Taking Heart (25 page)

“We'll see you soon,” Eric said. He hung up and threw his cell phone into
the empty cup holder. He looked at Ren expectantly. “Well?”

“Well what?”

“Aren't you going to give me a lecture about talking on the phone while
driving?”

“Why? I do it.”

“Oh.” He glanced at her again. “But it's dangerous and stuff.”

She only shrugged. He could feel her anxiety radiating from her skin,
filling the car with nervous energy, and he was starting to question his
motives. Was he doing the right thing? Would Ren see the intended gesture
behind it?

Fifteen minutes later they arrived at the address in dead silence. He
parked the car in front of a one-story brick house in a quiet suburban
neighborhood.

“Ready?” he asked, touching her arm gently.

Ren's eyes were glued to the house as she shook her head. “What's in
there, Eric?” she asked in a near whisper.

He tugged on her shirt. “Put on your jacket. Let's go find out.”

Finally she turned and he saw in her face the fear of the unknown. “I'm
scared. Why the hell is this so scary? I don't even know what the hell's in
there.”

He pulled her towards him and hugged her, as much as he could with the
gear shift
between them. “Don't worry, Ren. I promise, you
will love it.”

He was rewarded with a small, determined smile. “I'd better.”

They emerged from the car and walked towards the house. Ren grabbed his
hand, taking him by surprise, and held on tight. Colorful garden lights lined
the path, leading the way in the night with promise.

A man in his fifties answered the door with a huge smile on his bearded
face. “Come in, come in!” he said in a warm, booming voice. He shook Eric's
hand first. “You must be Eric Sorenson. I'm Channing.”

“Thank you for meeting with us, sir,” Eric said then motioned to Ren.
“This is my friend, Renee Lawton.”

Channing grasped Ren's hand. “It's an honor to meet you, my dear.”

Ren nodded with a polite smile on her face. “Nice to meet you, too.” She
threw Eric a sideways glance. “But I have to be honest, I'm not entirely sure
why I'm here.”

Channing nodded as he motioned to the couch in the living room. “Please
take a seat, make yourself at home. I'll go get my wife and then we'll
explain.”

Eric continued to hold Ren's hand as they sat down; she wondered if he
was in pain from how hard she was gripping. Channing was back a minute later
with a woman with short brown hair and kind eyes that were focused on Ren.
Without saying a word, she walked over to Ren and gave her a warm embrace that
lasted longer than what was comfortable. Finally, the older woman pulled away,
her eyes misty with unshed tears. “It's nice to meet you, Ren,” she said. “My
name is Angela.”

“I'm sorry, I don't mean to be rude but... do I know you?” Ren asked,
feeling a cold sweat break out all over her body.

Angela's brown eyes never left Ren's face. “No, not personally,” she
said. “But you know my heart.”

chapter
sixteen

Ren covered her mouth and looked away as her eyes immediately filled with
tears. She couldn't bring herself to look at Eric, to confirm with him that he
had indeed set up a meeting with the recipient of Ben's heart. She was afraid,
she was nervous, she was excited, but most of all, she was crestfallen.

“Ren?” Eric asked, tugging her back down onto the couch. “Are you okay?”

“Give her a second,” the older woman said. Angela had hugged Ren, had
greeted her like an old friend, and their hearts had only been a few inches
apart.

“If you're saying you received Ben's heart,” Ren began, sure that she
would have felt a tingle of recognition were it really Ben’s heart in Angela’s
chest, “then I think you're mistaken.”

She regretted her words the moment Angela’s face fell. “I thought
that...” Angela threw Eric a questioning look. “I thought…”

Eric nodded. “I'm sure. My connection at the Denver hospital told me
which hospital the heart had been headed, then it was only a matter of digging
to find out who was having a heart transplant that day. I'm sure.”

Ren was unable to tear her eyes away from Eric, not sure whether to be
impressed or angry
with
his doggedness. He had, after
all, gone behind her back to find this information.

“Eric here contacted us,” Channing added. “We immediately said yes. We
were really eager to meet you.”

“See, I've felt so strange after the operation,” Angela said, laying a
hand on her husband’s leg. “Not like my usual self.”

“Like how?” Eric asked.

“Well, for one I've been craving green olives and beer,” Angela said.
“And every time I make toast, I always expect to eat it with a chocolate
spread. I don't know what it's called, but I'm pretty sure I'd love it.”

Ren sputtered a laugh. “It's called Nutella,” she said, wiping at her
tears. “And it was Ben's favorite.”

“One night, maybe two weeks after the operation, I had a dream about a
young man. Since then I've wondered if it's my donor saying hi,” Angela said,
her lips trembling.

Ren shook her head, still unable to believe what she was hearing. Ben's
heart couldn't be in this woman. She was so old and he was so young.
Too young.

“He's really tall and he has shaggy brown hair that almost covers his
eyes,” Angela continued, making the muscles in Ren's stomach clench. “He has a
really nice smile and these ears that stick out. He made fun of them in my
dream. And in the morning, it just occurred to me to call him Thumper, after
that rabbit in Bambi.”

No, it can't be.
Tears fell down Ren's cheeks unbidden as she fought to control her
breathing.

“I brought a picture.”

Ren's head swiveled around in time to see Eric handing over a framed
picture of Ben. She almost lunged for it but her muscles were frozen in place.
So she just watched as Angela took a long, lingering look at the picture,
nodded, and showed it to her husband.

“That's him,” Angela said. “Thumper.”

“Please stop saying that name,” Ren whispered, nearly running out of
breath. She was afraid that if she heard anything else that pertained to Ben,
she might just lose her mind.

Channing sat on the sturdy coffee table and grasped Ren's hands. “I'm
sorry we're upsetting you, Renee,” he said gently. “That was not our intention.
We were just hoping you could confirm some things for us.”

Ren nodded through the tears, unable to make sense of the tornado of
emotions inside her head.

Channing continued, “But mostly, I wanted to thank you.
Because without your Ben's heart, I would have lost my wife.
Angela was dying of coronary artery disease, but she was next on the donor
list, and Ben...”

Ren lost it then, unable to keep composure any longer. “Can I use your
bathroom please?” she asked between sobs. Having a complete breakdown in front
of strangers was not something she would have ever imagined when getting in the
car that morning.

She fled from the living room as quickly as her stumbling feet could go.

It took Ren fifteen minutes to ride through the crying and the
uncontrollable sobbing until she was finally able to face
herself
in the bathroom mirror and reflect on why she was so devastated. She’d had
almost a year to get over the pain of Ben’s death and, even though she had
acted the part convincingly, fooling even herself, she realized now that she
had still been holding her breath. That ring inside her bedside drawer had not
been forgotten; it had just been put away.

With Eric, it had been easy to close her eyes and pretend that Ben never
left at all, but if Ben's heart was really in that woman's chest then Ren had
to finally own up to the fact that he was well and truly gone.

Ben was dead. He was never coming back.

She burst into tears once again as the realization struck her like a
wrecking ball.

After many tears, she finally found the will to collect herself. She blew
her nose and washed her face with cold water before taking a deep breath and
leaving the sanctuary of the bathroom, readying herself for the final goodbye.

Eric stood up when Ren walked into the living room but she refused to
look at him. “Hey, are you—”

“Thank you for having us over,” Ren said to Channing and Angela. “And I'm
sorry for blubbering all over your bathroom and using up nearly half of your
tissue.”

Angela came over and rubbed Ren's arms. “Sweetheart, we completely
understand,” she said. “I had a little cry myself while you were gone.”

“Are you feeling better?” Channing asked.

“I am, thank you,” Ren said. “But I think we'd better head out. We still
have a long drive ahead of us.”

Angela looked dismayed.

“It's okay. We don’t have to leave so soon,” Eric piped in. “We can stay
at a hotel nearby.”

Ren shot him a pointed look. “I'd actually prefer to go back home.”

“Before you go, we wondered if you'd maybe like to listen to Ben's
heart?” Channing asked, handing Ren a stethoscope. Angela reached for the
chestpiece and slid it under her collar, pressing it against her breastbone.

Ren stared at the stethoscope, knowing she really had no choice.
Otherwise she would always wonder what Ben's heart would have sounded like in
another person’s chest. So she put the rubber tips into her ears, closed her
eyes, and listened.

The gentle thump-thump of Ben's heart invaded her senses, but instead of
agony, she was awash with a sense of peace. Ben would live on in this woman and
influence her tastes and maybe even make her sing and dance in public. The
thought filled Ren with a small amount of joy, as if Ben himself was whispering
his mischievous plans in her ears.

Ren handed the stethoscope back and felt a sad smile on her face. “Thank
you, Angela,” she said, hugging the older woman one last time.

“I'll take care of his heart for you, dear,” she said, but Ren shook her
head.

“No. It's all yours. He'll take care of you.”

Angela pressed an envelope into Ren's hand. “If you don't mind, could you
please give this to her for me?”

Ren looked at the envelope simply titled,
To Ben's Mom.
She
nodded, because even though Linda said she didn't want to know about the organ
recipients, she might change her mind one day. And when she does, Ren will have
a bittersweet surprise for her.

Eric looked over at Ren as she drove in silence, her hands stiff around
the steering wheel.

“Talk to me,” he nearly pleaded. He just wanted to hash it all out so
that they could make up and be good again.

“What do you want me to say?”

“I don't know. How about how you're feeling?”

“How I'm feeling? Well, I'm feeling like I've been stabbed in the back.”

“What? Why?”

“You went behind my back and ambushed me with this information. You never
even warned me!”
She was so angry
,
she
was huffing
.

“I thought you were going to like it.”

“Do you even know how awful that was for me? That I had no clue what I
was walking into? And I won't even mention the fact that you stole Ben's
picture from my apartment.”

“I'm sorry about the picture. I thought it would help,” he said. “And for
the record, someone who claims to be over their dead boyfriend should no longer
have a framed picture of said dead boyfriend hanging in their apartment.”

“Stop saying dead boyfriend!” she cried.

“Dead. He's dead, Ren. But you're still alive. Will you stop pining for
someone who's never coming back?”

He immediately regretted the words the moment he saw Ren's reaction. She
couldn't have looked more crushed if he'd slapped her across the face. “I'm
sorry. I'm sorry.”