Tell Them Lies (Three Little Words Book 3) (17 page)

"
T
ell me what truth
?" Maggie asked, her face screaming at Liz not to break her heart, even though her tone stayed even and patient.

The house was so deathly still. Deathly. Liz let her eyes fall shut so that Maggie wouldn't see her guilt in even thinking that word.

Last night, she'd so naively thought that taking the leap to sleep with Kieran before she knew exactly what he felt about her was brave. But this morning, staring across at the woman who lived with a death sentence hanging over her head, Liz felt like the biggest coward in the world. Like she wasn't even fit to pretend to be in Maggie's life. It was so unfair, all of it, and Liz wanted to open her mouth and scream at how undeserving Maggie was of this type of pain and misery and heartache.

But one thing Maggie did deserve, while Liz was there, was the truth. So she pulled in a shaky breath, letting it out fully before she opened her eyes again. And the words just fell from her lips, unchecked and without thought, and with each completed sentence, Maggie's face continued to lose what precious little color she'd had in the beginning.

There'd been a lingering hope that once Liz started telling her, that Maggie would smile, reach out and pat Liz's hand and say something like
Oh honey, do you think I didn't know?

But she didn't. Maggie had had no idea. And her eyes welled up and spilled over, the same as Liz's did. When she finally finished, her shoulders sagged like someone had suddenly shoved them down, the relief was so immense. Wiping the tears that still slipped down her cheeks, Liz watched Maggie sift through everything she'd just been told. They sat quietly for a few minutes.

"I," Maggie started on a whisper, one fluttering hand coming up to land on her chest, "I can't believe it."

"I'm so sorry, Maggie."

Finally, Maggie's face hardened. "No. You have nothing to be sorry about, and you know I wouldn't say that if I didn't mean it. I just can't believe what an
idiot
my son is."

Liz laughed, the sound husky and full and quite pathetic from all her crying. "He's not an idiot. He had good intentions."

Tilting her head, eyes finally drying up and some of the color springing back into her cheeks, Maggie regarded Liz carefully. "Can I ask you something, honey?"

"Of course."

"How do you feel about my son?"

Her mind went just a little fuzzy, and her throat tightened up with sudden emotion. She opened her mouth, not positive what she'd say, when Maggie held up a hand.

"Forget I asked that. Whatever the answer, you should be upstairs telling him."

Liz dropped her head into her hands, stomach up in her throat. "He's going to be
so
mad at me."

"Probably."

Lifting her head, Liz looked at the amused look on Maggie's face for a second before they both started laughing.

"It feels so inappropriate to laugh right now," Liz said when they stopped.

"Well, sometimes that's okay. Now you go upstairs, talk to him. He needs to hear whatever is in that heart of yours."

With a nod, Liz stood and then stopped to lean over Maggie's chair, wrapping her in a hug. Her shoulders felt so impossibly thin, the bones of her shoulders hard against Liz's arms. Maggie gave Liz an encouraging smile when she pulled back and left the kitchen.

Every stair she stepped on matched her pounding heart, which had slowed to a glacial pace. Any relief she'd felt in Maggie knowing the truth was well and gone, that comfort having fled as soon as she imagined telling Kieran what she'd done.

And she'd accused
him
of not thinking through the consequences. Maggie wanted her to tell Kieran how she felt about him? Hopefully he'd actually stay in the room long to even hear her confession.

The solid oak door was still firmly closed, and Liz tapped her knuckles against the door, her mouth drying to Sahara levels when Kieran said she could come in. Of course, he didn't know it was her, he'd probably lock the door if he did.

Pushing the door in, Liz stepped into the room, not looking at him until she'd shut it again with a quiet click. When she turned around, a look of blatant relief on his face was not what she was expecting.

"Liz," he said, standing up from the bed, holding his arms out like he was going to hug her. If he touched her, she'd lose it.

Holding up a hand, Liz backed up against the door. "Wait. I... I have to tell you something first. And you probably won't like it."

He stopped, dropping his arms to his sides, dark eyebrows pulling down over his eyes. "Okay. What is it?"

Liz wrapped her arms around her, because she'd started shaking, every inch of her skin cold and clammy. "I told your mother," she blurted out. At first he just looked confused, head turning a little like he hadn't heard her. So she said it again, voice hushed like it would make it easier to understand, which was completely illogical. "I told your mother, Kieran. She
knows
."

"No." His face tightened, twin pops of red hitting the tops of his chiseled cheekbones. "No, you didn't."

She nodded once.

"Why?" When her mouth opened to answer, he shook his head. "That was very much a rhetorical question, Liz. I don't exactly care why you told her. I
care
that you had no damn right to do it in the first place."

"Kieran, I'm so--"

"Don't you dare say you're sorry right now." He jabbed a finger into his chest. "She is
my
mother. That was not
your
call to make. You had no right."

She stood from the door, taking one step closer, holding up her hands in a calming gesture. "I know she's your mother, Kieran. But I had a right because I was just as involved in this lie as you. That makes it my responsibility too. You know it does."

"Such a saint you are. Shit, when I said you were a coward, I really had no idea you'd want to prove me wrong so badly. Well congratu-fucking-lations. "

Her ribs tightened at the cutting coldness in his tone, in the way that his brown eyes had practically turned obsidian in his anger. "This was
our
lie, Kieran. I'm not putting it all on you. But you don't even know how she reacted, don't you think you should go talk to her before you lash out at me?"

He barked out a laugh and Liz flinched at how loud it was. "She won't be surprised. I lied to her. That's just the kind of son I am. And my fake girlfriend had to be the one to force me to come clean. I
lied
to my dying mother."

Her eyes filled, because behind his hard words, and his anger-tightened face, Liz felt the hurt and the guilt like he'd jammed a fist through her heart. Her arms ached with wanting to comfort him, but that would be like throwing a match into a can of gasoline.

"You should go talk to her, Kieran. I... I think I'm going to call Casey to see if she can come and pick me up. I think it's best that I go."

Kieran nodded, then went to brush past her.

"Wait," she said when he was almost out the door, a strange panic settling into her bones. "What were you going to say when I first walked into the room?"

Holding the door with one hand, he stared at her for a few charged seconds, his face looking slightly less angry, but certainly no warmer. "Nothing I particularly feel like saying anymore." And then he walked out.

Liz stumbled over to the nightstand, picking up her phone with shaking hands. Her breathing sawed in and out, and she pressed a hand over her mouth while she waited for Casey to pick up.

"Well hello! How's your weekend going?"

"Casey?" A sob crawled out of Liz's mouth. "Can you come and get me?"

"Oh Liz," Casey's voice was hushed, concern bleeding through the phone and settling just a touch of comfort over Liz. "Of course."

"Thank you." Relief made her sag onto the bed. "I'll text you the address."

"Okay. Jake has drill, so I'll leave right away. Liz, honey, do I need to bring Remy to rip Kieran's arm off? Cuz he'll totally do it if I say the magic scary dog word."

Liz let out a watery laugh. "No, that's not necessary. Just... just get here as soon as you can. Please."

It didn't take Liz more than five minutes to pack, leaving her unsettled and uncomfortable in the room. She paced around the bed, scrolled through Facebook, read for a few minutes before her mind started drifting again. In fact, the book had to go, because it was about a relationship between two complete opposites, the heroine not willing to break out her rigid mold to see how perfect for her the hero could be.

There were no perfect heroes anymore. Just flawed men who flawed decisions. And the women who got caught up into them.

Because it was
him
, right? It was Kieran. Liz had been perfectly fine in her life. Everyone got lonely every once in a while, that was just a phase. Liz pressed a hand over her heart, hoping to smother the traitorous, speeding rhythm that betrayed her own mental ramblings. She just needed to get home, in her quiet, wonderful house and give her overworked brain some much needed rest.

Kieran? Well, she had no doubt that he and Maggie would be just fine. As long as Kieran could be honest with his mother, really tell her why he felt compelled to do everything they'd done.

"Not your problem to fix, Liz. This is not your problem to fix," she whispered, but even saying them out loud did nothing to shut off her heart, which ached a long, groaning ache to go downstairs and wrap Kieran's hand in hers. That stupid, weak little organ that controlled everything. Most people would probably argue that the brain is the most important part of the body, but not Liz. No, she'd bet on the side of the heart every single time.

Without a heartbeat, the brain stopped working, and that's why some of the best stories in the world focused on the workings of the heart. And those chambers, working so diligently and methodically to pump life into her body, were practically screaming raw at her to humble herself and walk downstairs to help fix things for Kieran and Maggie.

But her brain knew that it wasn't her place. Logic trumped emotion, for what seemed like the first time all day. She and Kieran, no matter how idiotic it sounded, had never put into words what they were to each other. So she'd stay there, sitting on the bed that seemed ridiculously large now without him in it, and she'd wait for Casey. Then Liz would go home and fix her own life before she could even contemplate what it might mean to be included in someone else's.

Sliding her thumb across the screen of her phone, Liz stopped at the picture of her and Kieran that he'd snapped in his aunt's backyard just two days ago. His wide, easy smile broadcast the confidence that he balanced so easily. With his face pressed against Liz's, his arm around her shoulder, there was no part of him that looked ill at ease. But staring at her own face, Liz could see it. While she often smiled with a closed mouth, this one held a tightness at the edges, and she wasn't melted into his embrace like she'd probably wanted to be.

She laughed into the stillness of the room, the sound holding more than a trace of hysteria, because only twenty minutes after that, she'd practically mauled him. Tossing the phone onto the bed, Liz leaned forward and tunneled her hands into her hair, dragging her nails along her scalp. Always the dependable one, this version of her around Kieran held no trace of familiarity. Like he'd taken the mirror she always looked at and flipped it to the side, and upside down, shattering the edges along the way.

What her relationship with Kieran held after she walked out those doors, she had no idea. But it would be a miracle if he didn't think she was a complete psycho. The mixed signals, the way that
she'd
been the one to continually blur the lines, her own inability to deal with the issues in her life; yes, he'd probably give her a friendly wave on the way out and then thank his lucky stars that he didn't need to deal with her anymore.

And that? That thought carved something into the tiniest corner of her heart that would probably always belong to him. A permanent etching to remind Liz of Kieran, whenever she went there in her mind. Another tear escaped down her cheek, and Liz dashed it away with her hand.

"Enough now," she whispered, and started counting down the minutes until Casey arrived.

F
rom the seat
he'd fallen into on the front porch, Kieran sank his head into his hands, blowing out a slow breath. Weight pressed down on him, so heavy that it felt like his shoulder blades would snap from the pressure. Of course, it was all in his mind, but he felt it all the same. He'd called Liz a coward, but there he was, actively not searching out his mom, because he was too chicken to face her now that she knew the truth.

He called Liz a
coward.
Kieran groaned, digging his fingers against his scalp, wishing he could just dig out his brain or something. Liz wasn't a coward, of course. A little unsure, a little hesitant to make the big steps, but that woman was not a coward.

In fact, she'd shown that she had balls much bigger than his own by copping the truth to his mom. Not that he'd be able to admit that to Liz’s face any time soon, not only because she'd probably slap the shit out of him for speaking to her that way, but he was still royally pissed off that she'd actually done it. Because she'd done what he didn't feel capable of.

While he kicked his own inner dialogue's ass, a dark colored Civic pulled slowly up his aunt's driveway. Probably Casey. Kieran was about to stand from his chair when he heard the garage door on the other side of the house open and close. From where he sat, he could only see the tail end of Casey's car, but the quick steps across the driveway, and the brief opening and closing of a car door told him that Liz was waiting impatiently for her friend to arrive.

Probably because he'd been a giant dick.

After a minute, the car started backing up in order to turn around, and Kieran rubbed his hands along the tops of his legs, knowing he'd catch a glimpse of both women. The passenger side came into view, and Liz didn't turn towards him, face aimed straight forward so that he could only see all that gold hair. Casey though, she turned to look back at where she was driving, and caught a glimpse of him. Her eyes narrowed to angry slits, and yup, if looks could kill, Kieran would've dropped dead right there on Aunt Carol's front porch.

The car took off, and Kieran looked down at his chest, making sure that they hadn't tied a cable to his heart in order to drag his innards behind them on the drive home. Because that's what it felt like. Like her leaving that way, leaving at all, ripped something out from inside of him.

And with that pleasant imagery in his head, Kieran stood and made his way back into the house. Aunt Carol must've been keeping herself scarce, and his mom wasn't in the kitchen or family room. Looking down the hallway off the kitchen, he noticed her bedroom door was barely open.

Closing his eyes, Kieran started down the hall. Just outside her door, he stopped when he heard a small sniff. Then he shot a pretend gun at his temple with his finger, because making both his mom and Liz cry in the same day when it wasn't even
noon
was pretty freaking awful.

Tapping twice on the door, Kieran walked in and stopped in the doorway. She was sitting on her bed, staring down at her Bible, dragging her fingers along the cracked, black cover and the gold edged pages. When she looked up at Kieran, she didn't even attempt to wipe the wetness from her face, and his heart hit the bottom of his shoes with a violent splat. Now he wished Casey had killed him, because this? It made him want to die.

"Ma," he started, but she lifted a hand and pointed at the chair in the corner of the room.

"Shut up and sit down, Kieran James."

"Yes, ma'am." He did so quickly, sitting straight, keeping his hands folded in his lap while he waited for her to say something. The command almost made it easier, because at least he was starting this whole shit-fest in a way that might make her happy.

With movements so slow that they had to be purposeful, she moved the bookmark attached to the spine of her Bible and laid it into the open page, closed the book and handed it over to him. When Kieran reached out to take it from her, she didn't let go right away. She held his gaze, and Kieran didn't look away, even though what he saw in her eyes pierced him to the bone.

Mom was
pissed.
He nodded, letting her see that he got it. She let go of the Bible and nodded for him to look. Flipping it open to the page she'd marked, it was the first page of the book of Proverbs. Underlined in red was two verses.
Listen, my son, to your father's instructions and do not forsake your mother's teachings. They will be a garland to grace your head and a chain to adorn your neck.

In the margin next to the verse was her handwriting, which covered a lot of spaces in there. But this one made his eyes burn with unshed tears.

Help me be enough for Kieran, because I don't know if I'm strong enough to be both. October 1995.

"You see the date?" she asked, snapping the heavy silence. He nodded and looked up at her. "That was about a year before your arrest. I'm sure you don't remember, but you'd asked me something about your father. About what he would have said to you, how he would have disciplined you. And I felt a pressure, a burden of my abilities like I'd never experienced before. It was the first time that I ever questioned whether I would be
enough
for you."

"Ma, there is no way all this is your fault."

"No shit, Sherlock. It's all yours. But what I'm trying to say is that I get it. As much as it pisses me off that you lied to me about something like this, something that I've prayed for you, and trust me, it does, I also get why you did it."

"Doesn't excuse it."

"No, it doesn't."

Kieran sighed, handing the book back to her. "Will you forgive me?"

"Did you give an apology that I missed?"

"I swear, I could not have done today worse if I tried." He leaned forward, taking one of her hands in his. "I'm really sorry. It was stupid, and I shouldn't have done it. It wasn't a reflection on your parenting, which is kick-ass. It was all me feeling like I wanted to give you something good."

She shook her head, face incredulous. "Seriously, you are such an idiot."

"I didn't want to disappoint you! Okay? I barely date, so I haven't given you a daughter-in-law or even the possibility of a grandchild. I just... didn't want to disappoint you," he repeated lamely, the look on her face making him want to hide behind the chair.

"What did you think would happen when I
found out
?"

Shrugging his shoulders, Kieran shifted in the chair, because of course it was probably the most uncomfortable one in the entire house. "I didn't really think that far ahead. I did meet Liz the way I told you, and I thought all that stuff when I did. I swear. When she snipped at me in the checkout line, Ma, I wanted to fall to my knees and thank God."

Finally, her face softened, almost into a smile. "Oh honey, I don't doubt that you had feelings for her. Or that she did for you, that much was obvious. It's the fact that you lied to me in the first place. I raised you better than that."

"I know you did. I just wanted to give you something to be happy about."

"Well, that makes me feel better."

"Really?"

"No. Because then it's like there isn't a huge list of things that I
do
have to make me happy. Are you dense, Kieran? I have a wonderful, only occasionally idiotic son who is handsome and kind and smart. I have a sister and her kids whom I love very, very much. I have good friends who support me. I have a home that I own and a faith that sustains me. So don't trivialize those things by acting like the knowledge that you're getting laid is the only thing that could possibly make me happy."

Kieran choked out a laugh, the relief that she was actually joking with him battling strongly with the feeling of horror that his mom just said the words
getting laid.

"
I'm so sorry," he said quietly. "I never thought of it like that."

"Well, you are a man." She smiled, finally. "Kieran, I pray that I live to see you married and have babies, lots and lots of babies--"

His throat tightened and he stared down at his shoes like his life depended on it. "Ma, please," he begged quietly.

"--but, and I
know
you don't like talking about this, but if I don't because I die in a car accident or a house fire or from cancer, then I'll still have had a wonderful life."

Kieran's vision blurred, and he blinked rapidly, clearing his eyesight before looking back up at her. "Good. That's good. So uhh, you forgive me then?"

Motioning for him to help her stand, Kieran pushed up from his chair and grabbed her hands. Once she was up, she wrapped her arms around his waist and he settled his hands on her back, resting his chin on the top of her head. "Of course. I forgave you as soon as you walked in this room with a look on your face like someone had just kicked your balls up your throat."

Appropriate. Kieran chuckled and stepped back from her. "Is that so?"

"Mmmhmmm. What happened with Liz?"

The smile fell from his face and he scratched the back of his neck. "Well, she left. Her friend picked her up just before I came in to find you."

His mom tilted her head, squinted her eyes and pursed her lips in the mom way that made him want to cover his very favorite man parts with his hands. "Uh huh. What did you do?"

"Listen, I'm not saying I didn't screw up. But I think I'm allowed to be pissed that she's the one that told you."

Instead of waiting for her to reply, Kieran just walked past her, gesturing towards the hallway. She lifted a questioning brow.

He sighed. "We might as well make ourselves comfortable because you're about to get pissed at me all over again."

M
uted
yells of neighborhood children filtered the walls of Liz's house, it was the only sound she could hear, actually, over her own breathing. After walking through her back door, she'd plopped her suitcase and her purse on the floor, took the fourteen steps through her kitchen and slumped backwards on the couch. That was an hour ago. Occasional creaks and groans of her house, along with the sounds of the kids playing across the street, kept her from drifting to sleep. But it was only her body that was tired, her mind still played the whole day on a slow, endless loop. From the moment she woke and studied Kieran in his sleep, to Maggie's face when she told her the truth, the sad resignation on Kieran's when he walked out of the bedroom. And most recently, the shock on Casey's face when Liz told her the truth about forty seconds after they'd pulled out of Carol's driveway.

"Liz, chickie, you know I don't want to pry if you're not ready to share, but are you okay?"

Opening her eyes and turning her head to look at Casey, the stark concern that blanketed her friend's face was enough to burst the dam that she'd barely held together for the last few weeks. Hot tears poured down Liz's cheeks and she hunched forward in her seat, balancing her elbows on her knees and covering her face with her hands. When her shoulders shook from sobs, Casey rubbed a hand on Liz's back in small, soothing circles.

"Okay, you need to wave a hand or something if you need me to pull over because I don't know if I can adequately comfort while trying to not run us off the road."

Pulling in a shaky breath, Liz sat up and swallowed past the raw feeling in her throat. Calling Casey had been the easy part. The very easiest part.

"Kieran was never my boyfriend. I... I lied to you. To all of you."

Casey's head whipped over, her brows drawing in over her eyes, her mouth open in a perfect 'o'. Then she shook her head almost violently. "You, what? No. Liz. That's not possible."

"Casey, maybe you should pull over," Liz whispered, fighting back the tears that threatened to crawl back past her eyes again. In the mile it took them to reach a rest area exit, the car was thick with silence, Casey occasionally shaking her head like she was trying to convince herself that Liz hadn't actually said what she'd just said. And that denial, that's what wrapped an anchor around Liz's heart and pulled it down past her feet, somewhere well outside of her body.

Whipping her car into the first spot, Casey threw the gearshift into park, yanked the keys out of the ignition and pushed open her door. Watching miserably from the passenger seat, Liz wiped an errant tear from her beleaguered cheek while Casey stomped over to an empty picnic table and plopped down onto the bench. She crossed her legs and bounced one foot, then beckoned Liz out of the car with one finger.

With a sigh, Liz followed, making the path over much more slowly than Casey had. When she sat next to Casey, neither one of them said anything for a while. Casey's foot kicked forward, and Liz smiled at the fact that she was wearing bright red spiked heels, just to drive up north to pick Liz up.

"It was the bet, wasn't it? That stupid, stupid bet Rachel and I made." Casey turned towards Liz, uncrossing her legs so that their knees touched. Her blue-green eyes were glassed over, face miserable.

"Not completely, no," Liz said carefully. "I'll tell you what I told Rachel when she apologized. It... it hurt my feelings, yes, but that's not what precipitated the whole Kieran thing."

"Well, then you better start talkin', honey, because I think I need to hear this from the beginning.

A sharp pounding on her front door made Liz jump, and she blinked back into the present. While she slowly pulled herself up off the couch, the pounding only increased in volume. Her heart rapped against her ribcage. Had Kieran left his aunt's to come after her? And was she even ready to see him if he had?

"Blondie! Open up. I have fried goods and alcohol," Rachel yelled from the other side of the door.

Liz's shoulders sank in relief. At least, she thought it was relief. Not willing to explore any other possibility besides that, she hurried to the door, flipped the lock and pulled it open.

Rachel did indeed have fried goods and alcohol, her arms loaded down with paper bags. And behind her was Casey, cradling three large bottles of white wine. From behind Casey, her and Jake's German Shepherd Remy came bounding through the open door and commenced sniffing across Liz's carpeted floor.