Temper (29 page)

I step out into the open, bracing for shouts of discovery. There are none. The iron roofing is ahead. Once we’re on a bike, we’ll be almost impossible to catch.

I’m holding onto Rael’s hand as we walk, so when she stops suddenly my arm twists back and I nearly fall.

“Come on,” I whisper. “We’re almost there.”

But she’s not moving. In the soft light of the rising sun the tears in her eyes are impossible to miss. “I can’t.”

“Why? Once we reach the bike we’ll be free.”

I hope.

I cross the fingers of the hand not holding Rael’s. A twitch for luck. I remember Penny would do it whenever she didn’t think anyone was looking. I wonder where she learned the superstition. I wonder if I’ll ever see her again to ask.

But Rael’s not moving. “My parents might be here somewhere. I have to stay.”

I rub at my temples and squeeze aching eyes closed for a second. When I open them again she’s staring at me, resolution in the still line of her shoulders and the defiant tilt of her dirty chin. “You want to go back?”

Rael wipes at her cheek, smearing dirt and tears. “Not back to that underground place but to New City to find my parents. You know that was always my plan.”

“I did … I do … I guess I thought once you saw what it was like, you’d want your freedom.” In my head I add …
you’d want to come with me
.

It’s selfish, I know it, and I manage to keep the thought to myself.

I didn’t realize how much I’d come to enjoy having Rael with me. I love Samuai and care for Kaih and Lady and others back at the camp, but being with Rael kind of felt like being with family. Problem is that unlike me, she might still have a real family alive, and I can’t blame her for wanting to go looking for them.

She chews on her lip. “It’s not like this is goodbye forever.”

“Of course not,” I lie quickly. Because we both know that chances are, it is. New City isn’t a place to casually visit if you plan to leave again and I’m carrying serum that makes me hunted and taking it back to a rebel camp.

Before I know it, we reach the supplies. I take a moment to bandage my leg and drag on fresh jeans from a pile of clothes. Davyd really did think of everything. It only takes a minute. Too long and not fast enough. I’m not ready to be alone. I slide on the leather jacket left for me and help Rael with a warm coat far too big for her small frame. The wind has picked up but I no longer feel the cold. I’m numb.

“You should take the bike,” I say. “It’s only fair.”

“No, you have much farther to go.” Her lips curve into a sudden smile but she’s looking past me. “How did you find us?” she says, dropping to her knees and holding open her arms.

A brown shape jets out of the undergrowth, tail wagging. Brown Dog flies into her, his whole body wagging with glee, and Rael falls flat onto her back with the weight of him. His tongue comes out and she giggles as he licks her face.

The little dog comes to me next, and I can’t resist patting the matted fur on the top of his head. I feel the bones of his skull, sharp beneath the fur. He’s skinnier than when we left him, and there are fresh cuts on his back, but the warmth and light in his eyes hasn’t faded.

Rael hitches the pack Davyd left her over her shoulder. “I can walk from here. I’ll have Brown Dog so I won’t be alone.” As though he understands she’s talking about him, he moves to sit obediently at her side.

“You could come with me and we could go back for your parents later?” I know she won’t agree but I have to try.

She shakes her head. “I’m here now.”

I can’t argue with that. I sigh, sending a puff of fog into the cold dawn air. “Stay hidden while you travel and take your time heading back.” For the first time in my life I think I sound like my mother, and I miss her with a sharp stab that almost breaks me. “Please, don’t do anything rash.”

“Yes, ma’am.” She offers a mock salute. “I survived on my own before, ya know?” she says, but she’s smiling.

And then she’s crying again, and I have to swallow hard, struggling not to join her. I’ve turned into an emotional wreck. Where’s the anger that used to bubble so shallowly inside me? That was easier to handle than all these feelings rioting inside.

I hug her small body close and then hold her at arm’s length, looking into her dark eyes and imprinting every feature onto my brain. “I
will
see you again.”

She nods in reply, and I can tell from the wobble of her chin it’s because she can’t speak.

She gives me one more hug, hard and full of silent promise, and then she’s gone. She disappears into the undergrowth with Brown Dog at her side.

I’m alone again.

***

On Rael’s bike, I head over the hills and then along a road toward the ruins of the old city. Davyd suggested I come this way as the Company search will focus on me heading back cross country, the way we came.

I ride for a while through the rain before I reach what was once the edge of the city. Ruined houses are closer together here, their walls fallen in and chasms splitting some open. Interspersed with these sad dwellings are black stretches of barren ground where, I imagine, fires once raged. I think I can smell the distant flames and hear the crackle as they destroyed everything in their path.

Ahead, the buildings stretch tall toward the sky, impossible to miss, and soon I’m among them. I find the market square on Davyd’s map easily. It’s still early, and the streets are deserted. The rattle of the bike engine bounces off the concrete, dampened only by the weeds growing in the cracks of building and sidewalk alike. I turn left, and then right, twisting on roads mostly intact, following the instructions closely. I’ve skirted past enough chasms and seen enough dead ends where the ground has reared up to know not to try to take a short cut. The market square where Davyd promised I’d find allies, shouldn’t be too far ahead.

A bent shape in a doorway catches my eye, but is gone as fast. The old man is the first sign of life I’ve seen since I left Rael. This isn’t the vibrant city the green robes remember.

Where is everyone?

Sure, the green robes are in camp, but there should be others. The undecided. Those neither Green Robe nor Company who kept the remains of this city alive.

I round the corner and stop the bike near the edge of the square in the shadows of one of the old shop fronts. The sudden silence is absolute. I hold my breath and hear nothing but the faint thud of my heart.

If the whirr and hum of the Company facility felt like home, this is the opposite. I’m a tiny, insignificant bug at the feet of giants in the shape of crumbling buildings still towering over me. They’re like a fathering of creaky old men, still tall, but bent and broken and a mere shadow of what they once must have been before the Upheaval.

The patches of sky visible between the buildings are dark. The wind stirs between the walls, jerking the heavy clouds from their momentary slumber. Two drops of rain wet my cheeks, like the reluctant tears of the giant. Mourning the missing humans who once dwelt among them.

Samuai talked about this square. How it bustled with people and noise and the smells of food when he’d been so hungry. He didn’t talk a lot about his time as Blank, at least not to me, but he talked about the life of the city, so different to the ship and the camp.

I check the map Davyd gave me one more time, but this has to be the right place.

“Miss me yet?”

That voice. How could he have beaten me here? Why? I swivel, looking for Davyd, but there’s no movement in the abandoned buildings.

“I’m not in the mood to play games,” I call.

“Not even hide and seek. You used to like it if I recall?”

I pin again. Where is that voice coming from? “Not now. Never with you.”

“Are you sure?”

I pull back the sleeve of my jacket. There he is, in miniature on the screen on my wrist band. “What the hell?”

He grins. Waves. “Miss me?”

“You said this would be useless once I was out of the compound.”

“No, I said they couldn’t use it to track you.”

I try to recall his exact words and fail. “How do I get it off?”

“I’m sure Charley will be able to help once you get back to the settlement. In the meantime, I thought you might like the camaraderie.”

“You might call it that. I think it’s more like creepy stalking.” As I talk, I can’t help sliding my nail along the edge of the band. I cut skin but make no progress in removing the band. It will have to wait.

“So that’s a ‘no’ to hide and seek?”

“What would you know about the things I liked as a child?”

I can’t see his shoulders but I imagine they shrug. “Child?” His mouth twists. “I was talking about when you’d sneak off with Lost Boy.”

I can’t help a small smile with the memory. My love for Samuai then was so simple back then. Forbidden, sure, and maybe going to get me punished or my sentence extended, but pure and sweet and I was happy. I wish I’d realized it. “Jealous?”

“Of him? No, I much prefer our little games.”

“I’m not playing with you.”

“Princess, the only people who say it takes two to play are those who haven’t found the right game.”

I shake my head, hoping he can see my disgust on the small display. “And you wonder why you have no friends.”

“I don’t care, and you know it. Friends are simply another excuse.”

I lift my brows.

“I’m glad you asked,” he says. “An excuse for not making the hard calls. The ones that you need to make to be successful.”

“I didn’t ask.”

“But you wanted to.”

Knowing arguing is a waste of breath, I return to my immediate problem. “You’ll be with me all the time. Always?” I want to hate the thought, but it’s not simple disgust curling in my belly, although there is plenty of that, too. I don’t want him with me, and when this is done, I’ll be cutting the thing out myself if I have to, but deep down I have to admit there’s something to be said for not being alone.

“Yes,” he says. “Every second of every day.”

“I can’t—”

“Of course not.” He cuts me off. “Hello, I’m undercover in Company headquarters. I have better things to do than sit here and talk to you all day. In fact, I have somewhere important to be right now.”

His fingers come into the picture, about to end the link.

“Wait,” I say. I hope he can’t see the heat staining my cheeks. “Do you ever go into New City? The one above ground,” I add before he can make a scathing comment about where he is right now.

“Sometimes.”

I lick at dry lips and see his gaze follow my tongue. How I hate to ask him for a favor. Another one. “Could you look out for Rael?”

“I thought the runt left with you.”

“No, she stayed. She thinks her parents are there. I couldn’t ask her to give up on finding them. I know too well what it’s like to be alone.” I don’t mean to say the last. Letting Davyd see inside me is akin to walking back into interrogation and asking Doctor to show me how the device works again. But my usual filters don’t seem to be working since the interrogation.

He darts a look behind him. “I have to go.”

I breathe out in a rush. I didn’t notice my slip. “What about Rael?”

“If I trip over the runt I’ll make sure we have a chat and a catch up.”

The screen goes dead.

“Thanks for nothing,” I say to it anyway.

There’s movement across the empty square. I duck back against the wall. This place seems deserted, but appearances can be deceiving. I have no intention of walking into a Company trap. I hold still, watching my surrounds, but when minutes pass and there’s no other sign of movement, I head in the direction of the gaming bar.

However, instead of going inside, I push at the door to the empty place next door. Stepping inside, I have to squeeze past a broken sign decorated with the unlit outline of a naked woman. Heavy red curtains grace the windows, and the light seeping through the narrow cracks reveals broken glass littering the floor. Broken tables and the stench of spilt alcohol suggest whoever was last here didn’t leave quietly.

I settle in to wait and watch through the dusty windows. I lean heavily on the sill, trying to ignore the lingering pain of the knife wound in my leg. The Lifer fast healing means the rest of my wounds from my time with the Company are already healing. Physically anyway. Thanks to the way the window juts out a little into the street, I have a good view of the gaming bar from here. I can’t help but think of Samuai with a wave of longing. This was the place he found safety when he was Blank. The place he found Megs. She would have loved the fact that I left him behind.

The memory of Davyd’s head lowering toward mine in the bathroom pushes the seed of jealousy away. Knowing all I know about who he is, how can I have even briefly wanted to kiss him back?

I didn’t kiss him though. I made a choice.

I hold on to the fact, scrunch it tight, and bury it deep inside me. I am strong and in control.

I trust Samuai and he trusts me.

My hand wraps around the wristband. Even now, knowing Davyd is connected to me isn’t as horrifying as it should be. He’s helped me too much to make the hate I was once so sure I felt for him anything more than a distant memory.

But he, unlike Samuai, is not to be trusted completely.

Movement across the square breaks into my memories of Davyd in Company gray shepherding me into the van. I stare through the glass, carefully using the end of my jacket to wipe some of the dirt away.

There’s nothing.

I must have imagined the figures. Expecting help was a mistake. I’m better to rely on myself.

I check the long shadows across dirty walls created by the weak sunshine through the window. It’s still early. I’ll wait until the sun is overhead before heading in the direction of camp.

This delay might have already thrown any Company followers off my track. If I’m lucky, they’ll have already given up and returned to deal with the aftermath of the fire at the compound.

But will Doctor just let me go?

A flash of sunlight on metal across the square has me pressed against the glass, my breath making it foggy. There is someone there. Two people. And if I’m not mistaken, they’re headed right this way.