He frowned. âOf course. But the scarring and the injury are hardly something you should be ashamed of.'
âIf you'd seen the cruel reaction of the kids I grew up with, and then the men I dated who wanted tabloid perfect, you wouldn't be saying that.'
âThen they are all idiots.'
Yes. Maybe they were. And so was she for being taken in by his words. By his touch. By the way he sounded so unlike every man she'd ever datedâhis words like a salve to her wounds. By the little dimple in the cleft of his chin. And
by that tiny frozen part of her that had started to thaw, just a little, leaving her open and vulnerable.
She did not want this. Did not have space in her life for this. And, really, she should have stood up and left, but she reached to him anyway, placed her hand over his. Because it seemed a perfectly natural thing to do. âThank you. That was a nice thing to say.'
âMy pleasure.' His hand cupped her face and he looked at her with such intensity that her heart beat a wild staccato against her ribcage. âSo don't be so hard on yourself.'
He was just being kind in that Italian way of his. He was being gallant and it was so nice to actually be on the receiving end of something like that. Just for once in her life. And he was so close. Looking down with a heated gaze that stoked something deep inside her. Something that answered the question in his eyes.
Then, unable to stop herself, she lifted her face and pressed her lips to his.
* * *
What kind of madness was this? Matteo mused in a barely coherent thought process as his hands curled around her, dragging her onto his lap and returning the kiss like a starving man. He was jaded and cynical and not able to offer anything more than this.
Her fingers spiked his hair and she moaned his name, her voice tinged with that cute accent that was so different and refreshing and intriguing and haughty. She tasted delicious. Of risk and freedom and the melting of barriers. Of layers and depth and heat. And wetness.
Her tongue slipped into his mouth and meshed with his, dancing an age-old dance that fired an intense need within him. He pulled her against him, relishing her soft body against his, and then, unable to wait any longer, he slipped his hand underneath the scrub top to her bra. With one easy flick of his fingers he'd undone it and palmed a hand over warm silken flesh and the tight bud of a nipple.
At his touch she moaned again, wriggling her backside against his erection, slowly gyrating on his lap. She was driving him crazy. Wild with desire. That clever mouth that kissed as well as it shot out smart retorts. This achingly sexy body with the softest skin and the scars of a history that made his gut clench. And that drive deep within her that had elevated her from her experiences and made her so much more. He wanted to do anything to erase that hurt.
But wait.
Taking her in the staffroom? That was not his plan. She was worth more than that, deserved more. What kind of madness indeed. But he
wasn't thinking straight. It had been a long, hard day and she was just so irresistible. Such a bundle of contrasts, and so damned hot. And he did not know what any of it meant, what this need that drove him was about, that he dreamt about her. But he knew it was intense. That it was something he should be afraid of, yet at the same time he was intrigued and,
mio Dio
, he just couldn't keep away.
A vibrating whirr and a tinny sound had her jumping off him, swiping a hand across her mouth and straightening her top. She reached into her pocket, pulled out a phone and frowned. âOh. Erâ¦strange? I should probably get this.'
âSure.' It would give him time to calm down a little and get things into perspective. Actually, to man up and put a stop to this fooling around in a public place.
Said the guy with his ass hanging out over the internet
. The more he thought about that, the more he realised what a stupid prank it had been. But he wasn't about to admit that to Ivy.
She turned away from him, her shoulders rising up to her ears as she talked. âOh. Okay. I see. When? Where?'
A silence stretched as she listened. The longer she stood there the more her body tensed, her hand slowly moving up to her mouth. And, as if in harmony with her, Matteo's heart clutched too.
Clearly there was a problem and it went deeper than a work issue.
âOf course,' she said finally, her voice weak and wobbly. âI'll be there as soon as I can. Please, tell her to⦠I don't know⦠Tell her to hold on.'
As she slung the phone back into her pocket she turned to him, her face pale now, all traces of their passion erased. âI have to go back to York. My mum's sick. She's had a heart attackâ¦they think, they're running tests as we speak. Erâ¦she's asking for me.'
âOf course. You must go.' But there was something about her hesitation that gave him pause too. After all, it hadn't sounded like she had the best relationship with her mother. And he knew how being angry and disillusioned with family could affect someone. âYou think that's the right thing to do?'
She raised her head enough to hold his gaze, and in her darkened, hooded eyes he saw fear and sadness and determination. Her voice was calm. âJust because she's a lousy mother, it doesn't mean I have to be a lousy daughter. If she needs me, I'll be there for her.'
âOf course, and you shall go. Do you need help organising things?'
âOh. Well, I guess I need to either hire a car or get the train. Driving's crap on a Friday, but it means I'll be able to go see her straight away,
and also pop home for things she might need. But I think the train might be quickerâ¦butâ¦I don't knowâ¦' She took a step forward, then back. Almost as if she didn't know how or where to start. For the first time since he'd met her she seemed totally out of her depth. Blindsided.
And he needed to step up.
Didn't want toâbecause that would make things infinitesimally more complicated. But it wasn't about him. Or this. It was about her and healing things with her
mamma
. âI'll take you.'
âWhat? No. No. No, don't be silly. It's fine. I can drive. I just needâ¦' she fished her phone out again ââ¦to call a decent car hire placeâ¦or something.'
Wrapping his arms around her, he took the phone from her hands, gave her a hug that she clearly didn't know what to do with but accepted anyway. And he was probably doing this all wrong and sending the wrong message, but he couldn't stand here and watch her sink. She was too proud for that. âYou are upset. Look, you're shaking. You shouldn't drive. Let me take you?'
She shook her head vehemently. âNo, it's too much to ask anyone. This is my problem, not yours. Besides, it's a hell of a long way, a good four hours' drive on a Friday nightâmore, probably, the traffic's usually a nightmare. You can't do it there and back in one go, not after a long
day. And don't you have plans for tomorrow? A rugby game you sold your soul to the devil for or something?'
He hugged her to him, as he would have any friend who was suffering, trying through his actions to say what he wasn't yet ready to say in words. Hell, he didn't know what he was trying to say.
âIt's rugby. We will win. It will be over in eighty minutes. This is more important.'
You
are more important, was what he actually thought. The shock of that shuddered through him. He didn't know her. He didn't like her, goddamn. Okay. So he could probably admit to liking her when she wasn't being a prim lawyer chasing his ass. Literally.
She spun out of his arms, looking embarrassed and flustered and about as far from a prim lawyer as anyone could get. âAnd what about Joey and your other patients? They need you here.'
âI told you, the on-call team is fabulousâthe best in the city. In fact, Dave Marshall taught me everything I know about renal surgery. So they're all in the best hands. It is fine. Really. I'm not due at work until Monday as it is, and I'm only a phone call away.' And he should have heeded the warning bells again then, but he didn't. Should have remembered the last time he'd allowed a woman to invade his life and his
heartâand then plundered it and smashed it into tiny pieces and thrown it into the trash. The betrayal. The double whammy of hurt.
But this was different. Ivy needed help and he could give it to her. What kind of a man did otherwise?
I
T WAS LATE
and dark when they arrived at the hospital, after a long journey where Ivy had felt herself withdraw into her worries. But Matteo had kept a constant stream of trivial conversation to dredge an occasional smile and for that she was grateful.
Now she knew he liked rugby more than football. That he preferred bottled beer to wine. That he'd had his wisdom teeth removed when he was twenty. Nothing deeper than that. But it had been enough. More than enough to keep her from going out of her mind with concern.
He pulled up outside the entrance, a hand on her knee as he spoke. âI'll find a parking spot. You go in, I'll find you.'
âShe'll be in the cardiac ward, I imagine. Or High Dependency or somethingâ¦I'll ask at Reception. Perhaps I should text you?' She went for her phone in her bag. Did she have his number?
He put his hand on hers and gave her a smile
that went bone deep. âIvy, I know my way around a hospital. I'll find you. Go.'
âOf course. Yes. Yes.' What was wrong with her? One stolen kiss and she'd been reduced to fluff. Her brain wasn't functioning. Maybe it was the worry about her mumâ¦
After she watched him pull away she went to find her mother, feeling empty and bewildered, her own heart bruised and broken enough too. There was so much between them that needed to be said, that she wanted to fix but wanted to avoid at all costs.
The hospital corridors were silent as she walked to the reception desk, a grey-haired lady pointing her in the direction of Cardiac Care. Darkness outside the windows penetrated her heart. She'd been talking about her mum and then something bad had happened. What did that mean?
She didn't want to rail at her, to blame her for the crappy upbringing she'd hadâit was too late for that. All Ivy had ever wanted was recognition that she was important in her mother's life. But, in the end, she supposed, it didn't matter a jot. Ivy's mother was important to her and if love only went one way, then so be it. It was too late for recriminations.
One of the nurses greeted her and showed her
to her mother's bed with a stern warning to be quick and quiet.
âIvy.' Her mum looked frail and old, lying on pale green sheets that leached colour from her cheeks. Tubes and wires stuck out from under the blanket, attached to a monitor that bleeped at reassuringly regular intervals. A tube piped oxygen into her nostrils, but she sucked in air too, pain etched across her features. âThank you for coming, I said not to bother you. I know you're busyâtoo busy to have to come all this way to see your old mum.'
âMum, you've had a heart attackâsince when was that not enough to bring me to see you?' Guilt ripped through Ivy, as she'd known it would. It was what happened every time she saw her mumâwhatever Ivy had done it had never been enough to make her mother love her and she just didn't know how to make things better. She gave her a hug, which was always difficult, and this time it was hindered by the tubes. Movement made her mother's monitor beep, and consequently made Ivy's heart poundâloudlyâand so she quickly let go. The space between them seemed to stretch.
âHow are you feeling?'
âLousy.' Breathless and wheezing, her mum settled back down and the beeping stopped. âI hadâ¦an angioplasty. They've cleared the occlusionâ¦put
in a stentâ¦so I just need a short stay in hereâ¦then do some rehabâ¦as an out-patient.'
It was fixable. Just faulty plumbing. Relief flooded through her as she held her mum's hand. But once again she felt very much like their roles had been reversed, that she was the one taking the care, being the parent. âThat's great news. I wasâ¦I was worried about you.'
âThanks, love. I'm glad you came. You're all I've got now. Can you stayâ¦you know, a while?'
Responsibility tugged Ivy in every direction. Her job, everything, could be put on hold. Couldn't it? She'd only been there a few weeksâbut they'd understand. Wouldn't they? She had a nagging sensation that things weren't going to be easy, that she'd have to fight to take time offâtime she hadn't yet earned. And she had that upcoming sexual harassment case that was so important for everyone involved. She needed to be in London all clued up for that.
And she needed to be here with her mum. Someone who had never been there for
her
. Maybe she could trust the case to a junior? Maybe she could teleconference with them all. Maybe,
surely
, they'd understand? What would happen if they didn't? She didn't want to contemplate that. She'd finally got her dream job, and now⦠She looked at her mum, frail
and anxious. âI'll stay here with you as long as you need, Mum.'
âI'd appreciate it. I don't have anyone else.'
âYou have me.' Even though it had never seemed enough. âIs there anything you need? Once they have you settledâ¦'
âI've been thinking, Ivy. About everything⦠We need to talk.
I
need toâ¦' Her mum's eyes drifted to a spot just behind Ivy and as her skin prickled in response to an external stimulus, also known as Dr Delicious, she turned. Her mum's voice suddenly sounded a lot more healthy. âWho's this?'
âOh. Yes. Mum, this is Matteo, myâ¦' What the hell was he? Other than a giant pain in the backside and a damned fine kisser? And, okay, so he was wearing her down a little with his huge generosity of spirit and the four hours' of driving on a soggy spring evening through interminable traffic on a motorway that had been as clogged as her mother's arteries. He was also messing with her head. âHe's my colleague at St Carmen's. He drove me here.'