Teach Me To Live (Teach Me - Book One) (36 page)

Not only was I ready, but also, I wanted this. I wanted this night, the night I gave away my innocence, to be with him. There was a dream I always had for myself, and Austin had given it to me. He worked hard and he brought my dreams to life.

“I want this with you, Austin,” I breathed against his lips, feeling them tremble against my own. “I want tonight with you.”

“I want always with you.” He tipped his head and found my lips again. I wasn’t able to speak as he covered my mouth with his, tasting me, consuming me.

Austin’s hands moved from my waist where he held me loosely, to my back where he pulled me in tightly against his chest. At the connection of his front against mine, something inside of me ignited. The fire that burned at a low simmer was suddenly blazing. Thoughts disintegrated and instinct took over.

My hands moved into his hair and then slid down the length of his lean back. When they found the hem of his shirt, I wasted no time in pushing my hands beneath the fabric to feel the smooth surface of his skin. I loved Austin’s skin. I could touch him for days and never, not once, would I grow bored.

My fingertips moved slowly over the contours of his back, memorizing him. And then I felt his legs moving, his body pushing against my own. I realized distantly that he was walking us toward the bed and my heart flipped.

My breath jolted as the back of my legs connected with the edge of the bed and Austin lifted his mouth from mine. His eyes were burning bright—like a star in the sky. “I’ve never felt toward anyone the way that I feel toward you.”

He sounded almost pained. I hated that he was feeling anything of the sort right now, when we were so close to this very beautiful moment. “I’m in love with you too, Austin.”

“When I first saw you, I never imagined you’d make me this happy.” He lowered his voice as his lips whispered against mine. “The girl with the sad eyes . . .”

“They’re not sad anymore, Austin,” I promised and I knew this was true. I wasn’t sad anymore. I was so very happy. In the last eight weeks that I had been with Austin, I’d become happy. The sadness he referred to was gone.

He’d made me excited for each and every new day. He breathed life into the lungs that had felt, for so long, as though they were going to fail. Austin was the breath I breathed and the happiness I felt. He was my excitement and my hope. Where there was Austin, I didn’t think it was possible to feel sadness.

My body fell back on the bed and I sunk into the softness of the duvet cover only a moment before Austin’s weight was pushing me even deeper. His weight on my body was a sweet kind of restriction. He covered me completely. Surrounding me. One arm moved to slip beneath my neck as his other moved to explore the skin beneath my shirt. His mouth was on mine and he was kissing me with a fierceness the like that I had never before experienced. It was fire and it was ice. It was hot and chilling with the desperate desire I tasted on his lips. It was consuming.

My breaths turned heavy, until finally, I could hear myself panting. Austin breathed just as heavy, if not heavier. But I loved the sound of his breathing. I loved hearing the heavy affect I had on him.

My over-cautious mind moved over for my primal instinct to sweep in. I didn’t hesitate in giving my body everything it cried out for as I spread my legs for his body to fit so perfectly inside. His hips were narrow and he was lean. He had muscles, but they didn’t bulge the way Kaiden’s did. Austin was smaller, but he was still tall and so delicious. And feeling him here against me now, his body pressing against this very delicate place on my own, I knew that he was perfect for me. Austin Weir was perfect for me.

I gasped as he rocked his hips against my own. I felt his desire, so hard and intimidating, pressing against my private place. A blush broke out over the entirety of my body. I felt my skin heat and my heart thunder in nervous anticipation as my hands, with a mind of their own, pulled his shirt up over his back. I wanted it off. Without even having to ask for help, Austin raised himself up over me, aiding me in my mission.

With his shirt off, Austin dipped back down to cover my lips with his once again. He kissed me hard and then he kissed me gently. His hands rested on my waist now, his thumbs moving in soothing circles over the skin where he pushed my shirt up over my waist.

“Take it off,” I breathed my permission and my plea.

His eyes moved slowly up the length of my torso, all the way to my face. When his eyes connected with mine, I noted that although they were still blue, they were a darker blue. Like the sky before a hot Alberta summer storm. They were breath-catching and soul-ensnaring. They were beautiful.

He didn’t say anything as his hands moved to push the material up and over my head. When my hands were the last to come free, Austin tossed the gentle pink material onto the floor.

He looked down at me, breathing low and shakily. “So beautiful.”

My cheeks pooled with pink as he trailed his fingertips from my lips, over my chin, down my throat, and between the swell of my breasts. Explosions of shivers pulsed like waves throughout my body and goosebumps pebbled my skin. I had never been more aware of another human being than I was right now.

Austin kissed his way from my lips down to the swell between my breasts. It was the same path his fingertips had taken moments prior, but he didn’t stop between my breasts as his fingers had. Instead, he continued moving down. His lips were warm as they moved over my stomach, and down to the button of my white shorts. His hands moved to the button and I gasped a sharp inhalation of breath.

Blue eyes that were filled with questions shot to mine. I couldn’t bring myself to speak, but I nodded because I knew what he was asking, and I wanted this.

Oh, sweet lord, I wanted this.

His fingers worked the button, and then the zipper, until the material was spread open over the white lace of my panties. Austin smirked then, a small laugh sounding from deep inside of his throat, and I felt my heart jump as his eyes moved up to the matching white lace of my bra.

“What are you smiling about?” I breathed, feeling suddenly insecure. This was the worst time in the history of times to laugh.

“It’s fitting,” he grinned, but the humor was gone now. All that was left was hot desire and—male pride?

“What’s fitting?”

“The white panties.”

I shook my head. “Okay?”

“You’re a virgin, beautiful girl,” he chuckled a deep sound and I felt my skin flame again. “Pure women wear white on the night they lose their innocence.”

“Oh, my . . .” My face turned even hotter, if such a thing were even possible. “I didn’t know we were going to be doing this.” I continued to babble. “I was wearing white shorts and it would have been entirely inappropriate to wear panties that were a different color.”

He chuckled, dipping his head to kiss the very delicate skin just over the line of my panties. “I think it’s perfect.”

“You do?” I breathed.

“Madison,” he sounded so sure about his words now. “Everything about you, for me, is perfect.”

How could I love someone with the intensity that I loved Austin? He came crashing into my existence, upturning everything I knew, before making me fall so quickly and so irrevocably in love with him. But no matter that I couldn’t explain it, I wouldn’t change it for anything.

His fingers dipped into my shorts and then he was pulling them down my legs. When he crawled up over the bed again, I was in only my underwear. My heart palpitated thunderously in my chest and my stomach fluttered.

“Are you sure about this, sweetheart?” His voice was thick with want and hope and something more. There was always so much more to Austin than what met the naked eye. I knew in this moment, I intended to spend the rest of my days with this man, learning all that was
more
about him. I wanted to uncover it all; his every single layer. I wanted to love each one.

“Austin, I love you,” I spoke surely. “I am in love with you and I want every first that I can have to be with you. So, yes, I’m sure. I’m sure that I want this night with you now. I’m sure that I want more than this night with you.” His eyes closed and a look of sharp pain shot through his expression, but I pushed on. “I want you to love me in all the ways that you can and I want to love you in return.” I pressed my palm against the side of his cheek and he gave me his eyes again. “Tell me you want it too.”

“I just want you, Madison,” his voice croaked. “For all my days.”

“Then have me,” I offered. “For all of your days.”

Austin’s breath caught in his throat and it was such a sharp sound, for a moment, I was motionless beneath him. And then he moved. His hand pushed between my back and the mattress where he unhooked the clasp of my bra in one easy flick of his wrist. His eyes were filled with a deep heat as he watched his hands pull the strappy white bra from my arms, tossing it to the floor with the rest of my clothes.

I didn’t hide myself from him as he took me in. This wasn’t the first time he was seeing me naked, but I still didn’t feel exposed. I felt what I always felt when Austin’s eyes took me in with or without clothes. I felt beautiful. I felt like I belonged to him. I felt cherished and safe.

I felt loved.

Austin loved me. I believed this with the entirety of my heart and soul. I believed he loved me.

“You’re so perfect.” He sounded hoarse and I smiled. But I didn’t have much time before he moved down to my panties. He had a mission and he wasn’t being deterred. He wanted me naked and I would be naked.

When my panties joined the clothing on the floor and I watched as he made to move over me again, I stopped him. “Take off your clothes.”

His eyes heated, but he didn’t deny me. I had also seen him naked, but I watched with anticipation nonetheless, as he exposed himself inch by beautiful inch.

When he finished and he moved to cover me, his bare flesh against my own was such a beautiful thing.

“You feel amazing,” Austin breathed and I nodded because I didn’t quite trust myself to speak.

Now that we were both naked and in his bed, it all became so much more real, and real was frightening.

“Are you okay?” He asked. His movements above me were slow and comforting. His eyes were on mine and I knew that if I said I couldn’t go through with this, that he wouldn’t pressure me. He wouldn’t be angry or upset. He would be okay with it. And that made me feel, that although I was afraid, I was okay. Everything would be okay.

“Yes,” I nodded, feeling breathless. “I’m okay. I’m afraid and nervous—but I’m okay.”

He kissed me then. His lips on mine were slow and soft and caressing. I felt the fear that had built inside of me fade as something much more interesting bloomed within my body. Desire. Before I had a chance to process the new feeling of desire pulsing through my body, I felt Austin’s knee push my legs open. I didn’t deny him. I let him in. I felt him against me, his warm length, and then I felt my body clench in need.

“I’m okay, Austin,” I whispered when he lifted his head to look at me again. “I want this.”

“Are you sure?” He asked, still rocking his hips in that delicious movement against me.

“Yes,” I smiled, because there was no question in my mind or heart. I was ready. I wanted him. I wanted this. I wanted it tonight. “I love you.”

“God,” he rested his forehead against mine. “I love you too, beautiful girl.”

I smiled as he kissed me. And then I watched as he lifted himself up onto his arms, reaching for his bedside table. He pulled out a small packet and I knew instantly it was a condom. Seeing it, I blushed.

Austin rose back onto his knees and I watched with a racing pulse as he ripped the packet with his teeth before rolling the rubber over his length. And then he lowered himself again. I felt him there against me, his eyes on my face as he pushed slowly inside.

I gasped, but it was slow and gentle. “Relax, sweetheart.”

I nodded and tried to relax. When I couldn’t, he bent his head and kissed me. He kissed me as he moved slowly in and out that small inch. And then when I was certain I would explode from want, I felt him push inside. It wasn’t fast, but it wasn’t slow. I cried out against his lips and he stilled where he was inside of me, buried to the hilt.

“You okay?” He sounded like he was struggling and I nodded, because I was okay. It only hurt for a moment. And then it was gone.

“I’m okay,” I said.

And then he moved. And I lost myself in, and to, Austin Weir.

I gave the man I loved my innocence—the gift I could only give once.

I believed, heart and soul, that he would cherish this gift until the day he died.