Tangled Lives (33 page)

Marsha looked at Ed and saw the uncertainty in his eyes, and the love. Good job, Emma!

‘Don’t say that,’ he whispered.

‘Well, it’s horrible, you all suspecting me when
I’m
the victim in all this.’

‘Now you know how Daniel felt,’ Marsha snapped.

Emma’s look was pained. ‘I don’t understand why you’re being so vile, Mash. We’re best friends … at least we were. You should be on my side.’ She took a theatrical breath. ‘Ed says you’re jealous. You had the hots for Daniel when you met him at that party, and he chose me. You can’t bear that, can you?’

Bitch! She shot a glance at her brother, who looked
immediately sheepish. Obviously they’d been finding every reason under the sun in the time since the party to blame anyone but Emma for the debacle.

‘None of what you’ve just said changes the fact that Daniel is in a committed relationship with a man,’ she said, tight-lipped. ‘Can’t you see what you’re doing? You’re being so bloody selfish. Mum’s been really upset, and it’s still causing problems between her and Ed.’

‘I’m sorry about your mum,’ Emma’s voice began to rise in a crescendo of self-pity. ‘But it isn’t my fault. They weren’t speaking before all this happened. And what was I supposed to do? Let him attack me and say nothing, just because it would cause problems in the family? Why should he get away with it?’ She slid deeper into the chair, her arms crossed defensively round her body, her head bowed.

Marsha let out a long sigh. She found it almost impossible to imagine being friends with Emma, sharing a flat, while this huge lie hung between them.

‘So you’re sticking to your story?’

‘Mash, it doesn’t necessarily mean he didn’t do it …’ Marsha could see the agony of doubt in her brother’s eyes as he slouched awkwardly against the wall behind his girlfriend, cradling a cup of coffee in both hands. ‘He could be bi …’

‘Yeah … yeah, of course he could be bi,’ She hated the sarcasm in her own voice. ‘But he’s not, Ed. He’s not fucking bisexual, is he? He’s GAY!’ She turned back to Emma. ‘See what you’re doing? You’re making a total fool of this
guy –’ she indicated her brother ‘– who’s stood by you through thick and thin, believing every lying word that comes out of your mouth. Do you think that’s right?’

No one spoke. Emma was sobbing quietly. One more go, Marsha thought, taking a deep breath. Just one more attempt to make her see sense.

‘Emma, look at me.’

Emma didn’t respond, her head buried firmly in the arm of the chair.

‘Emma!’

Finally she raised her face, pale and wet with tears. ‘Leave me alone, will you?

‘I’ll leave you alone when you tell me the truth. This is
me
you’re talking to, Emma. Don’t forget, I know you through and through. And I know for an absolute fact that you’re lying right now.’

Emma didn’t reply, just gave her a hostile stare.

‘Please.’ Marsha’s tone softened. ‘Please don’t drag this out any longer, Emms. It’s not fair on any of us.’

‘I think you’ve said enough,’ Ed told her, moving purposefully to sit on the arm of Emma’s chair. He wouldn’t meet her eye as he stroked his girlfriend’s dark hair, and Marsha didn’t know what to think. Was he prepared to take her word against all reasoning? Was he that besotted?

She got up, finally admitting defeat. ‘I’m out of here.’ As she gathered her jacket in silence, Emma suddenly spoke. Her voice was small and she didn’t look at either of them, fiddling with the edge of her sleeve as she spoke.

‘OK … listen. Maybe it wasn’t quite how I said …’

Marsha held her breath.

‘I don’t know … I was drunk and I fell asleep, and … well, I woke up and Daniel was there and he was trying to get me up off the sofa, and, well …’ Emma fell silent, still mashing the cuff of her sleeve between her fingers.

‘And well what?’ Ed sounded cautious, as if he were trying to make sense of what he was hearing. Marsha felt a terrible pity for him.

She watched as Emma gazed up at him. Her face no longer held any trace of the previous defiance. ‘And, I don’t know … I suppose in my drunken state I
thought
he was coming on to me, and I was half-asleep and I sort of …’

‘Kissed him.’ Ed wasn’t asking, and Emma nodded miserably.

Marsha felt sorry for both of them. She didn’t want to be there any longer. She didn’t want to witness her brother’s humiliation.

‘And he didn’t … you know … he didn’t do anything except push me away and hold me off.’ She paused, dropping her head again. ‘And I was angry, I suppose.’

Marsha saw the small shrug. The indulgence of beauty, she thought, must be so corrupting to the beautiful.

‘And then I freaked that Daniel’d tell you all what I’d done … and you were ill …’ Emma was saying.

‘And I believed you …’ Ed said slowly.

‘I’m sorry, babe, I’m so sorry …’ Emma muttered. ‘I
wished I’d never said anything almost as soon as I’d said it. But then you jumped on Daniel, and it got so horrible and I felt trapped. I just didn’t know how to tell you.’

Ed turned away and went and threw himself on the sofa.

Emma looked up at Marsha now. ‘I’m so sorry, Mash, I didn’t think … your mum and the whole Daniel thing; it’s been so difficult knowing I’m to blame.’

Marsha didn’t know what to say. She thought back to Emma’s distress – clearly real enough, but with a different cause – on the morning after the party. Then the subsequent tearful accusations. She felt almost in awe of her friend’s performance. It was a terrible thing to do to anyone, but there was no point in telling Emma this now. She knew.

‘Listen, I think I’ll get going,’ she muttered. But neither Ed nor Emma responded to her as she made her way out of the flat with relief, leaving the ominous silence behind her.

Annie lay in bed that night, her eyes burning with tiredness, but determined to stay awake till Richard got home. He had told her he’d be late – it was the final day of the deal and there was to be a get-together to celebrate. But Annie couldn’t relax. Would she be there? He’d said it had just been one night, but wasn’t he bound to say that? Her friend Helen, who lived in Cumbria, had an unfaithful husband. When she learnt about the other woman, he’d
sworn blind that it was over, and she believed him. In fact he never gave her up for a second.

Her brain told her that carrying on behind her back would never be Richard’s modus vivendi, but her heart refused to be certain as she unwillingly reran an image of his hands all over that woman’s breasts. She’d been so wound up in Daniel’s disappearance and her mother’s death that she’d had no time to feel the full extent of her jealousy. But it’s cruelly insidious, jealousy, and it must have sensed she now had space in her life to really suffer.

When he did come in, she lay still, eyes tight shut.

‘Annie … are you awake?’ He spoke in a dramatic whisper that even people three streets away would have been able to hear.

She gave up all pretence. ‘It’s after one.’ She hated the injured-wife pitch of her voice.

‘Sorry … sorry, darling, I did warn you it might be a late one.’ He flopped into bed. ‘It’s done! The deal’s done.’

‘Great … so who were you with?’

‘Oh, Kate, Larry, Mike … all the gang from the other team.’

‘Marie?’

There was silence. ‘Of course not Marie.’ His voice was hurt and suddenly sober. She felt his arm come round her, smelt the blast of brandied breath. ‘You don’t trust me, do you?’

She didn’t answer. She realised that, in fact, she probably trusted him more than she trusted herself.

‘Annie, please. I don’t blame you, of course. But I told you, it was just one night … a dreadful mistake I’ll regret for the rest of my life. I’d never, ever do it again.’ He pulled at her shoulder, trying to turn her to face him. ‘Look at me, Annie, please look at me.’

She turned reluctantly, feeling on the verge of tears.

‘But, Richard … what if, in the future, something else happens, something difficult that neither of us can cope with, will we both do the same thing again?’

There was a leaden pause.

‘Both?’

Oh, God. She felt a dull thud in her stomach and for a split second she was on the verge of confessing. But how could she ever explain what had happened between her and Charles? She didn’t understand it herself. It was so caught up with Daniel, with their past, with some fantasy about what they might have had together. Did she want to burden her husband’s brain with similar images to the ones currently tormenting her own?

‘I mean me being mad and obsessed with Daniel.’

His body relaxed and he laughed softly. ‘God, for a moment there, I thought you were going to tell me you’d had it off with Charles Carnegie.’ She heard him groan. ‘Boy, was I jealous of him. Jealous of Daniel too, but that wasn’t as bad as thinking of you falling in love with Charles again.’

She winced. ‘God forbid.’ And her words were heartfelt.

*

The Indian restaurant on the Holloway Road was almost empty when Annie and Richard walked in. Soft jazz played in the dim, red-walled room, rich with the aroma of fragrant Indian spices and sizzling meat.

‘Mmm …’ Richard sniffed appreciatively as he took his seat. ‘I’m famished.’

They ordered a bottle of red wine as they waited for Ed. It had been he who’d requested the meal.

‘He won’t bring Emma, will he?’

Marsha had told her what happened at the flat two days before, but Ed hadn’t talked to her himself, only texted to say he wanted to meet. And Emma had made no attempt to be in touch.

‘I somehow doubt it.’

Annie saw Ed’s familiar figure as he pushed open the restaurant door. He looked pale and strained as he sat down, his smile perfunctory. But she was so happy to see him.

Richard poured his son some wine and piled manfully into the silence. ‘How’s work?’

‘Fine. You know … yeah, not so bad at the moment. The end of the summer’s quiet because everyone’s still away. September’ll be mayhem.’

For a while they talked about roadworks in Islington, the refurbishment of Richard’s office, and a new TV series about celebrities in the jungle which Ed said was brilliant. Annie waited patiently for her son to tell them what he’d really come to say.

It was only after they’d ordered the food and the waiter
had laid a plate of poppadoms and a selection of chutneys on the table that Ed drew a white envelope from the inside pocket of his jacket.

‘For you, Mum.’ He handed it to her.

‘From Emma.’ She opened the card. It had a pretty, neutral pen-and-wash illustration of three poppies on the front. Inside, Emma had written:

Dear Annie, Richard and Lucy,

I am writing to apologise to you all. I have explained to the others what went on between me and Daniel at the party, so I’m sure you don’t need to hear it again. There is no excuse for the lie I told, or for expecting you to believe me.

I know that everyone has been hugely upset by what I did, and that your relationship with Daniel and with Ed has been badly affected. I can only apologise again.

Please, if you want to talk to me, yell at me, whatever, I am happy to meet up. Your family has been amazing to me over the years – supporting me through so many difficult times – and you don’t deserve this sort of behaviour from me. I know that I have forfeited your respect now, and I’m not asking you to forgive me.

Love, Emma

Annie closed the card and passed it to Richard. Ed was looking at her expectantly.

‘It’s a heartfelt apology,’ Annie said.

Ed sighed. ‘She’s her own worst enemy.’

Annie looked at him closely. ‘What does this mean for you two?’

‘Oh, it’s over, Mum. I … well, I suppose part of me never believed in it as a long-term thing … a girl like Emma sticking with me.’

Annie was about to object, but he held up his hand. ‘And oddly, I think I could have got past her coming on to Daniel when she was drunk and half-asleep.’ He gave a short laugh. ‘Not easily – I’m not pretending the thought didn’t make me feel sick at the time. But it was the lie that really scared me. And that she could keep it up so convincingly and for so long, even when she could see the consequences.’

Richard laid the card down on the table. ‘She’s not a bad person.’

‘She’s not, but she’s potentially a very dangerous one … as we’ve all found out to our cost,’ said Annie.

‘What will Marsha do?’ Richard asked. ‘Can they still be friends and flatmates?’

For a moment they all sat in silence, considering the implications.

‘I hope they can get back on track, now that Emms has finally confessed,’ Ed said.

‘I suppose it’s not as if Marsha doesn’t know her, and, to a certain extent, know what she’s capable of,’ Annie commented. ‘And you? Can you be friends?’

Ed gave her a wry smile. ‘I’m doing my best to get past what she did. I mean, I’ve known her all my life, practically.
So maybe … in time.’ He paused. ‘But I’m not in love with her any more.’

Annie tried not to let the relief show on her face.

‘I think she should write to Daniel too,’ Richard said.

‘She has, but she needs his address, if you could give it to me.’

When Richard got up to go to the loo, Ed turned to Annie. ‘Do you think you’ll ever be able to forgive her, Mum?’

Annie didn’t answer for a moment. ‘I probably already have, but an incident like this changes the way you think about someone. I know she’s got what they call “issues”, and I’ve always had sympathy for her because of her background. But it’ll be hard to trust her after this.’

She reached across the table and put her hand on top of his for a moment. ‘It’s great to see you, darling. I’m so sorry about all this. I handled everything so badly.’

Ed stared at her, then dropped his eyes, but she could see the emotion in them.

‘I’m sorry too, Mum. I’ve been vile to you. I just got so jealous of him, I didn’t know what to do with myself.’

‘It’s understandable.’

He shrugged. ‘Is it? I’m not proud of myself.’

As Annie and Richard walked off to look for a taxi, after dinner, she took her husband’s arm.