Tess in Boots (20 page)

“
Well, they’re nice boots, I guess.”

Something about the way she said it seemed forced, but I didn’t press the issue. Because doing so would mean telling her about what was going on with Thatcher, and I wasn’t ready for that. Not yet.

“Anyway,” she said, “I know Thatcher wishes he made things right while Carl was still around. There were no hard feelings, the letter was clear about that. But Thatcher never got the chance to apologize. I think that’s a little heavy for him.”

“
I can imagine,” I said.

“
There’s a lot of ugliness, too. I think that’s a big reason why he doesn’t talk about it. There are some rumors flying around.”

“
Like what?”

“
Well, a lot of people think he’s suing us. To get the vineyard.”

“
Really?”

“
Uh-huh. People know about the argument, but not much else. So they jump to conclusions. Plus, you know how it is. A small town loves a good scandal.”

“
I do know,” I said. “More than you’d think. But I mean, it does seem a little unfair. Doesn’t it? That he didn’t leave Thatcher anything?”

She scoffed.
“Believe me. Thatcher has all the money he can handle.”

At the mention of money, I remembered what Desiree said. Something about the Thatcher James fortune? So it was true, then.

“What did he do,” I asked, “invent camouflage?”

She gave me a small smile and shook her head.
“No. His parents… he lost them when he was young. It was an accident. And there was a settlement. A really big one.”

“
That’s awful,” I said.

“
Yeah.”

I reached across the table and tucked the booties back into the plastic bag.

“I heard you say something else that day,” I said. “About Jake. Something about not wanting to tell him something?”

“
Yeah. I did.” She glanced over her shoulder as if to make sure he wasn’t sneaking up behind her. “Look, Tess. Things are rough for us… financially. Even before we came out here, I didn’t know how we were going to make it. And with the babies coming, we have to sell this place. It’s our only option. I’ve been trying to tell him this for a while now, but he keeps denying it. I think he’s hoping it will all fall into place somehow. But the truth is we can’t keep it.”

“
Well then why don’t you sell it? Isn’t it yours to sell?”

“
It’s not that easy. Jake is so excited about all this. You know your brother. It’s killing him living an ordinary life back home. I don’t think he’s happy there anymore. But still. We don’t have a choice.”

I looked out at the shadows of the mountains on the horizon. It was strange how quickly I had come to love this place, too. Hearing Sara talk like this gave me a sinking feeling. I didn’t want to see the vineyard go, either.

“Can you keep another secret?” Sara lowered her voice a little more.

I nodded.

“I found a buyer. A real-estate developer who wants to build an upscale resort out here. I mean, it’s not a bad idea. There’s plenty of land, that’s for sure.” She fiddled with her wedding rings. “He called this afternoon.”

“Who?”

“The developer. I mentioned Jake was going to the concert. Supposedly he was going, too. I think he was planning to introduce himself there.”

“I saw someone hand Jake a business card. I bet it was him.”

“Good.” She leaned back in her chair. “It’s not final, of course. But all I have to do is say the word. Thatcher’s been helping with the deal. The legal aspects of it, you know, all that stuff. He agrees it’s the right thing to do. And hey, maybe we can all negotiate free vacations for life.” She smiled. “Anyway, Jake doesn’t know how hard I’ve been pursuing this. It would crush him. I don’t want to do it. Please know I don’t enjoy sneaking around behind your brother’s back like this. But I don’t see any other way. I’m going to have to tell him. And I will.”

“
I understand. I hate it. But I understand.”

“
Yeah. Me too. I hate it, too.”

We sat there in silence for a while, listening to the song of the approaching evening and reflecting on how our time here was coming to an end.

“I should go,” Sara said with a sigh.

“
Yeah. You should. I’m sorry, again, for assuming like I did.”

“
It’s all right. You were looking out for Jake. I’m sorry to have unloaded all my secrets on you.”

“
I won’t say anything. I promise. I’m here if you need me.”

“
Thanks. You know, it felt good to get some of that out.”

We stood, and I gave her a hug before handing her the envelope.

“Good night, Sara.” I placed a hand on her stomach. “And good night, babies.”

She smiled.
“Good night, Aunt Tess.”

CHAPTER 22

There was a soft crunching sound
on the gravel in front of the cottage.

After Sara left, I stayed outside, resting with my head back in my chair, watching the stars come out and trying to sort through everything
I’d learned earlier in the day. But I wasn’t alone. Something was out here with me.

I sat up a little in my seat and listened. Yes, there it was again.
Crunch, crunch. Crunch, crunch, crunch.

It wasn’t a bear, I decided. The movement sounded much too sneaky for that. Whatever it was,
whoever
it was, tiptoed across the gravel. I stood from my chair and walked around the cottage to investigate.

I could see, once I made my way to the front, that there was a shadow on the porch, near the door. There was a rustling sound, and then the shadow turned around
and jumped at the sight of me.

Thatcher.

I was relieved to see him, but a part of me was instantly anxious because I needed to talk to him, and I didn’t know where to begin.

“
Hi,” I said. There, that was a good start.

He looked to the left, then right, as if he were thinking about making a break for it. Then, he lifted both hands out in front of him, palms facing me.
“I didn’t come here to bug you. I’m heading out, and I was leaving you a note. I’m going.”

“
Wait. Don’t go.” I walked over to him. “I’m glad you’re here. We need to talk. You want to come in?”

He shook his head. Of course he didn’t. I deserved that.

“Okay…” I sat on the bottom step and patted the open space beside me. “You want to sit down at least?”

He hesitated, and then sat down one step above me, leaning over with his elbows on his knees.

I had so much to say to him, but there was all this information swimming in my mind that I hadn’t sorted out yet. So I sat there, waiting, hoping he might speak first.

He didn’t.

You can do this, Tess.

It was time to be honest. Time to be fearless. Time to tell him what I knew. And most importantly, time to tell him how I felt about him. My whole body sizzl
ed with nervous energy as I opened my mouth to speak. “I didn’t know Carl was your grandfather,” I said.

There was no response.

“I did know…” I fought the urge to blurt out everything in one frantic breath. “I did know there was
something
going on. Some kind of connection between you and this place. Can I tell you something?”

Still nothing.

I continued, “I overheard you and Sara talking the other day. And, I realize how ridiculous this must sound to you, but from what I heard, I got this crazy impression there was something going on between you two. I thought you were in love with her. I got protective of my brother. And of, well, me. That’s why I said those awful things to you.”

He let out a very quiet laugh.

“I know,” I said. “But since then, I’ve learned the truth. Or at least, what I think is the truth. I’m sorry about your grandfather, Thatcher. About the disagreement you had. About everything.”

I looked back at him. He
stared at the ground and nodded.

“
And I’m sorry for what I said to you, too.”

“
It’s all right,” he said.

“
There’s something else I should say.” I kept my focus straight ahead so I didn’t have to look at him. If I looked at him, I’d lose my nerve. “I came here because I was running away. I wanted to try a new life on for size, just for a little bit, and then take it off and go back home. Then I met you. And now everything’s different. I don’t want to lose you. Because I… I have feelings for you. Like, you know, real
feelings
for you.”

It was so unlike me to feel this strongly about someone this soon, and even more unlike me to say so. It was crazy and irrational, but I couldn’t help it. And I couldn’t risk not telling him.

Say it, Tess. Say the word.

I took a deep breath.
“I don’t want to lose you because I think… I think I’m falling in love with you.”

I stopped talking and cringed, waiting for him to respond. Every
passing second felt like an eternity.

I heard him take a breath to say something, and then pause. He cleared his throat.

“It’s funny,” he said, “you were running away from home, and I was coming back home. But I think in some way, we were both looking for the same thing. I think we were both looking for a distraction. That’s all this was. A little break from real life.”

“
Maybe at first. But things changed for me.”

“
No. They didn’t. You may think they did, but they didn’t. You were sad, Tess. And I made you feel better. That’s all. You’re confused right now. You’ll go back home and pick up right where you left off, and you’ll be all the happier for it.”

“
You’re wrong.” I turned around to face him. “I won’t.”

“
You will. It was fun, spending time with you, but that’s all it was supposed to be.”

“
Thatcher, we both know that’s not true. You know you have feelings for me, too. You practically told me as much.” My voice was strained.

“
Look, Tess, you’re great. But this has run its course. It’s time for me to go.”

He stood up and stepped past me down onto the gravel. Go where? What was happening?

I hopped up and trotted after him. “Where are you going?”

“
I’m going home. I have a flight to catch,” he said over his shoulder.

“
Are you coming back?”

“
No.” His voice was so cold, I stopped following him.

“I deserve an explanation, you know,” I called after him. “It’s not right to just leave like this for no reason.”

He came to a slow stop, and then turned around to face me. In the darkness, I couldn’t make out the look in his eyes.

“
Why, Thatcher?” I took a step forward, and his face became visible in the moonlight. He lowered his head and stared at the ground. “Why are you leaving?”

“
It doesn’t matter.” He shoved his hands in his pockets without looking up.

I took another step toward him.
“It
does
matter! I told you I loved you. And you’re
leaving
? You’re just disappearing, like I don’t mean anything to you at all?”

He let out a quiet sigh.
“You don’t know the whole story, Tess.”

“
So tell me!” I threw my hands in the air. “What else is there to know?”

He lifted his gaze and looked at me for the longest time. The expression on his face seemed pained, as if he were trying to fight off a headache. I held my breath, waiting for him to speak.

“There’s something about this place,” he said. “It has a way of sucking me in and ripping my heart out. This town, and these people… being back here’s just one reminder after another of why I left to begin with.”

“
Thatcher—”

“
I don’t belong here anymore, and I especially don’t belong with you.”

I took several long strides to close the distance between us.
“Please don’t go.” My voice was half-whine, half-whisper. I sounded desperate and pathetic, but I didn’t care. All I cared about was making him stay.

He shook his head. “I don’t have a choice. I have to let this place go. And so do you.”

“You
do
have a choice.” I grabbed both his hands and squeezed them. “Things can be different. I love—”

“Don’t say it again. You don’t love me, Tess.”

“How can you possibly think that? You don’t know how I feel.” I clung to his hands, knowing he’d be gone any minute. We were running out of time. I could feel it in the tension in his arms as he pulled away from me slightly.

“I
do
love you.” As soon as the words left my tongue, I realized I didn’t know how
he
felt. He insisted I didn’t love him, yet he hadn’t said anything about his feelings for me. I needed to ask him if he loved me. I was almost certain he did, or at least, he
once
had. If I could just get him to admit it, maybe he’d stay. I sucked in my breath and looked up at him, my pulse racing as I willed myself to get the question out. 

“Do you love
me
?” I asked. It was the most vulnerable moment of my life. My heart seemed to be suspended in midair as I waited for his answer.

His eyes softened for an instant, and the tension in his arms loosened. For a moment, I thought he was going to stay. I thought he was going to say yes. But then, the tenderness in his expression was gone. He dropped my hands and gave me a sad smile. “I’m leaving, aren’t I?”

His words stung so much I took a step back and swallowed hard to keep from crying.

“Goodbye, Tess.”

He started off again, and I remembered the boots.

“
Thatcher, wait!”

“
I said I have to go.”

“
Please wait. I need to ask you something else.”

He
gazed into the distance as he waited for me to speak. Why wouldn’t he look at me?

I glanced at my feet. “I
s there something I should know about these boots?”

From the way he paused, it seemed like he
was struggling under the weight of the question. But if he was, he didn’t let it show on his face.

“
No.” He shook his head and walked away. Before he disappeared into the darkness, he turned and added over his shoulder, “Just that I don’t need ’em back.”

My feet were planted on the ground, but my heart lurched after him.

Follow him, Tess! Don’t let him leave like this!

I longed to run after him and beg him not to go, but I willed myself to stay put.
He
was the one choosing this. I told him I loved him. I asked him if he loved me, and he walked away like it was nothing. I already made a fool of myself. Chasing him wouldn’t make a difference. It would only make things worse.

Hot tears streamed down my face. I bit the inside of my cheeks, determined not to let him hear me cry. When I was sure he was out of earshot, I collapsed to my knees, clutching the boots and gasping for breath between noisy sobs.

He was gone. In a matter of seconds, he stepped out of my life just as easily as he came in. And all I could do was let him go.