Tales from the Yoga Studio (33 page)

“I don't get paid to do that,” she says. “You didn't know? I do it for free. Unless the idea of touching the guy makes me feel like throwing up.”

“You know what your problem is? ” he says. “I don't think you like men at all. You should just come out and get it over with. You're in love with Lee.”

“Well,” she says, and slings her pack to her shoulder, “that makes one of us.”

Alan stomps back into the studio and then storms back out like the petulant child he is. “And don't leave your bike back here. It clutters up the patio and the YogaHappens guys might be around this afternoon, and I don't want it looking like shit back here.”

She could just leave the bike where it is and he'd keep his mouth shut, probably for fear she'd go to Lee. But the thing is, once you get in the habit of owing people nothing, you get addicted to it. She unlocks the bike and sits sidesaddle on the seat and coasts out to the sidewalk. She locks it to one of the street signs—
out of view of the studio, Alan, okay?
—looping the chain through both wheels. She pats the bicycle seat and says, “Now you be a good girl and don't
go
anywhere. I'll be right back.”

L
ee is so rattled and agitated by the phone call with her mother that she arrives at Edendale ten minutes later than she planned. She can see that there's a crowd assembled in the yoga room, and she can hear Alan playing, warming them up, in a sense. He claims not to like the harmonium—it's perfect for classes, but not terribly versatile—but he took to it quickly, and when he starts playing, he seems to lose himself and go into a trance. Listening to the haunting, repetitive sound of the instrument, students in classes seem to go inward as well.

Hearing the beauty of his music is reassuring to her. She doesn't pretend to think Alan is perfect—any more than she is herself—but her mother really ought to give him credit where it's been earned, and in terms of musical talent he clearly has earned credit.

“Lee,” Tina says from behind the product counter, “I know you're going into class, but could you come here for a minute?”

Brian/Boner is standing off to the side of the counter, and if Lee didn't know better (by which she means she hopes she's wrong) she could swear he's flirting with Tina.
Oh, please, Tina,
she feels like saying,
don't fall for this guy.
He's got that exhibitionist streak, and he must be close to twenty years older than Tina.

“Hi, Lee,” he says. “You've got a good crowd today. I think you're going to be happy with it.”

“Sundays are unpredictable,” she says, “but it looks that way. I'm happy to see you're here.”

“I'm trying to come three times a week,” he says. “It gets me in touch with my spiritual side. Especially with the music. It really opens me up.”

Hopefully not too much,
she wants to say. “That's great. What did you want to discuss, Tina?”

“Brian has an issue with the merchandise, and . . . maybe you should explain it yourself.”

It would be a lot simpler to count up the people who
don't
have an issue with the merchandise. If Tina had stocked bubble gum and chocolate it might have been simpler.

“It's not a big deal,” he says. “But the thing is, Lee, you're not selling any products for men here. The outfits, the Kegel exercisers, the toe rings, the bags. All for women.”

Lee hates this kind of argument. Does he really feel left out, or is he just trying to make trouble? The funny thing is, though, thinking about the fact that this annoying business with the merchandise is about to end when she closes the studio, Lee is suddenly filled with melancholy.

“Was there something in particular you wanted?”

“Well, if you're going to stock women's underwear and bras, I think you really need to stock jockstraps as well.”

“I see.”

“Otherwise it just looks sexist, and it's tough enough for us men being so outnumbered by women in classes.”

Oh, boy. Where does she even begin with this one? It seems like a given that one of the reasons he comes to classes is to be surrounded by women. Could it be that he feels he's not getting enough attention?
I know of some workshops in Connecticut that might interest you,
she's tempted to say.
I have a feeling you'd get a lot of attention there. And probably wouldn't need to wear
anything.

“There's still a stigma in a lot of places about men taking yoga classes,” he goes on. “It takes a lot of guts, Lee, for men to come to classes. You have to be secure in your masculinity.”

“Oh, God,” Tina says. “I really didn't mean to offend anyone, I swear. But honestly, Brian, no one here questions your masculinity.”

Tough to do when constantly presented with the evidence of same. Lee is tempted to tell Brian that if he'd actually wear underwear of any kind, she'd be happy to buy it for him herself.

“The thing is,” Lee says, “I'm going to make an announcement in class today, so you'll be finding out anyway. I'm afraid there are going to be some big changes here in the next month. I don't think you should do any advance orders . . . well, on anything, Tina.”

Tina's pinched, pretty face crumples. “You're closing the studio?”

“I'm afraid so, Tina. I'm sorry. I was planning to tell you before I made the announcement in class, but I got here a little late. . . .”

But Tina is already starting to cry, so there's no point in going on. Brian seizes the opportunity and has her in a bear hug, petting her hair, telling her it's all right, and glaring at Lee.

It's definitely time to start class.

M
idway through class, Katherine begins to feel hypnotized by the sounds of Alan's portable harmonium and the improvisational chanting he does to go along with it. Given the way she feels about Alan, it's a real testament to his talent that she's able to get lost in his music. The vibrations of the notes as his fingers play over the keyboard have a way of getting under your skin, and the little bellows at the back of the instrument that he pumps with his left hand make it even easier to sink into the breathing instructions that Lee is giving. In fact, there's a way in which the two of them seem to be more in sync than she's used to seeing. It's doubtful they worked out the routine ahead of time; they've just fallen into it naturally. Maybe this bodes well for the marriage. You never know what goes on in people's lives behind closed doors, and if this synchronicity of theirs in class is an indication of their private chemistry, she can only be happy for Lee.

Men cheat. (And it's not as if she has a perfect fidelity record.) Someone as narcissistic as Alan is probably capable of doing so without feeling anything for the person he's cheating with. He'll move back in, and poor Barrett will have to nurse her own wounds. Some things are better left unknown, unspoken. If husbands and wives confessed every indiscretion to each other, the divorce rate would be even higher than it is already.

And when she looks at the class, it's as if everyone is flowing and dancing, hearing Lee's words and Alan's music and letting their bodies respond. The deep lunges, the long stretches, the beautiful silent floating, the arching back bends, and the magic of thirty people breathing in unison creates a feeling of connection and community that goes far beyond anything that can be deconstructed.

It will be sad to lose this. There are plenty of other places to practice, but this feeling of community is going to be a lot harder to find. Graciela and Stephanie are in class, and Imani finally made a return visit, this time with Becky Antrim in tow. There was the initial murmur and gasp of recognition, but eventually everyone settled down.

At the end of class, Lee slowly brings them out of a deep meditative savasana and has them sit up with their hands on their knees. Katherine knows what's coming and feels a little anxiety deep inside. This will make it all too real. No turning back.

“As you know,” Lee says, “we spend a lot of time in class talking about letting go. Letting go of tension, letting go of expectations, letting go of fear. Because the truth is, you can't advance in your practice unless you let go of your fear of falling over or turning upside down, your fear of looking foolish or failing. Or farting, for that matter! If you think about the first time you did a headstand, you can maybe remember the leap of faith it took to finally feel your feet lifting off the floor and realize that you're still standing. Just not the way you usually do.

“But as you know, the physical postures are just the vehicle to achieve the deeper changes elsewhere in your life. So I've come to a moment in my life when in order to move on, I find I have to let go of something I love. Specifically, this studio.

“Alan and I have an opportunity to do our teaching and music in a different setting, and in order to do that, we will be closing the studio in two weeks.”

Katherine had no idea what to expect, but she wasn't prepared for silence. She makes eye contact with Lee and shrugs.

“Does anyone have any questions?” Lee asks. One hand goes up. “Carol?”

“I lost a pair of sunglasses here last week, and I'm wondering if anyone found them.”

“What did they look like? ” a dark-haired woman who frequently naps during savasana asks.

“Cheap red plastic. I got them at the drugstore, but I like them.”

“We'll look in lost and found,” Lee says. “Any other questions?”

“I might have a class or two left on my ten-pass,” Roger says. “What am I supposed to do with it?”

“We'll deal with those individually as they come up,” Lee says. Alan, Katherine's been told, has devised a plan for this. “Anything else? Sharon?”

“I'm assuming you're going to have a clearance sale on mats and some of the other stuff up front. Any idea what the mark-down will be?”

“You should talk with Tina next week. She and I will try to figure something out.”

People have already started to roll up their mats, and Katherine can tell from the look on Lee's face that she's feeling a little foolish for having made such a big deal about the announcement. She sees a few sad faces, and then Andrea, a woman who has been a regular for years now, raises her hand. “Andrea?”

She looks at Lee for a moment, and the activity in the room comes to a stop. All the students turn toward her. She looks a little lost and dumbfounded.

“Did you want to ask something, Andrea?”

“What—what are we supposed to do?”

“How do you mean?”

“What are we supposed to do without you?” she asks.

That's when Tina starts crying loudly and runs to Brian for comfort.

A
fter class, Stephanie, Graciela, Imani, and Becky decide to go to Café Crème across the street, and they ask Katherine to join them. Katherine can tell that Lee wants her to stay and talk with her, to help her process what happened at the end of class, but for the moment, Katherine feels a stronger allegiance to her other friends. It's as if they've all been abandoned by Lee and need to band together. Besides which, Katherine's been a big fan of Becky Antrim for years. She's not going to pass up the opportunity to sit across from her with a latte.