Taking Tiffany (16 page)

Tiffany

“ANYONE HOME?” I shouted.

Silence. Good. I could scream and cry all I wanted, but I wasn’t ready. Everything felt bottled up, ready to explode, but I stuffed my feelings in, unsure I could handle them yet. I’d spent a good part of my twenties with my barriers up, and that habit helped me now. Or hurt me.  Maybe I wouldn’t cry after all. I didn’t need to cry because I was strong. That’s right. Also, I hated doing it. It was messy and …sad.  Instead of going to my old room in the gardener’s cottage, I decided to stay in the guest bedroom. I didn’t want to feel like I’d regressed, even though I had, just a little.

I flopped my suitcase on the bed, opened it, and proceeded to lose control. Grief got the better of me as the tears plopped onto my folded clothes.
There goes that plan.
The problem was, after that first kiss with Todd, I’d thrown all my self-preservation skills out the window. I let myself love him.
He threw it away. He threw you away.
Why had I allowed myself to fall so deeply, so completely for him? Why didn’t I guard my heart? He made dust of the walls I’d so carefully constructed.

I was so stupid.

I wanted to throw something, to hit something. Scream, cry, yell, then throw and hit something all over again. But I didn’t bother because it wouldn’t fix anything. It wouldn’t fix me.

I sat on the bedroom floor and cried. I cried for the woman who wanted to trust again. The woman who loved Todd with everything in her. I was angry at Todd for being everything I wanted and couldn’t have. I was angry at myself because I knew I’d never be that person again.  I’d never want to put myself out there again. I grieved for the loss of Todd, but I grieved for myself, too. I would spend my life alone.

Well, maybe not entirely. I still planned to adopt cats. Lots and lots of them.

I sobbed while I unpacked. I cried when I ate dinner, between bites, and I wept when I turned on Netflix.
I still want him.
I got up and paced. How could he do this? I knew he loved me. I knew it!

I looked at my phone. I wanted to call him and yell. I would tell him he loved me, not her! He was making a mistake. She wouldn’t make him happy, with her little dimple and “look at me, I’m so pretty!” beauty pageant demeanor. How could he be fooled with that sugar-sweet accent and her fake, I-can’t-live-without-you, eyes? She was playing him.

He doesn’t deserve me then.

If he went back to her, then that’s right, he doesn’t deserve me! He can go to hell! I won’t get cats; I’ll go marry someone else—and then he’ll be sorry!

I flung myself on the sofa feeling glad I was alone. I didn’t want anyone to witness this. It seemed like I had two personalities. The first one hated Todd and wanted him to suffer. The second wanted to beg him to wake up, to love me like I loved him. The second one wanted forever with Todd.

Forever.

I lay down on the sofa and stared at the ceiling. The tears poured from my eyes, down the side of my cheeks, and plopped onto the sofa cushion.
I love him so much.
Could I do this? Could I withstand the pain?

Yes,
a voice said.

“Is that you, God?” I asked aloud. “Because I think I’m going to need you for a little while, okay?”

That started a new crying jag. I believed in God, but I knew it wasn’t a matter of a divine power swooping down and making everything better.
God helps those who help themselves.

“I know!” I shouted. “But what if I don’t know how to help myself? What if I can’t do this?”
Don’t get angry with God, it won’t help.

“I don’t know what to do,” I cried out. Loneliness echoed deep within me. I was empty—alone.

I fell asleep sobbing while hugging the pillow. I didn’t know it was possible to be actively crying while dozing off, but I managed to do it. Too exhausted to move to the bed, I ended up sleeping on the couch. I woke up a few hours later with swollen eyes and salty tear tracks down my cheeks. It was three a.m.

I was heartbroken. That word, it was right. I didn’t know who came up with it, but that’s how I felt. The center of my chest throbbed with daggers of pain slicing deep. Almost like open heart surgery had been performed, and someone hadn’t bothered to put me back together.

I forced myself off the couch and went to the kitchen for some water. Every tear from my body had been expelled and I felt light-headed—probably from dehydration.

I opened the refrigerator and started to grab for some bottled water when I noticed my parents had left a bottle of wine in the door.

Should I? It might take away this horrible, aching feeling for at least an hour or two. I wanted to escape from my misery, if only for a moment.

No. Don’t numb yourself.

I occasionally drank wine at parties, or sometimes when I’d go out with friends. But I’d never used it as emotional medication. Making up my mind, I grabbed the bottle of water instead. The only way through this thing would be to face it head on. I’d be sad. I’d be lonely. But I wouldn’t lose myself. Even if I wanted to right now. If he could toss me aside so easily, he wasn’t the person I though he was.

I could do this.

I wiped my nose on my sleeve, changed into my PJs, and went back to bed. This time I did it without crying.

Todd

SLEEPING UNTIL ELEVEN a.m. was unusual for me. Still in bed, I stretched a little before finally throwing off the sheet. I let my mind clear and thought about Savannah. The visit with her last night was life-changing.

I always wondered about her, why she’d allowed things to happen as they did. As a result, I remembered and held onto all the good times with her, and prevented the pain from the break-up to overwhelm me again. I refused to conjure up the specific memories. They were blocked from my mind for good reason. Until last night.

With her visit, every word I buried into the back recesses of my mind came storming back.

“Take the money, Todd.”

The memory around those words were now crystal clear. I’d gone to her parents’ home to ask for their permission to marry Savannah. I thought it would be a formality. A tradition a family from the south would appreciate. I had no idea what was in store for me. I entered her father’s office, and he asked me to sit.

 
“I think I know why you’re here, and I want to stop you before you begin. We have tolerated Savannah’s friendship with you for far too long.”

I had been shocked. I’d been to her parents’ home many times. They hadn’t given me a clue to how they really felt.

 
“People like us, well, we need to marry in our class. I’m sorry, Todd, but we have other plans for our daughter. It was bad enough that you don’t have money or breeding, but you also have the stigma of an accusation of murder hanging over you.” He raised his palm. “I know you were cleared, but we can’t have that type of scandal touching our family. We come from a long line of Hammond’s and have a reputation to uphold. We put off this decision, hoping she’d lose interest and move on to a more appropriate match.”

 
“I’m sorry you feel that way, Mr. Hammond,” I told him. “But we love each other. Savannah wants to be with me. We’ve talked about it.”

 
“I know. She informed me a few days ago. Listen, we don’t wish you any harm. If you go away without causing a scene for Savannah or our family, I’ll make it worth your while.”

 
“Worth my while? I don’t think you understand. I mean to marry Savannah, and nothing’s going to stop me. Not you or anyone else.”

 
“A hundred thousand dollars. That’s my offer. That’s a lot of money for a person like you.”

 
“A person like me?” I couldn’t believe my ears. Savannah’s dad had always been formal, polite. I hadn’t seen this side.

 “Think about all you could do with that money. You won’t have Savannah either way. This is the chance of a lifetime.”

 
“No. I don’t want your money. Savannah and I will get married without your blessing.” I stood my ground.

“Savannah, come in here,” he bellowed.

Savannah entered the room.

 “Tell him!” he said.

She hung her head and said the words. “Take the money, Todd.”

With the memory came relief, not sadness. I finally had clarity. The demons from the past were released. Lightness lifted my spirit. I was free from the doubt, the questions, and the uncertainty.

I’d pushed Savannah away gently after her story about the abuse. I felt badly for her, but not enough to get back together. With a blank look, I said, “I’m sorry about what happened to you, Savannah, but you made your choice four years ago.”

“I didn’t make a choice; I made a mistake! I didn’t know—” she started.

I interrupted. “It doesn’t matter what it was. I love someone else now. But even if I didn’t, I wouldn’t want to go back. Our love couldn’t have been what I’d imagined or hoped if you were so easily swayed. We could have been together.” I shook my head. “Did you even know what that did to me? You chose the money, didn’t you? You didn’t want to give up your lifestyle and risk it with me. You didn’t believe in me.”

“Maybe I did care about the money! Is that so bad? Look at you, look at this place.” She swung her arms around. “Would you want to give this up?”

“I’d give it up in a second for Tiffany. Now, I want you to leave.”

I finally knew the true reason she’d chosen to let me go. I thought it might be for the love and approval of her family, but now I knew she rejected me for money. I’d lived not knowing the truth for all these years. She had me fooled, or I’d convinced myself it couldn’t be true.

When she left, I closed the door on her—including all my leftover emotions. I felt nothing for her. It was confirmed.

The only thing I regretted now was the time I’d wasted grieving for her.

I knew without a doubt that Tiffany was it for me, even before Savannah’s visit. I loved everything about her—the way her nose wrinkled when she was impatient, how she’d clap her hands when it was her turn to choose the movie we’d watch on Netflix, and I loved it when she shouted at the television when the ump made a bad call. And best of all—when she’d whisper my name at night.

All of it. I loved everything about her. She was mine, and I planned to make it forever.

It was too soon for a formal proposal; I knew that. I’d need more time and a few more hoops to jump through for her dad. But that would be fine with me. I’d already discovered he wasn’t anything like Savannah’s dad. He was a decent man, a man who wanted the best for his only child. I’d make sure I was the best. I’d prove it to her dad. The one thing I knew for sure—I wanted forever with her.

Tiffany and I hadn’t made plans for today, but I would remedy that. I reached for my phone. 
Shit.
 I forgot I’d left it in my car.
Damn
. I’d been distracted by the events of the past day so my misplaced cell hadn’t registered yet. I hoped I hadn’t missed any important calls, especially from Tiffany

I’d dropped by Tiffany’s condo unannounced before, so I was sure it wouldn’t be a problem. I’d take a quick shower, make some coffee then head over.

A knock at my door sounded before I made it to the bathroom. 
Now what?

I flung open my door to see Ben, the doorman, standing beyond the threshold. “I’m sorry to disturb you again, Mr. Jameson.” He straightened his tie. “I wanted to apologize again for the woman who made it up last night. I talked to security, and they have your new code.” He handed me a slip of paper with the code written on. “Also, I didn’t want to disturb you this morning, but someone dropped off your phone. I guess they found it in the lobby next to the elevators.”

“Great! I was just going to try to look for it. I thought I’d left it in my car.”

“Well, it looks like a Good Samaritan found it instead. Most people would steal a phone like yours.”

I’d upgraded to the Black Diamond Smart phone. I used my phone for work, and I needed to keep thousands of contacts at my fingertips. I slipped the phone into my pocket and started to close the door.

“One more thing. Miss Savannah is back in the lobby. She asked permission to come up to look for a lost earring.”

I rolled my eyes. I had a feeling when she left last night she wasn’t through trying to talk me into a renewed relationship. Savannah was always stubborn and determined when she wanted something. Now, I could add manipulative. Time to put a stop to it.

“Send her up.”

***

THE FIRST THING I noticed after arriving at Tiffany’s condo was that her car wasn’t parked in her usual spot. I grabbed my phone from my pocket and started to punch in my password. The usual screen didn’t come up. I examined my phone again. Yes, it was mine, but it was always password protected. I scrolled down to my contacts. 
Oh, no.
 Everything had been wiped clean. My contacts were gone, my text history, everything. It looked like someone stole my phone, used it for whatever purpose, and erased the entire history. I’d bet when I contacted my phone carrier there’d be a bunch of calls to Europe or something. Not a Good Samaritan after all.

I’d always believed cell phones made people lazy, including me. I programmed everyone’s number in and promptly forgot them. I didn’t even have Braydon’s or Tiffany’s numbers memorized. I’d input them and swiftly move on, not committing them to memory. That was a bad habit I vowed to change.

It was a beautiful day, and my best guess was that Tiffany would be out enjoying it with friends. Not wanting to spend the day inside staring at four walls, I decided to go to Alki Beach to kill a little time. It was a fun beach, even if I went alone. I enjoyed people watching and at Alki, there was always something interesting going on.

I took out my phone and checked it. No incoming calls. I called my sister to make sure it worked properly. It was one of the numbers I retained by memory.

“Hey, Becca,” I greeted.

“Hey, stranger!” Becca’s cheerful voice greeted me. She’d made a good life for herself which included a great husband and two beautiful little girls. “I’m checking to see if my phone works. I think someone borrowed it yesterday, and my entire history was cleared. What are you showing on your side?”

“It looks good on my end, but I’d call your carrier and see what happened. You lost all your contacts?”

“Yeah. I can transfer most of my work contacts from Braydon’s phone, so it shouldn't be a big deal. But, get this—I’ve forgotten his number
and
Tiffany’s.”

She laughed. “You forgot the love of your life’s number?”

 “How did you know? Am I that transparent?” I chuckled.

“Yep. I suspected at the end of February. When you came to visit in March, it was confirmed. It’s written all over your face, so if you want to keep it a secret, make sure not to talk about her,” she teased.

“I can’t wait for you to meet her. You’ll love her.”

Her voice went soft. “If you love her, I’ll love her.”

“Now I just have to find her. She’s not at her condo.”

“You’re stalking her?” She continued to laugh.

“No! I couldn’t call her, so I dropped by instead, to see if she wanted to go out with me today.” Was this stalking? No, I decided.

“Give the woman a day off. I’m sure she’ll call later.”

 “I guess I could do that. It’s weird how disconnected I feel without my phone. I didn’t realize how much I depend on it.”

“This will be good for you. Maybe the universe wants you to go technology-free this week. You work too hard. I know, before you say anything. You love it, but it wouldn’t hurt to take a breather.”

“I could do that. But I won’t take a breather from Tiffany. I plan to spend this week with her. That is if I can find her,” I said, laughing. But I started to get a nagging feeling, an unwelcomed one.

“Okay, Bec. I’ll see you later.”

“Later! Love you!’

“I love you, too.” I clicked off the phone.

A few hours later, I pulled back into the parking lot of Tiffany’s condo. Her spot remained empty. Taking a deep breath, I told myself to relax. It was four p.m. and Tiffany hadn’t called. She seemed tired yesterday, but good. We’d tackled a huge issue and resolved it. At least I thought it was resolved.

What was her damn number!

I stuffed my phone back into my pocket and went inside the building. If Tiffany wasn’t home, maybe Colin would be. I knocked first on Tiffany’s door, just in case. No surprise she didn’t answer. I tried Colin’s door next. Same. No answer.

By six, Tiffany still hadn’t shown up. Now I was getting concerned. I thought of my sister’s joking words—stalker. But we talked every day. This wasn’t like her. I became restless and worried. I decided to make the forty-five minute drive out to Braydon and Jain’s home in Carnation. It would give me something to do, and I could get Tiffany’s number from Jain. I didn’t want her to feel she needed to spend every day with me, although I loved the habit, but I did want to at least talk to her.

I pulled up to Braydon and Jain’s massive log home. Every time I visited, I was always a little awed by the huge size. Braydon’s driver answered the door.

 “Hi, Henry. I’m looking for Braydon.”

Henry cocked his head.

 “I lost the contacts on my cell.”

 “Ahh. That explains it. Braydon didn’t tell you? He took the family to the beach for a short vacation.”

I wanted to hit myself in the head. Now I remembered. He often took time off with his family and left me to mind the office. It wasn’t a big deal, but today I needed to reach him. I just wasted forty-five minutes driving. At least it was a distraction from the worry that had taken over.  

“Do you have Braydon’s number?”

“Sure.” He rattled it off from memory. At least someone used their brain.

“Might take you a while to get through. I heard Jain ask him to keep it off for the week. I don’t think she wanted any distractions. I’m sure he’ll check messages, though.”

 I thanked Henry and was on the road again. I tried to call Braydon, but as predicted, it went straight to voicemail. I left a message for him to call. I hoped he did it soon.