Texas Tangle (16 page)

“Takes your breath away, doesn’t it?” Dillon wrapped his arm around her waist. A part of her land—and his—looked exactly the same. To her it was harsh land, rock and dirt and weeds. But now, standing here, she tried to see it through his eyes. Not scrub, but mesquite trees laden with grape vines marking the river’s path, lush greenery combined with the water-worn rocks lining the creek’s banks. Thick marsh grasses lined the edges of the pond, the occasional bird swooping down in sudden arcs, catching bugs skimming along the surface. At the far end, a stand of sweetgums and loblolly pines stood as silent sentinels, guarding the pond.

“Come on, Brett’s probably up ahead. There’s this one spot he used to like to sit.”

They scrambled down the bank, following the creek along its meandering path until it widened and became the pond. While Dillon continued, Nikki paused and shielded her eyes from the sun as she scanned the area. It took a few moments, but she finally spied Brett sitting beneath the overhanging branches of a massive old beech tree halfway down, tossing pebbles into the water. As they approached, he stiffened and turned his head away from them.

Dillon hesitated, the first time she’d ever seen him unsure. “Maybe we should just leave him alone for a while.”

“No, he needs to know we’re here for him. Both of us.”

Yet he still hesitated. “I don’t know, Nik. Brett’s a private person. Even when he was in the shed, his arm and ribs all busted up, he didn’t want me to see how much he was hurting.”

“Then you stay here. But I’m going to him.” Not taking her eyes off the hunched figure beneath the beech tree, she skirted Dillon and continued along the side of the pond.

As she got closer, she could see Brett’s jaw tighten, the tension in his shoulders and arms, how he looked like he was prepared to jump up and run.

“Brett?” she said softly, slowly her pace. “Are you all right?”

“You here to tell me how you feel sorry for me? Poor little abused kid and all that crap?”

The bitterness, the sarcasm in his voice sliced through her. She did feel sorry for him, but she knew he didn’t want to hear any form of pity. Any more than she’d wanted to hear “you can always try again” or “it wasn’t meant to be” about her miscarriage.

She ducked under the branches and sat beside Brett. Dillon moved behind both of them to hunker down on Brett’s other side.

“We’re here because we were worried about you.” She chanced having him bolt by placing her hand on his upper arm. “You’re my friend, Brett, and friends are there for each other.”

He stared at her for a second, then nodded and stared at the pond again.

No one said anything for another few minutes until Brett swore and threw a handful of pebbles into the water at once. He stood up. “I can’t do this, Nik. I can’t pretend anymore.”

Before he could take a step away, Nikki reached out and caught his hand. “Brett, wait. Please.”

“What do you want of me?” His voice was husky, as if he’d been screaming for hours. Maybe inwardly he had been.

“I want you to talk to me. And to listen. Please.”

Though it took him a moment, Brett finally settled into place beside her.

“At the very beginning of this, I asked you if it was all right to go out with Dillon, and you said you were fine with it.”

If Brett saw Dillon straighten and stare at her, he didn’t give any indication. She shoved away the thread of guilt that arose. They hadn’t been dating then, and she’d been perfectly within her rights to check to see if Brett was interested, she told herself. She turned her attention back to Brett, reaching out to touch his arm with her fingertips, to re-establish the contact she’d had with him.

His eyes closed at her touch. “You deserve to be happy, Nik. You’re happy with Dillon, and he’s happy with you. He loves you.”

“But you do too, don’t you?”

It took a long moment before he nodded.

“Except you decided to be noble and not interfere because you didn’t want to lose your best friend, your family, the way you had before, didn’t you?”

“They’re all I’ve got, Nik. I don’t have anyone else.” He took a deep breath and looked at Dillon. “When I went to Boston? I was miserable. Your mom phoned regularly, and Griffin emailed me every once in a while, but it wasn’t the same. I couldn’t stand being alone like I’d been before. I love your family, Dill. I’m not about to let them be ripped away from me. Not again.”

Dillon tossed the husk of a beechnut into the pond. “You could have come home more often, you know. They’re your family too. Matthew, Lilly, especially Griffin. They missed you. They used to rag on me about you all the time. Shit, Brett, all you had to do was say something, and I would have backed off and let you date her too.”

“Yeah, but see, they were caught in between, and if they talked to me, I’d know they’d feel like they were being disloyal to you. I couldn’t do that to them. I was used to being alone, to not having anyone when it was just my pop and me. But once I’d been part of your family, gotten used to having people care for me, talk to me like I was worth talking to, I couldn’t live without them.” His voice was rough, as if he’d swallowed glass and each word tore his throat apart. He turned back to face Nikki. “I’m sorry. Maybe I should have told you, I don’t know. You’ve always been special to me. You always will be, but I couldn’t lose Dillon or the Barnetts. I just couldn’t.” The bleak look Brett gave her was one filled with need, with love, but no hope. “You deserve better than me, Nik.”

Tears prickled in her eyes, and her heart ached for the boy he’d been. “You shouldn’t think about yourself that way, Brett. You’re a good man. Any woman would be lucky to have you. I would have gone out with you if you’d asked me back in high school. Maybe I would have ended up married to you instead of Wade.”

Dillon’s eyes widened for just a second before they closed. He exhaled and swallowed. When he opened his eyes again, his eyes were dark with misery. “I can’t tell you how hard this is for me to do, but I love you both enough that I’m prepared to step back. Nik, if you want to date Brett instead of me, I won’t hold you back.”

“Oh, for Christ’s sake.” Brett jumped to his feet again. “Do you think that’s why I told her about how you saved me? Do you think I haven’t seen the connection between you? Shit, Dillon, the electricity between you two would fucking electrocute me if I tried to get between it.”

Nikki stood up, irritated to be spoken about as if she weren’t there. Before she could say anything, Dillon rose to his feet. “Do you think I’m gonna feel good about being with Nikki, knowing I stole her away from you? Do you think I wanna look at her from here on in wondering if maybe she stayed with me out of some sort of misplaced loyalty instead of love? That I’m some sort of rebound from Wade that maybe she regrets?”

Nikki’s jaw dropped. If he’d punched her in the gut, it couldn’t have hurt more. At the same time, she felt guilty she’d been flattered that Brett had wanted to date her, as well as resentful that he hadn’t asked. But did Dillon really think she was with him as some sort of rebound affair? Or was he using it as an excuse to back out of his proposal? “So you’re going to walk away from me? Just like that? What about your proposal?”

He took off his hat and ran his hands over his head. “It meant what I said, Nik. These past few weeks haven’t just been about getting into your pants. I want to marry you. I love you. I just…” He stared at his feet, his voice dropping to a mumble. “I’m not good at saying it, that’s all. It makes me feel like a wuss.”

His admission softened her anger. She couldn’t stop the smile that bubbled up inside. “It wasn’t
just
about getting into my pants? Sheesh, Dillon, how romantic can you be?” Her smile faded when she realized they hadn’t resolved a thing. “So now what do we do?”

“You’re going to have to decide between us,” Brett said softly. “And whatever you decide, Dillon and I’ll have to find a way to live with your decision so it doesn’t split us apart again.”

You’re going to have to decide between us.
The words she’d been dreading hung over her like Damocles’ sword.

Nikki sprang to her feet, pacing along the side of the pond. She loved them both, and now they’d expect her to choose between them? No matter who she chose, she’d end up hurting the other. She’d end up hurting part of herself. “I can’t decide between you right here and now.”

Two days ago, she would have chosen Dillon with no hesitation. Now? There was no way she could choose between them. Not without seeing if maybe there was some spark still between her and Brett. She had to know that she hadn’t jumped into the arms of the first man who’d come along, so she’d never have any regrets when she and Dillon had a fight. And she knew they would have fights; it was part of living with someone else.

Brett walked over to her and stroked her arms. “No one’s asking you to make a decision right now.”

Dillon took a breath and joined them. “Look, Nik, I’m not saying this is easy for me to do. It’s ripping my guts out, but I don’t want you to choose me out of a sense of obligation. I know you’ve been there before. I don’t want to be who you ‘settled’ for. If you choose me, I need to know it’s because you want me. Because you
love
me. I won’t settle for anything less.”

“Don’t you understand? I can’t choose one of you over the other. Not now. Now that I know I’ve come between you before.” She looked between them. “How am I supposed to choose and not be terrified you’ll end up hating each other?”

“Get to know us,” Dillon suggested. “Stay at my place, the way you have been. I’ll move into the spare bedroom with Brett. We’ll take it a day at a time.”

A blush creeping up her neck, Nikki shook her head. “That’s going to be awkward for everyone, isn’t it? It would be better if I move back to my place.”

“If you’re going to learn about us, to decide between us, you need to see us at our worst as well as our best. Both of us. You’ve been living with me for over a month. Brett moves back in and you get to know him better.” He hesitated a second before exhaling. “You should let Brett take you out for dinner or whatever you two want to do and see where it goes from there.”

“And you’d stand back if I decided to sleep with her?” Suspicion laced Brett’s tone.

“If
we
decided to sleep together,” she corrected.

Dillon looked ill, but he nodded. “Yeah. I would.”

Brett swore. “Bullshit. You beat the crap out of me when I told you I’d kissed her back in high school. And now you’re all noble about letting me sleep with the woman you asked to marry? Tell me another one, Barnett.”

“I’m not eighteen anymore. And I can’t begin to tell you how sorry I am I reacted the way I did. I’ve already apologized. I don’t know what more you expect of me. But I’m not prepared to jeopardize my relationship with either of you. Please, Brett, it’s killing me to do this; I need you to trust me. If Nik says she prefers you, I’ll step aside. Hell, I’ll be your best man at your wedding.” He stuck out his hand and waited for Brett to shake it.

His hand hung there for almost a minute as Brett eyed him. “Don’t you think it should be Nik you’re asking, not me?

They both faced her, Dillon asking, “What do you say, Nik?”

“What do I say? I say you’re both nuts.” Nikki paced along the edge of the pond, putting distance between them before she turned to face them again. “From where I’m standing, I’ve got a couple of choices here. My favorite right now is to move back to my place and not date either of you. I’ll raise goats and morph into an eccentric old lady everyone laughs at.”

“I’m not liking that option,” Dillon muttered.

Brett rolled his eyes at Dillon. “What’s your other choice, Nik?”

“I can move back to my place and date you both, take my time before making my decision.” That was the logical choice. So why didn’t she like it?

“You don’t have any furniture at your place anyway. It would take a helluva lot of money to replace it all.” Dillon seemed determined to keep her at his place.

While she loved staying at his house, Nikki knew it wasn’t the best idea. And yet, she didn’t want to leave. What happened if she left Dillon and he realized he didn’t want her, and she’d lost the best man she’d ever known? What if Brett didn’t…Arrrgh. Damn, she was getting so tangled up by guilt and desire.

“Stay at my place, Nik. Give it a shot.” The anguish on Dillon’s face, straining his voice, tore at her conscience. “Please?”

Chapter Ten

On the way home, Nikki debated staying at Dillon’s or moving back to her place a dozen times. While she’d decided it was best if she left, the words never made it past her lips. Maybe Dillon was right. Maybe she had latched onto the first man who came along, and her feelings for him weren’t love so much as a way to combat her loneliness. Maybe he
was
a ‘rebound affair,’ and she’d regret hooking up with him later, though she thought that possibility slim.

But how would she know? She’d only been with one man before this.

For the rest of the afternoon, she was aware of how quiet they were, aware of how Brett angled his body away from Dillon, aware of how Dillon’s eyes followed her every movement with a hunger—and anguish.

She should have ended the charade before they had dinner. But she couldn’t. Damning herself, she toyed with her food, aware of the long silences and the strained air that now filled Dillon’s home. Lying in Dillon’s bed alone that night only heightened her confusion. She loved Dillon. She was sure of it. So why couldn’t she just say it out loud and tell Brett he’d blown his chance, tell him she’d made her choice?

Over the next couple of days, their conversations were stilted, but gradually they relaxed when there were only two of them together. The strain reappeared when all three shared the house.

Most nights, she’d go to bed at the same time as Dillon, then get up when Brett got home. They’d curl up on the couch together, her giving him a backrub when his shift—or their circumstances—left him particularly tense. Other times he’d lift her feet on his lap and massage them. They discovered they liked the same shows, though their taste in music differed. She liked classic rock, he liked country music.