Teach Me Dirty (16 page)

“Of what?”

“Helen’s crush.”

I fixed her in a stare. “I try not to concern myself with rumours, Jenny.”

“No, I mean, not the rumours, but do you think she…”

“Helen is a very talented young woman with a good head on her shoulders. I don’t worry myself with trivialities.”

“Of course.” Her cheeks reddened like I’d slapped her, and then she placed a hand on my arm. “Just be careful, Mark. You know what rumours are like. You know what girls are like, too. I know she helped a great deal, with the set, it’s just good to be careful. Make sure she isn’t getting the wrong idea.”

“I’ll bear that in mind.” I pulled away from her to adjust the stage curtain.

“So, about the dinner…”

“I’m super busy,” I said. “And really, there is no need.”

“It would be my pleasure. No trouble. I could always come to you, if you’re busy. I’m sure I could whip up something tasty.”

I wished the ground would swallow me. “Let’s talk about it after the ball, work something out.”

She clapped her hands together. “Wonderful! I’ll put my thinking cap on.”

I could hardly wait.

***

Helen

I tried to make a video every evening, but I could never think of anything to say. My words all sounded stupid and childish and ridiculous. And I wasn’t painting or drawing. I’d stare at my sketchpad for hours and nothing would come. Only this sick feeling inside, the feeling of my dreams dying and rotting away.

I’d been stupid to accept Harry’s invitation to the winter ball, and had been trying to forget about it until Lizzie opened her big mouth over dinner on Saturday night.

“I can’t wait for the ball,” she said. “We’re going to have so much fun, aren’t we, Hels?”

Mum and Dad nearly choked on their food. And then Mum smiled.

“You’re going to the ball, Helen?”

I managed a pathetic nod.

“Who with?” Dad asked, and his eyes were full of suspicion.

“Harry Sawbridge, he’s nice,” Lizzie answered for me. I could have jabbed her in the arm.

“Sawbridge…” Dad pondered. “Mick Sawbridge’s lad?”

I shrugged, but Lizzie chirped up, seemingly an expert. “Yeah, that’s him. Polly is his mum.”

“Yeah, I know them. Good family,” he said, and sounded appeased. “Hard workers.”

“Not Harry so much,” I said, and then checked myself. “He’s in my art class.”

“Oh lovely!” Mum smiled. “That’s lovely, Helen.”

Katie grinned and flicked a pea at me. “Are you going to be a princess?”

“Not really, Katie.”

“Oh, but you must!” Mum gushed. “You have to have a nice dress, Helen. We’ll take you shopping, get you something nice. That’s only fair, isn’t it, George?”

“What?”

“Helen needs a lovely dress, doesn’t she?”

Dad shrugged. “Yeah, whatever you think.” He gestured in my direction with a fork. “Nothing too low cut.”

“As if,” I said. “When have I ever worn anything low cut?”

He shot me a look. “Just saying don’t start all that now, not now you’ve got a boyfriend in tow. Harry’s a nice lad, you don’t need to impress him with all that.”

“I wasn’t planning on it,” I snapped.

“Just as well.”

Lizzie stifled a giggle and I could have jabbed her all over again.

I retreated from the table as soon as possible and dragged her upstairs with me, shooting her evils over my shoulder all the way.

“What?” she said. “I didn’t think it was a secret!”

“It wasn’t. I just hadn’t said anything. I didn’t want to talk about it.”

“But you need a dress!”

“I hadn’t thought about that yet.”

She rolled her eyes. “Get with the script, Hels. Hot Helen plus hot dress plus hot Harry Sawbridge equals one very jealous art teacher.”

“Except it doesn’t. He hasn’t even looked at me in days.”

“I don’t believe that.” She dug around in her overnight bag. “You need cheering up. You’ve been a right Miserable Minnie this week.”

“Excuse me for feeling like crap. My world is ending, in case you hadn’t noticed.”

“Such melodrama.” She handed me a bottle of wine then took out another. “Let’s get trashed, help you forget all about it.”

“Unlikely,” I said, but I was already unscrewing the lid.

“Have you gone on the pill yet?”

I shook my head. “Got a doctor’s appointment on Tuesday, but it feels stupid. What virgin needs the pill, Lizzie? He doesn’t want me, I don’t need the pill.”

“Jeez, Hels, sometimes I really despair. Life isn’t all about Rampant Roberts, you know.”

I took a swig of wine, and it was gakky and bitter. “You think I’m going to take the pill for Harry Sawbridge? Think on.”

“I think you should keep your options open. He’s hot, and he likes you. His eyes lit up when I told him you had a thing for him,” she smirked.

“You did what?”

She giggled her pretty little face off. “What did you think I was going to do? I had to tell him something.”

“So, now he thinks I want him?”

She nodded. “All the better for making Mr Roberts jealous, my dear.”

That explained a lot. Harry had been like a limpet in art, sitting next to me every lesson and boring me stupid with his TV talk and meaningless comments. He was sweet enough, but dull as hell, and considering Mr Roberts didn’t seem riled at all by his interest in me it felt like one big fat fail.

“Drink up and forget about it now,” Lizzie grinned. “Let’s have some fun, since I missed out on all our fun time while you were off playing artist.”

I drank up, much more quickly than usual. Quickly enough that Lizzie still had a load of her bottle left and split it between us. She seemed drunk though, drunk and giggly, telling me all about Scottie Davis and how hot he was with his head between her legs. My own memories burned me, and I drank more, pondered more, festered more. And then I was sad. Sad and angry and brooding.

“I really wanted him,” I said. “I really, really wanted him.”

“Aww, Hels, you might still get him.” She rubbed my arm. “We’ve got a plan.”

“A stupid plan.”

“Still a plan.”

“I wish it had never happened. I was happy as friends.”

“Don’t say that, Hels. You know you loved it.”

“I did love it, but now it’s gone.”

She tipped the bottle up so more wine forced its way down my neck. “Little Hels isn’t so virginal anymore… not now she’s had tongue between her legs…”

I swallowed down the wine and put my finger to my lips, despite knowing full well Mum and Dad were long in bed already.

“I bet you were so hot as you came for him…”

My stomach fluttered. “You’d have to ask
him
.”

“No, I wouldn’t,” she smiled. “I already know.” She looked at the final slops of wine in the bottle. “You may as well finish that.”

The room was already swaying around me. “I’ve totally totally totally had enough.”

“No, you haven’t. You need it, anyway, to cheer you up, my treat.”

But it didn’t feel like it was cheering me up. I downed the rest and lay back on my bed, and the ceiling was spinning, florescent stars everywhere. Lizzie started laughing and I laughed, too, even though nothing was funny. She grabbed my hands and yanked me up the bed towards her, fluffing up pillows under my head.

“Come and lie with me.”

“Like I have any choice.” I closed my eyes, but smiled. “You’ve got me trashed, Lizzie Thomas. I can’t even see straight. You’re bad for me… bad…”

“I’m good for you,” she giggled. “You love me.”

“Yes, I do.” I poked my tongue out. “But I am trashed, and it’s all your fault. All your fault. And Mr Roberts, it’s his fault, too. All his fault. I’ll be a virgin forever and it’s all his fault.” I laughed to myself. “All his stupid fault.”

Lizzie pressed up to me. “You won’t be a virgin forever, Hels, with or without Roberts.”

“But he’s all I want. Only him.”

“Forget about who it is,” she said. “Believe me, Hels, it doesn’t really matter. Just as long as it feels good, right? That’s what matters.”

I laughed. “Whatever you say, Lizzie. But that’s stupid. Of course it matters…” I rested my hand over my eyes but she pulled it away. “I love him.”

“You can have fun without being in love, Helen Palmer. Trust me.”

“I’m always trusting you,” I said, and my voice sounded weird. “You’re my bestie. Bestie of the besties.”

“Good. You should. I’m trustworthy. I’m the super bestie.”

“Yes, you are. Super bestie. Super, super bestie.” I groaned to myself. “I didn’t even get to try anything… how mean… just a few things. And then he was gone. It’s so unfair… I wanted it all. Everything. Every. Thing.”

She switched the main light off and got the lamp, and it was so much better for my eyes. I shuffled down a little, got comfortable.

“Shame you didn’t get chance to try out all the stuff in your kinky pictures.”

“Yes!” I hissed. “Yes! It’s so unfair!”

I felt the bed bounce under me, and lifted my head to find Lizzie on her knees at the bottom, by my hamper. She pulled out my school tie and put it around her neck. “He should have used this on you. Wasted opportunity, stupid man.”

“Used that?”

She crawled up the bed to me, and she was laughing. “Yeah, he could have tied you up.”

I giggled. “Could have… I’d have liked that…”

“He could have done this…” She was still laughing as she grabbed my wrists, and I was too slow and drunk to respond. She pinned them tight and wrapped my tie around them, threading it through the rails of my headboard before tying me up in a knot. The knot was tight, I could feel it even through the drunkenness.

I pulled against it and laughed. “You’re so silly, Lizzie. Let me free.”

“No,” she laughed. “You’re my prisoner.”

I giggle-snorted. “You’re funny.”

“Try and get out,” she whispered. “See if you can.”

I pulled again, and the headboard moved a little but the knot was tight. “I can’t,” I said. “You know I can’t, silly. Urgh, Lizzie, I’m too drunk for this. It’s not fair. I can’t get out when the room is spinning, can I?”

“Do you like it?”

I opened my eyes in the lamplight and hers were right in my face. “Like it? This is silly, Lizzie. Silly.”

“I think you like it,” she said, and laughed against my neck. “You said you’d like it, being tied up.”

“Not like this,” I laughed. “By Mr Roberts, doh.”

“And I said it doesn’t really matter, just as long as it feels good.”

I felt a funny buzzing in my stomach. “Let me go, Lizzie, this is silly.”

She shook her head. “You’re my prisoner. You’ll have to say please.”

“Pleeeeeeease,” I mocked. “Pwetty pleeeeease. Cherries on top.”

“Close your eyes…”

“Say please with my eyes closed?” I was giggling again and I didn’t know why.

“Say please if you want, just close your eyes.”

I screwed my eyes shut. “Sometimes I think
you’re
the weird one. The weirdy weird one…” She yanked me down the bed, pulling me by my hips, and my arms were stretched out, the tie cutting into my wrists, but it felt so far away. “What are you doing? That’s tight…”

I felt her slide her leg over me, straddling me, and then she was laughing so quietly. It was cold as she pulled my top up, I felt the chill on my skin. And then it was warm, warm from her hands.

“Lizzie…?”

“Shh,” she said. “Just shh, Hels.”

I gasped as she pinched my nipples. She pinched them hard then rolled them in her fingers, and I felt it between my legs. I squirmed under her. “Lizzie… what… what are you doing?”

“Having fun,” she whispered. “Just stupid fun, Hels. It’s just fun.”

She pinched again and I squirmed. “Lizzie… ow… that feels… ow…”

“Good,” she said. “It feels good. Don’t pretend it doesn’t.”

“It feels… weird…”

“Don’t pretend you don’t like it…”

A lurch in my stomach but it was far away. “Lizzie…”

“You like it, Helen. I know you do. Just keep your eyes closed…”

“Lizzie…” I said, but I didn’t open my eyes. “This is…”

“Good,” she said again. “
Fun
.” I felt her hands on me, squeezing me, flicking. “Don’t pretend this doesn’t feel good, either.”

And then it was her mouth, hot and wet and sucking at me. I wriggled, tried to pull my arms down, but they wouldn’t come. And then I was moving, rolling my hips and I didn’t even know why, didn’t know how to stop.

“That’s it…” she said, and licked at me again. “That’s so cute, Hels. We’re having fun, aren’t we?”