Taking Risks (18 page)

             
“I’m
so
sorry Mar, but listen…the first cut really is the deepest. It always hurts getting your heart broken, but it’s always worst the first time. Just keep yourself busy.” Then her face lightened, “You should go get shitfaced with us this weekend!”

             
I didn’t mean to laugh right in her face, but I couldn’t help it. “Prom is this weekend and I promised my mom I would go. Besides, I’m only eighteen, remember?”

             
I stood to leave the employees room to start my shift. She gave me one last hug and I returned it noticing that the awkwardness was gone and it made me smile to think that I actually had a real girlfriend. She let me go and I skipped out of the back room with a lighter heart.

             
It was getting pretty busy in the bar and my stupid tights were making me sweat more than usual so I was in a pissy mood. I lightened up when I saw Gray sitting at the bar next to a tall blonde that was dressed to impress. She was obviously looking for someone to take her home and Gray looked like he would have been all too happy to be the one to do so. The familiar sight of Gray being ridiculous made me grin at him. He noticed me laughing and his emerald eyes started to dazzle. He gave me a sly half smirk accompanied with a wink. I could never get over how he had the total bad boy look to him with his honey colored hair that stuck up in every direction and his perfect jaw line with his bright eyes that contrasted with his olive skin tone. Gray was anything but a bad boy, though. He always took care of me and he was the best friend anyone could ask for, living or not.

             
I got back to work serving customers with a genuine smile on my face. I wasn’t feeling too tired, but I knew I wasn’t looking as perky as usual either. If I couldn’t get to the bottom of what Joey was doing and stop it soon, than I was going to have to quit school and Rocktop just so that I could stay home and sleep all the time to survive. I decided not to dwell on it too much though since my night was actually going well considering the day I’d had. I had been consumed in my situations with Risk and Joey all damn day and I was done with it for the time being.

             
I finished my shift at ten but I stuck around the bar to hang out with Remi, who had also finished up for the night. Jane was sneaking me shots at the bar and with each one I got a little more care free. After my fourth shot of Jack Daniels, Gray popped up on the vacant seat next to me and gave me a disapproving look. I sneered at him and downed another drink as soon as Jane set it in front of me. I even snatched the drink that she set down for Remi.

             
“How in the hell do you suppose you’re getting home, Spud? I would drive you, but…you know. I’m not exactly solid.”

             
“I’m a big girl and I can do whatever the hell I want to, so be nice and have fun.” I slurred and then smiled at him triumphantly, but I had obviously forgotten where I was.

             
“I never said anything about it Marlee, I am having fun, but…how are we supposed to get home?” Remi replied to my outburst at Gray.

             
UGH!
I
clearly
didn’t have the answer to that question and I couldn’t understand why everyone kept asking me! “Don’t worry about it Rem, I got it.” I pulled out my phone and typed, “
I think you owe me a favor asshole, so why don’t you lend a girl a hand and come get me? I’m at Rocktop and I’m smashed.”
I shoved my phone back in my purse and forgot about it. After a few more shots my eyes started to droop and my head was feeling heavy. I had drank a little before, but I had never let myself get that bent out of shape. Remi asked Jane to call a cab for us and we went out front to meet it. While waiting, Remi passed out on my shoulder so when the cab got there I shoved her in the back and gave the driver her address with some cash and sent them on their way.

              I dug my keys out of my bottomless pit of a purse and fumbled with the lock on the door, probably scratching my paint job in the process, but I was too drunk to care. I had just gotten my door unlocked when I voice came up behind me, “Oh, no you don’t.” said the voice. It startled me and I turned around and kicked my assailant right in the balls. He dropped to the ground as I realized it was Risk.
Shit.

             
“Oh crap. I didn’t think you were coming. I’m sorry about…that.”

             
He got back to his feet and took a moment to catch his breath.

             
“Anyways…” I said, “I guess I’ll see you at school tomorrow.” I was blushing just from being around him and I couldn’t get the image of his sexy tattoo out of my mind, but my heart was also breaking at the same time. Thinking about him all day after he dumped me was one thing, but seeing him was a whole different ball game, especially in the condition that I was in. As I sat down in my car I started blubbering and tried to keep my eyes away from Risk because he was putting my stomach in knots and I desperately needed to get away. I put the key in the ignition, but I was suddenly yanked from my seat.

             
I knew it was Risk that had pulled me out, and probably just saved my life, but my emotions were in tangles and my head was spinning. Before I realized what I was doing, my hand smacked him across his cheek, and then I dropped to my knees and started spewing on his shoes. When I was finished retching, I noticed Risks hands on the back of my neck holding my hair back. My head was feeling less cloudy, which also meant that I was feeling like a total bitch. I was acting ridiculous and I was sure that Risk would never talk to me again. He was going to hate me more than he already did, if that was even possible.

             
I started to think about what my life was going to be like without having Risk and I was sobbing again and couldn’t seem to get myself under control. Risk must have picked me up and put me in my Delray, because the next thing I knew I was being carried to my bedroom. I was put down in my bed and my shoes, tights, and shorts were shimmied down my hips until I was only wearing my Ravens jersey and panties. My bed had never felt so good and I couldn’t make myself open my eyes to see if Risk was there. I had completely forgotten about Gray after he lectured me at the bar. My last thought before sleep was,
“Gray’s gonna be so pissed at me.”

              The next morning came way too fast and my head was throbbing while my alarm clock seemed to be dancing on my ear drums. One of my arms felt cold and tingly and I tried to shake it off but it wouldn’t go away. I opened my eyes and saw that Gray was trying to wake me up. “It’s time to get up.” He said.

             
“Five more minutes, I’m begging you.” I rolled over and shut my eyes again.

             
“You’re going to need a shower, Spud. You smell like a bar.” He wrinkled his nose and I knew that he was still irritated with me, but I couldn’t make myself care.

             
I got up and stumbled to the bathroom before stripping my clothes off and adjusting the water in the shower so that it was cold enough to wake my ass up. I got ready in a hurry because I had the beer munchies and I needed some food desperately. I skipped the makeup and put on some well broken in jeans and a Pink Floyd t-shirt that Gray had insisted that I buy. I piled my damp hair on top of my head in a bun and wore my most comfortable shoes, then I stumbled down the stairs with Gray on my heels.

             
I went directly to the kitchen to satisfy my cravings and noticed that I had enough time to make a couple of pancakes before I had to leave for school. I popped a couple of aspirin for my head and got to work on my breakfast. I was starting to feel a little better since I had been up and moving so I turned on the radio and started to put on my own little show right there in the kitchen. I was singing “Baby Got Back” and shaking my ass when I looked up from the stove to find Gray laughing hysterically. He was used to me acting crazy so I wasn’t so sure what he found so funny, but if it would keep him from lecturing me about teen drinking I wasn’t going to question him.

             
I was about to go into the grand finale of my show when I heard a chuckle behind me that wasn’t Gray’s. I froze for a second and then whipped around to find both Gray
and
Risk laughing at me from the doorway. My mouth dropped open and I dropped my spatula to the floor.
FUCK. FUCK. FUCK!
My inner self was face palming and shaking her head. I had completely forgotten that he drove me home and all the nasty details of the night before came flooding back. I was heartbroken and Risk had just caught me shaking my ass. It was like last night’s embarrassment was happening all over again.

             
Risk came over to me and I thought that he was going to say something, but he just picked up the spatula and scooped my pancakes onto a plate. Instead of crying and making a scene I decided to stuff my face full of pancakes and indulge in that small bit of happiness before I was forced into facing him. I had to think through the things that I wanted to say to him. Risk and I ate breakfast in silence while Gray kept a watchful eye on us.

             
When Risk and I were both finished he gathered up the dishes and washed them. I gave Gray a pleading look and he nodded with understanding and vanished, so it was time for Risk and I to talk. Right before I was ready to speak Risk said, “Do you mind giving me a ride to school? I had to leave my car at Rocktop last night.” I just nodded and lost all courage to say anything to him. Risk fiddled with his hands for a minute and then asked, “Did you get my note?”

             
The question sent me over the edge. All of my ugly feelings surfaced and my cowardness was gone. I gave him a look that could have smoldered his soul.

             
“I got your
fucking
note. That was bullshit Risk.” I spat. He looked away from me and I saw that his gorgeous green eyes started to cloud, but I wasn’t through with him yet. “How could you just toss me aside like one of your whores? I fucking
love
you! I deserved better than that!”

             
Risks tears started to fall and he replied, “So you think that wasn’t hard for me? I put that note in your locker first thing Monday morning and you haven’t been to school in the last two days so I haven’t gotten to speak with you. I don’t want to hurt you Marlee, but you just don’t understand. Since I’ve met you I’ve found out that I’m some kind of a freak, my mom has went to jail,
you killed my father
, and I’ve never been more head over heels in love. I had all that shit dumped on me at once, so forgive me if I’m a little fucked up right now!”

             
“
You
listen to
me.
Your mom went to jail because she tried to kill me, your dad was killed in self-defense because he was trying to hurt all of us, and not to mention
rape
my mother, you’ve known about your gift for a long time but you chose not to accept it, and lastly…there’s no way in hell that you could love me.” I said as my own tears started spilling over.

             
Risk looked up at me through tear soaked eyes and it broke my heart to see the hurt in them. He spoke to me in a voice that was so low that it was almost inaudible. “The fact that you think I don’t love you hurts worse than all of it.” I was silent and he wiped a tear away from his cheek. “We’re going to be late for school, and you can’t afford to miss another day. Let’s go.” He said and we got our stuff together and drove to school in silence.

             
It was an awkward drive and it was awkward in English class since we sat so close to one another, but I couldn’t talk to him, and I’m sure that he was feeling the same way. I didn’t see Gray all day except for in my first class and I found myself getting more and more curious about where he was going all the time. I made it through the entire school day without crying anymore and avoiding Risk at all costs. I may as well have stayed home though. I walked around like a zombie and couldn’t pay attention to anything. I couldn’t escape my thoughts and they were eating away at me.

             
When I got home I received a text from Mom saying that she would be coming home late that night and it hit me that I hadn’t told her about my prom date bailing on me. I didn’t even have a dress yet and prom was in three days. She was going to freak out, and I felt really bad. It was so important to her that I go to prom and have a great time with a great guy. I think she saw it as a bonding experience for the both of us, and we definitely needed some middle ground. I couldn’t change Risks mind though. I was starting to see through my grief and understand where he was coming from.
I
was the reason that he was all alone in the world and I took the only family that he had ever known. It didn’t matter how bad his parents treated him, they would always be his family.

             
Gray and I spent our evening playing the card games that we could, and I called it a night at eight o’clock. I had really committed to getting more sleep. I woke up sometime in the middle of the night and saw that Gray was gone again. I was really starting to miss having him when I needed him and I
really
needed to know where he kept sneaking off to.