Tell Me a Secret (29 page)

When Kyle opened the door, Heisman rocketed past him and made a beeline to Maggie. Before she gave him time to jump, she knelt and opened her arms. Cupping his face, she whispered. “Hey boy, you taking good care of Jace?”

He buried his nose in her chest, his tail beating the ground like a snare drum. He gave a big long lick up her cheek, coated his tongue with makeup, and ran toward the house, then back to her, as if telling her to follow.

“Heisman! Come here, boy!” Jace called from the doorway.

She nudged the dog. “Go. Go to him. I can’t come with you.”

She rose to full height and stared at her husband. He looked good. Better than the last time. It took all her determination not to run and throw her arms around him. For a moment, she forgot how to breathe and then he spoke to her.

“Sorry! He doesn’t usually act like this. I don’t know what got into him.”

She held up her hand, palm out and waved, then returned to the car and as they drove away, she watched through the side mirror. Jace rolled to the end of the sidewalk, and stared after them.

Maggie scrubbed for over an hour to remove the clown makeup and wash and dry her hair. The boys enjoyed the carnival, but not her. Somehow, by the time they got there, her appetite for sweets waned. Instead, she’d settled for a cup of hot chocolate, afraid she wouldn’t be able to keep anything else down.

Earlier, Beth Ann brought the niggling in Maggie’s mind to the forefront. The location of the wreck. The woman who lived there. Her connection to Jace.

Maggie tossed and turned, fluffed her pillow, kicked off the cover, rolled to her left, and then her right. Finally, she flopped onto her back, gently rubbed her belly, and admitted what she’d feared all along.

At first, she cried softly and then tears came harder and faster, until she grabbed the extra pillow and covered her face to drown her moans. Once the downpour ended, she told herself to think logically and consider the facts.

Okay, Amanda Blevins had custody of Jackson and Caleb, while their dad, only had them two weekends a month. Neither boy recognized Jace. So if he spent time with their mother, it wasn’t while they were there.

Questions flooded her brain. Did Jace make excuses to leave early or stay late at work?
No
. Any incriminating evidence which pointed to an affair? Receipts. Emails. Telephone hang-ups?
No
. Ever caught him in a lie?
No
. But sex hadn’t been good because of the pressure she’d put on him. Then there was the argument the day of the crash. He’d said he needed a break and although he’d indicated not from her, she’d gotten the feeling that’s what he meant but was afraid to say. Was their marriage already in trouble and if so was a third party involved?
Is that the real reason he sent me away? He doesn’t love me anymore?
No. He still loved her. That last kiss proved it.

She cleared her head. She wasn’t going to dwell on it, because now, it was more important than ever to get him to ask her to come home.

There’s no future in loving a dead man.

~Jimmy Perkins

The days were long, but the nights were longer, and as darkness descended upon the world, Jace fell into his own gloom. A sucking black hole of despair encircled him until he couldn’t breathe. The only thing that kept him going was the promise of morning and her daily letter.

He woke to the whirling, moaning sounds of a West Texas dust storm. Once it passed, dirt hung in the air like a curtain draped over the entire city, the smell of earth clung to the walls of his nostrils.

Until now, the boundaries of his landscape extended down the porch ramp, onto the sidewalk straight to the mailbox and back. His morning routine.

He reached inside the box and found the pale pink envelope, held it to his nose, breathed it in and let her scent settle on him.

When he returned to his room, he ran the silver opener under the flap, rendered a clean cut, and removed the folded paper.

Dear Jace,

Tonight, at nine o’clock, I’ll be outside looking toward heaven. I hope you will too. Just knowing we’re gazing at the moon and stars at the same time, will comfort me. Do you remember lying on the porch, at your parent’s house, staring at the heavens? It’s one of my fondest memories, kissing you under a blanket of stars. Have your mom spread a quilt for you. Think of me. I’ll be thinking of you.

Maggie

P.S. Jimmy Perkins is in the hospital. He’d enjoy a visit.

Journal Secret

He does the most sensual thing. As we fall asleep, he holds my hand. Somehow, I know he’s never done that with anyone else.

He smiled and thought how the hand-holding was as much for his benefit as hers. The simple truth, she was the only woman who held his hand and heart. The star gaze memory caused him to laugh out loud. He wheeled to the window and looked toward the house where he grew up.

“I like the sound of that.” Kyle folded arms across his chest and leaned against the door jamb. “Your wife must have said something funny.”

Jace smiled and thought back to the first Christmas Eve he spent with Maggie. The temperature fell to a bone-chilling fifteen degrees. It was crazy to even be outside. But there they were, bundled from head to toe, lying on a quilt at midnight.

He closed his eyes and could see it as if it happened yesterday. She’d never been much of a drinker, but they swigged wine, passing the bottle back and forth. Heisman snuggled against her, resting his head on her lap, perfectly still except for shifting his eyes watching the exchange. Gazing at the stars for a long time, neither spoke, until she broke the silence.

“Aren’t the stars magnificent? They’re angels, you know.”

“What, the stars?”

“Yeah. They’re angels and they shine so brightly because their souls are happy.”

“So a falling star is an
unhappy
angel?”

“No, silly. A falling star is an angel coming to earth to take human form to help somebody who needs it.”

He nudged her with his elbow. “Did you read that in a story?”

“No, I believe it. If I could be anything in the universe, except human, I’d want to be a star in God’s heaven. They provide light where there’s darkness. Romance for lovers. Inspiration for poets. Direction for lost travelers. Wonderment for children. Who wouldn’t want to be a star?”

Jace considered her drunken statement for a moment, and then without warning, she bolted straight up and started to sing
Deep in the Heart of Texas
, punctuating the song with hand claps.

She sang at the top of her lungs and he laughed his ass off. Next, Heisman started to howl. Then, as quickly as the song began, she stopped. “Do you know why dogs howl at the moon?”

He couldn’t answer for laughing so hard, so he just wagged his head.

She pulled her knees to her chest. “One theory is they’re lonely and they want to hear other dogs answer. Some think they’re calling their mate, and some imagine it’s their way of praying. I googled it.” Then she rolled to her knees, took another long sip, and said, “Let’s howl at the moon.”

Jace hadn’t recovered from her performance, but managed to say, baby, you’re drunk. She grabbed his shoulders and shook him. “No, I’m not. C’mon, let’s do it.” She patted Heisman. “You’ll join me, won’t you boy?” Then, she threw her head back and made the most god awful sound. Poor Heisman pointed his nose toward heaven and wailed with her, and within a minute, every canine in the neighborhood joined the chorus.

Jace panicked. Neighbors turned on porch lights and opened doors. He bear-hugged her and kissed her hard to stop the performance. When he finally let her come up for air, she laughed. “You should have howled. It was liberating.”

“Yeah, well in the morning you’ll be doing a different kind of howling.”

Her wild red hair ruffled beneath her winter cap. Those green eyes big as marbles and her skin glowed like she’d been sprinkled with moon-dust. He’d never seen a woman more beautiful. He already loved her, but at that moment, he realized he wanted to marry her. The next day he bought a ring.

The story was too good not to share. When he finished telling it, Kyle said, “You’ve got to let her come home, man.”

“I can’t. I’m no good for her anymore.”

As hard as Jace tried, he couldn’t shake the memory from his mind. By nine p.m., with the dust settled and the night sky cloudless, he lay on a quilt on his parent’s deck. A blanket of
angels
, millions of them, hung above him like bright shining Christmas ornaments. He closed his eyes and thought of Maggie. When he opened them, a shooting star raced across the sky. He made a wish, pushed up on his elbows and shook his head.
I didn’t wish to walk again. I wished for her.

He looked over at Heisman. “C’mon boy, let’s howl at the moon.”

The next day, Jace debated. Should he go to the hospital to see Jimmy and risk running into Maggie? Or play it safe and stay as far away as possible. He admitted his defenses were weakening. He wanted to see her, but he wasn’t sure he could trust himself. No, this wasn’t about him and what he wanted. This was what she deserved. And it damn well wasn’t a man who couldn’t walk, give her a child, or except for an accident—cheat. He’d thought a lot about that lately. Truthfully, the reason for the wreck was due to him having second thoughts about going to Amanda’s house. If he hadn’t been thinking of turning around, he’d been paying more attention. But would he have turned around for sure? He’d like to think so. He gathered his resolve and picked up the phone. “Hello, Dad. Could you take me to visit a friend at the hospital?”

By the time they arrived at the medical center, it was mid-morning. While his dad went to get coffee, Jace went to Jimmy’s room and found him dozing. He rolled his chair to face the door, hoping to catch a glimpse of her. Within a few minutes, a nurse came in to check on Jimmy and he roused.

“Hey, man, you going to sleep all day?” Jace asked.

“Damn, Jace Sloan. It’s good to see you.”

“You, too. You sure you’re not faking just to flirt with the nurses?”

“Yeah, well that might be true if Maggie were still here, but the rest of them can’t hold a candle to her.”

Jace’s heart slammed against his ribs. He clenched the arms of his chair. “What do you mean,
if she were still here?”

“Oh, man. She told me the two of you had hit a rough spot, but I thought you knew she didn’t work here anymore.”

“You’ve talked to her?”

“Yeah. She’s been by a couple of times. She was here the other day.”

Jace bowed his head, fought to stop the tears, and spewed questions. “Did she mention what she’s doing or where she’s staying? How was she?”

“Beautiful. I asked her why she quit. Said it was complicated. I also asked if she thought y’all would get back together. Are you?”

Jace lost his thought as he tried to wrap his brain around the news. “What?”

“Are you getting back together?”

“I don’t think so.” He took a breath. “Enough about me. What about you and Laura?”

“She bailed a month ago. Hell, there’s no future in loving a dead man.”

“C’mon, you’re not going to die.”

“Yeah, I am. I may stay ahead of it for a while, but in the end, I’ll lose. I’m just marking time.”

“I understand. You want her to be happy, right?”

Jimmy cocked his head. “Once you accept the inevitable, you dig down and find out what kind of person you are. Turns out, I’m a selfish prick. I don’t care if she’s happy. I want to be happy. And she makes me happy. So if that means she’s got to be miserable while she does it, fine by me.”

“You don’t mean that.”

“Yeah, I do. That’s where you and I are different. I want her any way I can have her. Pity, guilt, obligation. I don’t give a shit. I want her holding my hand, stroking my cheek, wiping my brow, until I take my last breath. That’s why you’re a fool. You’ve got a woman who wants to be with you and you won’t let her.”

“Is that what Maggie told you?”

“No. Hospital gossip. As bad as your situation is I’d trade places in a heartbeat. Hell, I’d let them cut both legs off, to have a chance at thirty more years.”

“Cut the crap, you’ll outlive me. They make strides in cancer research every day.”

“I’m not saying I’ve given up, but I need to face facts. Wagging tongues say you asked her to leave because you can’t have kids. Is that right?”

“That’s part of it.”

“Hell, man. I can fix that for you. I’ll make a baby with her. Of course, I don’t want to do any of that turkey baster shit. I want the real deal. Candlelight, soft music, me naked with your wife.”

Jace laughed. “Yeah, I bet you do. But that ain’t happening.”

“Why the hell not? I’m the perfect candidate. I’ll be dead soon, so you’d never have to worry about me wanting to see the kid.”

“That might ruin your chances of ever getting Laura back.”

Jimmy’s eyes filled with tears. “She was my first. My first and only. I know things about her nobody else does. Like when she cooks, she listens to music and dances around the kitchen like a crazy woman. And ever since she saw that damn Spiderman movie, she loves to kiss me upside down. Some other dude won’t understand all of that. He won’t appreciate how sexy she is when she sucks in that little bit of air at the end of her laugh.” Jimmy’s breath hitched. “All of that belongs to me. At least it did. How can you let go of the little things Maggie does? I want you to tell me. Because I’m having a hard time losing that part of Laura.”