Talania - a Trip Down Memory Lane... (13 page)

“Help me empty the blankets out of here baby boy.” She starts throwing them on the bed.

I think my Mom has lost it worse than I have.

“Okay.” I drag it out and start helping.

“Don’t act like that Tristan. We’re going to put everything that reminds you of Evelyn into this trunk and store it away for a while.”

I pause with a blanket in my hand. Do I really want to do this? Do I want to pack away my infinity? Oh hell yes I do. She gave away our love and I don’t even fucking know what she gave it away for.

“Sounds like a plan.” As I toss the last blanket onto the bed, I whisper, “The Evelyn Trunk.”

I fucked up. My crazy-ass beautiful girl went through cancer and all I cared about in that fucking moment was making her feel bad. I’m sick and twisted.

“She’s gone Trist,” Drake mumbles behind me.

No, not again. I can’t fucking lose her again!

I slowly turn around. “What do you mean she’s gone?” I croak out.

“She went home,” he says with an attitude. Well, at least she’s going back to her dorm. I sigh in relief.

“No she went home.” Drake drags out the word home.

Home? What home? Laguna!

“You fucked up so bad Tristan. She is lost; she has been lost for years, especially in her mind. Then we come tramping back in and confuse the hell out of her; overwhelm her when she doesn’t even know who she is. You should have seen her Tristan. She’s empty!” He yells at me.

I start walking away from our practice room in my club. “Where the fuck do you think you’re going?” he growls. “We have a set!”

“I’m going to fix this. Fuck the set!”

“Good!” He yells.

It takes me no time to get to Laguna. If my parents knew I was here without stopping by they would skin me alive, but right now, I need to fix this. I screwed up so bad. I pressured her and made her feel bad. I’m a fucking animal. I park next to a Mustang I assume is hers. I waste no time getting out of my Jeep and jogging to the door. I ring the doorbell only once. It feels like hours go by before I hear the dead bolt click and see the door opening wide. I take one look at my infinity and curse myself.

What the fuck have I done?

She’s looking at the ground and not at me, hugging a bottle of wine so damn tightly against her chest. She turns and walks back to the family room. I silently follow her, shutting the door.

She tilts the bottle to her lips and then back down. “Shit!” She bends down, picking up an envelope and handing it to me before heading to the kitchen, probably for more wine.

It takes everything I have to look away from her walking away, but I manage to look down at the envelope I have grasped in my hands. I run my fingers over the writing.

To Tristan my infinity

I gulp and open the envelope, slowly taking the letter out. Tears are already forming in my eyes.

My Tristan,

If you are reading this that means I forgot you. I want you to know it wasn’t on purpose. I guess I’m really sick.

I run my fingers over what looks to be dried tearstains.

It’s September 16, 2008, exactly one month since I have last seen you and three weeks, two days and four hours since I have last talked to you. You’re going nuts by now I’m sure. I have already lost some of my memories, not all, but enough for the doctors to prepare me. You see, I have brain cancer. The tumor is sitting on my memories of you babe and I am losing them slowly. There is a 99.9 percent chance I won’t remember you after my surgery. I have to give myself something to look back on of our time together, if I make it out of this alive.

They say healing will be hard enough, let alone dealing with being sad that I am missing something or someone I no longer have those memories of. My mom is calling your parents on Thanksgiving and telling them. I am glad I won’t be there because I know you and Drake are going to be devastated, especially if I don’t make it out.

I take the bottom of my shirt to my eyes, wiping the tears that are freely falling down my face. I feel her presence again and it causes me to look up. She looks how I feel. She has two bottles of wine in her hands. She sets one down and pops the cork in the other, handing it to me. I take it and start drinking while she pops hers. She silently gestures me to keep reading. I force myself to look away from her beautiful tear streaked face.

How screwed up is this Babe? One month later and I’m dying. One month after we promised, no matter what happens, we would be one another's infinity and I am freaking dying. They say it’s what is best for me. You always stress how important it is to do what’s best for me. I hate that they are making me leave you. I hate them and I hate this stupid tumor that is making me forget you. I just hope someday that you get this letter and I hope that I am the person giving it to you. I am putting all our memories together so one day, if I survive, I can have these stolen memories back.

I only hope that you live out our dream of rocking it out in Talania and going to college. I hope that you are happy. I want you to know Tristan Monroe that you are and always will be the best thing that has happened to me, even in our tender teenage years. Wow, that makes me sound old. Oh, the irony. Okay, I am serious, if when you read this, you still hate me for leaving you, I want you to know, no, I need you to know, that I love you. You are my love, my promised one with infinity stamped on you. I am so sorry I forgot you. Please forgive me for breaking our promise.

Love always,

Your crazy-ass beautiful girl.

XoXo Infinity

Fuck being strong! I fall to the floor and let it all out. I see her knees drop to the carpet and I look up. She’s gulping her wine while crying and looking at me. My heart is being ripped out of my fucking chest again! She sets the bottle down, sighing and wiping her eyes. I finally calm down and drink nearly all my wine. Forever passes by without either one of us saying a word. I need to break the silence. It’s killing me.

“So are these the memory boxes?”

She looks from me to the boxes. “Yeah. I just opened that one when I spotted the letter I wrote myself and the letter I wrote you.” She gestures to the paper still tightly in my grip.

“Can I read your letter?” she whispers.

Why can’t she? She wrote it.

“Evelyn, you wrote it. Of course you can read it.” I hand her my letter.

A few moments go by before she hands it back.

“What promise did we make to one another? The one you said you wished you never made. It’s in the letter,” she whispers.

“Maybe if you see and heard the promise it would be better.” I gesture towards her boxes. “I know you have a copy. If you kept everything it should be in here.” We move over to the boxes, emptying the contents onto the floor. I start putting them in a time line like order.

“What are you doing?” She laughs, even though it is a sad broken laugh.

“I am making out a time line that we can see.” I shrug.

As I am going through our keepsakes from carnivals, dates and everything else, I decide I need more wine.

“Can I grab some more wine?”

She nods her head, too focused going through everything.

When I come back in, Evelyn is sitting completely still, staring at something in her hands. I take a few steps forward and then I see it: ‘The Promise’.

“I see you found part of the promise,” I mumble.

“Tristan, what is this?” she whispers.

“It’s exactly what it looks like.”

“We were teenagers.” She looks up at me, eyes bloodshot.

“Yeah, but we were teenagers desperately in love. Would you like to watch the video? You should have it—,” She scrambles through the piles of DVD jewel cases before I can even finish my sentence.

“What’s it labeled Tristan?” She’s literally scrambling around.

If I wasn’t so sad I would laugh, but her angry tone catches me off guard.

“Tristan, WHAT IS IT LABELED? I know you know.” She is frantically flipping through the cases.

“The promise,” I whisper.

Why does this shit have to be so hard?

“Got it!” She pops up from the floor so fast it makes my head spin. I notice the other part of ‘the promise’ is still in her other hand.

She turns on the big screen, grabs the remote to turn on the DVD player, and pops the disc in. After she pushes play, she just stands there, waiting.

I close my eyes, because this one video is all me.

My voice comes crackling through the speakers.

“You see all this my crazy-ass beautiful girl? I actually freaking lit candles, set up dinner and everything.”

I drag the camera around, filming it all.

“I bet you’re going to be happy I finally found a use for my birthday camera. No matter what happens tonight, you will always be mine, with my love, to infinity.”

Her sweet voice comes on.

“Tristan? What is all this”? I set the camera on the stand, focusing it on her.

“Tristan, what are you doing?”

Here comes the longest speech of my life.

“My crazy-ass beautiful girl, I love you. I promise to love only you. I promise to remember only you. I promise to marry only you. I promise to make love only to you. I promise there will be no one else but you. I know we are young and we have our entire lives ahead of us, but I can’t wait anymore. I need to make this promise to you now.”

I drop to one knee, pulling out a ring box.

“Tristan! Oh shit, what did you do?” She gasps, throwing a hand over her mouth.

I look over at Evelyn and she is staring at the T.V, not making any movements. Her face has paled and it doesn’t even look like she’s breathing. I don’t like that.

“There are a million reasons why I love you, but it would take forever to name them so I will just say a few. I love how you love me as if our lives depend on it. I love your laugh, your voice, your touch. I love how when you get mad at me you don’t throw a fit; you simmer down and fix us. I love how you treat my brother as your own. I love how you call my parents Mom and Dad. I love you for taking one of my most embarrassing moments and turning it into something funny. I love how you just roll with everything. I love how smart you are. I love how beautiful you are but the main reason I love you is for how special you are to me.