.  I mean, I yelled at her, kissed her, dry humped her, and then ran out on her.

She probably already had her bags packed.

She wouldn’t want to have anything to do with me traveling with her.  She would end up going back to Douchebag, and she wouldn’t finish school.  If that were the case, it meant I had pretty much fucked up her entire life because I was horny.

What an asshole.

I leaned against the wall just beside the door and held my face in my hands.  My head was getting a little swimmy, and I realized my impromptu run had also left me dehydrated.  Growling at myself, I straightened up and turned to open the door.

It was quiet inside.

It only took a second to see she wasn’t in either the kitchen or the living room, which didn’t leave me many more options.  Though I would rather have hidden behind a beer at the kitchen table, I had to fix this.

How?

Convince her it was a joke?  A mistake?  I didn’t mean it?

I wasn’t completely sure I was going to be able to do that and decided maybe a bit of a stall tactic was warranted—at least long enough to grab a glass of water.  Once in the kitchen, I downed it quickly, half hoping she would just appear behind me so I didn’t have to walk back into the bedroom.

Maybe she left while I was out.

I glanced over at the suitcase that still sat, partially open, at the end of the couch, and found myself annoyed she still hadn’t bothered to put anything into the dresser drawer I cleared out for her.

Because she knew she wasn’t going to stay long.

I wanted to slam my head against the wall a few times but figured if she was still here—and she probably was—the noise would just scare her.  I took a long breath to prepare myself and pushed forward.  I turned the corner slowly and found Tria sitting at the edge of the bed.  She looked up as soon as I came into view, and I could see redness around her eyes.

I’m such a fucking asshole.

“I’m sorry,” I said quietly.

Tria looked away, wiped at her eyes, and then looked back at me with a fierce glare that almost sent me stumbling backward.

“For what?” she demanded.  “What exactly are you sorry for?”

“For…um…for the uh…”

“For what?” she yelled louder.  She stood up and walked toward me.  “Tell me right now, Liam Teague!  What exactly are you apologizing for because I need to figure out whether or not I’m going to slap you!”

I gulped but couldn’t come up with what I should say next.

“Is that all you want, huh?” she asked as she took another step closer.  She came right up to me and shoved me in the center of my chest.  “Are you just hoping the convenient roommate and cook would become a convenient fuck, too?  Is that it?”

I had to take a step back from the words she was hurling at me.  Of all the reactions I was expecting, this wasn’t even on the list.

“What…um…no!”

“So then what is it, Teague?” she said, her voice sounding like a snarl.  “What are you sorry about?”

“Because of…of what I did?”  I didn’t mean it to sound like a question, but I wasn’t really sure myself.

“Tell me!” she screeched, shoving me again.  She didn’t actually move me back, but I could tell she was trying to put some force into it.  “Are you sorry you kissed me or sorry you ran out on me afterwards?”

Tears began to stream down her face.

I didn’t know what else to do, so I told her the truth.

“I don’t want to fuck up your life,” I said.  “I don’t want you to leave because I’m an ass.”

She looked up at me, and her expressive brown eyes seemed to be searching right through me and into my soul.  Something told me she was going to find more there than she ever wanted to see.

“So what is it, then?” she said.  Her voice was still strained but had lost its venom.  “What are you so sorry about?”

“I’m not sorry I kissed you,” I admitted.  “I just didn’t mean to—”

I couldn’t finish the sentence because her arms wrapped around my neck and she pulled my mouth to hers.

I was lost.

Completely and totally lost within her.

I was fucked.

I wrapped my arms around her waist, holding her to me as she pulled my head down toward her roughly.  She pushed her tongue into my mouth, and I welcomed it.  She moved one of her hands from my shoulder to the top part of my arm, and then to my chest.  She grabbed at the material of my shirt as she pressed her mouth against mine again.

There were so many unfamiliar emotions going through me, I didn’t know what to do to comprehend them all.  There was lust and desire—without a doubt—but that was expected…normal…welcomed.  It was the other shit I didn’t know how to process.

The fear.

Her grip on me relaxed slightly, and I held her close as my mouth moved across her jaw and down her neck.  Her breath came in short gasps as her fingers tried to latch onto my hair.

“I don’t do this,” I whispered against her ear.  “I’ll just screw it up, Tria.  I don’t want you hurt because of me.  I’m not worth taking the chance.”

“Why don’t you let me decide that?” she replied, and her mouth was on mine again.

I have no idea how long we stayed there, standing in the doorway, making out between the hall and the bedroom, but we were both out of breath by the time we stopped.  Tria pulled away first, because I might never have, and then she looked at me for a long moment.

I couldn’t decide if her gaze made me feel uncomfortable or not.  Eventually she sighed and then placed her cheek against my chest, leaning against me.

“I had given up, you know,” she said.

“On what?”

“I didn’t think you…you know…”

Pulling back a little, I looked down at her.

“I didn’t what?”

“That you just weren’t interested,” she said with a shrug.

I let out a short, humorless laugh.

“I just didn’t want to be a dick,” I told her.

She tilted her head up and pressed her lips softly to the base of my throat.

“Don’t run out on me like that again,” she said into my neck.

“Okay,” I said.

“Promise.”

“I promise.”  My arms went around her back, and I pulled her closer against my chest.  “I thought you were pissed.”

“I wasn’t
pissed
,” she told me.  “I just…wasn’t ready for
that
.  I can’t go from roommate to lover in thirty seconds.”

“Oh…um….”  My voice trailed off with no direction or purpose.

“Are you going to be okay with that?” Tria asked in a small voice.

“With what?”

She let out an exaggerated sigh before looking up into my face.

“I’m not ready to have sex with you.”

“Oh!  That.”

“Yeah,
that
.”

I trailed my fingers down the side of her face.

“Whenever you’re ready,” I said, and I hoped I wasn’t lying to her.  “I’m not in any hurry.”

She raised an eyebrow at me, and I shrugged in response.

“How long do you need?” I asked.  “Ten minutes?”

She laughed and leaned against me.  I held her tightly and rested my cheek on the top of her head, wishing I had been joking so we could both laugh.  There was no doubt that I would wait, but I didn’t have to like it.

“I can keep kissing you, right?” I asked for clarification.

“That sounds like a good plan,” she said with a nod.  “I just don’t want to…”

“What?” I asked when she didn’t continue.

“I know you’ve…been around.”

I had to laugh at that one.

“Have I?”

“Well, um…I think so.”  She looked up at me with her eyes full of concern.  “I mean, you’re just so…so…”

I had to prompt her to continue.

“You’re about the best looking, most built guy I have ever seen in my life!” she finally blurted out.  “You have to have had hundreds of girlfriends!  You could have anyone!”

More laughter.  I took her hand and brought her back into the living room, figuring the bed wasn’t the best place to have this sort of conversation.  We sat next to each other on the couch, and I reached over to put my arm around her and bring her back to me.

Now that I had her close to me during the daylight hours, I didn’t want to let her go again.

“I have only ever been in one relationship,” I told her, “and that was years ago.  I just…don’t really do well with them.  Yes, I’ve had hookups but no girlfriends.  Not in ages.”

“Why not?”

All of Yolanda’s words flooded back through my head.

“Yolanda said I didn’t give anyone a chance,” I finally said.  “I don’t know if that’s true or not.  I just…fuck.”

I unwrapped my arm from her and stood up again.

“I can’t do this, Tria…I just…I’m not cut out for this!”

“For what?” she asked, and the innocent and understanding look on her face was enough to bring me down.

“I fucked up once,” I said quietly.  “This is where it got me.  I don’t give a shit about anyone or anything.  I’m just…
here
, Tria.  What can you possibly see in that?”

“Why?”

Even if she could have convinced me she would listen without judgment, I couldn’t have told her.