Texas Christmas Bride: The Gallaghers of Sweetgrass Springs Book 6 (12 page)

Hers were tremulous. Heartsore.

For the longest moment, time spun out and worlds collided. He was Ben’s father by birth, but David had been the man who’d formed Ben. The man who lay in the grave here had proven himself; Jackson had only begun.

At last, she nodded. Turned to her son, hand on his arm. “Ben, I would never hurt you…”

The boy’s jaw flexed. “I know, Mom.” With visible effort, he faced her. “I’d be an idiot if I didn’t know you love me.”

She scanned her son’s face for the truth, then, at last, nodded. Her gaze switched to Jackson’s, visibly pleading.

Jackson reached out and stroked her cheek.
Thank you
, he mouthed.

Then she left them, though Jackson could see the reluctance in every line of her frame.

When Veronica returned to the house, her features were ravaged.

Penny glanced toward the stairs.

“I’ll go hang out with them to give you time to talk,” Rissa offered. “But I want to know what’s going on. I don’t want Jackson hurt.”

“Me, either. Thanks.” Penny went to meet Veronica and led her deeper into the kitchen where they wouldn’t be overheard. “What’s wrong? Ben doesn’t want his mother and father to get married?” She had to work to keep the shock out of her own tone.

“No, it’s not that, I don’t think.” She bit her lip. “But he’s hurt Jackson, and I don’t know how to fix this.”

“I thought they were getting along great now.”

“So did we. But then the girls started asking if they were Gallaghers, and Jackson asked if he could adopt them, and then they asked if he’d adopt Ben, too, but—”

“But what? Jackson doesn’t need to adopt Ben. He’s Jackson’s biological child.”

“Yes, but… I think Ben is…torn. He didn’t answer, and I could see how that hurt Jackson, even though Jackson said it was okay. It wasn’t. You could see it in his eyes.”

“Why does Ben need to agree? He’s Jackson’s son.”

“David is listed as father on his birth certificate. His legal name is Butler.”

Penny hadn’t stopped to consider that legalities would be murky. “Jackson has all kinds of lawyers on retainer.”

“That’s not it. And I understand Ben’s hesitation. He’s proud of Jackson and is beginning to love him, but…” She exhaled. “David raised him. David was the only father he ever knew. It was wrong of me not to tell him about Jackson, I see now, but…we thought Jackson was never coming back. For all we knew he was dead all these years. David offered to raise Ben as his, and I promised I’d never tell Ben that he wasn’t David’s child.” She looked up. “He is David’s son, in so many ways. He may look like Jackson, and he has some of Jackson’s skills, but…David made him who he is. Ben loved his fath—David. Looked up to him. So yes, he’s torn. He doesn’t want to betray David, however illogical that sounds. My first instinct is to insert myself between them to try to keep them from hurting each other—but they’ll never form a relationship if I do. I have to trust Jackson with him. Mostly I do, but…Jackson’s never been a father. He’s trying so hard, and he didn’t push Ben on it earlier. He wants Ben to have time to think, but…it hurts him, that hesitation. As it understandably should.”

Veronica wrapped her arms around her waist. “It’s all my fault. And even though the girls are all for it, they’re David’s biological children. Do we just erase David as though he never existed? He was a good man, Penny. He doesn’t deserve that.”

Penny clasped her arm. “He was a very good man. Wow. I’m sorry—I never even thought—”

“Ben’s hesitation blindsided Jackson—me, too. And I feel guilty. He wouldn’t be running into this if I’d told Ben who his biological father was long before. I handled it all wrong.”

“It wasn’t all your fault. There were two of you there the night Ben was conceived.”

Veronica shook her head. “The accident changed everything. Jackson would never have left with David’s sister Beth that night if he and I hadn’t fought.”

“But he didn’t know you were pregnant.”

“I didn’t know, either. He couldn’t stand how things were with your father any longer. Everything was piling up on him. He wanted to leave, but I wouldn’t. I thought he should graduate first. Then we’d leave together.”

“What about you? You still had a year of high school to go.”

“I would have followed him anywhere. It was our vow. We would leave together. Go back East. Go to college—did you know he’d been admitted to MIT? With a full scholarship?”

“Yes. He told me before he told Daddy.”

“He knew your father would be furious, not proud.”

Penny shook her head sadly. “It’s criminal, how Dad treated him.”

“You don’t know criminal. My father, what he did to Tank—”

Penny wanted to hear more, but not right now. She was worried for her twin.

Veronica continued. “Your father only wanted his son and heir to follow in his footsteps. He handled it wrong, though.”

“He did. It’s a relief that they’ve moved on. They’re doing so much better.”

“I agree.”

“And Dad is over the moon about Ben. We all are. He’s amazing, Veronica. You’re a wonderful mother.”

“I don’t feel very wonderful right now. I’ve created such a mess. I thought the worst was over, but…maybe it will never be.” Troubled hazel eyes rose to meet Penny’s. “I never loved David the way he deserved to be loved. I did my best, and we were happy, but…it was never the passion I feel for Jackson. Jackson always had this hold on me, and David knew it.” She swallowed visibly. “I don’t know if I can marry Jackson under these circumstances. And I shouldn’t be telling you this. He’s your twin.”

“But you’re my friend. And, I very much hope, my new sister. Look, Jackson doesn’t have to have his way on the timing. You can wait.”

“We could. But you didn’t see his eyes when he asked me. This is the only Christmas gift he wants.”

“He’s used to getting what he wants. He can buy out half the known universe.”

“He hasn’t had what his heart longed for, not in all the years since the accident. He’s been so alone, Penny. He may have lots of toys, but he hasn’t had love. He hasn’t had family. He needs that.”

“So what will you do?”

“I don’t know,” Veronica murmured. “I just don’t know.” She looked up, eyes tormented. “I love them both. How do I choose? I can’t. I’m responsible for both their hearts.”

Chapter Six

J
ackson waited to see if Ben would speak first.

When the boy said nothing, Jackson took a gamble.

He knelt by David’s headstone and placed his palm on the grass covering his friend’s remains. “I wish you were here, bud.”

“No, you don’t,” Ben retorted. “How could you?”

Jackson shifted his weight back to his heels, then rose. “Do you think I’m glad your father is dead?”

Ben’s eyes wavered. “But he’s not my—”

“He is, Ben. I wish to hell that wasn’t the case, that our lives had played out differently, the way your mother and I always intended, but…we wouldn’t have you if all of that changed. And I would never give up knowing you, however much it tears at my gut that I missed so much of your life.

“David is your true father.” Jackson forced the words past his throat. “The earliest memory I have of him was about five years old. Ian and I were throwing rocks at a snake, trying to make it use its rattle.”

Ben’s surprise registered. “That’s stupid.”

He shrugged. “We were kids. It seemed exciting.”

“What did Dad—David do?”

“You can call him Dad. I don’t take offense.” Even though Jackson had been honored when Ben began calling him that. When confusion rose in Ben’s eyes, Jackson returned to the memory. “He told us we were idiots.” Jackson grinned. “Then he hunted for a rock and showed us a better way.”

A small laugh escaped Ben.

“I loved David. I wish to hell he was still here.” He cleared his throat. “Do I want him to have your mother? No. I loved her first.” He pinned Ben with his gaze. “But I’d want to win her honestly. Dead is an advantage.”

“What?”

He’d just gambled all the marbles, hadn’t he? “What I mean is…being dead keeps David from being real. He was a really great guy, but he wasn’t perfect. Ever notice how he was fussy with everything needing to be in its proper spot?”

A quick, fond smile. “Yeah.”

“Ian was a total slob, since he didn’t have a mom. Me, my mom just closed the door to my room when she couldn’t stand it. Or threatened to bring in a shovel and toss it out my window.”

Ben laughed. “My mom’s done that. And my dad—”

“Yeah. Talk about anal.” The atmosphere lightened a little with the revelation that they both knew David well.

“He was a really great guy,” Jackson finally said. “If I couldn’t raise my own child, I’d have chosen him in a heartbeat.” He tried to push away his anger. “But I didn’t get a choice.”

“Mom didn’t—”

Jackson held up a hand. “I know. It’s my fault. I screwed up. I didn’t think I had any alternative but to leave. My father threw me out, told me I wasn’t his son anymore. He hated the sight of me.”

“He said that?” Ben’s tone held outrage.

“Yeah. But in fairness, I didn’t make things easy. I broke his heart because I didn’t want what he wanted for me. I couldn’t wait to grow up and leave Sweetgrass. Your mother and I never planned to stay here. Once she graduated, we didn’t intend to come back.”

“She told me you had a full ride at MIT.”

Jackson shrugged. “Yeah. Listen, you’re smart enough, and you won’t need a scholarship. Do you know what you want to do about college?”

“I don’t know. I didn’t think…I mean, after Dad died, there wasn’t any money and…”

“There’s money now. You can go anywhere you want.”

“You said you weren’t going to bribe me with games and junk.”

“I’m not. Your college money will depend on your grades. You screw around and blow it, and you’ll be back here, working in the greenhouse.”

“Or coding for you?”

Jackson’s heart skipped. “Would you want to?”

“I’m good at it.”

“You are. But you still need to get out in the world, see what you really want.”

Ben grew silent. “Dad intended me to take over the ranch, but I’m not a Butler.”

Jackson’s gaze whipped to his. “Of course you are.”

“Just because his name is on my birth certificate—”

“No. Because he made you who you are. I didn’t get the chance, and it hurts like hell that I didn’t, but maybe you wouldn’t have turned out this great without him.”

Ben looked so uncertain. Jackson longed to embrace his son, but this balance was dicey already…

“You think I’m great?” Ben said in a small voice, his eyes open and vulnerable.

“Of course. Ben, I love you.” Jackson threw caution to the winds and gripped Ben’s shoulder. “Not because you’re my blood—okay, yes, I’m proud as hell that you’re mine—but because of who you are. Son, there is no limit to what you can do with your life, and I will be there every step of the way if you’ll let me.” Jackson squeezed the boy’s shoulder but forced himself to go slow.

He let go and exhaled. “But I am not going to force you into any life or try to impose any of my choices. I know what that feels like.” He looked straight into his son’s eyes. “I would be the proudest man on this earth for you to bear my name, but not if it makes you feel like you’re abandoning that very good man who raised you. And what you decide to call me is up to you. Maybe you should just call me Jackson for now, the way you did before we learned I’m your father.”