Taming the Beast (27 page)

Suffocated by his need, Sarah did the only thing she could think of to ease the unbearable intensity. She climbed onto his lap and kissed him. Kissed him as though they were long lost lovers meeting in the middle of a war zone, as though she didn’t love Daniel, as though she wasn’t aching for Jamie, as though her body and soul weren’t worn ragged from a week filled with dodgy sex and nail-biting longing. She kissed him until his emotions subsided and his dick was running the show again.

Mike insisted on a final fuck, and Sarah decided it could only make her feel better. Having Mike slam into her while he shouted obscenities was soothing after the trauma of Jamie’s brown eyes asking something of her that she couldn’t give.

Sarah had always known instinctively that sex with someone you love is infinitely more painful than even the most physically testing sex with a man you couldn’t care less about. But she was suddenly seeing a new and terrifying implication to this rather pedestrian observation. If sex with someone she loved made her feel injured and afraid, and sex with someone dominant and perverse caused her to lose all control of her body, then what the hell was going to happen when Daniel Carr finally fucked her?

It would be like it was back at school, except more so, because this time there would be no legal or moral or social barriers holding them back. There would be no reason to stop. She remembered again the day in the hotel room, how she thought she was going to die in there and didn’t care at all so long as he kept doing things to her. That had been eight hours. She tried to imagine what she would be like after two days alone in a room with Daniel. After a week with him she would surely be nothing but a pile of sticky dust. Maybe that was what Jamie sensed. Maybe that was why he’d looked at her like she was already dead.

There was a heavy drumming on the door.

Mike opened his eyes but kept thrusting. Sarah held her breath. The bashing at the door continued. He stopped moving. ‘That your door?’

‘Sssh.’ Sarah said, pressing her hands into Mike’s arse to keep him still.

‘Sarah!’ Daniel’s voice called out. ‘Open the door.’

Sarah’s arms fell to her sides. ‘Oh, God. It’s him. Mike it’s–’

‘He can bloody well wait.’ Mike started thrusting again.

‘You do realise,’ Daniel yelled, ‘that a person standing on the nature strip can see directly into your living room window?’

‘Oh, God,’ Sarah said.

‘Fuck!’ Mike got off her. ‘Fucking hell. This is fucking unreal. Unbelievable, just fucking unbelievable. What kind of sick bastard spies on two people fucking? Fucking creep.’ Mike pulled on his shorts, yelling abuse in the direction of the door.

Sarah’s insides turned to liquid. She was unable to move to stop Mike from walking away and opening the door. It was so bad, so bad and she could not move or speak, only wrap her naked arms around her naked body and wait for him to come and do what he would.

Daniel entered the room. His face was blank. Hovering behind him, Mike was scarlet. ‘You can’t just walk in and–’

‘Get dressed.’ Daniel’s voice was so calm and quiet that Sarah wondered if she would survive the night. She got up and began to pull on her underwear.

‘Who the fuck do you think you are?’ Mike said.

‘You better go, Mike. I’m sorry.’

‘I’m not leaving you alone with this prick.’

Daniel glanced at Mike for half a second before his gaze returned to Sarah. ‘He wants to protect you from me. How cute.’

‘You’re an arsehole, mate.’ Mike sat down on the sofa and crossed his arms across his chest. ‘I’m not going anywhere.’

Daniel shrugged and turned back to Sarah. ‘Let’s hurry up and pack your things so we can go.’

‘Daniel, I–’

He silenced her with a look, the way teachers are trained to do, grabbed her arm and nodded down the hallway. ‘Let’s go.’

‘Stop telling her what to do!’ Mike stood up. ‘She’s not a fucking child. Sarah? You gonna listen to him?’

Daniel rolled his eyes at Sarah. ‘I understand about Jamie, he’s been a good friend to you. But this–’ he gestured to Mike. ‘Why would you let this pretty boy have a poke at you?’

‘Yeah, well, he’s a friend too, okay? I wanted to say goodbye.’

Daniel looked over at Mike and snorted. ‘I hope you don’t have too many more friends to farewell. You’ll be exhausted before I even get you home.’

‘Hey!’ Mike was scratching his arms like a junkie. ‘Sarah? What’s he talking about?’

‘Oh.’ Daniel smiled, ruffling Sarah’s already ruffled hair. ‘I assumed he knew about Jamie. I saw them arrive together and thought they were taking it in turns. I thought they must’ve had an agreement.’

Sarah pulled a face at Daniel, to show him that she did not appreciate his behaviour. He smiled, adorably. Sarah went all mushy and leant up to kiss him. She had missed him in the hours since he’d been gone. That is, the hours he had not been gone at all but had been lurking around the building spying on her. She missed him and loved him and was happy he was claiming her at last. She kissed him, tangling her fingers through his hair.

‘Sarah!’ Mike stamped his foot. ‘Are you screwing Jamie? Is that what this fucker is saying? Is it? Are you?’

‘Yeah. I mean, I
was
,’ Sarah said into Daniel’s eyes. She was going home with him. She was finally, finally going to have him. Why was she still standing here when she could be in his bed?
Their
bed.

‘You rotten little slut. You’re just completely fucking heartless.’

Daniel laughed, brushing her hair off her forehead. Then he was kissing her hard on the lips and in the background Mike was yelling. The kiss went on and on until she couldn’t breathe anymore. Just when she was certain she was going to faint, Daniel released her. Mike was gone.

Daniel didn’t talk in the car. Sarah didn’t talk either. She was wondering what he would do to her when they got home. Home. Daniel’s home. The home of Daniel and Sarah, not Daniel and Lisa, or Daniel and his family. They were on their way to his home, and he was going to let Sarah stay there, and no one would ever take him away. He was angry with her, but he still wanted her to live in his home, and for that Sarah would happily withstand anything.

He told her to shower and watched to make sure she scrubbed every inch of herself. He did not touch her at all, except to guide her from the shower to the bed and then to fasten her ankles and wrists to the bedposts with red satin ribbons. He left her hair out, dripping wet across the pillow. When he was finished, he stood back and nodded in satisfaction.

‘You are so beautiful, my Sarah.’ He undressed, not taking his eyes off her.

‘You don’t have to do this. I want to be here. I’m ready to be here. You don’t have to tie me up.’

‘Just for a little while, darling.’

‘Is this a punishment? For Mike?’ Sarah was emboldened by her immobility. It was exciting to be restrained, unable to do what she should, which was fight or run. It was liberating to be excused from action and responsibility and decision.

‘I would have thought that being desperate enough to open your legs for a skinny kid like him would have been punishment enough.’ Naked, Daniel knelt beside her so that his erection was
poking her ear. ‘I could see him doing it to you, Sarah. I could see his scrawny back rising and falling in the window and I could see your ankles kicking around. I stood right outside and watched, and I felt sad that you had sunk so low.’

Sarah turned her head to catch him between her lips but he put his hand on her forehead and forced her to lie straight, staring at the ceiling. He straddled her chest, and holding her head in place with his left hand, he worked his right hand up and down his shaft. She struggled against her restraints, and they cut into her flesh; if he noticed he did not react.

‘What amazed me was not that you did it, but that you did it so rapidly. It was mere hours since I’d seen you, and only half an hour since poor little Jamie had done his best. You just got straight into it, and I admit that turns me on.’ He leant against her forehead harder as his strokes became faster, his knees dug into her ribs. ‘I stood outside and watched those kids pounding away and I thought about how silly it was that I’ve been paying for sex and you’ve been juggling multiple lovers.’ His voice was growing shaky, his breathing irregular. ‘We can only satisfy each other can’t we, darling?
Oh Christ
. We have only ever been satisfied with each other and –
ah
– we can both whittle our genitals away to nothing by fucking everything that moves, and –
oh oh oh God
– it will never be enough if we’re not together.
Oh, dear God!
’

He seemed to be bracing his entire body weight against her forehead, and Sarah was afraid that he might lose control and crush her skull. She told him this, and he did lose control, pressing her head deep into the mattress, calling out to God again and spilling over her face.

Time passed. He cleaned her up and fed her some scotch, but would not let her have any water. He sat on her chest and smoked a cigarette. When she asked for a drag he told her that she could
have one when they were done. He did not say when that would be. When she complained of a headache he gave her two small white capsules, washed down with scotch straight from the bottle, and when she said her leg was cramping he massaged it. He talked about his wife and his daughters and his hookers. He did not want Sarah to talk and she did not mind. He masturbated continuously, stopping only to drink or smoke or feed Sarah tablets and alcohol. Each time he came
on
her, never
in
her, and was careful to clean up afterwards. Then he would lie beside her and sleep for a while, his arm covering her chest and his legs bent up and over hers. Sarah slept a bit, but never well. She kept being woken by the sound of his voice or the vibrations of the bed as he crouched over her and tortured her with his ever-renewable, untouchable passion.

As time went on she begged him to enter her, to kiss her or let her kiss him. She couldn’t bear the closeness without the closure. Blood dribbled down her inner arms from her efforts to free herself. He licked the blood off, and wiped away her tears, and fed her scotch, but he wouldn’t let her touch him, and he wouldn’t let her go.

When she had to go to the toilet, he untied her and carried her there and waited right outside the door so he could carry her back to the bed and bind her again. She asked him to tie the ribbons looser this time; he pulled them tighter. She passed out.

And then she was waking up and he was kissing her face.

‘Do you love me?’ He hovered over her, like a wave cresting.

‘So much.’

‘
Porphyria worshipped me; surprise made my heart swell, and still it grew while I debated what to do. That moment she was mine, mine, fair, perfectly pure and good: I found a thing to do with all her hair
.’

‘Are you going to strangle me?’

‘Not if you don’t panic.’ His hand closed around her throat and Sarah tried to speak but couldn’t. He released his grip. ‘If you struggle you will choke. It’s that simple. Now be a good girl and lie still.’

He put his hand to her throat again and Sarah closed her eyes and felt the serenity of the lack of oxygen, here under the deep green sea. He entered her body and it was so good to feel him swimming with her. She fought to retain consciousness and concentrate on the sensations flowing through her thighs and the words that he was kissing into her hair. It was hard to understand him though; it was hard to keep her mind focussed on what he was saying. She kept drifting away with the tide, and his sharp words would drag her back and force her to hold on. She tried to hold on like he told her to, to grip him hard as though his cock was the branch overhanging the rapids and if she held tight she wouldn’t drown. If she wrapped herself around it and squeezed it hard enough she would be saved. Her limbs were paralysed and so she held on from the inside, knowing as she did that it was a trick and she was drowning much more quickly by drawing him in further.

Then she knew she was dying, because when she forced her eyes open, there was only blackness and she could no longer hear Daniel’s voice guiding her. She could see blackness and hear it too, the
whoosh
of nothingness that was not just around her, but in her and through her. She was nothing, floating in nothing, hearing nothing. Then in a rush of light, she was everything, feeling everything, hearing everything. She was being sliced in two, and as her body opened all the way down, Daniel screamed and fell into her and Sarah screamed too, because the light was too bright and the heat was too hot and the spasms wouldn’t stop even after he climbed out of her and let her breathe again. It was as though he had pressed his hot strangler’s fingers directly to her nerve endings,
and her body was in shock because it was not designed to be touched without skin. When the convulsions stopped, he untied her, and she lay in a ball between his legs and slept the deep sleep of the guiltless.

Sarah woke up on Daniel’s kitchen floor. Daniel was snoring beside her, his left leg sprawled out over her stomach, bruising her ribs. She felt fresh love bursting from the place that was so full that it hurt to have more love crowding its way in. She gently lifted his leg and slid out from underneath him. He grunted and rolled onto his side.

It was difficult to know how they had ended up on the kitchen floor, because events were so blurred in her mind. Her last clear memory was of dying and being reborn and then there were only a few sharp, violent images that seemed to be part of some weird, drug-fucked dream. She stepped over his sleeping body with difficulty. Everything hurt.

Sarah found the coffee and started the percolator, hoping that the noise and the scent would wake him gently. When she opened the fridge the memory came back: they had been hungry and come in here to eat. Something distracted them – they distracted each other – and who knew how long ago that was now, but Sarah was light-headed with hunger. She found a packet of croissants in the freezer and threw it in the microwave.