Tethered (59 page)

“Thank you, Emmy,” I said softly.

It was her turn to walk inside. I linked my arm into Fred’s and clutched at my flowers.

“Are you ready, Kiddo?” he asked. He wasn’t smiling as a father of the bride should be smiling. Picking up on the negativity that was surrounding me, Fred looked at me as if he was waiting for me to say the right word before whisking me away from that tent and the life that I was setting myself up for.

Marrying Jerry wasn’t the worse thing in the world. In fact, before I saw Emmet the night before, marrying Jerry seemed like a very fine idea. He was a good man and he loved and adored me, and that was something to be happy about. Life had not turned out the way I expected, but this…this couldn’t be so bad.

“Yes,” I said and gave him a genuine, reassuring, but small smile.

He didn’t immediately smile back. He looked at me thoughtfully for a moment, but then nodded and gave me a small smile of his own.

The Wedding March began and Fred lead me down the aisle to the man I was going to marry, and away from the life and the man I had to leave behind.

Chapter
Forty-Nine

Two months after I married Jerry, Emmet married Casey. I wasn’t at all surprised. Emmet had his faults, but I knew he wouldn’t abandon her, and without me to hold him back, he was able to do the honorable thing to make sure his child was born in wedlock.

Casey sent me an invitation to the wedding, stating that when she didn’t see my name on the guest list that I must have been overlooked because Emmet probably assumed that since I was family that I had an automatic invite. She expressed her excitement at finally meeting me, which led me to wonder how much she knew about me and Emmet, but it didn’t matter. I graciously declined the invitation and fortunately with my busy schedule I had a real reason not to go, but I sent a congratulatory card signed as Mr. and Mrs. Jerry Vasquez.

Four months later I received another invitation, this time for Casey’s baby shower. This time one of Casey’s friends did the inviting. I again declined, but sent a gift card for the baby and a gift card for Casey to have a spa day whenever she wanted. Though I was skeptical about her lack of birth control when she got pregnant, it wasn’t my problem, and according to Sam and Emmy and Fred, she was a very sweet girl. Besides, all of the fight had left me on my wedding day. I didn’t have the energy to be unkind.

While Emmet was having a baby with someone that wasn’t me, I was struggling with Jerry’s decision about children, as in he didn’t want any. I wasn’t clueless, of course we had that conversation about kids before we got married, and he had wanted them then. By the time we were six months into our marriage Jerry had changed his mind.

“I will always love you more than anyone else, even a baby, princess,” Jerry had said one night.

That was a very romantic notion, yet also a very disturbing notion. I couldn’t imagine loving anyone more than my own child, but I had to give him credit because not many people would admit that out loud. I convinced Jerry to think about it for a while, because I eventually wanted children. He said he would think about it, but I couldn’t help feeling like he just said that to appease me. When Emmy asked me about kids, I told her we were waiting. I didn’t want to admit that I may not have any if Jerry had it his way.

Technically, I had become a New Jersey resident once again after we married, but for the first six or seven months of marriage, I spent a lot of time in New York, and abroad. When I was finally able to settle down in the same apartment Jerry had before we got married, I picked up a full schedule at the local college and became a student and housewife. Though I was busy with school and supporting Jerry’s career, I felt idle. I had been working a heavy schedule since I was sixteen years old. I wasn’t used to being home every night and living like a normal person.

Fortunately, we lived close to Emmy and she helped me get acclimated as much as her schedule allowed. She worked long hours, sometimes six days a week and the love life that had been nonexistent for her for a few years had sprung to life – a little too much life if you ask me, as my best friend was juggling two men at once. Luke was her actual boyfriend and Kyle was her boss
and
her lover. It was a very complicated and dangerous love triangle. It was wringing the life out of my poor friend and it was impossible for her to be happy in that situation. While I didn’t judge Emmy for her actions, I wondered how she even found herself in that situation, why she let it go so far. I loved Emmet more than anyone else in the world, my husband included, but I didn’t think I would ever be capable of cheating with him, especially on a guy like Luke, who seemed to love her more than what she deserved.

In an effort to get Emmy away from her men for a little while, I invited her to join me in Tampa for Jerry’s double header one weekend. I was looking forward to spending the time with her and having some fun, and she needed some time away from her situation to clear her head.

Jerry called as I was finishing up my packing for the trip. We still had several hours before Emmy and I had to be at the airport, but I had some errands to run for Jerry before we left.

“Princess,” Jerry said in greeting.

“Hi,” I said as I struggled to zip my suitcase.

“What are you doing?”

“Trying to close my suitcase.”

“Why do you bring so much for one weekend?” he asked with a chuckle.

“I’m a supermodel, only recently retired. I can’t look a hot mess.”

“Of course. My bad. Wouldn’t want you looking a hot mess.”

I managed to get the suitcase zippered all of the way and breathed a sigh of relief. I was glad I wouldn’t have to pack a third piece of luggage.

“I can’t even imagine what the other wives go through when they’re packing up their kids, too,” I said as I settled down on the edge of the bed.

“Well, you don’t have to ever imagine it since we’re not having any kids,” Jerry said easily, as if this had been decided and carved in stone from the beginning.

“You don’t really mean that,” I said, trying to keep my tone light. “You’re just teasing me now.”

“Donya, we talked about this last year,” he said patiently.

“You said you would think about it.”

“I thought about it and I don’t want any children, but we don’t have to talk about this right now. We can talk later.”

“No, we can talk now,” I said with irritation. “Jerry, before we got married you were all for having kids. Why did you change your mind?”

If I was an insecure woman, I would have assumed I was the reason, something I was lacking, but I wasn’t an insecure woman. This wasn’t something I did or didn’t do. This was all Jerry.

He sighed heavily and cursed under his breath. “We don’t need to have this conversation right now, Donya. Not over the phone.”

“Yes, I think we do,” I insisted. “Now tell me why you changed your mind.”

Jerry and I didn’t argue very often. Our relationship was…sweet and fun. I was content and had no major complaints. His light snoring, crankiness after too little sleep, or inability to hang up his wet towels just didn’t seem like good enough reasons to complain. Though I wouldn’t say my life was a fairytale like Emmy believed, it wasn’t bad either, but this was probably about to be the biggest disagreement we had to date.

“Having children is a heavy, lifelong responsibility, Donya,” Jerry said in a tone that implied that I didn’t already know that. I was more aware of it then he knew. “I like the life we have just the way it is. I don’t want to worry about what kind of role model I’m being to my own child. I don’t want to worry about dirty diapers and runny noses, and kids are time consuming. My job is time consuming enough and when I’m not playing I want to be with you and I don’t want to share you with a baby.”

“You only named all of the bad things about having kids. You didn’t mention anything good about having kids.”

“Because there will be nothing good about
us
having kids,” Jerry sighed. “And can you imagine what kind of havoc a pregnancy will wreak on your body? I don’t ask you for a lot, princess, but it’s a given that you maintain your gorgeous figure and continue to look amazing.”

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. What he said just sounded so damn shallow. Jerry could be self-serving, there was no denial in that, but not like this.

“So, I’m just a pretty fucking face, Jerry?” I said loudly. “I’m a trophy wife, is that it?”

“I didn’t say that,” he said quickly.

“No, you just implied it. You don’t want to have children because I may put on some weight and then you won’t be able to showcase me on your arm.”

“You’re blowing this out of proportion.”

“No, I think I’m well within proportion,” I said, getting to my feet. “You know what, Jerry? I’m feeling a little bloated so I’m not going to be able to make it down there. I wouldn’t want to embarrass you with my fat ass and my muffin top.”

“Princess,” he sighed. “What if I bought you a puppy?”

“Do you really think a puppy will make everything okay?” I asked incredulously.

“Damn it, Donya, I don’t know what will make everything okay,” Jerry said exasperatingly. “I don’t want you upset.”

“It’s too late for that.”

“Because you wouldn’t listen to me and let it drop for another time,” he said pointedly. “I have to go. We’re about to take off. Are you still coming?”

“No,” I said stubbornly.

“Okay, fine,” he snapped, and then gritted out “I love you.”

A beeping noise sounded in my ear indicating that Jerry had ended the call. I immediately called Emmy to cancel the current plans. It worked out better for her anyway, because she was going to go to Luke’s and confess that she was cheating. I thought she was going to be in for some shit and I told her as much. Suddenly, even my big problem seemed small in comparison to what was about to go down with my friend.

After the phone call, I sat there a little while longer trying to decide what to do with my weekend. I couldn’t sit in the apartment and dwell on the argument I had with Jerry.

“Or, I can and eat anything I want and get nice and plump for his return,” I said aloud to no one.

That plan sat well with me. I could go out and skip Jerry’s errands and instead go to the store and buy all of the movies I’d ever wanted to see. I’d load my cart up with all of the junk food I had been disciplined about over the years. I’d make root beer floats and popcorn with too much butter and pour Reese’s Pieces into the bowl. I would eat ice-cream from the carton and dip chocolate covered pretzels into the cold treat. In the morning, I’d hop the bridge and go to Federal Donuts in Philly and load up on fresh made donuts that melt in the mouth, and if I got there at just the right time, I could get chicken, too and I’d get it in every variety they had. I would go by the Water Ice Factory and get a gallon of my favorite flavors of water ice and eat it until I got brain freeze and then start again. By the time Jerry got home in a few days, he would have to roll me around in a wheel barrow.

Nothing was going to make up for not having kids, and that wasn’t the end of
that
fight, but my pigging out idea brought a satisfied smile to my face. I stood up, raring to go, but my cell phone rang. I answered it without looking, thinking it was Emmy.

“Did you handle your shit that fast?” I asked as I walked out of my room.

“Umm? Depends on what shit we’re talking about,” an unfamiliar voice said with a soft southern accent.

“Oh,” I said, coming to a halt. Confused, I said “Sorry, who is this?”

A gentle laugh that reminded me of the princesses in the fairytales Emmy was always trying to make my life into.

“Hi, Donya. This is Casey.”

The hallway tilted and it took me a moment to realize it was because
I
had tilted. I was slumped against the wall at an angle as I gaped at the air in front of me.

“I’m sorry to just call you like this. I know you’re busy with school and your husband, but I lost your address. We’re throwing a big anniversary party for Fred and Yasmine and Lucy put me in charge of invitations.”

“Oh, yeah it’s been twenty years already,” I said, trying to sound unaffected by the sound of Casey’s voice. Even after the other two invitations and the Christmas card that was rumored to have a cute family picture on it that I didn’t have the nerve to open, I didn’t expect to hear from her – at least not like this.

“Yep. That’s a long time these days,” she said distractedly. It sounded like she was doing something in her kitchen. I heard water running and what sounded like dishes clattering together. “And they’re very happy together. Fred really dotes on Yasmine.”

“Yes,” I agreed. I only saw Fred maybe once a year, but he did seem to adore his wife.

“Did you get my Christmas card?” Casey asked. “I’m not sure if you got it. A couple of them got lost in the mail.”

“Honestly, I don’t remember,” I lied. “Jerry and I were traveling and the mail piled up.” That part wasn’t a lie, not really. We went to the Dominican Republic to see Jerry’s family and then went to Aspen for a week.

“Oh, right,” she said as if remembering. “Emmet said ya’ll went away. How was it?”

How did Emmet know that I went
any
where? I hadn’t spoken to or seen Emmet since my wedding day, a year and a half ago.

“It was nice,” I said. “Relaxing for Jerry.”

“He’s has a double in Tampa this weekend, right? I’m not a Philly fan, but he’s a good player. You must be very proud.”

“I am,” I said honestly.

I heard a small voice in the background and it made my heart stop. That had to be Owen, Casey’s and Emmet’s little boy. He was about a year old now.

Casey spoke to her son for a moment and then apologized to me.

“It’s okay,” I said softly. I tried to swallow back the pain before speaking again. “Is he walking yet?”

“Owen started walking at eight months and has not slowed down since,” Casey said in an exasperated, but loving voice.

I listened to her talk about all of Owen’s milestones and illnesses and his likes and dislikes for twenty minutes. Every moment was killing me, and when she mentioned Emmet’s name, it cut me that much deeper, but I didn’t have the heart to stop her. She really was a nice girl and I felt bad for assuming the worse of her. Her soft southern accent was as sweet as her personality and it was no wonder that Emmet cared about her.