Tethered (A BirthRight Novel) (6 page)

My mouth opens, but no words come out.

Nothing.

Isn’t that just perfect!

What’s wrong with me?

In the blink of an eye, Hunter walks to the elevator. Gone before I can regain enough composure to utter a simple “goodbye”. 

“I’m such an idiot!” bursts from my mouth. Sure.
Now
I can speak just fine. Of course!

He must think I’m such a moron. If not, he must at least think I’m a silly little girl who can’t speak coherently.

I look up. “Shoot me now, please!”              

If I’m ever lucky enough to see him again, or rather, if he isn’t so turned-off by my childish behavior to speak to me again—I swear I’ll be in control of myself.

“Chloe. Are you planning to join us anytime in the near future?” The sound of my sister’s irritated voice startles me.

“I’ll be right there,” I snap. Then I take a deep breath in an attempt to regain the pretense of composure. I’ll never hear the end of it if Dhelia finds out how big of an ass I made of myself in front of such a gorgeous guy.

With hesitation creeping up my spine, I walk back to where my family sits with expectant grins. I stop at the edge of the waiting area while they do their best to appraise my demeanor. In light of why we’re here, perhaps I
should
allow them the distraction. It certainly seems to have them intrigued. Anticipation spreads across their smiling faces.

I suppose I can handle the ridicule, as long as it takes their minds off Pap. I’ll call it my penance for the day.

Dru moves over on the bench, eagerly patting the area beside him. As my butt makes contact with the metal seat, he nudges my arm. I wrinkle my nose in an attempt to dissuade him, but he just bats his thick lashes while pretending to fan himself. “Why so red, Sis? You look all hot and bothered.”

Oh crap. I might as well tell them the embarrassing truth. “Well, let’s just say...nothing instills confidence like making a
complete
ass of yourself in front of the most gorgeous guy you’ve ever met.” I emulate a sob, sticking my head between my knees in an attempt to achieve the proper dramatic effect.

The sound of their laughter warms my heart.

Yes, without a doubt, I made the right choice.

“Tell us everything, and don’t leave out one painful detail,” Aunt Morgan gleefully chimes in.

We spend the next twenty minutes rehashing every second of my encounter. The good, the bad, and the
very
ugly. Most humorous to everyone, including myself, is the fact that he rendered me speechless.

That
never
happens.

I’m the girl who
always
has something to say, and guys
never
affect me. Sure, I’ve liked guys. I’ve had boyfriends. I even thought I was in love once. But my heart wasn’t broken when it didn’t work out. I was fine. If you’re in love, it should hurt when it ends, right?

Everyone knows I don’t daydream about a knight in shining armor rescuing me.

I don’t fantasize about getting married and having children.

I’m not against it or anything—I know it sometimes works. My grandparents are proof of that.  I may even decide one day down the road it’s something I want, but until I finish school and start my career, I won’t be able to focus on anything else. It’s not part of my five-year plan.

The morning crawls by once we finish discussing my entertaining encounter. But the longer we wait, the antsier we get while we wait for word on the surgery. Patience is not something anyone in our family was blessed with. Not even close.

It’s just past lunchtime when we see the doctor walking towards us, bringing us to our feet. Nerves on end, we wait to hear what Dr. Gaslightwala has to say.

“How did everything go, Doctor?” Gram wrings her hands against her stomach.

He hesitates before answering, but rebounds with a polite, yet serious smile. “We just finished Samuel’s surgery and they’ll be moving him into recovery momentarily. It went well, but due to its location, we weren’t able to remove as much of the tumor as we’d hoped.” He slides a blue Bic in the breast pocket of his white coat. “Unfortunately, it does seem to be spreading. We’d like to begin radiation and chemotherapy as soon as he’s strong enough, which will hopefully be in a few days. A week at most.”

Dr. Gaslightwala pauses, readjusting his trendy, small-framed black glasses. “This type of tumor grows at an incredibly rapid rate so we’ll need to be aggressive with our next course of treatment. We’ll know more once he wakes up and we’re able to ascertain how he’s handled the surgery. I’m sorry I don’t have better news.” His eyes volley as he takes in our troubled faces. “Does anyone have any questions?”

There’s a long silence.

“Thank you.” Gram manages to find her voice. “I’m afraid we’ll need a little time to digest the information. We know where to find you if we have any questions. Thank you, Dr. Gaslightwala.” She forces a smile, which doesn’t quite reach her pale-blue eyes.

He nods. “Dr. Hashem will speak with you after Samuel wakes up. I’m here if you need anything.” Then he makes his leave towards the nurses’ station.

We do our best to comprehend the news; the news that’s taken us all by surprise. Like naive children, we believed the surgery would be a complete success. We thought as long as he made it through the actual procedure, he’d be fine.

How could we have been so ignorant to believe he’s impervious to this possible outcome?

Cancer doesn’t discriminate.

It doesn’t ask what other difficulties you may have in your life to be sure you’re strong enough to handle it.

It doesn’t stop first to show you its ID to gain admittance.

It doesn’t give preference to the physically fit, or to the out-of-shape.

It doesn’t care if you’ve lived five years, or fifty.

The truth is, no one’s safe from its life altering—or life-ending—invasion.

Before today, we were worried about my pap. But now I see a collective fear on everyone’s face. The gravity of the situation seems to incapacitate us all with its ugly truth.

We spend the remainder of the day waiting for Pap to wake-up. The sooner the oncologist can evaluate him, the sooner we’ll know what we’re dealing with.

Not wanting Pap to wake up alone, the family decides to go home in shifts to sleep. Of course, Gram refuses to leave the hospital, period, so the nurses agree to set-up a cot in Pap’s room. But before the first shift begins, we convince her to have dinner with us in the cafeteria. Since everyone’s so tired, the only way she agrees is if we all go home together. Instead, we make a compromise that Aunt Morgan would stay here with her tonight, and the rest of us would come back in the morning. Even though our house is only fifteen minutes away, there’s still no chance we’d leave her here alone all night.

The ride back to the house is quiet, but I’ve never been more thankful for the time to think. Dru and Dhelia must be just as drained as I am. Sitting around doing nothing somehow seems more exhausting than a day of shopping. Stress has a way of doing that.

The moment my head hits the pillow, my mind shifts to an unfamiliar place. No matter how embarrassed I was this morning, nothing can change how alive I felt when I looked into Hunter Payne’s eyes. Regardless of the reason for my school-girl reaction to him, it’s exhilarating to feel something other than fear—or guilt. I honestly think I’d forgotten how to feel anything else.

I’m sure I’ll never see him again, but I deserve to hold on to this feeling for a while. If nothing else, I can use it as a mental distraction when I need to escape the upcoming hours we’ll be spending at the hospital. It will give me time to figure out where I’d seen him before, since I’m positive I had. How could anyone forget those warm, molten eyes?

As my body relaxes enough for sleep, I play back the entire day in my mind. It’s beyond surreal being back here with my family again. Even more unreal, is that my pap now lays in a hospital bed unaware he’s heading for the fight of his life.

What I wouldn’t give to see my mother now. She’d know just what to say to make everyone feel better. She had an enduring strength which few possess. I wish I had even a tenth of it.

My eyelids give up the fight, falling shut as a vision of my mother comes to me.  Had she heard my mental plea? For the first time in my life, I want nothing more than to stay in this vision forever.

My mother stands before me with a smile so warm—so lifelike.

“Mom?” I rush up to her, wrapping my arms around her tighter than I thought possible.

“My darling, Chloe...I’ve missed you so much.” She’s an angelic vision with her flowing, dark-as-night hair—her glowing skin making her more beautiful than I remember.

“I’ve missed you, too.” Years of guilt creep up from my stomach to my throat. “I didn’t handle losing you very well. You must be so disappointed in me for leaving Dru and Dhelia behind.”

I hang my head in shame, unable to look at her. My stinging eyes try to focus, only to shock me as I realize there’s no ground of any kind beneath us. Nothing but fluffy, white clouds. What the....

I’ve never had a vision quite like
this
before.

She floats closer. “Chloe, how could you possibly think such a thing? You did what you needed to, and there’s no fault in that. What you don’t realize is…you weren’t the only one who felt like they couldn’t handle losing me. Neither could Morgan.” Her calm voice soothes me like a lullaby.

“What?” I lift my head to look at her. “But she never let on like she was having a tough time. I knew it was hard and she missed you, but she always seemed so strong.”

“That’s where you’re wrong, honey. Morgan and I were always so unbelievably connected. More than normal twins, even from opposite sides of the country. I know you never had the chance to know your twin sister, and it breaks my heart. If she hadn’t died at birth, you would have been able to experience the wonderful bond twins share. Instead, what remains is the incurable emptiness your other half left behind. It’s why you’ve always felt so alone…why you’ve been so desperate to feel complete. I would do anything to take away that pain for you.”

My heart sinks at the thought of the sister I’d never know. “I thought I was just trying to fill the void for missing
you
.”

“Oh honey, that was only a small part of it. You finally understood loss, just like your Aunt Morgan. Only,
she
needed
you
more. You saved her life. Your being there was the next best thing to having
me
there.” She reaches for my hand. “True, we don’t look alike, but you and I have the same heart and the same gentle soul. Your brother and sister only
look
like me. But you
are
like me.”

“Really?” My eyes fill. “I didn’t think much of you lived on through me at all. That’s why I needed to be with Aunt Morgan. I wasn’t ready to lose you.” The pain of that memory claws its way through my heart.

“Well, it was the same for her too. You saved one another. Your brother and sister had each other, as well as your grandparents. You were in the right place, so please stop this insane guilt. You did what you were meant to do, and one day Dhelia will realize that. In the meantime, give yourself a break. You were only thirteen years old for crying out loud.” A single tear rolls down her rosy cheek.

“I don’t understand.” My eyes well up to the edge, confusion clouding the heartbreak. “Why couldn’t you have come to me years ago? It would have saved me from so much pain.” Heavy tears now pouring down my cheeks.

An innocent smile graces her lips. “I didn’t come because you really didn’t need me, Chloe. You might not have thought so, but you were handling things unbelievably well. You’re so much stronger than you give yourself credit for.”

“I am? Then why are you here
now
? Not that I’m complaining or anything.” I wipe my face with my sleeve.

“I’m here because I heard your thoughts earlier. I heard you wishing you had my strength. But I need you to realize, not only do you have it...you have more than I ever did. I’m here to make you see yourself the way most everyone else sees you. You are the heart of this family, Chloe. In time, you’ll see it, too.” She takes a deep breath and pauses. “There’s going to be a very difficult road ahead of you...things you won’t see coming. But you
will
overcome it. This is only the beginning though.” Her brow wrinkles to match her serious tone.

My stomach flip-flops. “What are you talking about?”

“I can’t tell you any more than that, I just need you to prepare yourself and trust in who you are.
You
have the power to protect our family.” She places her right hand on my cheek, the way she used to when I’d wake up screaming from a nightmare. “Sweetie, tell me you hear me and you understand?”

“Yes, I hear you...but I
don’t
understand.”

“Don’t worry...you will. I promise.”