Tales of the Marvellous and News of the Strange (Hardcover Classics) (13 page)

‘He kept on encouraging me and gesturing with his hand as though he was putting food in my mouth but as he described the various dishes I was getting hungrier and hungrier and would have been happy with a loaf of barley bread. “Bring up the mixed fries,” he called, saying that he had never found anything tastier than the spices that flavoured them or than the marvellous
burani
mixture
. When I told him that this was enough, he called for the sweet, urging me to taste the excellent fresh almond cakes and to take one of the sweetmeats that he was holding before the sesame oil ran down from it. I thanked him and moved my mouth and my jaws as though I was chewing, and he then urged me to go on to another sweetmeat made from almonds, but I said that I had had enough and could not eat another thing.

‘He ordered the table to be taken away and told me to wash my hands, and although I said no he insisted and I made a pretence of washing although I was desperately hungry. I thought about this and said to myself: “By God, I shall do something to make him sorry so that he never does it again.” “Taste this glass of wine and tell me if you like it,” my host said, and I told him: “It has a good colour and a pleasant bouquet, but I’m only in the habit of drinking old wine.” He called for a ten-year-old wine and told me to taste it but warned me that it was so strong that nobody could drink a full tankard of it. I said that I would like a
ratl
, and he ordered it to be brought. “This is what I enjoy,” I told him, and I pretended to be drinking. “Cheers,” he said and joined in the pretence of drinking. I then asked for another to drink and when I had “drunk” it, I pretended to be drunk. He swore that I should drink yet another, and when I told him that I couldn’t, he insisted. I made a show of drinking the next and then, pretending not to know what I was doing, I lifted my arm high enough to show my armpit and struck the middle of his head, knocking him down on his face, and I then followed this up with two more blows. “What’s this, you scum?” he exclaimed and I told him: “Sir, I am your servant and your guest. You invited me into your house and gave me food as well as old wine to drink, but I got drunk and became quarrelsome. You should put up with this and forgive me.” At this he laughed so loudly that he fell over on his back. Then he said:
“Man, I have been playing this joke on people for a long time, and you are the only one amongst them whom I have found with enough intelligence and wit to enter into it. I forgive you for what you did, and now you will become my real drinking companion and never leave me.”

‘A number of servants and pages appeared at his command, all differently dressed, and he told them to bring out a real table with all sorts of hot and cold foods, and then all the dishes that he had described were produced and we ate our fill, before washing our hands when he said. After this we moved to an elegant room, where we ate from the fine fruits that were set out there. A number of girls wearing ornaments of all kinds appeared and began to sing, and we stayed enjoying ourselves to the full until we fell under the influence of drink. He became very friendly, and I answered all his questions, discovering him to have great affection for me. He presented me with robes of honour and gifts until we became inseparable.

‘I spent the night in his house, and next day we enjoyed ourselves in the same way again. When that had been going on for ten days, he put me in charge of all his affairs, and everything was at my disposal. Things went on like that for twenty years, but on his death the sultan took over all his wealth and mine as well, reducing me to poverty. Hardship and distress made me flee from the city, carrying with me everything that I had left, but Bedouin ambushed me on the way. They took me captive and after seizing all I had they tied me up and brought me to their camp.

‘My captor would come and beat me every day, telling me that unless I ransomed myself he would cut me in bits. I began to weep and cry out, and after leaving me for two days he came back on the third and repeated his demand for a ransom. I told him that I had no money with me and I could not fetch a single dirham. “I am your captive,” I told him, “so do what you want.” He took out a knife and cut off my lips, and there was no trick that I could play. I did not know what to do as he pressed his demand, saying: “By God, if you don’t pay, I’ll kill you.”

This Bedouin had a pretty wife, and every day when he went out she would make advances to me and try to seduce me, although I did not yield. One day he came in unexpectedly when I was weakening and she was sitting on my lap. When he saw this he went up to her and struck her a painful blow. To me he said: “You damned man, did you want to get your own back for what I did to you through my wife?” and, taking out his knife, he cut off my penis. I collapsed unconscious, and he then put me on a camel and threw me down at the foot of a mountain. When
I came to my senses I saw that I was near to death, so I started to walk a few steps at a time until I came across these people, whom I joined. This is my story.’

The king was amazed by these stories and wondered how they had come together and what the bond between them could be, to which they said: ‘Deformity, exile and poverty.” At that he gave them robes of honour and provided them with generous bounty before sending them off happy at what they had received from him.

The king called for the man with the severed ear and saw on his face and head marks of a beating. On being asked about this the man called down a blessing on the king and said: ‘Your Majesty, I was a poor man and lived off what I could get by begging. My old father fell ill and died leaving a hundred dirhams and nothing else. This perplexed me as I didn’t know what to do with the money, but as I was thinking it over it occurred to me to use it all to buy various kinds of glass, sell them and take advantage of the profit they would bring me. So I bought the glass and put the items on a large tray and sat down in a place where I could sell them. Next to me was a tailor who had a balustrade by his shop door, against which I leaned.

‘I sat there plunged in thought, telling myself that the capital I had invested in the glass was a hundred dinars. I would sell it for two hundred and then use this to buy more, which I would sell for four hundred, and carry on like this until I had four thousand dirhams. I would continue trading and move my goods to such-and-such a spot, where I would sell them for eight thousand dirhams, which I would use to buy and sell until I had ten thousand. With this I would buy perfume and all kinds of jewels and make a huge profit. Then I would buy a splendid house as well as mamluks and other fine houses as well as riding beasts with trappings of gold, and I would indulge myself in eating, drinking and amusing myself
.
I would send messages to every singing girl in the city and have my way with them. Whenever I needed something I would sell some of my jewels and spend the money and I would use the rest to go on trading until my capital reached a hundred thousand dinars. Then I would send marriage brokers to look for princesses and the daughters of viziers.

‘I would ask for the hand of the daughter of the vizier of my city as I had heard that she was perfect in all respects as well as being strikingly beautiful. I would offer a dowry of a thousand dinars and if they were not satisfied with this I would take her from them by force in spite of her father and mother. When she came to my house I would buy ten young eunuchs and have various different clothes and girdles made for them. I would have a heavy saddle made of gold and stud it with gems and then ride round the city with people greeting me and calling down blessings on me. When I came into the presence of the vizier with servants to the right and left of me, he would get up for me and after he had come forward to greet me, I would sit in his seat and he would sit below me, as I was his son-in-law. Two of my servants would carry two purses containing the thousand-dinar dowry I had got ready and I would add another two thousand to show my generosity as well as how little attention I paid to things of this world.

‘I would then return home and if a messenger came to me from my wife I would present him with a gift and a robe of honour, while if he brought a gift for me I would not accept it but return it to him and I would leave my bride where she was. She would be decked out and when this was done she would be brought to me. My house would be put in order, and when the time had come for me to be left alone with her I would put on my finest clothes and take my seat on a dais covered with regal brocade, looking neither left nor right to show the soundness of my intelligence and my high-mindedness. My bride would be standing like a full moon in all her finery, but my self-esteem and pride would not allow me to glance at her. Everyone there would say: “Master, favour your wife and your servant with a glance as she stands before you, for to stand like this does her harm.” When they had kissed the ground a number of times I would raise my head and give her a single glance and then lower my head again.

‘As her attendants took her off I would get up and change my clothes for something finer, and when she was brought back for the second time I would not look at her until they had asked me many times, when I would spare her a brief glance and then look down. I would go on doing this until the ceremony of unveiling was complete. Then I would tell one of the eunuchs to bring a purse of five hundred dinars, which I would give to the bride’s attendants, telling them to leave me alone with her.

‘ “When I am alone with her I shall [not] show her any respect or affection and when sleeping with her in the same bed I shall treat her with
contempt and not approach her. Her mother will come and kiss my hands and feet, saying: ‘Master, look at your maid-servant, for she is longing for you to approach her. Stretch out your hand to her.’ I shall make no reply, and on seeing that she will get up and kiss my foot, saying: ‘Master, my daughter is a girl who has never seen a man, and if she finds you holding back like this she will be heartbroken. So turn to her, speak to her and console her.’ She will then give her daughter a goblet of wine, telling her to urge me to drink it. When she comes to me I shall leave her standing in front of me and not look up at her until she feels humiliated and realizes that I am a mighty sultan of great power. She will implore me for God’s sake not to reject what she is handing me, as she is my servant and my slave. When I say nothing, she will press me, and I shall shake my fist in her face.”

‘I then did shake my fist, and it came down on the tray with the glasses, which I had put up above me. It fell to the ground and everything on it was smashed. “This is all your fault thanks to your pride and stupidity about your glass,” the tailor called out to me, “and were it up to me, I would give you a hundred lashes and have you paraded around the city.” I began to weep and to slap myself. People were on their way to Friday prayer and while some were sorry for me others did not care. As for me I had lost both profit and capital.

‘I had stayed there for a time in tears, when a beautiful woman passed by. She was mounted on a fine donkey with a heavy saddle, and she exuded a scent of musk as she went on her way to Friday prayer. When she saw me slapping my face and weeping she felt sorry for me and asked me what was wrong. People told her: “This man was sitting there with a tray of glasses from which he hoped to make a living as it was the only thing he had, but it fell down, and all the glasses were smashed. That is the reason for this display of grief.” The woman then called to one of her servants and told him to give me what he had with him, and this turned out to be a purse containing five hundred dinars.

‘When I took this, I almost died of joy. I called down blessings on her and went back home enriched by what she had given me. Before I knew it there was a knock on the door, and this was an old woman who had followed me after having seen me being given the money. When I heard the knock I asked who was there, and she said: “Brother, I want a word with you.” I got up to see who she was and when I opened the door I saw an old woman whom I didn’t recognize. She said: “Little son, it is the time for prayer but I am not ritually clean and I would like you to
let me use your house to get ready to pray.” I willingly agreed and went back inside, telling her to follow, which she did, and I then gave her a bowl of water and showed her where she could wash, after which I sat turning over the coins and putting them in a waistband purse.

‘When the old woman had finished doing what she wanted she came to where I was sitting and prayed with two
rak‘as
before calling down blessings on me. I thanked her before reaching out to the dinars and giving her two of them, telling myself that this act of charity might cause God to save me from trouble. She said: “Glory to God, what are you thinking of? Because I blessed you and prayed for you to be rewarded, do you think that this makes me a beggar, to whom you have to give alms? Take your money and give it to someone who needs it, for I don’t want it, thanks be to God.” This gave me a high opinion of her, and I made my excuses to her. She then asked if all was well with me, and I said that, God willing, it was very well indeed. She said: “I saw you receiving charity and I would like through you to win a good reward.” When I asked what she wanted she said: “I must tell you, my son, that I have a daughter, the loveliest and most perfect girl that eyes have ever seen, who is also rich and prosperous. She is unmarried but wants a husband and one of her own choosing, and this has put me into difficulties, as every Friday she goes out and tells me to look for a man to bring her, saying that he should be pleasant, handsome and rich. Every Friday I bring her one, and she sits with him to eat and drink and then sends him away, saying that he does not appeal to her. You have all the qualities that she describes, so come and it may be that you will make an impression on her and so live with her, enjoying the most prosperous of lives in possession of all her wealth, and becoming the richest man of your age.”

‘When I listened to this and heard what she said about the girl I was swayed and felt strongly attracted to her, telling myself that God might help me to obtain what I had wanted to get from my glass. I asked the old woman how I should approach the girl, and she told me that she liked a man who was well off, and so I should take with me all that I had, and when I met her I should be as polite and flattering as I could. In this way I would get all I wanted both of her beauty and her wealth.