Tears on My Pillow 2 (8 page)

February 7
th
, 2014

Friday

Jakari

                   It’s almost the end of class when I hear a text notification sound from my phone. I promptly pick it up off of my desk and check to see who it is from. Now that Qia is home, I like to make sure that I answer immediately if she calls or text me. I shake my head when I see it’s Kelly, AGAIN. She has been texting me constantly and I constantly ignore her, but I guess persistence is the key because she certainly keeps trying. This bitch just doesn’t believe in giving up.

                   I see that we have thirty minutes left of class but after reading Kelly’s text, I decide to let my students go a little early. “Alright class, I could drag this class out for another thirty minutes but I won’t, so don’t ever say I have never given you anything. Just a quick reminder before you go, homework is problems one through fifty on page sixty-seven. I will also fill you in on the details for your midterm when we reconvene on Monday. Have a great weekend.” I barely finish my sentence before I hear papers shuffling, book bags zipping, cellphones powering on, and rapid footsteps headed towards the exit.

                   After a little bit of back and forth with Kelly, I discover that I need to give her my full attention when she starts talking about she sees Qia out with another dude. I laugh a little to myself because this chick love to play childish games. She knows she sitting right up front in that administration office. I gather my belongings and decide to go up there, so I can see that dumb ass look on her face when I step through the door.

                   I open the administration office door and look around the room. Surprisingly, I don’t see anyone in there but Brenda. “What’s up Brenda?”

                   “Nothing much professor. What can I help you with?”

                   “Ah, do I have any mail?” I blurt out since that is the first thing that comes to mind. I am not really expecting to have any but the question serves its purpose.

                   She turns her back to me. “Let me check.” She walks over to the faculty mailboxes and searches for my name.

                   “Where is everyone?” I casually ask.

                   “It’s just me today. Cindy is out sick and Kelly has the day off,” she says, coming back to the counter with one envelope. “This is all you have for mail, sir.”

                   Damn, so this bitch really does have the day off? So is she really telling the truth about Qia being out with some nigga?! When I get to my office, I am going to call Kelly because I will tear Massachusetts up if some nigga is fucking with my wife! “Thank you,” I reply and take the envelope that she is handing me. I look at the front of it and instantly become curious as to who it is from. There is no return address on it, which is weird for mail that I get here at the school. “Have a great weekend, Brenda!” I say and turn to leave.

                   I hear my phone chime again as I am on my way to my office to close up shop for the day. I take my phone out of my pocket and see Kelly has sent me a picture message. This chick is really doing the most. I guess because I ignored her text about when we can fuck, she gonna send me some naked pics. I open the pic and see that it is a picture of Qia and Chandler looking quite cozy at the mall. I blow up Kelly’s dreams by letting her know that he is my brother, so she can stop thinking she hurt my feelings but the text she sends me back almost stops me in my tracks. O, because he's your brother means he ain’t fuckable? What kind of shit is that? It really got under my skin because he did look mighty comfortable with my damn wife and I done warned him way too many times. Qia is beginning to tread on very thin ice, as well because she never mentioned a word to me about going anywhere, never mind hanging out with Chan. This shit is starting to elevate to a whole new level of disrespect. If she wants to go to the freakin’ mall, I can take her!

                   I dial Chan’s cell number and wait for him to pick up. I am going to check his ass, real quick. He acting like he doesn’t understand that I will fuck him up if I have to. Why is he taking my wife anywhere without clearing it with me first? He knows the rules. Ain’t shit changed. His voice-mail picks up, which pisses me off even more. That’s okay. I will pay his disrespectful ass a visit this weekend.

                   I enter my office and sit down behind my desk. I place my briefcase on the desk and that is when I realize I still have that piece of mail in my hand. I sit down and rip the flap open with my thumb. I pull out a piece of folded up paper. I unfold the paper, and another small square piece of paper falls and floats down to my desk and lands with the plain side up. The glimpse I get of it as it is falling looks as though it is a black and white picture of some kind. I recognize the handwriting to be Anjela’s, so I decide to read what it says before picking up the picture. I quickly read the three-word sentence and process what it says: You da pappy.

                   I place the note on my desk and pick up the picture. I flip it over and notice that it is an ultrasound. I shake my head like no, this bitch is not doing this! What the fuck? I can’t got damn win! I don’t need all this extra shit right now. I ball up the note and throw it in the trash. I pound my fist on the desk. I’m not giving this bitch no money for an abortion and she ain’t bout to drag my name through the mud for nine months, talking about I’m her baby daddy either. Some shit I have more patience for but this is not one of them.

                   I pick up my phone and dial Anjela’s number because I am bout to check this bitch, on the quick fast. “Hello Daddy,” she answers after three rings. “I see you got my note.”

                   “Why are you doing this weak ass shit? We had a deal.”

                   “That you broke. You keep lying to me. I asked for a night. You gave me a few hours.”

                   “Anjela...got dammit! I am not playing this high school game with you. I doubt that you are pregnant but if by chance you are, we both know it ain’t mine. So, with that being said, have a nice life and don’t contact me again,” I bark into the phone.

                   “I am very much pregnant, you arrogant prick. I hope my baby has your looks but not your damn personality. If you look at the ultrasound I sent you, it has my name and the date on that bitch so there is no need to involve chance!” she screams back.

                   “Okay, so big whoop ti doo! You manage to get pregnant, like a million other hoes in this world. It’s still not mine bitch! I used a Magnum. I rolled that bad boy on myself!”

                   She laughs like this is the funniest shit she has ever heard. “This baby will be your lifelong reminder that when you are being a punk ass dawg and cheating on your wife, you should always flush your rubber down the toilet and not throw it in the trash can of a woman you have scorned!”

                   I just hang up the phone because I don’t know what the fuck to say. I can’t believe this. I cover my face with my hands and lean my head back on the back of my chair. What the fuck am I going to do? There is no way in hell I will ever be able to hide a damn baby from Qia for the rest of our lives, but if push comes to shove, I will try anything to keep my wife. Maybe, I can talk her into getting an abortion, offer her an exurbanite amount of child support, or with any mercy from the Man above, maybe I can keep the child hidden until I am able to get a DNA test and the baby turns out to not be mine.

                   I swear everybody is acting so out of pocket today. Kelly, Qia, Chan, and now, Anjela. I am definitely full off of the fuckery. “Damn, damn, damn!” I growl as I smash my fist into my desk again. Anjela is going to be a bit tougher to handle than Azia, so I guess I will have to try and play nice, and see where that gets me. I pick up my phone and send Anjela a text.

Can I come by so we can talk?

Of course, she hits me right back.

I thought you were done when you hung up in my face.

I apologize. I needed a minute.

When do you want to talk?

Tomorrow?

Text when you are on the way.

Bet

February 8
th
, 2014

Saturday

Qisha

                   I thought I would die when Qia caught me and Jakari fucking. Then she beat my ass like she wanted me dead. I have tried over and over to spin it in my mind so I don’t look like such a trifling bitch, but I haven’t come up with anything as of yet. I know in my heart there isn’t anything that can take the stench off of what I did but I don’t know what else to do.

                   I sigh as I sit back and think about how scared I was when I learned that Qia was involved in an accident. Then, when I found out that she was in a coma, I was devastated. My biggest fear was that she was going to die. I was caught in between a rock and a hard place. I want her to wake up but I am scared as hell as to what she will say when she wakes up. I mean, after all, this is all my fault. How do you apologize for fucking your sister’s husband in her house and then, for being the cause of the accident that almost took her life? Qia would have never been in that situation if she hadn’t of ran out of the house upset and heartbroken by what she witnessed.

                   I recall when my mom called to tell me that Qia had woken up. She told me to be standing at the door because she was almost at my house to pick me up. I began shaking on the spot. I turned into a vomiting basket case as soon as I hung up the phone. I was worried that when I walked in her hospital room, she would embarrass me by telling everyone what Jakari and I had done. I was scared that she would call me a hoe, bitch, or whore; all the things that I felt about myself on a daily basis since this incident occurred.

                   I couldn’t believe it when we arrived at the hospital and Jakari was telling us that she had amnesia. For a brief second, I felt as though I had been given a second chance, but then the realization hit that I was working on borrowed time. She could remember at any minute what happened the day of her accident and honestly, that was more frightening than getting it out in the open right away.

                   I remember standing in her hospital room feeling just as nervous as a hoe in church. Even though I knew she had amnesia, the guilt of my actions were eating me alive. Then when Qia said that she would remember me soon, I could have fainted. What did she mean by that? Did she really have amnesia? I had to get out of the room so that I could breathe for a minute because I was suffocating. I appreciated Jakari coming out and checking on me. It didn’t surprise me that he was the only one that cared enough to do so because my entire family couldn’t stand me most of the time. I was thankful that he didn’t hate me because he has every right to.

                   I confided in Jakari that I was a nervous wreck, and that I felt like trash for doing what I did to him and to Qia. I told him that at this point, I think we should come clean and maybe it would work out better for us. He damn near gave birth when I suggested that. He grabbed me by my shoulders and told me to keep my mouth shut. He said that I needed to relax and that even if Qia did remember, it was our word against hers. He suggested that since she suffered a traumatic head injury, we could convince her that she had fabricated the whole thing. I didn’t really think it was the right thing to do but it sure seemed like the easier thing to do.

                   I figure that if it is a possibility that we may have to convince Qia that her memory is a false one, I need to be someone that she genuinely trusts. I am happy that when I asked her to come over for a girl’s movie night, she agreed without hesitation. Thankfully, she seems like she is open to building a relationship with me.

                   “Hey girl! I’m so happy you made it,” I say, holding open the screen door for her.

                   “Hey Qisha! Thank you for inviting me.” She steps in the house and I can see her looking around.

                   “Now, don’t be judging me. My place is nowhere near as jazzy as what you and Jakari have, but its mine.” I am feeling a little self-conscious now that she is here.

                  Qia turns around and looks at me like I am crazy. “Girl bye, ain’t nobody judging you!”

                   “I’m surprised Jay didn’t come in for a second to say hi,” I state, just wanting to imply that he and I were close like that. 

                   “Oh, he is off to the gym for his weekly work out with some family.”

                   “Oh okay. Well, I fried us some wingettes and some French fries. I also sliced us up some celery and there is some blue cheese dip if you want some.” I inform her while walking back and forth from the kitchen to the living room, and putting the dishes on the coffee table. I go back in the kitchen to grab the pitcher that has the grape kool aid in it, two glasses, and two plates.

                   I hand my sister her plate. “Dig in,” I say as I walk behind her and sit down on the floor next to her behind the coffee table.

                  “So, what movie are we going to watch?” Qia asks.

                   “I don’t know. Comcast always keeps the on demand poppin, so let’s take a look-see.” I pick up the remote and press the on demand button, and begin scrolling through the current movie selections.

                   I am a fat girl at heart, so I pick up a piece of chicken and go to work while sifting through the list. I down about four pieces of chicken before I look over and see that Qia is still working on her first. I lift an eyebrow thinking, I know she ain’t trying to act like it ain’t good. I put my whole entire foot into this damn meal. I stop searching long enough to ask, “What’s wrong? Why aren’t you eating?”

                   “I’m still having a little difficulty digesting food. I have found that if I eat slowly, it works out in my favor.” She smiles and takes another bite of the chicken. “This is really good though.”

                   “Thank you. You should have said something and I would have whipped up some of Ma’s homemade chicken noodle soup.” I turn my attention back to the movie list.

                   “Oh, you’re fine.”

                   “I feel like a pig! Look at this pile of bones on my plate!” We laugh.

                   “Hey Qish! What about that movie, Unfaithful? That looks intriguing,” Qia says while dipping a piece of celery into the blue cheese dressing.

                   “Girl no! Who the hell wants to watch something about a cheatin ass nigga?!” She has got to be kidding me. There is no way I’m going to watch a movie with her about no cheatin! What if that shit triggers a memory of her husband and me getting it in?! Oh no ma’am, she ain’t whoopin up on my head this here day! Shiiiit, nope, can’t do it. I have just really healed from the last ass whoopin she gave me.

                   “The description says it is the wife that is unfaithful and anyway, we are both in great relationships, right?”

                   I nod my head yes, knowing that my shit is far from great.

                   “So then, it will be pure entertainment for us. C’mon Qish, it looks good!” Qia begs.

                  Damn! Damn! Damn! I can’t believe that I am going to do this but here goes. I press buy, and wait on pins and needles for the movie to begin.  I actually start getting into the movie and realize that I can relate to the wife, Connie. She is frustrated with the fact that there is no intimacy in her marriage. She bumps into an attractive younger man and they begin fooling around.

                   I begin to think about my own situation. Darrin and I have been together for a minute and I really do love him, but not only is he rude, we aren’t intimate anymore. He always has something else to do and when we do have sex, it is a wham bam thank you ma’am type experience and I need more than that. I mean, real talk, I haven’t had an orgasm with Darrin in like three years. If I want to nut, I have to take care of myself. Because of the lack of intimacy in my own home, it stood out to me when I would see Qia and Jakari together, and the idea of him started turning me on. I think that is when I started fantasizing about Jakari.  I never ever thought about acting on it though.

                   I made the mistake of saying, “I can see why Connie cheated.”

                   Qia quickly and adamantly turns to me and says, “There is no excuse for cheating! Girl, if you aren’t getting what you want and need from your mate, talk it out! If you can’t do that, then he or she isn’t the one for you.”

                   Thinking about my own personal situation, I ask, “So, what if you do talk to him or her and the situation remains unchanged?”

                   “I say, move on,” she replies without looking at me.

                   The room falls silent again as we continue watching the movie. I got so into it, I forget all about the fact that I didn’t want to watch this with Qia until she says, “I can definitely understand why he smashed that nigga’s head in with that snow globe!”

                   “Qia! Why you say that?” I ask and pretend to laugh a little.

                   “Let me find out Jakari is cheating with another chick! I’mma straight whoop that bitch’s ass, especially if she knows he’s married!  Ain’t nothing she can say to me.”

                   I feel my heart racing. I begin to pray that this movie comes to a quick end. She got me over here flinching and she just talking about what ifs.