Tell Me You Want Me (20 page)

"Maybe it's for the best. Love can hurt."

"He keeps telling me that, but I don't want to believe him. I try to tell him that love should be easy, but he doesn't want to believe me either."

Her mother chuckled, and Jane wondered what was so funny. "Oh, Jane, you are just like your father."

"What's wrong with that?"

"Nothing. He was such an idealist, almost naïve. He believed that life was always wonderful and nothing bad would ever happen to us."

"I'm not like that."

"Where do you think you got the idea that love and life was supposed to be easy?"

Jane shrugged, and then remembered that her mother couldn't see her. "From Dad?"

"You and I have both been through some very hard things. You lost your father too young, and I lost my husband—but even before that, our life was hard. Your dad did his best not to let you know. Both of you chose to blissfully ignore life's difficulties and pretend everything was simple."

What?
If their life was so hard, did that mean...? "But I thought you and Dad were happy together."

"We were, but we had to work at it. When we first got married, things were pretty tough, but we faced our problems together, and after a while life did get easier for us. It took a lot of effort to get there, though."

"Hm." Jane hadn't realized that her parents had needed to work at their relationship. They made it look easy. Why couldn't it be like that for her? "But I want it to be easy now."

She sobbed, not caring that she sounded like a whining child. The last few days had been such a struggle, and she just wanted to be done with it.

"I know you do, Honey, but you're stronger than you think." Her mother chuckled again. "When I think of all the times you fought against me, I'm amazed at your determination."

Did she have any left? Jane wiped her face on her blanket. She could barely gather the strength to speak. "I'm so tired, Mom."

"Get some sleep. You'll be able to think better after you get some rest."

"Okay."

"I'm glad you called me, Jane."

"Me too."

"I love you."

"Love you too, Mom."

She turned off the phone, unable to talk anymore tonight. Maybe Austin had been right: ending it now might be easier than fighting to stay with him. Why did she bother? She enjoyed the fun he brought to her life, but was that enough? Had he given up because they no longer had fun?

What had Jack said to her?
Your inner strength draws him to you.

If Austin wasn't strong enough to keep them together, then she would have to be strong enough for both of them. He couldn't just walk out of her life. Actually, she'd pushed him out, but that was beside the point. He had to know why she'd been mad, and the sooner she told him, the better. If he still wanted out, she would say goodbye forever, but if he wanted her back....

It was a big risk, but she didn't have any other choice.

***

"You look like hell."

Austin grunted and struggled to open the refrigerator. "Where's the coffee?"

"Not in there." Jack poured him a cup and put it on the table. "Rough night?"

"Yeah." Austin slumped into a chair and sipped the hot coffee. Jack usually made good coffee, but it left a bitter taste in Austin's mouth this morning. "Yeah, it wasn't pretty."

"Your dad?"

"Uh-huh. And too much beer, hot girl at McGinley's.... Long story short, I broke up with Janie."

Jack's mug overflowed, scalding his hand. "Damn it! Why the hell did you do that?"

"I didn't want to hurt her."

"You think breaking up with her didn't hurt?" He grabbed a towel and attacked the spilled coffee.

Austin frowned. "No, it pissed her off."

"So you dumped her for some girl you met at McGinley's?"

"No. I turned the girl down. I ended it with Janie because I'm gonna break her heart if we stay together much longer."

"You are such an idiot."

"Thank you." Austin's coffee made it halfway to his lips. "Um... what?"

"Jane was the best thing that ever happened to you. Did you even try to work things out?"

He hadn't thought of that. "No."

"Moron."

"Hey, that's harsh."

"I'm just getting started." Jack grabbed the coffee pot and dumped it down the sink. "She was good for you. Why did you have to go and ruin it?"

"I did the right thing." Maybe if he said it out loud, he would believe it.

"No. You didn't." Jack swiped Austin's mug.

"I'm not done with that."

"You were happy with her."

"I'm happy with a lot of girls." But he hadn't known real happiness until he'd met Janie.

"You didn't know happiness until you met Jane."

How does Jack do that?
"I know. I miss her already."

"Good. Keep missing her."

The pain he'd tried to hold off ripped through his heart. How could he make it stop hurting? He'd thought leaving Janie would do it, but now wondered if he'd made a terrible mistake. Being without her hurt much more than being with her. "I want her back."

"I'm not surprised."

"How do I get her back?"

"I don't know. You could charm your way out of this with any other girl, but Jane can see right through your BS."

"I know. I am
so
screwed."

"Sucks to be you."

Austin dropped his head in his hands and groaned.

***

Jane watched Austin from the edge of the football field. She stayed close to the bleachers, reasonably sure he couldn't see her. He threw a long pass down the field, way over Greg's head... again. Jack jogged over to Austin and smacked the side of his helmet. Jane couldn't make out his words, but she understood his tone. Austin stood with his hands on his hips, looking down at the ground and nodding.

"Hey Jane! Heads up!"

Jane covered her head with her arms and ducked.

Ryan laughed and trotted over to her. "Sorry. Couldn't resist."

She looked around, and when she figured out she wasn't the target of a wayward football, she scowled at Ryan. "I'm so glad I could amuse you."

"Lighten up, Jane. You looked like you needed a laugh."

She had to agree with him.

"How's the knee?"

"Better. Austin bandaged it up for me."

"Nice to have someone take care of you."

"Yeah, well... that's over." She sighed.

"I'm sorry. What did he do?"

"What do you think?" She looked at him over the top of her glasses.

"Dumbass." Ryan shook his head.

She looked toward the football field again and watched Austin fumble a handoff to Jack.

"I, ah...." Ryan fumbled his words. "Maybe this is too soon, but I...." His face turned red as he cast his eyes toward the ground.

Is he trying to ask me out?

"I wonder if you'd like to go out with me sometime."

Her eyes widened. She'd had no idea Ryan liked her. Maybe other guys liked her too. She needed to start paying attention. A loud cheer went up from the field as Austin's throw connected with a receiver. Jane watched him celebrate with his team and her heart flipped over.

It didn't matter if anyone else wanted her. She still wanted Austin. "It's too soon, Ryan."

He nodded. "That's what I figured. But hey, anytime you need a laugh...." He pretended to kick her.

She gave him a playful shove.

***

"What the hell is she doing with him?"

"Who is doing what with...?" Jack took off his helmet and followed Austin's furious gaze to the bleachers. "Ah."

"Holy hell. Look at her. She's laughing with him and touching him—"

"
You're
the one who dumped
her
."

"Last night! Even I don't move on that fast."

Jack threw his head back and laughed.

"Shut up." Austin chucked his helmet on the bench and stormed over to the bleachers where Jane was still giggling. Fortunately for Ryan, he made it to the locker room before Austin got to Jane.

"I can't believe you're doing this to me. In front of the whole damn team!"

Jane's mouth fell open and she stared at him. "Just what do you think I'm doing?"

Austin flung his arm toward Ryan. "You used all those lessons I taught you on him. Flirting with him, teasing him—"

"Are you kidding me? Ryan came over to ask about my knee."

"Yeah, right. Is that why you had your hands all over him?"

She scowled. "I gave him a little shove when he asked me out...."

"I knew it! As soon as I'm out of the picture, you run right to another guy."

"I did not—"

"How long has this been going on?"

"Has
what
been—"

"I'll bet you had him waiting on the sidelines—"

"Austin, I don't—"

"—ready to come in and take my place as soon as--

"Austin, are you listening to yourself?"

He closed his mouth and blinked. He'd heard this conversation before.

Jane's eyes narrowed. "This is exactly what you do to every girl you've ever gone out with."

"No, not that." He shook his head. His parents had gone through this exact fight every time his mom caught his dad cheating.

"Yes that. I am not going to stand here and let you accuse me of...." Her face turned red and her eyes burned right through him. "What were you thinking?"

He wasn't thinking. He couldn't. As soon as he'd seen her with someone else, he'd just reacted. "Janie, I want you back."

Her eyes widened. "Yeah, this is the way to do it."

"I don't know how to do it. I've never done this before." He reached for her, but she stepped back. "Please, Janie."

Her lips formed a hard line and she took off her glasses, pinching the bridge of her nose again like her head hurt. "We need to talk. Now."

***

"Yeah. Okay." He led her to that all-too-familiar doorway, then grabbed her arms and pulled her up against his body. "I miss you."

She missed him too, but she couldn't tell him that. "Austin, please, let me say this." Jane stepped back, but when she saw the pure terror in his eyes, her heart ached for him. "I'm sorry I got so angry with you last night. I didn't want us to end like that, so I want to explain how I felt."

He nodded, seeming to relax a little.

"You met someone else last night. That hurt, but not as much as you bailing out as soon as things got difficult."

"I'm not bailing out."

"Listen to me. Don't argue."

"I'm not arguing."

"Austin." Her eyes pierced him, and he backed up against the wall. "If you want to end this, that's fine." She choked back tears. Knowing she had nothing left to lose, she decided to gamble. "But do it for the right reason."

"I don't want to hurt you. What other reason do I need?"

"I don't believe that."

"You think I would hurt you?" He moved closer and reached out, but she backed away.

She couldn't let him touch her. That would drain what little defensive strength she had left. "No, I don't think that's the reason. You wanted someone else—"

He shook his head hard. "No, I don't want her."

"—and you're scared."

His eyes narrowed and he growled. "I am not scared."

She shot him a hard look, but he stood his ground. "You're afraid of trying to make this work so you're taking the easy way out." Saying it out loud brought back her anger, making her tone sharp.

"This is not easy! I told you that last night."

"Then be honest with me."

"I have always been honest with you."

"Then be honest with yourself." She advanced on him, and he froze.

"What the hell does that mean?"

"Tell me you don't want me anymore, and if
you
believe it,
I'll
believe it, and I'll let you go." She knew she was putting it all on the table, and waited for him to fold or call her bluff. But she wasn't bluffing, and he would not fold.

"I want you, Janie. Do you believe that?"

"Yes, I do. That's why I won't let you run away."

"I am not running—"

"Austin, you're not listening to me."

"You're not listening to
me
!"

"You said you don't want to hurt me. I understand that. You said you don't want that girl you met last night. That's great." She waited for him to argue again, but he stayed quiet. "Listen to me, now. You were tempted last night and it scared you. You didn't know what to do, so you did what you always do—you left."

"But you wouldn't let me."

"I don't want you to have any regrets. If it's over between us, it's over. No second chances."

"No, I don't want.... I don't know...." He ran his hands through his hair and turned away from her, bumping his head against the cold brick wall. When he turned to face her again, his desperate blue eyes were filled with honest fear. "Janie, I'm gonna be tempted again. I'm gonna hurt you and that's what scares me the most."

Ah-ha! There it is. That's the reason.
The thought of hurting her scared him more than the thought of losing her. Jane summoned all the inner strength Jack and her mother claimed she possessed.

"I'm not afraid, Austin."

"Are you sure?"

She had to be. "Yes. We'll deal with your temptation as it happens."

"I don't know if I can—resist."

She understood; Austin Sinclair didn't know how to resist temptation—never had. "Everyone gets tempted. The important thing is you didn't give in."

"I kissed her."

"I know. You told me."

"Actually, she kissed me. I pushed her away."

"You can stop talking about it now."

"Sorry."

Jane closed the distance between them. She felt safe touching him now, and took his shaking hands. "Temptation by itself isn't bad. It's how you handle it that matters."

Austin looked into her eyes and squeezed her hands as if he needed strength from her. "Last night, I didn't know how to handle it."

"Yes you did. You told her no and then you came to see me, and if you weren't so bound and determined to run away from me—"

"Hey!"

"—we might've had a lot of fun last night."

"What are you talking about?"

"I hear makeup sex is pretty hot."