Tell A Thousand Lies (20 page)

“
Ammavaru
,” he said, palms of his hands joined. “Allow me to introduce myself as your most humble servant. My name is
Satyanarayana
, but everyone calls me Satyam.”

I inclined my head again, acknowledging the greetings. After some frantic internal debate, I’d decided the less I talked, the less the chance of making a fool of myself. This came with a risk, of course – it would allow Kondal Rao to speak through Ranga
Nayakamma
. But what else could I do, if sagely advice wasn’t tumbling out of my mouth?

Priest Satyam bowed. “With your permission, I would like to start in your service with the day’s prayers.”

As the priest started to apply
kumkum
to my head, I held up my hand.

Kondal Rao’s face tightened. The congregation drew in a breath as one. Why was
Ammavaru
displeased?

I pointed at the pantheon of deities placed at the elaborate marble altar. Then I moved my head up and down.

Understanding, the priest turned to pray to them instead.

I released a breath, along with the rest of the people. The Gods would have never forgiven me the sacrilege of allowing myself to be prayed to in their presence.

After the
puja
, I blessed the
prasadam
.

Then Kondal Rao’s henchmen took over. They organized the worshippers for
prasadam
distribution in two lines – one consisting of women and children, the other men. The devotees touched the packets to their eyes before consuming the
prasadam
.

Then audience with the Goddess – me – started.

“
Ammavaru
, please bless me with a male child. I am already cursed with four daughters.”

Jhampiah
, the day labourer who’d warned us away from Kondal Rao even before Malli’s bride viewing.

“My son is appearing for his tenth class exams. Please help him pass in First Class.”

I looked at my primary schoolteacher in shock. But he was focussed on my feet.

“I have bought a new tractor. Please bless it.”

Lakshmi
garu
’s neighbour.

Each request tightened the pressure around my head, till it felt ready to explode. These poor, trusting souls! I hoped their faith alone would get them through – I was certainly not in a position to do anything for them. To each person, I gave something. A flower to the women, a fruit to the men. All of them touched the offering to their eyes and gratefully accepted the blessings.

By the time I went through the initial two hundred people, and the others that had lined up outside, it was close to two o’clock. The headache, which had begun at seven in the morning, was now raging. I was hungry, and tired, and getting cranky.

Kondal Rao had left, fortunately.

I indicated with a finger that the courtyard gates were to be shut.

The priest started forward, but already more people were lining up at the gate.

I was close to tears, and trying hard not to show it.

Ammamma walked across and put her hand on my shoulder. “
Ammavaru
is preparing to go into
dhyanam
. She will see other devotees only after her meditation is complete.”

“What time shall we open the gates?” the priest asked.

“Six in the evening,” Ammamma said, jerking her head in emphasis. “Not a minute before. After the
puja
,
Ammavaru
will give audience until eight o’clock this evening. Then again next morning from seven until eleven a.m. Same timings every day. Sundays, she will not see anyone.”

The priest shut the gate. That left him and four or five other devotees in the courtyard.

“Come,” Ammamma said, helping me up.

By now, my joints were so stiff, I could have sworn they creaked. My head felt heavy from the burden of my devotees’ torment.

Ammamma led me to the front room.

A couple of women devotees stood by the door. They bowed in respect. “My name is
Sarala
,” one of them said. “We want to make sure
Ammavaru
is comfortable.”

“I sincerely thank you for it,” Ammamma said. “But I can take care of my granddaughter. You may go back to your houses, and rest till the evening.”

Sarala
bowed again. “I humbly request that we be allowed to take over the functioning of the ashram.”

My grandmother’s house, a public ashram!
 

“With your permission,”
Sarala
continued, “we will start by taking charge of the kitchen. We would like to make daily meals for
Ammavaru
and yourself, and the
prasadams
for each
puja
.”

Wordlessly, Ammamma handed over the keys to the kitchen.

“May we bring you tea?”
Sarala
asked.

“Please knock once, and leave it outside,” Ammamma said, thanking them. Then she locked the door to the front room. Finally, Ammamma and I had the front room and the bedroom to ourselves.

I reached for papier
mâché
globe Srikar had bought me, and dragged a stool.

“What are you doing?” Ammamma rushed forward.

“Putting this up.” I showed her the globe.

“I can see that. But you’re so tired. Why now?”

“I need this to get through the days. Srikar bought it for me.”

Ammamma looked stricken.

I tied the globe to a hook on the ceiling, and hobbled to the bed, feeling as if I had aged rapidly.

Five minutes later, there was a single knock at the door.

Ammamma brought in the tray, with tea and snacks on it, but I was too exhausted to eat.

I fell face forward onto the bed and broke down.

Ammamma sat on the edge of the narrow bed, rubbing my back in circular motions.

“This is just not right, Ammamma,” I said through sobs. “We are cheating decent, God-loving people. This is just not right.”

“I know, Child,” Ammamma said. “I know.”

I swiped my face with the back of my hand and sat up. “How do we make this right?”

“Just because my hair has turned white doesn’t mean I have any more wisdom than you.”

“We have to do something, Ammamma. We cannot be frauds. God will punish us badly, I know he will.”

“Cheating is when we knowingly do something wrong. In our case, we didn’t choose to do this. In fact, we tried our best not to get in this position.” Ammamma gazed at me steadily. “You know what I think? I think this is God’s will. Having been placed in this position, we have to do what we are destined to do with clean, pure hearts. I am sure we will pass this test.”

“But what about my husband?” I asked, throat hurting. “He doesn’t deserve this.”

“He is an honourable man,” Ammamma agreed, eyes tearing up. “He lent you support when everyone else was ready to let you fall by the wayside.”

“What about him, Ammamma?” I asked, starting to cry again. “How does he fit in God’s plans?”

“I wish I knew, Child,” Ammamma said, holding me tightly, “I wish I knew.”

We held on to each other and cried, because we could do nothing else.

Chapter 26

Lata
Has No Options

K
ondal Rao, with all the resources he had at his disposal, hadn’t been able to track
Venkatesh
down. Ammamma, Lata and I sat in our courtyard after the gates had been locked up for the night, trying to find a way out of this nightmare.

Ammamma said, “Since we haven’t been able to find any trace of
Venkatesh
–”

Lata cut in, “Pray, enlighten me, what new plan do you have for my life?” Bitterness gave her voice an edge.

Ammamma winced. “Kondal Rao sent word that he has found another groom for you.”

“I’ll be sure to fall at his feet the next time I see him.”

“Please, Lata,” she said wearily. “You should be grateful he even found someone to marry you, you being...” Ammamma’s voice trailed away.

“Soiled goods? With some else’s child? Not rich enough? Which of the three,
hanh
? Or is it all of them?”

When Ammamma didn’t say anything, Lata asked, “And who is this upright citizen, might I ask?”

“
Narasu
.”

Lata opened her mouth, then shut it.

“The school peon?” I was shocked. “My God, Ammamma! He is just an uneducated lout. Cleaning blackboards, and making tea for teachers is all he is good for.”

Our time in school had been spent trying to dodge his too-familiar hands and shifty eyes. Why, he had to be at least thirty years old! Was he so desperate he’d marry a fallen girl? I put my hand on Lata’s shoulder in support, but she pushed me away. Her face was white. “Ammamma, the only time he saw the inside of a class was when he came in to dust and sweep. He couldn’t tell one end of a pencil from the other.”

“He is 4
^th
class fail.” Ammamma’s voice was diffident.

“And that makes it okay? While I’ve passed my 12
^th
class with distinction?” She dared Ammamma to deny the huge difference in education.

Ammamma didn’t even try. “But that other boy –
Venkatesh
– he wasn’t educated, either.”

“Yes, but he’d agreed to let me study.”

I didn’t want to point out the obvious – it was easy to agree to anything at all when you had no intention of seeing it through.

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In the early hours of the following morning, Lata miscarried.

Ammamma rushed Lata to the hospital. From there she sent word to
Sarala
to shut the ashram down for ten days on account of my meditation. The two returned from the hospital on the third day.

Lakshmi
garu
came over as we were helping Lata to a cot on the veranda. “How are you?”

“Never felt better.” Lata rolled over to a side, raised her knees up to her stomach, and moaned.

“Be grateful the product of your sin is now purged from your womb.”

Lata buried her head in the pillow.

“Too bad you can no longer have children.”

No response.

“Lata?” Lakshmi
garu
was persistent, if nothing else.

“What?”

“Aren’t you going to inform your would-be husband’s family that you are barren?”

Lata raised her head. “You aren’t still expecting me to marry that bum?”

“That bum, as you call him, is doing you a favour. Who else would marry a fallen girl like you?”

“I’m blessed.” Lata whimpered, her face dotting with sweat.

Why
had
Narasu
agreed to marry Lata? He was a man; surely it couldn’t be hard for him to find a bride? Whatever his reasons, we could only be grateful he’d agreed to provide Lata with the protection of a married name.

“It couldn’t have been easy for Kondal Rao
garu
to find you a groom, in your condition.”

“My heart breaks on his behalf.”

“You can’t back out now, just because... you know. He’ll lose face.”

“Ammamma,” Lata said through gritted teeth, “just bash my head in. End my agony.”

“Lakshmi,” Ammamma said tiredly. “Perhaps you can come back later?”

“I was only trying to help. Didn’t I lend you my son, and my tractor for two days?”