Tears of the Broken (18 page)

David brushed my ponytail over my shoulder, and the softness
of his touch against my neck made me shiver. Behind me, the swing
stirred gently in the breeze and the golden glow of the sunset
surrounded the sky in a blanket of soft pink and purple
clouds.

My
body stayed frozen in time. I will never be able to move
again.

“
Why
are you shaking your head?” I asked David.

He
looked up from his stare at my lips. “You wanna know something,
Ara-Rose?”

“
Only if I’m going to like what you have to say.”

His
serious eyes warmed and a wide smile lifted his dark-pink lips. “I
am
crazy
about
you.”

The
soft arms of sanctuary caught me as I landed on my back with my
arms stretched out to my sides and the biggest best-day-ever grin
across my lips. He’s crazy about me. He…he’s crazy about
me
! I can’t believe it.
I’m so in love.

I
sat up on my elbows and looked around my dark room. Well, I
think
I’m in
love.
He
didn’t
say love—is it wrong for me to say that just yet?

With
a loud groan, I flopped back down. I’m always a step ahead of
everyone else, emotionally. Like, they say friends; I say I hold
hands. They say like; I say love. They say love; I’m already
planning the damn wedding.

What
is wrong with me? I’m going to scare that poor guy off if I don’t
stop this. I just wish I had control. I wish I could tell him how I
feel and not have to be afraid he’ll get scared and push me away. I
mean, I so badly wanted to kiss him this afternoon. Why didn’t I
just kiss him?

I
know why. It’s because if I did that and he even
accidently
turned his
head at the moment my breath touched his, I’d have wanted to run
onto the road in front of a passing car. I can’t take much more
humiliation. I’m starting to think it’s my oxygen, like, maybe I
can’t live without it. But really, a few more cases of
embarrassment and it’ll turn into Kryptonite.

A
wave of exhaustion crept underneath my skin and made my eyelids
droop. I don’t wanna fall asleep yet. I’m still in my clothes and I
haven’t come to any conclusions about what this boy feels for me.
“New you were mine” and “Crazy about you” don’t really leave much
for a girl to read into. Then again, they leave way too much for a
girl to read into. Then there’s the issue of… My eyelids fell
closed. The issue of…

Chapter
Seven

Sam
burst through the front door. “Ara, David’s waiting for you across
the road.”

Leaving my breakfast on the table, I grabbed my bag and
bolted out of the house. I really like this boy—if it’s food versus
David, there’s no consideration. I can’t believe he meets me every
day, and I get a blissful two-minute walk with
only
him.

The
thing is, I don’t know how it’ll be, today. I mean, after holding
hands last night, are we together now or do things just go on like
they did before? Nothing’s really been established, and I don’t
have the how-to-handle-boys manual in my back pocket this morning.
I shrugged. I’ll just wing it—see what David does.

Outside, the morning sun cast the spotlight on his
perfection, making the gold tones in his hair shine like a halo. I
wanted to stop walking and just stand still—gawking at him for a
while. But he looked different than yesterday. His mysterious green
eyes held a smile in the corners, but the depth of focus in them,
when added with his thinly pressed lips, made him look almost
uneasy. “Hi David.”

He
took my backpack and threw it over his shoulder, then started
walking, without saying a word and without the usual smile. My brow
twitched, contorting into a frown. Why isn’t he talking? Did I do
something wrong? Maybe he feels awkward about what happened
yesterday—or regretful—like he’d been caught up in the heat of the
moment and wishes he hadn’t led me on.

Okay, I have to remind myself that it was nothing more than a
pleasant conversation on the grass as the sun went down. Sometimes
my imagination can get the better of me and things can blow into a
huge bubble of over-reaction. He never kissed me and he never
admitted his love for me.

I
need to take an emotional step backward.

Maybe I should’ve caught a ride to school with my dad this
morning.

David, visible through my peripheral, pinched the bridge of
his nose and lowered his head, silently cursing under his breath.
What the hell is his deal?

Oh,
no. Internally, I covered my mouth as my heart dropped. No—this is
bad. I have that tight ache in my gut, like a football’s being
pumped up inside my stomach. I just know, any minute now, David’s
going to ask me to forget about what happened between us last night
and use the ‘F’ word…friends. If he does, I won’t be able to help
it; I’ll either cry or throw up all over his shiny black
shoes.

I
risked a glance up at him. His soft brown hair lifted off his face
a little in the morning breeze, and the football rose into my
chest. What reason would he have for not talking to me? He didn’t
even say hello.

In
the silence, I watched the other students file into the school, and
smirked at the wobbly pyramid of cheerleaders across the football
field.

“
You’re very quiet this morning?” David smiled, but the
strange, distant focus remained in his eyes.

Me
?
I’m
quiet? “I’m sorry.” I forced a
smile. “Guess I have a lot on my mind.” At least that part’s true.
David, with his cryptic affection, has my head spinning. How one
minute he’s looking at me as if he’s never laid eyes on me before,
and the next, he acts like I have a disease and runs away or just
flat out doesn’t speak to me.

Now
I feel silly about all this love at first sight stuff.

With
all that aside, I’m still trying to bring up the courage to let
anyone into my life enough that I can talk to them—open up to them,
since apparently, talking about the things that keep you awake at
night has some magical ability to make you feel better. Sounds
silly to me. I planned to take
my
dark secret to my grave.

But,
Mike wasn’t joking when he said he’d tell someone for me if I
didn’t. He’s done it before, so I wouldn’t put it past him to do it
again, and I don’t want my friends to think I don’t trust
them—because that’s not it at all. I just…I’m having trouble
deciding which friend I want to be all deep-and-meaningful with.
Which friend I’m willing to risk losing.

“
Is it something
I
can help with?” David asked after
a moment.

Oh,
right. We were having a conversation. He walks so quietly. It’s
easy to get lost in my own thoughts for a while beside David.
That’s one of the things I like about him; he has this way of being
so still and wordless that my mind is free to wander the rocky
terrain of reflection. It’s enough for me to just exist in his
company, even if I may be far from his thoughts—though he’s the
star of mine. “Well—” I paused. What
am
I going to say, though?
No, you can’t help. I want you to, but I’m afraid
you’ll judge me for my actions—even though I’ve learned from them
at a great cost, and I’m trying to change, trying to be someone
different, but when you find out, you’ll hate me
? I can’t say that.

We
reached the steps and both slowed simultaneously. When I stole a
glance at David, his eyes narrowed as if in concentration—deep
concentration. I guess he forgot I was talking. He smiled at me
just as I looked away; it wasn’t a deliberate aversion, but when I
looked back, his eyes flooded with confusion.

As
we walked up the steps, I watched Emily and Alana at the top,
talking casually as if they’d been friends their whole lives. Emily
told me she only talked to Alana for the first time on the day I
came to the school. They don’t really match, as friends. Alana is
so plain and almost gothic—she’s smart and reads books by indie
authors, whereas, Emily is so colourful; she always looks fresh and
happy, or is it…overexcited? She must drink coffee every
morning—
lots
of
coffee. Mind you, that doesn’t work for me. But despite originating
from different ends of the galaxy, they seem to fit on exactly the
same page.

David sighed heavily as we closed the gap between them and
us.

“
Hi
guys.” I waved.

“
Hey.” Emily smiled.

“
No
cheer practice this morning, Em?”

“
Not
for me. I had a meeting with the school board.”

“
Oh,
okay,” I said. “Where’s Ryan?”

“
Right here.” He popped out from behind the glass doors,
wearing a wide grin.

“
Hey
Ryan.” My greetings may be a little over enthusiastic today, but
that’s just because David’s enquiry will have to be postponed until
later. Thank God. That’s the good thing about friends; you can
always count on them to interrupt.

“
So,
new girl. You made it through your first week, and—” Ryan scratched
the back of his neck and looked at Emily, perhaps to finish for
him?

“
Well, we were thinking.” Emily jumped in. “Would you like to
come to Betty’s Café, tonight—to celebrate?”

“
Is
that the little fifties-style café?” I asked.

Emily nodded. “Yeah, the pink and blue one.”

“
It
belongs to Emily’s Aunt.” Ryan pointed his thumb in Emily’s
direction.

“
Aunt…
Betty
?” I raised one
brow.

“
How’d you guess?” Emily pretended to be surprised, then waved
a dismissive hand in the air as she laughed.

“
Well.” I looked at David with enquiring eyes. I wonder if
he’ll go. He placed his guitar case on the ground and rested his
hands in his back pockets, then, ever so subtly winked at me. “Uh,
sure, you know what?” I looked back at Emily. “That sounds really
great.” It’ll be nice to get out with friends, as weird as that
sounds. I sighed internally. The distraction will be a welcome
relief, too—maybe I can stop thinking about David for a
while.

“
Okay, it’s settled then.” Emily bounced once on the balls of
her feet. “So, we’ll car-pool?” She looked at Ryan and Alana, then
especially at David.

“
Um—”I’m not sure how to tell them I never
ride in cars with friends, unless the circumstances prove
unavoidable. I mean, if I go for the obvious route—telling them I
don’t ride in cars with friends—it’ll either insult their ability
to drive or make them ask why
I
don’t. I looked at David, desperate for one of
his unintended rescues.

“
Actually.” David took a small step forward.
“I uh—I was going to ask Ara out tonight.” He looked directly at me
then and bowed his head. “So, perhaps…
I
could be your
escort?”

My
brow folded. He was going to ask me out? Maybe he does like me.
Wait. No. Getting ahead of myself here. He would’ve meant as
friends.

“
Oh,
a date? Really?” Emily said. “I’m sorry, I didn’t realise you two
had—”

“
Oh,
no, we’re just friends,” I chimed in, waving my hands in the air,
“—and really, hanging out with you guys’ll be great. Right,
David?”

“
Well, as long as you don’t mind sharing?” Ryan nodded toward
David.

“
Not at all,” David said, keeping his eyes
on me, then he looked up at Ryan and smiled. “In fact, I’m fine
with that. I’m sure
Ara
would prefer it that way.”

Ouch. Did he mean for that to hurt? There was a deliberate
sting to his tone.

“
Okay, great. So, you bring Ara, David, and I’ll go with Ryan
and Alana.” Emily linked her arm through Alana’s.

Ryan, all tall and lanky-looking, sighed enviously at Emily
while subconsciously imitating the Leaning Tower of Pisa. It’s so
obvious he likes Alana. When are they finally going to get with the
programme and realise it’s mutual? I wonder why he hasn’t just gone
for it—asked her out. I suppose it’s just something wrong
with
all
the guys
around here.
Procrastination
. Emily rolled her
eyes and we both stifled a giggle at the look on Ryan’s
face.

Then, the routine catch-up at the top of the stairs continued
without my cerebral focus. They’re all smiling and talking, but I
can’t hear them. My thoughts are off with my troubles, somewhere in
clueless land. David’s not really here, either. He’s smiling and
talking, too, but he keeps looking at me with those narrowed
eyes—studying me. He hasn’t even realised he’s staring. He seems so
cold and distant today.

What
happened last night in my backyard—I read into it wrong. I’m sure
of that now. We talked as the sun went down and that was all.
Though I would’ve given anything in the world to have him kiss me,
he never did. I thought he was going to a couple of times, but I
probably imagined it. It was most likely just my mind over-reacting
to the pheromones coursing through my body whenever I look at
him.