Teckla (25 page)

I chewed on my lip. amazed at first that I was even thinking about it. I shook my head. I thought about Franz, who was actually pleased to have his name used for propaganda after he died, and Sheryl, who would probably have felt the same, and I thought about all that Kelly had said to me over the last few times we spoke, and about Natalia, and I remembered the talk with Paresh, so long ago it seemed, and the look he'd given me at the end. Now I understood it.

Most people never have the chance to choose what side they're on, but I did. That's what Paresh was telling me, and Sheryl and Natalia. Franz had thought I had chosen. Cawti had I had reached a point where we could choose our sides. Cawti had chosen, and now I had to. I wondered if I could choose to stay in the middle.

It suddenly didn't matter that I was standing in a crowd of strangers. I turned to Cawti and said, "I should join you. I know that. But I can't. Or I won't. I guess that's what it comes down to." She didn't say anything. Neither did anyone else. In the awful silence of that ugly little room, I just kept talking.

"Whatever this thing is that I've become is incapable of looking beyond itself. Yes, I'd like to do something for the greater good of humanity, if you want to call it that. But I can't, and we're both stuck with that. I can cry and wail as much as I want and it doesn't change what I am or what you are or anything else."

Still, no one said anything. I turned to Kelly and said, "You will probably never know how much I hate you. I respect you, and I respect what you're doing, but you've diminished me in my own eyes, and in Cawti's. I can't forgive you for that."

For just an instant then he was human. "Have I done that? We're doing what we have to do. Every decision we make is based on what is necessary. Is it really I who has done this to you?"

I shrugged and turned toward Herth. Might as well make it complete. "I hate you most of all," I said. "Much more than I hate him. I mean, this goes beyond business. I want to kill you, Herth. And I'd love to do it slow; torture you the way you tortured me. That's what I want." He was still showing no expression, damn his eyes. I wanted to see him cringe, at least, but he wouldn't. Maybe it would have been better for him if he had. Maybe not, too. But staring at him, I almost lost it again. I was holding a stiletto, my favorite kind of weapon for a simple assassination; I longed to make him feel it, and having him just stare at me like that was too much. I just couldn't take it. I grabbed him by the throat and flung him against a wall, held the point of my blade against his left eye. I said some things to him that I don't remember but were never above the level of curses. Then I said, "They want me to let you live. Okay, bastard, you can live. For a while. But I'm watching you, all right? You send anyone after me and you've had it. Got that?" He said, "I won't send anyone after you."

I shook my head. I didn't believe him, but I figured I'd at least bought some time. I said to Cawti, "I'm going home. Coming with me?" She looked at me, her forehead creased and sorrow in her eyes. I turned away.

As Herth started to move toward the door, I heard the sound of steel on steel from behind me, and a heavy sword came flying into the room. Then a Jhereg came in, backing up. At his throat was a rapier, and attached to the rapier was my grandfather. Ambrus was on his shoulder. Loiosh flew into the room.

"Noish-pa!"

"Yes, Vladimir. You wished to see me?"

"Sort of," I said. I had some mad in me that hadn't washed away yet, but it was going. I decided I had to get outside of there before I exploded. Kelly said, "Hello, Taltos," to my grandfather. They exchanged nods.

"Wait here," I said to no one in particular. I walked out into the hall, and the bodyguard I had wounded was still moaning and holding his stomach, although he had removed the knife. There was another one next to him who was holding his right leg. I could see wounds on both legs and both arms and a shoulder. They were small wounds, but probably deep. I was pleased that my grandfather was still as good as I remembered. I walked past them carefully and out into the street. There was now a solid line of armed Easterners and an equally solid line of Phoenix Guards. There were no Jhereg bodyguards there anymore, however. I walked through the Guards until I found their commander. "Lord Khaavren?" I said.

He looked at me and his face tightened. He nodded once. I said, "There will be no trouble. It was a mistake. These Easterners are going to leave now. I just want to tell you that." He stared at me for a moment, then looked away as if I were so much carrion. I turned and went into the apothecary. I found the sorceress and said, "Okay, you can lift it. And if you want to earn some more, Herth will be coming out onto the street soon, and I think he'd appreciate a teleport back home."

"Thanks," she said. "It's been a pleasure." I nodded and walked back toward Kelly's flat. As I did so, Herth emerged with several wounded bodyguards, including one who had to be helped along. Herth didn't even look at me. I went past him, and I saw the sorceress approach and speak to him.

When I went back inside, my grandfather was nowhere to be seen and neither was Cawti. Loiosh said, "They've gone back into Kelly's study."

"Good."

"Why did you send me instead of reaching him psionically?"

"My grandfather doesn't approve of it, except for emergencies."

"Wasn't this an emergency?"

"Yeah. Well, I also wanted you out of the way so I could go ahead and do something stupid."

"I see. Well, did you?"

"Yeah. I even got away with it."

"Oh. Does that mean everything's all right now?" I looked back toward the study where my grandfather was talking with Cawti. "Probably not," I said. "But it's out of my hands. I thought I'd probably be dead after this, and I wanted someone here who could take care of Cawti."

"But what about Herth?"

"He promised to leave me alone in front of witnesses. That will keep him honest for a few weeks, anyway."

"And after that?"

"We'll just have to see."

Pocket Handkerchief: clean and press

The next day I received word that the troops had been withdrawn from South Adrilankha. Cawti didn't show up. But I hadn't really expected her to.

To take my mind off things, I took a walk around my neighborhood. I was beginning to enjoy the feeling that I was in no more danger than I'd been before this nonsense started. It might not last, but I'd enjoy it while I could. I even walked a bit outside of my area, just because walking felt so good. I hit a couple of inns that I don't usually visit and that was fine. I was careful not to get drunk, even though it probably wouldn't have mattered.

I passed by the oracle I'd been to so long before and thought about going in, but I didn't. It did make me wonder, though, what I ought to do with all of that money. It was clear that I wasn't going to be building Cawti a castle. Even if she came back to me, I doubted she'd want one. And the idea of buying a higher title in the Jhereg seemed ludicrous. That left—

Which is when the solution hit me.

My first reaction was to laugh, but I couldn't afford to laugh at any idea just then, and besides, I'd look foolish standing in the middle of the street laughing.

The more I thought about it, though, the more sense it made. From Herth's perspective, that is. I mean, as Kelly had said, the man was almost washed up; this let him get out alive and removed any need on his part to kill me.

From my end it was even easier than that. It would entail many administrative problems, of course, but I could use a few administrative problems. Hmmm. I finished the walk without incident. Two days later I was sitting in my office, taking care of the details of getting things operating again and a few other matters. Melestav came in.

"Yeah?"

"A messenger just arrived from Herth, boss."

"Oh, yeah? What did he have to say?"

"He said, 'Yes.' He said you'd know what it was about. He's waiting for a reply."

"Well I'll be damned," I said. "Yeah. I know what it's about."

"Any instructions?"

"Yeah. Go into the treasury and pull out fifty thousand Imperials."

"Fifty thousand!"

"That's right."

"But—all right. Then what?"

"Give it to the messenger. Arrange for an escort. Make sure it gets to Herth."

"All right, boss. Whatever you say."

"Then come back in here; we have a lot of work to do. And send Kragar in."

"Okay."

"I'm already here."

"Huh? Oh."

"What just happened?"

"What we wanted to. We have the prostitution, which we'll have to close down or clean up, the strong-arm stuff, which we'll kill, and the gambling, cleaners, and small stuff, which we can leave alone."

"You mean it worked?"

"Yeah. We just bought South Adrilankha."

I got home late that night and found Cawti asleep on the couch. I looked down at her. Her dark, dark hair was in disarray over her thin, proud face. Her cheekbones stood out in the light of the single lamp, and her fine brows were drawn together as she slept, as if she was puzzled by something a dream was telling her.

She was still beautiful, inside and out. It hurt to look at her. I shook her gently. She opened her eyes, smiled wanly and sat up.

"Hello, Vlad."

I sat down next to her, but not too close. "Hello," I said. She blinked sleep out of her eyes. After a moment she said, "I had a long talk with Noish-pa. I guess that was what you wanted, wasn't it?"

"I knew I couldn't talk to you. I hoped he could find the way to say things I couldn't."

She nodded.

I said, "Do you want to tell me about it?"

"I'm not sure. What I said to you, a long time ago now, about how unhappy you are and why, that's all true, I think."

"Yeah."

"And I think what I'm doing, working with Kelly, is right, and I'm going to keep doing it."

"Yeah."

"But it isn't the whole answer to every question, either. Once I decided that I'd do this, I thought it would solve everything, and I treated you unfairly. I'm sorry. The rest of life doesn't stop because of my activities. I'm working with Kelly because that's my duty, but it doesn't end there. I also have a duty toward you."

I looked down. When she didn't go on, I said, "I don't want you coming back to me because you feel it's your duty."

She sighed. "I see what you mean. No, that isn't how I meant it. The problem is that you were right, I should have spoken to you about it. But I couldn't bring myself to risk—to risk what we have. Do you see what I mean?"

I stared at her. Do you know, that had never occurred to me? I mean, I knew I felt frightened and insecure; but I never thought that she could feel that way, too. I said, "I love you."

She made a gesture with her arm and I moved over to her and put my arm around and held her. After a while I said, "Are you moving back in?" She said, "Should I? We still have a lot to work out." I thought about my latest purchase and chuckled. "You don't know the half of it."

She said, "Hmm?"

I said, "I've just bought South Adrilankha." She stared. "You bought South Adrilankha? From Herth?"

"Yeah."

She shook her head. "Yes, I guess we do have things to talk about."

"Cawti, it saved my life. Doesn't that—?"

"Not now."

I didn't say anything. A moment later she said, "I'm committed now; to Kelly, to the Easterners, to the Teckla. I still don't know how you feel about that."

"Neither do I," I said. "I don't know if it would be easier or harder to work it out with you living here again. All I know is that I miss you, that it hurts to go to sleep without you."

She nodded. Then she said, "I'll come back then, if you want me to, and we'll try to work it out."

I said, "I want you to."

We didn't celebrate then, or anything, but we held each other, and for me that was a celebration, and the tears I shed onto her shoulder felt as clean and good as the laugh of a condemned man, unexpectedly freed. Which, in a way, described me quite well, just then.