Terri Brisbin (13 page)

She could not be sure Alexandra would be amenable to Gavin as a husband, but her sister had sacrificed three marriageable years of her own life raising Brenna’s children during her English imprisonment. Besides, Alexandra was more gentle natured than Brenna had ever been, more like how Brenna envisioned Gavin’s first wife.

Tamping down a flash of jealousy over the thought of Gavin with another woman, she reminded herself that he deserved to be happy. He was a noble, admirable man to whom she would forever be indebted after the way he’d helped her.

Brenna had felt a stirring of guilt at sending the missive without mentioning it to Gavin, but what if her sister declined Brenna’s suggestion? She would not have Gavin subjected to any more slights.

A small knock at her chamber door called her from her worries and Brenna moved through her small solar to admit her guest.

Callum, Donovan and Gavin all stood framed in the doorway, each carrying a bouquet full of spring wildflowers. Their knees grass-stained and their hair coated with bits of leaves and sticks, they looked as though they had rolled in the meadows to obtain their colorful offerings.

“Happy May Day!” Donovan shouted the greeting with youthful enthusiasm while Callum, her quieter, thoughtful son, bent over her hand to give it a gallant kiss.

And as if that show of affection didn’t fill her heart to overflowing enough, Gavin winked at her over their heads like an eager coconspirator.

“We thought ye might like to welcome spring with us today. ’Tis a fine morn for fishing.” Gavin helped the boys deposit the flowers into a water urn near the hearth, the old iron vessel looking newly festive with the crown of cheerful blooms.

Callum watched her with worried dark eyes while she considered the offer. “Are you feeling better now? Do you think you can come?”

She longed to smooth away the worry in her son’s wrinkled brow, but she had learned that he was no longer a babe and it embarrassed him when she fussed over him. She’d gotten to know her children again slowly over the past few weeks, spending time with them in the evenings while Gavin kept them busy during the days.

Restraining herself to a dignified nod and a warm smile, she reached for a light cloak.

“I am much better, Callum. Certainly well enough to join you for a day of fishing. I can’t think of a better way to spend May Day.”

No sooner had she finished speaking than the boys ran off toward the hall, their garments shedding bits of grass and leaves as they began boasting how many fish they would catch.

“Yer sons are an ambitious lot.” Gavin pulled her chamber door shut behind them before offering her his arm. “I had forgotten how many things a boy can accomplish in a day.”

“I fear they have kept you too busy while I’ve been convalescing.” Brenna hadn’t seen the children as much as she would have liked, but it pleased her that Gavin made time for them, taking them hawking and hunting, or playing endless games of blindman’s buff. She had seen the children in the practice yard sometimes, watching Gavin’s men engaged in
swordplay or trying out their own moves with wooden swords Gavin had crafted for them.

But Gavin’s crowning achievement in the eyes of her sons had been his encounter with a wild boar a fortnight ago. With one thrust of his sword, he had dispatched the beast bearing down on Donovan in the forest nearby. Although the boys had been well and truly impressed with their new sire’s sword prowess, Brenna had not slept for two nights, thinking about what might have happened if Gavin had not been with them.

“Not at all.” He shoved open the main doors leading into the courtyard where the boys were already loading fishing poles and assorted sacks onto the back of a patient field donkey. “I find I am invigorated by all the hours outdoors. Spending these days with Callum and Donovan has made me realize how dreary my life had grown.”

Brenna watched Gavin secure the sacks to the donkey’s back before leading him out of the courtyard toward the wide stream that wound through the holding. The boys were already running ahead of them, pushing and shoving each other good-naturedly until they reached the top of a long incline and began rolling down the hill to the brook.

“You are kind to say they have not been an imposition, but now that I am well again, I’m sure I can manage them.”

Gavin’s raised eyebrows seemed to disagree. “Manage? Somehow I doubt there will be any managing going on. Ye might have forgotten how difficult it can be to keep up with two hellions determined to stay busy at all hours of the day.”

He looked so disheveled, Brenna had to laugh. “The twigs on your tunic seem a testament to your words, my lord.”

“No risk is too great to obtain spring’s bounty for my wife, although I canna discern why the best flowers seem to grow in the most unreachable places. I’ll have ye know I scaled a cliff side for the hollyhocks.”

Her heart melted in soft appreciation for his gesture. He deserved so much more in a wife than her. The knowledge soothed her conscience whenever guilt gnawed at her about walking away from their handfast. He should marry a woman with a more sheltered past, a woman who would not be gossiped about for the rest of her days.

Still, she wondered how she would maintain her distance from Gavin today when all of nature had put on its best finery for their outing? Peonies and lilies bloomed side by side with roses and gooseberry bushes. The sun shone with so much vigor that even the new grass beneath her slippers radiated a gentle warmth.

“Your efforts were not wasted, for hollyhocks are my favorite.” She’d always loved the simple flower that was so easy to grow and had planted dozens of them around Montrose Keep many summers ago.

“Aye, so says Callum. He doesna have much to say to me yet, but whenever the boy speaks it is always worth listening to. I think he has missed ye sorely.”

Hurt for Callum stung her to the core. “I have spent many hours wondering if it was wrong of me to leave the keep that day. I will never be able to give back to my boys those years that were stolen from them.”

Her eyes fixed on her sons in the distance as they raced to the fishing spot. It was obvious Gavin had taken them along this route before, as they seemed at ease with their path.

“But ye have shown them the importance of honor.” He held aside a branch for her as they passed through a hedgerow. “One day they will take pride in singing their mother’s praises because she helped our king free Scotland. ’Tis a noble heritage for any knight.”

Her heart warmed at his words and for a moment, Brenna wondered what it would be like to allow herself the security of marriage with such a man. But even though such a union
would serve her, it would never heal Gavin’s heart or provide him with the happiness he deserved.

No matter that Brenna had not been abused during her English captivity, people would always wonder about it, and the incident would make her tainted in their eyes somehow. Especially since she had ridden to warn Robert the Bruce of her own free will. In the eyes of her Highland neighbors, such brazenness was not a woman’s place. She did not care, for herself, but she resented the fact for her sons’ sakes. And she would not wish such a notorious wife upon a good man like Gavin Blackburn.

“Your words comfort me,” she told him finally, keeping her tone light so she wouldn’t be tempted to fling her arms around his strong neck and kiss him with gratitude. “I hope that Callum and Donovan will come to look at my captivity with so much forgiveness.”

They walked on in silence for a little longer, picking their way through bramble bushes, marshes and weeds until at last they reached a small clearing by the stream. The boys were already there, skipping stones across the water, their excited words drowned out by the gurgle of water over rocks.

Sunlight sparkled on the water while the bank remained shaded by a gracious old oak. Brenna found herself wondering if Gavin had often visited the spot with his wife.

But as she watched him unload the haphazard supplies from the donkey’s back—the children had brought their wooden swords, plenty of sweet cakes and cream—Brenna didn’t see any signs of old ghosts between them.

Later, after he had helped the boys catch a small bucket of fish, Gavin settled himself on a blanket beside her while Callum and Donovan jousted with the trees.

She passed him a jug of wine that the cook had thought to pack along with the boys’ sweets. “Is it difficult for you to visit places you used to go with your wife?”

He leaned up against the oak beside her, his long legs
sprawled out before him, his thigh resting a mere hand’s span from hers.

“I dinna spend much time with Aileen outside the keep because she was in more fragile health and her expectant condition kept her close to her bed. It doesna seem right she missed out on such a view, does it?”

Brenna couldn’t be sure if he spoke of the picturesque brook or the sight of her two strapping sons whose sword skills were being well tested by a tenacious young vine. Gavin’s attention, it seemed, lingered on the children.

“It is very unfair.” She could not help but reach for his broad hand that rested in the sparse grass between them. Squeezing his palm, she offered what comfort she could for a hurt she knew might never heal completely. “I cannot imagine losing someone I cared about so deeply. ’Twas different for me with Fergus, for I never loved him. And in a way, I think that is sad, too, for he was not so wicked a person that he did not deserve to be loved. But I could never respect the way he always acted as his clan bid without ever thinking over the matter for himself.”

Gavin soaked up Brenna’s tender touch, amazed at how deftly she’d interpreted his mood today. He had been thinking of Aileen ever since they’d stepped into his favored fishing haunt this morn, but he had not experienced the biting waves of grief. Instead he had begun thinking how much Aileen would have enjoyed the antics of Brenna’s children, and oddly, the notion had brought a new sense of peace along with it.

Maybe the best way Gavin could honor his first wife’s memory would be to simply enjoy the sons he had been given. While he couldn’t be sure Brenna would allow Callum and Donovan to take his name, he would certainly offer it. Now that Brenna was his wife, he had every intention of raising her sons as his own.

“I hope that ye can find more happiness in yer second marriage, Brenna.” He reached over her to turn her chin toward
him, to stare into eyes as green as any Highland hillside. “I canna promise we will find love, but I swear I will value yer thoughts, and I promise to give ye reason to respect me in turn.”

She bit her lip as if caught in a moment of indecision. Teeth sinking gently into the soft fullness, Gavin found himself longing to taste her again. The boys were engaged in their own games farther down the stream, after all. And Brenna had definitely recovered her strength.

Why should he hold back from his new bride any longer?

“You deserve a chance at love and happiness again, Gavin.” She looked up at him so earnestly that he felt, for the first time since Aileen had died, maybe he could discover healing. Peace.

“Then perhaps ye can help me find those things, Brenna.” Wasting no more time with words, Gavin covered her mouth with his.

He was not sure he could ever find love again, but he knew that tonight he would find happiness in Brenna’s arms.

B
renna had never imagined that drowning could be such a pleasant sensation. Yet right now, with Gavin’s kiss dragging her under the waters of reason, she wanted nothing more than to succumb to the warm tide of pleasure rippling through her.

His mouth took absolute possession of hers, his kiss sure and knowing as he drew her close, his fingers pressing into her surcoat to urge her near the heat of his body. Her hands reached for him reflexively, settling on the wide expanse of his strong shoulders, savoring the contrast of his soft linen tunic with hard muscle beneath.

She tipped her head back, losing herself in the heady sensation of his tongue stroking over hers. Never had she been kissed this way before. Her first husband had seen no need for kissing, and in light of their awkward couplings, Brenna had certainly never been enticed to offer him her lips, either.

But
this…
She could not begin to appreciate all the ways Gavin’s mouth made her senses sing. The heat of his body next to hers, pressing against hers, made her aware of womanly needs she thought had faded along with her girlish youth. This was the sort of kissing a young woman dreamed of late at night in her most secret imaginings. Indeed, in her fanci
ful youth, she had sometimes envisioned kissing Gavin in precisely this manner. But those innocent yearnings could not compare with the reality of his broad chest pressed against her breasts, or his large hands smoothing down her sides to cup her waist. Her hips.

A twitchy hunger awakened deep inside her at his touch, causing a small cry of need to manifest in her throat. The sound was only the barest of noises, but Gavin answered it with a dark, masculine growl, his hand cradling her scalp as he deepened his kiss.

The scent of warm man and fragrant pine needles filled her nostrils, while the sound of the gurgling stream drifted to her ears. Along with the shouts and laughter of her sons.

Children.

The reminder that her boys played nearby couldn’t have come at a better time. She couldn’t allow herself to become so carried away with them so close. And more importantly, she would never be able to help Gavin find the wife he needed if
she
became legally bound to him—a fate that would be accomplished the moment she allowed his honeyed kisses to overrun her common sense.

She pushed at his shoulders even while her blood rushed through her veins in heated waves. “I can’t.”

Gavin broke the kiss that held so much power over her, but he did not release her. “Ye surely can, lass. The weeks of convalescing have well agreed with ye.”

As if to prove the point, his hand smoothed over her hip which had filled out again in the past few weeks of renewed appetite and rest. Warmth radiated from his palm to tease and tempt her body, which already wanted more from this man.

Fortunately, her mind knew better. She just hoped she possessed enough strength of will to follow where her common sense led.

“But I thought we agreed to wait before we—I mean, I am
just not certain that this is the right time.” She needed to hear back from Alexandra first, since she would be doing Gavin a grave disservice to allow his deft touches to sway her from a noble cause. He needed a woman who would be a credit to his clan and the pride of his household.

Brenna’s name was known far and wide in the Highlands for her rash deeds, and with the way gossip spread like spring heather, she was wise enough to realize many would consider her a fallen woman. Damaged. Soiled. And completely unworthy of a good man like Gavin, no matter what anyone said of his overwhelming grief for his first wife. Surely he could be forgiven for such deep devotion?

“Ye’re right. I should have asked ye first before I indulged in a kiss, Brenna, but truly there is no better time to celebrate our handfast.” The fire in his blue eyes turned them to bright quicksilver. “Yer health is regained, yer children are happy and it is May Day when the old rites of spring are still practiced by even the most God-fearing of Christians. Lie with me tonight, lass, and I think ye shall be well rewarded.”

His lazy, arrogant smile made her heart skip a beat at the same time it called a red-hot blush to her cheeks.

“I am a widow, my lord.” She trotted out her best stern voice, but it failed her utterly by turning low and breathy in the middle of her rebuke. “I am certain you cannot provide any rewards I have not already experienced.”

His gentle laughter sounded as though he was not convinced. “We will soon see about that. Come back to the keep with me before the sun is set, Brenna. ’Tis almost time to sup and I willna allow you to miss yer meal because I am hungry for naught but ye.”

Standing, he offered her his hand while he called to Callum and Donovan. Flustered at his easy manner in the wake of so much hot emotion and rampant confusion on her part,
Brenna hoped that the walk back to the keep would allow her thoughts to clear.

Perhaps she could speak with Gavin over supper about Alexandra. Her sister’s gentle spirit would soothe Gavin while her pristine reputation would be well respected.

Although, truth be told, the idea of seeing her sister with Gavin already sparked a fierce pang of envy. Brenna’s sacrifice would not be easy to make, especially after this afternoon’s vivid reminder of how good things could be between Gavin and her.

Her lips remained swollen from his kisses, her cheeks burning from the light abrasion of his masculine jaw against her tender feminine flesh. But although the sensual enticement of his touch would be difficult enough to walk away from, Brenna feared she would miss his tender concern for her even more. Memories of the protective way he had guarded her while they were on the road to Montrose Keep floated through her mind’s eye. He had given her a whole month to recover her health since then, demonstrating a thoughtful regard for her person and her feelings that no other man had ever given her.

He would be a difficult man to leave, but Brenna would do so because Gavin was a good man. A deserving man.

A man she could easily fall in love with if she wasn’t more careful.

Gavin wondered at Brenna’s silence on the short walk back to the keep, finally deciding she might be nervous about their first night together as man and wife. A reasonable fear, perhaps, considering she had probably known very little kindness at the hands of Fergus Kirkpatrick.

Promising himself to take things as slow as possible that eve, Gavin struggled to keep his mind off the sweet taste of her lips and the hot response his touch had ignited earlier when they sat upon the banks of the stream. A big part of the
reason he had handfasted with her had been to protect her after all. He would not compromise that task by inflicting any harm upon her himself.

Although she did seem brimming with good health, thank the saints. He stole a sideways glance at her as they neared the courtyard, her cheeks full of rosy pink color and her bright green eyes alight with her own deep thoughts.

She was still as beautiful a woman as Gavin had ever seen, and if not for his certainty that he could never love a woman of such feisty spirit and independence, the brazen lass might have captured his heart.

Hauling the donkey along the path behind him, Gavin shouted to Callum, “Take yer mule to the stables and see she is fed some hay for her troubles, lad. Ye can unload the beast before ye come in to sup.”

Callum and Donovan had just grasped the lead rope when Gavin noted strange horses in the courtyard.

“Were you expecting visitors, Gavin?” Brenna shaded her eyes to get a better view of the newcomers.

“They bear no standard. A messenger from the king, perhaps?” Gavin thought of his king and hoped that Robert did not need him in battle again. Gavin had no wish to depart Blackburn Keep with Brenna and her sons still settling in, but he would go if summoned. Leaving would be made somewhat easier by the fact that Brenna believed in the king’s cause as much as Gavin. Perhaps there would be benefits to having a wife with warrior instincts.

“I do not think the messenger comes from the king,” Brenna said slowly, as if the matter were of grave concern. “Gavin, perhaps we should talk first.”

Taking in her furrowed brow, he wondered if he had misjudged her. Would she be worried if he needed to leave to join the king’s forces?

“There will be time enough to talk.” As his feet reached the
smooth stones of the courtyard, he realized Brenna had paused a few steps behind him. He reached back to draw her forward. “I willna head off without making sure ye have everything ye need first.”

She looked as though she wished to say more on the subject, but then he spotted their visitor as a young man approached them with a thin white scroll in hand.

“Greetings my lord and lady.” The gangly messenger swept a low bow before them, his light riding cloak covered with spatters of mud as if he had ridden hard through many an overflowing brook. “I bring word of yer sister from yer lands at Balfour.”

“And how fares Alexandra?” Brenna asked, although her face had lost some of its pink glow.

Gavin reached for the scroll, but the young man pressed the parchment into Brenna’s hand.

“’Tis news for Countess Brenna.” He bowed again over Brenna’s hand, which trembled lightly as she accepted the missive from her sibling. “And may I take the liberty of extending my heartfelt thanks for yer noble sacrifice for yer king, my lady? All of Scotland sings yer praises.”

Gavin might have taken more offense at the young whelp’s obvious adoration of his future wife, but he was curious to hear news of the younger Douglas sister.

“I wonder how Alexandra knows of yer freedom? For that matter, I wonder how she learned ye’ve taken up residence at Blackburn Keep.” Gavin excused the messenger, offering the man a coin along with whatever day-old bread he might find in the kitchen.

When he finished, he turned back to see Brenna’s eyes traveling quickly back and forth over the page.

“What news?” He wondered if Alexandra wrote simply to inquire after her sister’s health, although he still could not fathom how Robert would know she was here.

Unless…

“She is already taking a husband.” Brenna frowned, her gaze traveling rapidly back and forth down the page, unaware of Gavin’s dawning realization.

“Ye wrote to her.” A decision that did not strictly concern him, perhaps, but he was surprised she had not told him. Not even when they puzzled together over the arrival of the messenger. “Yet ye didna think to mention it?”

“I had wished to discuss with her a matter of some privacy.” Her fingers curved protectively about the scroll.

“I trust ye realize how much weight ye give this matter since ye didna mention it to me?” He would not have been surprised that Brenna wished to write to her sister. Why the need for secrecy?

Licking her lips, she searched the courtyard as if to seek out the nearest way around him. “Actually, I have been meaning to speak with you about it, but I had hoped to put the matter of our handfast to rest first and then—”

“Put it to rest?” His voice boomed throughout the courtyard, but Brenna’s sons—his sons too, by God—were still off on their errand of securing the donkey. His suspicions mounted, fueled all the more by her guilty manner. “Hellfire, woman, what is there to put to rest?”

Did she think to change her mind about their vows? Would she call in her family for aid in leaving Gavin now that she had secured her sons?

“You must admit we rushed into our handfast promise rather hastily, Gavin, and I had thought maybe—”

Her halting words doing little to allay his fears, he yanked the missive from her fingers to read the news for himself.

Scanning the page, he noted that Alexandra assured her sister the dower lands were doing well. She went on to say she looked forward to her own marriage to a blacksmith well beneath her in social standing, but she had cut herself off from their father in order to marry where she wished.

It was the last lines on the page that ripped through him with more force than any battle wound. He read the words aloud to be sure he had not misunderstood.

“‘…and although I appreciate your kind suggestion that I consider marriage to Gavin of Blackburn, I assure you, I have already found more happiness than I can say.’”

For a long moment, words escaped him as the reality of her cunning radiated through his limbs. He had not imagined such careful deception from Brenna, who had proved herself a loyal Scot by undergoing great personal risk. How could she plot and scheme this way behind his back?

“I had every intention of fulfilling my vow to you, Gavin—”

“By having me wed yer sister after our handfast year was up? Or would ye have even waited for the year to end?” Anger pounded in his head and gnawed at his gut with sharp, unrelenting teeth. “I see that ye learned a thing or two about treachery from yer time spent among the Kirkpatricks.”

“I would never have walked away from the handfast without talking to you first. I thought you deserved a better woman than me.”

Gavin scarcely heard her words with the blood whooshing through his veins. “All this time I’ve been avoiding yer bed thinking to give ye time to recover. Yet all along ye’ve been plotting how to remain chaste so ye could walk away from our bargain.”

“Alexandra would have made you a better wife.” She stared him in the eye, as if she spoke the truth.

But Gavin could not weigh her words now, not when the realization of her scheming to leave him sent a frigid blast across the warm feelings he’d had for her.

“Just how did ye come to decide who should be my bride? Ye know me so well that ye can choose a wife for me even though ye canna commit to fulfill the role yerself?”

“It was probably an ill-conceived plan, but my sister is more even tempered and sweet, just the sort of woman you would want.”

For a moment, guilt nipped at his conscience since he had often thought that was exactly the sort of woman he wanted.

But hellfire, why should he feel guilty when Brenna had sought to deceive him all this time? Anger rumbled through him anew.

“So ye found a woman ye thought I should wed.” He narrowed his eyes. “That’s assuming ye could have escaped the lure of the marriage bed for the rest of the year, yet ye didna appear so intent upon protecting yer virtue down by the stream just now.”