Tales From Sea Glass Inn (30 page)

“I do. It reminds me that none of us knows
the future. My aunt passed away four years ago, and Jocelyn is alive and well.”

“Jocelyn. The owner of the bookstore in
town?” Tam had been wondering why Maggie looked vaguely familiar. She’d thought
she must have been one of the volunteers after the oil spill, helping to clean
the birds and animals. Tam didn’t believe she would have walked past Maggie
anytime, in any situation, and not notice her. “I met her when I worked at the
rescue center after the spill. I was in her shop a couple of times, too.”

Maggie laughed. “Did she recommend just the
right book for you to read?”

“Three of them, actually. I thought it might
have been a sales gimmick, but then I started reading the books and realized
she was eerily accurate with her choices. She looked healthy and happy. I take
it she made a full recovery?”

“Yes. After chemo, surgery, radiation, and a
stem-cell transplant.”

“From you.” Tam didn’t need to ask the
question, she simply stated it as a fact. Maggie had looked away when she
mentioned that aspect of Jocelyn’s treatment. She had no doubt Maggie, even as
a child, hadn’t hesitated to offer anything her sister might have needed to
survive. “Given freely, I’m sure.”

“Tam, don’t compare our situations. She’s my
twin, and we’ve always been close. We still are. Would I have made a different
choice if I’d been older? If we’d lost touch for years, or if she’d been
someone who had abandoned me? Perhaps. Every situation is different, but some
things are the same in this ward. Entire families, not just the patients,
experience emotional upheaval and face nearly impossible choices.”

Maggie came around her desk and leaned
against it near Tam’s chair. “I’m here for you, Tam, if you ever need to talk.
I’ll explain the procedures as many times as you need and answer any questions
you might have. If you just want a friend to talk to, I’m available for that,
too.”

Tam wanted to shift her legs an inch or two
to the right and make contact with Maggie’s calves. She reminded herself that
Maggie was only making this offer because of her job, not because she cared
about Tam in particular. She might take her up on it, though. If only because
she wanted a chance to spend more time with her and learn more about her.

Tam stood, her leg gently brushing against
Maggie’s. The barest of touches, but the sensation coursed through Tam’s nerves
until she felt as if Maggie was touching her everywhere.

“Maybe, someday. I’m sure I’ll have questions
as we go along.” Tam cleared her throat. She was trying to sound noncommittal
and unaffected by Maggie’s closeness. She needed to get away before she made a
fool of herself and asked Maggie on a date when she was only trying to be a
kind and helpful physician. Tam grabbed at the first excuse she could call to
mind. “I should go. I wouldn’t want to be late for my doctor’s appointment.”

Tam left the office and closed the door,
leaning against it for a moment before walking toward the elevator. She was
strong and didn’t rely on anyone. Usually. Now she was forging a distant but undeniable
connection with her father by agreeing to the tests, and she seemed to have a
crush on his doctor. She’d get through the day and get out of this place. On
her boat, on the open sea, and heading south. Away from Cannon Beach and all
the complications it seemed to provoke.

*

Maggie came through the open front door to
the Sea Glass Inn and poked her head in the kitchen, looking for Mel. The room
was empty, as were the dining and living rooms. She leaned against the banister
of the staircase leading down to the private downstairs rooms.

“Mel? Pam? Are you here?” she called. No
answer. A glance out the kitchen window let her know Pam wasn’t in her art
studio. Maggie sighed. She’d hoped to find her friends here and had used
Jocelyn’s book club as an excuse to come to the inn. Usually members came to
the bookstore and bought copies of the next month’s selection, but these had
been delivered behind schedule, and Maggie had volunteered to bring them here.

She put the books on the kitchen counter and
snagged a couple of cookies from a jar shaped like a killer whale. Mel always
kept it full of something sweet for her guests, and Maggie couldn’t resist a
snickerdoodle. She took another for the road and was about to leave when the
real reason she had come to the inn walked down the main staircase.

Tam was wearing cargo pants and a
long-sleeved T-shirt with the Oregon State beaver mascot emblazoned across the
chest. Her blond hair was clipped off her face and she had an army-green
backpack slung over one shoulder. As one of Maggie’s attempts at bravery, she
had come here to casually prod Mel and Pam for information about their
houseguest. She knew little about Tam except that she had a job here in town
but no place to live yet. Maggie wasn’t sure her fledgling courage was ready
for a direct conversation outside the comfort zone of her hospital, but she
didn’t have a choice. Tam saw her and changed course, coming into the kitchen
instead of continuing on toward the front door.

“Hi, Maggie. What brings you here? Oh no…”

Maggie’s smile faded as she watched Tam move
one step ahead of her to the wrong conclusion. “Your dad is fine, Tam,” she
hastened to assure her. “I didn’t mean to frighten you.”

Tam brushed off Maggie’s concern with a sound
of dismissal, but Maggie had seen Tam’s expression change from a friendly smile
of greeting to a pale look of concern in a heartbeat. “You didn’t. I just
didn’t expect to see you here.”

Maggie held up a cookie. Tam was obviously
disconcerted by her own concern about her father. She kept emphasizing the
distance between them, but she had been visibly shaken when she thought Maggie
was here with bad news. Maggie knew her best option was to change the subject
and let Tam deal with her emotions in her own time. “I’m here to deliver books
and to swipe a snack. You look ready for a trek.”

“I’m checking some inland ponds today.
Counting birds, collecting blood samples, checking for oil residue. That sort
of thing. My favorite part of my job.”

Maggie leaned her hip against the counter. “I
don’t even know where you work.”

“That’s funny,” Tam said with a wry grin.
“Since you’ve learned more about my personal life and past than most people
know. I’m in charge of the new Department of Fish and Wildlife field office in
Cannon Beach.”

“Ah,” Maggie said. She wasn’t sure how to keep
Tam here and talking when she had work to do. Next best thing? “Can I come with
you?”

Tam raised her eyebrows. “Are you sure? It
involves a lot of slogging through marshy areas and the occasional dunking if
you slip and fall.”

“I don’t mind a little pond water,” Maggie
said, trying to keep her mind off all the water- and mosquito-borne diseases
she’d learned about in medical school. “There aren’t leeches, though, are
there? I’ll have to draw the line at leeches.”

“Don’t worry. I’ll pluck them off you if we
encounter any.”

“Comforting,” Maggie said. “I’d offer to
reciprocate, but no way am I touching one.”

Tam laughed. “Okay. I’ll be in charge of
leech removal.” She fished through her backpack and got out a plastic bag with
a spiral-bound notebook and pen inside. “You can be the record keeper.”

Tam held out the bag, but Maggie didn’t take
it. “You want me to be your secretary?”

“No? Well, how about you be in charge of
counting lice eggs on the birds we capture.” She started to return the notebook
to her backpack, but Maggie reached for it.

“I have really neat penmanship,” she said.
“You can add lice to your list of duties.”

“Cool. Come on. I have an extra pair of
waders in the car.”

Maggie got in Tam’s white SUV and buckled her
seat belt. Such normal actions, but she felt more alive than she had during her
skydiving adventure. This was the feeling she had been looking for. She’d done
things she thought of as brave or foolhardy or exciting, hoping to feel a rush
of pride in conquering her fears. Instead, she had felt let down, as if the
accomplishments meant little or nothing in her life. Somehow sitting here with
Tam, about to spend some of her day off traipsing through swamps, had more
meaning than anything else she’d done lately.

“Any news on my test results?” Tam asked with
a seemingly feigned air of indifference. She glanced over her shoulder and
backed onto the road.

“Too soon to say,” Maggie said. She’d seen
the preliminary results, of course, and the likelihood was good that Tam would
be a suitable donor. She didn’t like to speculate, though. Her instincts were
usually right, but she couldn’t offer them as a medical opinion. She also
thought Tam might be better off with a little more time to think about the role
she was willing to play in her dad’s treatment.

“We’ve sent the packet to the surgeon in
Portland who would perform the transplant. He’ll either give us an answer soon,
or ask for more tests to be performed.”

“More needles. Great.”

“Oh, do they bother you?” Maggie asked. She
gently poked Tam in the ribs. “We can always use leeches to suck out your blood
instead.”

“Let’s stick with needles.” Tam laughed and
grabbed Maggie’s hand, holding it for a long moment before she let go. She
sighed then, and her smile vanished. “You said you see people with relationship
issues all the time. How do they forgive and move on? I thought my father had
taken everything he could from me. My childhood, my mother, the relationships I
have now. He took those from me and changed them forever. And now he wants
more. What if he takes my liver and disappears from my life again? Or worse,
what if he wants to barge in to my life?”

Maggie looked out at the passing scenery
while she gathered her thoughts. Dark fir trees were interspersed with lighter
green deciduous growth. Spring was filling in the spaces left by winter. She
stared at the thick vegetation, parting now and again to give glimpses of the
gray, wintery Pacific Ocean, and considered different philosophical arguments
for forgiving and letting go, case studies or personal stories to help guide
Tam to a decision she would be able to live with. Maggie rejected them all. She
couldn’t guarantee Tam’s father would stick around, or that Tam would even want
him back in her life.

“What if there was a person on the side of
the road, wounded and bleeding,” she said, condensing her philosophy to its
simplest form. “Would you drive by and ignore him, or stop to help? And if you
stop, would you interrogate him before you stopped the bleeding? Maybe ask him
what he’s done wrong in his life, or demand to know if he’ll stick around and
be your friend after you help him? Or do you save his life, just because it’s…”

“The right thing to do.” Tam finished the
sentence.

“I wasn’t going to say that,” Maggie said.
“No right or wrong, just what is most aligned with who
you
are. Not who he is,
what he’s done, or what he’ll do in the future.”

Tam turned off the main highway onto a
rutted, barely paved road. She rubbed her forehead with her left hand. “You
make everything seem so clear when you’re talking to me. But when I’m alone, I
have questions and doubts. Yes, I’d stop to help anybody who’s hurt, but this
is personal, not general.”

Tam parked on the shoulder at a wide spot on
the road, but she didn’t make any move to get out of the car.

“I understand,” Maggie said. “It’s not like
you’re handing your dad a pill to take and he’ll get better. You’re going
through an invasive procedure and giving him something that is part of your
body. Your essence. Or”—she shrugged—“just think of it like you’re giving him a
pill that will make him better. After a short time, you won’t even notice it’s
gone.”

Tam put her hand on her belly in a gesture
Maggie had seen her make several times, as if reassuring herself that she was
still intact. After a moment, Tam sighed and raised her hand, brushing Maggie’s
cheek with her fingers. Maggie felt the roughness of outdoor work in Tam’s
touch and she craved more. Too soon, though, Tam moved away and opened her car
door.

Maggie got out, too, and climbed into the
rubber waders Tam found in the back of her car. The loose fit and unyielding
material took time to get used to as she followed Tam along what must have been
a deer trail. The spring day was chilly, but whenever the sun found strength to
break through the clouds, the temperature inside the rubber boots rose
uncomfortably high. First the baggy jumpsuit and now the too-large waders.
Maggie decided she needed to find an adventurous hobby with a better-fitting
wardrobe.

She imitated Tam and dropped to a crouching
walk as the trees thinned. Maggie was looking ahead, trying to figure out how a
pond could possibly be hidden among all these trees, when Tam reached out and
grabbed her around the waist.

“Careful,” she whispered, pointing at the
ground. The solid dirt changed to wet muck right in front of Maggie. Tam kept
her hand and led her past the thick mud and up a small incline. Once they
reached the base of a huge cottonwood, the forest seemed to expand and create
space for the wide, still body of water.

“Oh.” Maggie exhaled softly as she looked
around. Glistening red and blue dragonflies zipped past, occasionally settling
on the surface of the water. Birds flitted overhead, tiny silhouettes of dark
among the bright leaves. Shadows from the canopy of trees speckled the entire area.
Tam sat with her back to the tree and patted the ground next to her. Maggie
squeezed close beside her, awed by the small circle of magic she’d never
realized existed so close to her home.

Tam gestured at the notebook, and Maggie
gingerly opened the plastic bag and took it out as quietly as she could. Tam
handed Maggie a pair of binoculars before she raised her own to her eyes and
began to whisper types and numbers of birds. At first, Maggie merely
transcribed what Tam was saying, but she soon caught on to the methodical way
Tam identified and estimated bird species. Before long, Maggie was adding her
own notes to the margin of the page and pointing out birds she recognized to
Tam.