Taste (Ava Delaney #5) (27 page)

He exhaled loudly. “Yes. We were very lucky that someone decided to break the rules a long time ago. But there may be repercussions from that, too. Everything’s unstable right now.”

“So it’s the perfect time to rebel,” Carl said.

“Not quite yet,” Gabe said. “Let the Council deal with the BVA for good. See if the war is really over. Let’s see what we have to work with. Many died last night. Great fighters died.”

“We killed a shitload of the other side, too,” I reminded him.

“That’s true. But each of our deaths costs us a lot more. We’re a small country. We have a small defence force. If the BVA come again, or if something bigger comes at us, we may be in danger.”

“There’s no reason for any of that to happen though. I think we’ve made a good name for ourselves right now.”

“Yes, as trouble starters,” he said with a smile. “The honesty has begun to spread. Other countries may take action. You’ve started something that you don’t have the power to finish. Everything has repercussions, in one way or another. Whether it’s down to going public or the werewolves or what you plan next, someone will come to put us in our place eventually.”

“And we’ll deal with them one at a time. How’s Phoenix?”

He seemed surprised by the question. “I haven’t seen him. I figured he was locked away again. You looked taken with his werewolves.”

“They were a great asset, put it that way. It kind of felt like having Lorcan by my side. So he’s Fionnuala’s son then. Phoenix, I mean. And he’s somehow lost his memory.”

Gabe shrugged. “I know nothing for certain. I can only deduce the truth from the things I’ve learned, just like you. He is a double for the boy,” he said, gazing at Lorcan until the half-fae squirmed in his seat.

“And he’s good,” I said. “He’s not cold like Fionnuala. He treats the werewolves with respect. I like that.”

He groaned. “Don’t tell me you want to free the werewolves now.”

“I don’t know. Seems wrong to have them caged up and bred like animals.”

“They
are
animals. They can’t be controlled!”

“Then what was last night? Phoenix seemed well able to control them, and frankly, one of them found me wandering the streets and didn’t eat me, so that makes me think highly of them. Your Council members couldn’t say the same, figuratively speaking.”

“In the middle of battle, that would have had a different outcome,” he said firmly.

I remembered Icarus and his three packmates waiting beside me when the battle began, and I couldn’t agree. “Well, whatever. I should probably warn you that I blabbed to Phoenix.”

“Oh, Ava. I can’t take you anywhere.”

I grinned. “I know, right? He didn’t believe me anyway. He’s probably in shock. So is Lorcan because I told the twins everything, too.”

He glanced at Lorcan warily. “They aren’t going to storm the headquarters or anything crazy, are they?”

“No. Just help me destroy the headquarters. We’ll think about doing it when you’re not inside.”

He made a face. “How generous. So how was last night for you? What did you think?”

“I think the BVA messed up so bad it’s laughable. These ancients live so long, see so many mistakes being made, and they
still
let their egos do the talking. Of course, I wouldn’t be saying that if Fionnuala hadn’t unleashed the hounds. But they definitely underestimated us. It felt good to fight like that, but now I never want to do it again. I’m too sore.”

“Are you badly injured?”

“I can walk, so I’m fine. I just feel like sleeping for a week or two, that’s all.”

“I’ve been talking to your policeman,” he said after a minute.

“Shay?”

“Yes. I think he might be useful in the coming months. If you press ahead with your foolish plans.”

“You keep saying they’re foolish, yet you keep helping me,” I pointed out.

“You suckered me in. I have no choice. That’s my story, Delaney, and I’m sticking to it.”

“I think I’m starting to warm to you,” I said. “You’ve been much less of an arsehole lately.”

“What threats of violence and death will get you,” he said sharply. “Back to the garda. If you are determined to rebel, a human consultant would be handy. Think about it, coordinating between both worlds, melding them together successfully. It would strengthen our territory, for starters.”

“And it would automatically bring more numbers to our side,” I said. “We probably should start talking about who would be in charge. Once it’s done, I want out.”

“You don’t mean that,” he said dismissively.

“Gabe, I’m serious. This is too hard. I don’t want to fight until I’m old. In fact, I’d prefer not to die fighting either. Seeing how Folsom and Mrs. Yaga ended up made that sink in. At some stage, I want peace.”

“You have to fight for peace. It’s a sad truth, Ava. If you want something bad enough, you have to be prepared to do things you
don’t
want.”

“Such as?”

“Going with me to the Council meeting later. Perhaps if you’re more involved you will—”

I interrupted. “I could learn more about them and figure out how to—”

“No, no! Stop it. I mean it might make you see how hard it is to run a country, and perhaps you’ll have second thoughts about this rebellion business.”

“Or I could figure out a way to get Esther out of there.”

He frowned. “What if she doesn’t want to come back?”

“Why wouldn’t she?”

“Look at what she is: a shifter, a Guardian, sister to an alpha. Her life has been based on loyalty. You heard that fighter before, dismissing her loyalties. That’s something that could take hold of someone like Esther.”

“Look, I know she’s young, but—”

“They will overpower her,” he said sadly. “That’s how they work, Ava.”

“She’s stronger than you think. She knows the right thing to do.”

“All I’m saying is to prepare yourself for disappointment. You should still come to the meeting. See for yourself what is going on. Eddie will be there. Between the two of us, I’m sure we can keep you out of trouble.”

“You mean not let me do anything fun.”

“That, too.” He smiled. “I’ll send a car for you later. I’m interested to see what the BVA have to say.”

After he left, I hung out with Carl in my living room. We flaked out in front of the television because I didn’t have the energy for anything else.

“Shouldn’t you be sleeping?” he asked.

“I won’t be any good for a fight no matter how much sleep I get today. I can barely stand up without crying like a baby.”

He grinned. “Hey, you did a good job last night. You deserve tonight off.”

“I should probably still do a run around.”

“And get yourself killed?”

I shrugged. “Feels weird to sit at home if anything’s going on.”

“How do you think I feel?” he asked bitterly.

“Don’t be like that. You know I need this place protected. I know I can trust you. You’re the only person that I can count on, Carl. I can’t let you disappear as well.”

“Ava, he didn’t have a choice.”

“I’m not talking about it,” I said firmly. “I know what I have to do. He knows what he has to do. We don’t need to discuss every second of it.”

“But if you want to talk…”

“I get it,” I said. “My biggest concern right now is Esther.”

“She’ll come back. I mean, you made a fae deal to get her back.”

“Yeah, but there was no end date on that deal. I’m not sure how long we have. If Aiden gets to Esther…”

He shook his head, concern written all over his face. “They
are
family, Ava.”

“I know, but is she safe with him? Whatever he’s involved in, whoever he’s involved with, is Esther safe? I keep thinking back to that night in Gabe’s bar. She knew the shifter who attacked her. He was a Guardian. I think they even dated briefly. The shadows made him want to kill her. So I ask myself why. What could Esther possibly have done to deserve that? It only ever comes back to Aiden.”

“That’s true,” he said. “So what’s Aiden into?”

“He wants rid of me. That’s a given. Somebody wants rid of Esther, but he could be working with that person. For a minute there, I thought this was all his big plan, but why would he want to keep Esther with him if he had tried to kill her? He can’t be working alone. So does he know they want rid of her? When I try to remember his reactions to me accusing Coyle of things, he seemed genuinely clueless, but I wasn’t that suspicious of him then, either. I feel like I’m missing a big part of the picture. How do the shadows get inside people in the first place? And why? To get rid of people who are in the way? What connects everything together? I have so many questions. It’s driving me mad.”

“We all have questions,” he said. “Me and you more than most. Yeah, to everything you just said, and then there’s Peter. What Shay told us about the light, and Peter obviously losing his memory, and—”

“Shit,” I blurted. “We should probably talk to Shay about that stuff again, right? I mean, now that he knows things he previously discarded could be true, he might have a different insight into what happened back then. And we need to make sure he never tells Peter about the light.”

“Maybe,” he said slowly. “But do we need to know? I mean, Emmett’s back. He’s okay. The market closed. It’s over, right?”

“It’s not over until everyone pays. Peter’s always going to want revenge. If we could figure out the answers to our questions, maybe we could bring Peter a little peace.”

“Or drive him insane,” Carl said wryly. “Maybe we should leave well enough alone.”

I clenched my hands into fists. “Now when have I ever been able to do that?”

He snorted. “Never. This is your conscience speaking, Ava. Sometimes you have to let things go.”

“Sometimes, things are too important to let go. Don’t chicken out on me now, Carl. I’ve spent way too long failing to keep you out of my business without you giving up when I need you.”

“What can I do?”

“Keep reminding me what’s important. It’s not about power or who’s in charge. It’s about making sure the shit stops happening to people I care about. And making sure it doesn’t happen to anyone else ever again. Do you think Fionnuala took Phoenix’s memory? Her own son?”

“Who else could it have been?” he asked. “If a powerful fae knew her son’s memory had been tampered with, she would kick up a major fuss. But if she’s the culprit, if she’s somehow involved, then she’s going to hide him away in case somebody he knows sparks a memory, right?”

“So she probably took the twins,” I said slowly. “And she brought them to the market?
She’s
the one who’s involved in the market?”

“Leaps and bounds,” he murmured. “Why would she do that to her own blood?”

“Because she doesn’t see the twins as her own blood. She looks at me as a mutant. Half-fae don’t exist to her. Maybe she thought her son would be better off in her care, hidden away from what he really wanted to do with his life. Helena mentioned a deal. She didn’t know what the deal was, but the people who came for the twins mentioned one. Could Phoenix have made a deal?”

“To put them in the slave market?”

“No. That can’t be right. To keep them alive, maybe? I don’t know. I need more info. We need Phoenix on our side. That’s the one thing that’s missing for us—a powerful fae. The fae hold the most cards here, right? Fionnuala could be our downfall. Phoenix is the next best thing.”

“Ava, don’t mess with the fae if you can help it.”

“I can’t help it. We have the twins, but we need someone who can go up against Fionnuala. Destroy her. Picture what would happen if I tried to attack her. She’d strike me with lightning or some shit. But imagine her all-powerful pissed-off son going up against her, especially with that werewolf pack behind him.”

“Never get mixed up in family business. You keep doing that. You’re the one who will get burned in the end.”

“I’m the person nobody will miss,” I said. “No matter what happens, I’ll always be the one who gets burned. If this all ends badly, I’ll get the blame. If it goes well, but people are still unhappy, I’ll get the blame.”

“You could follow Peter to Spain. I would go with you.”

“And bring the trouble with me? That’s why he left, Carl. Because trouble haunts me. Everyone has a piece of me.
I’m
the one who will pay.”

“You need a break. A week away. Things are happening too quickly. You’re not recovering as well from your injuries. I’m afraid for you, Ava.”

“So am I,” I whispered. “A wall’s coming up. I can feel it. I won’t be able to escape forever. Any luck I have will run out eventually. You need to sort out your life. Figure things out with Maria. You care about her, but you’re here. You’re always here for me.”

“That’s not the same thing,” he said, his ears turning pink. “It’s hard to be around her. Even now, when I try to call her and talk to her, she gets all shrill, and I can’t stand it. At least with you, I feel useful sometimes. I mean, the things we’re involved with are life-changing for everyone.”

“You’re life-changing for Maria,” I reminded him.

He stilled. “If I talk to her properly, things can never be the same for us. One way or another, I can never go back to the old life. If she’s willing to risk the danger, I’ll still be the person putting her in danger. If not, she’s gone for good. I’m not ready to say goodbye forever, but I’m not ready to risk her life either.”

“She deserves the choice herself. Imagine what it’s like for her right now, always wondering where you are and who you’re with. Except now she’s wondering if some kind of monster is tearing out your heart, if you’ll come home still able to walk, if you’ll
ever
come home. It’s not her fault she can’t understand how this place makes you feel.”

He leaned his head in his hands. “I was
this
close to letting her slip away from me. I haven’t been using the walking stick as much. I’ve been feeling
alive
. I want to be a part of something, a part of this.”

“You have to make the choice. Either go back or cut the strings. You’re the only one who can decide. I can’t make you do one or the other, and I’m sorry I’ve always pushed you into what I thought was best. I can’t make anyone do anything.”