That Summer (Part One) (24 page)

“No
one knows! I haven’t told anyone and I don’t intend to.”

“You
can’t be serious? You want us to carry on like before and pretend like we don’t
know this?” I claim incredulously, unable to believe he would actually expect
me to go along with this.

“It’s
not what I want. It’s what I
need
.” He groans in agony, curling his
fingers around my hair so he can force me to look up at him. “How am I supposed
to exist without you? How can you expect me to go a single minute without you
when you’re already so deep inside my head?”

 I
start to sob silently, covering my face with my hands as Cole circles his arms
around me, pulling me against him.

“It’s
going to be ok, I promise you. I’ll take care of this and I’ll take care of
you.” He soothes me.

“How?”
I wail, burying my face against his chest.

“This
can always be our secret. We don’t have to tell anyone and no one would ever
find out.”

“How
is that even possible?” I whisper, horrified by his startling suggestion.

“Because
it can stay between us. The only person who would ever know is
him
.”

I
know he’s referring to our father and I can tell by the way tone of his voice.
The revulsion he feels towards him is apparent. Cole despises him and I don’t
think I realised how much until this very moment.

“You
mean dad, don’t you?” I enquire timidly.

“Don’t
call him that.” He seethes furiously. “When has he ever been worthy of being
called our father? When has he been here to support either one of us?”

“I
know but…”

“But
nothing
.” Cole states firmly. “We just won’t let him see us together. We
don’t need him in our lives and we don’t even have to see him again. So long as
he never finds out about us then it will all be ok.”

“Cole,
even if we do manage to keep it from him, we just can’t be together, not like
that. Not anymore.”

“
Why
?”

“Because
I’m your sister.” I reply coolly,

“Don’t
say that.” Cole instructs me, grabbing hold of my face with both hands. “Don’t
you
ever
say that to me again, do you understand?”

“Cole…”

“You
are
not
my sister and you never have been. We weren’t raised in the same
house, we didn’t know each other as children and you’re certainly not my sister
up here.” He pauses before pointing to his head. “Or here.” He says, resting
his hand against his heart before he takes hold of mine and places it on top of
it so I can feel his heartbeat racing.

“But
neither one of us can ignore biology. You can’t rewrite history, no matter how
much we want to.”

“So
you’re really prepared to ruin both of our lives? You’re willing to destroy our
future for the sake of what? Something neither one of could control?”

“We
don’t have a choice!” I declare vehemently. “How can we go back? How can we
forget this?”

“I’m
not asking you to forget. I’m just asking you to give me a chance and give us
some time to process this. We… we don’t have to have sex if you don’t feel
comfortable.”

He
lowers his gaze to the ground, resembling someone who has had time to come to
terms with this. Someone who is absolutely determined to get what he wants, no
matter what.

“Ever?”
I prompt him, surprised by his suggestion.

“If
that’s what it takes to keep you, then yes.” He sighs wearily, slumping his
shoulders as he rubs the centre of his forehead.

“What
about other things?”

“Like…?”

“You
know
.”

I
really don’t want him to make me say it but we both know what I’m referring to.

“Serena,
I’m not going to lie to you. I want everything with you. I’ve already fallen in
love with you and the fact that we’ve now found out we share dome DNA doesn’t
change how I feel or how much I want you. I’m prepared to do anything and
everything in my power to help you feel better about this and accept it. What
we now know is life-changing. It’s fucked up, it’s heart-breaking and it could
ruin both of our lives… but only if we let it. Believe me, I’ve spent the last
twenty-four hours falling apart about this but seeing you again tonight, I now
realise I don’t have the strength to live without you. I don’t want you to be
my friend or my acquaintance. I want
all
of you and I don’t want any
other man to have what is mine.”

He
lets his finger trail down the side of my face and along my jawline, causing me
to tremble. I close my eyes but I can still feel him watching me, his
mesmerising brown eyes observing every single feature of my face.

“You
don’t own me, Cole.” I whisper, hoping I’ll be able to find the strength to
resist him once I open my eyes.

“I
do.” He insists, stroking his thumb against my bottom lip. “You belong to me
and you know it. Mind, body and soul… your
mine
.”

“But
we have no future! We can’t ever get married or have children. We’re going to
be stuck. Frozen in time and living our lives in secret, terrified that someone
will find out the truth. That’s no way to live and it’s not a life I will
choose for myself.”

“Why
can’t we have all of those things? Who says we can’t?” He challenges me.

“You
know why it’s impossible. How could we become parents?”

“Green,
you’re not even eighteen yet but I already know you will make an incredible
mother.”

“Stop
it.” I chastise him, deliberately putting some much needed space between us. “The
complications for any child of ours would be horrific. There could be something
wrong with it.”

“A
baby of ours would be perfect, no matter what.” He maintains calmly.

“Now
you’re just being foolish. You’re not even thinking clearly and you’ve also been
drinking. You have the nerve to turn up at my house in the middle of the night
and drop this bombshell on me, wanting me to tell you that it’s all going to be
ok and that things can carry on as normal between us. Well, they can’t. Not
ever.”

I
make sure my voice sounds cold, hoping I can sustain my distance from him. For
this to work, I have to be convincing.

“You
don’t mean that.” He murmurs, following me across the room with his saddened
eyes.

“I
do mean it and I want you to leave right now. I need some time alone.”

“I
can’t leave you.” He whispers, showing his desolation and despair at the
thought of me telling him to go.

“You
already did leave me, Cole. You left me as soon as you found out the truth and
refused to give me any answers. You confess you’ve been to strip clubs since
you found out and then you enjoyed telling me all about it. What sort of person
does that make you?”

“I
know, I know, ok?! I know how screwed up that makes me and I’m sorry. I already
told you how messed up I am. I told you from the very start that you should
stay away from me and not get involved with someone like me.”

“I
now see that you were right.” I reply callously. “I should have listened to you
then.”

“You
don’t mean that. You can’t mean it.”

“Goodbye,
Cole. I want you to stay away from me from now on.”

“I
can’t do that.” He groans, tugging on his hair in torment.

“If
you don’t so as I ask then I’ll tell someone. I’ll tell Lisa or my mum and then
you won’t have a choice. You’ll be forced to keep away.”

“Why
are you doing this?! Why do you want to hurt me?” He asks, begging me to
explain the reason behind my glacial exterior.

“I
don’t want to hurt you, I just want you to go. I’ve heard enough.”

“I
told Jonathan to stay away from school today and he won’t be back until I can
be there with you. Despite everything I had to deal with, you were still my
number one priority. No matter what’s going on inside my head, you will always
come first.”

“Just
go
.”

He
exhales slowly and nods his head in reluctant defeat.

“I
love you, Green. I’ve always loved you and I won’t stop. I just can’t. I’ll
leave you alone for now but I can’t stay away from you forever.” He says it
gently, approaching me with caution before he reaches out to place a kiss
against my forehead.

Once
Cole leaves, I remain downstairs for the next few hours. I can’t bring myself
to go to bed because I’m scared that when I do, all I will dream about is him.
I’m frightened I will see his face when I close my eyes and regret the words I
just spoke to him.

I’m
afraid of everything.

I’m
afraid about my future and I’m scared about tomorrow. How will I carry on now
that I know the truth? How am I supposed to recover from this? How can I be
expected to spend a single hour without Cole by my side, let alone a whole
lifetime?

I
don’t know anything expect this that my love for him has not changed. What I
said to him isn’t true and the most tragic part about all of this is I still want
him more than ever.

Chapter Ten

I
spend the next few days in agony. Absolute agony. I can’t sleep, I can’t eat. I
can’t even
function
properly. I’m consumed by my dark thoughts and the
instinctual
need
that I have to be with him. He’s all I can think about
and just putting one foot in front of the other is now difficult.

My
strength has gone. It’s vanished. I’m a shell of the person I used to be and I
don’t know how to bring her back to life.

She’s
gone.

Lisa
knows that something is extremely wrong. She’s spent hours trying to convince
me to confide in her but none of it has worked. Cole swore me to secrecy that
night and I know it will jeopardize everything if I tell her.

I’ve
still managed to drag myself into school every day, refusing to stay at home by
myself and cry about what I’ve lost. During the day I can maintain a façade and
focus on my schoolwork as I pretend that everything is normal. I’m sure my
teachers and the mindless students who pass by me in the corridors have no idea
that my heart is breaking. They have no idea about the searing, agonising,
unbearable pain which is tearing me apart.

I
only saw my father once and that was the night Cole spotted him outside my
house and he took me out for coffee. He’s tried to see me again but I turned
him down, refusing to converse with the man I now blame for all of my
heartache. Of course I didn’t tell him the reason why I no longer wanted to
rebuild my relationship with him, I just told him I was busy with school and I
would see him again in a few months.

 Of
course I have no intention of seeing him. I despise him now and want nothing
more to do with him. If my dad had told me he had a son and introduced us as
children then none of this would have happened. He walked out on Cole when he
was just a baby and then walked out on me a few years later. I’m only a couple
of months younger than Cole which means my irresponsible and thoughtless father
must have made two women pregnant at the same time. He abandoned Cole’s mum as
soon as she gave birth and then kept our identities a secret from one another.
I now see that I was a fool to think we could rebuild our relationship and let
him back into my life once more. He’s ruined so many lives by his deceit.

Cole
is also in school and I can’t help noticing how terrible he looks when I catch
sight of him. The dark circles underneath his eyes make it obvious to me that
he’s not been sleeping and his dark, messed-up hair proves he’s been raking his
fingers through it time and time again. He hasn’t been shaving so his strong
jawline is now covered in stubble, highlighting his masculine appearance and
physique even further.

I
know it’s unintentional but it’s almost like his misery is somehow making him
even more attractive to the girls at school. I see them watching him, wondering
if he will throw a glance in their direction or even give them a chance to be
his next rebound. They clearly think we’ve broken up and are now sniffing
around him, eager for their own chance to capture his attention.

He
is perfect and there’s not a single part of me that has managed to stop wanting
him. I yearn for him and ache to feel his arms around me like I once used to
and despise every girl I see who smiles at him. Jealousy consumes my soul and I
battle against it day and night, willing myself to move forward from the man I
can never have.

I
now realise that I took it all for granted. I thought it was our given right to
be together, failing to understand that every piece of happiness that we shared
was a blessing. I spend hours remembering, trying to recreate every single
detail in my mind so I can relive it. Knowing that I will never get to be with
him is again is torture. I’m in physical discomfort, tossing and turning in bed
as I try to extinguish the gaping hole he left inside of me.

Seeing
him every day and walking by him in the hallway makes it even worse. My fingers
twitch because I long to reach out for him and my stomach churns when I see him
in close proximity to any other girls. They’re all over him now they think that
we’ve split up and I have to witness so many of them throwing themselves at him
on a daily basis.

The
worst one is Louise. She makes sure I see it all and seems to enjoy witnessing
my pain whenever I see her anywhere near him. It’s not as though he’s responding
to their advances but I wouldn’t say he’s ignoring them either.

I
can feel his eyes on me when I leave the cafeteria and I can feel them on me
when we share one of our classes together. He observes me all the time and it
makes it even harder for me to ignore him when I know those magnificent brown
eyes of his are on me.

I
removed my belongings from his locker as soon as I could and now share one with
Lisa, hoping it would put some distance between us.

Of
course it didn’t.

“Talk
to me.” He begged, leaning against Lisa’s locker once I finished placing my
books in there.

No
one else was about and I was already late for one of my lessons. The hallway
was empty and there was nowhere to run to and escape him. I was trapped.

“Leave
me alone.” I said, speaking sharply.

“I
can’t.” He whispered painfully, gazing at me with longing.

“You
have to.”

“But
I can’t stay away from you. I can’t even fucking sleep without you. I’ve become
an insomniac over the past couple of days and my whole body hurts. I can’t eat,
I can’t even
think
straight.” He pleaded with me, grabbing hold of my
wrist so he could spin me around to face him.

“You
have no choice.” I argued, rubbing my own forehead wearily. “You’re going to
have to try and keep your distance.”

“I
just told you I can’t!” He exclaimed loudly, slamming me back against the row
of lockers behind me. “Tell me what you need because I’m willing to do
anything, absolutely anything to be near you. Let me come over tonight, just so
we can sleep. I swear to God I won’t try anything. I just want to sleep beside
you and… and hold you.”

I
closed my eyes, praying for the strength to resist him. I had to fight against
the inexplicable pull I felt towards him and say no to the painful longing in
my heart to say yes.

“This
is the final time I’m going to say this to you.” I whispered, opening my eyes
slowly. “Leave. Me. Alone.”

He
seemed to try a different tactic after that day. At first he seemed to respect
my wishes and gave me some much needed space but then he started flaunting some
of the girls at school in front of me. I know it was his attempt at making me
jealous.  At least, I hope it was a devious ploy of his to make me angry and
not a sign that he has moved on already.

I
walked into the dining hall one lunchtime to find him at his usual table,
surrounded by the friends he first made when he came here. A pretty girl with
dark hair was perched on his lap, stroking her fingers through the back of his
hair as I watched his hand touch her thigh.

I
didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know whether I should turn and run or pretend
I hadn’t noticed. I froze, fighting against the harrowing pain inside my chest.

“Come
on, you’ll be ok.”

I
turned around to find Lisa behind me. She placed a hand on my shoulder and gave
me a weak smile.

“I
can’t do this.” I whimpered, covering my face with my hands.

“Put
one foot in front of the other and don’t let him see your pain. You can do
this.”

She
took me by the hand and led me over to our table, refusing to leave my side for
the remainder of lunch.

She’s
been such an incredible friend to me, I really don’t deserve it. I’m aching to
tell her the truth and trust in my friend’s judgement. I know she will speak
the truth to me and tell me what to do next. The only thing is… once I trust
her, I can’t take it back.

Cole
was right. The second we tell anyone about this, it will all be over. I know that
Cole and I can’t be together but as soon as I tell Lisa, it will make it final.
It’s illegal for us to be together and once people know that we’re related,
they will do anything and everything in their power to keep us apart.

Cole’s
already got a criminal record and who knows if the police would press charges
against him? I have no idea about the legal side of things and don’t have the
courage to find out. I feel like I’ve been sentenced to a lifetime in hell with
no release date.

This
is my fate forever.

I’m
one of the first students out of school on Friday and I’m waiting outside the
main entrance for Lisa when I spot Cole. He’s with the small brunette who was sitting
on his lap in the cafeteria a couple of days ago. He has her pressed against
the wall at the side of the building and her arms are wrapped around his neck.
One of his hands is up her skirt and the other is inside her top.

 The
sickening image brings instant tears to my eyes as my mind attempts to process
what I’ve just seen. How could he do this? How could he do this right in front
of me?
Why
is he doing this?

I
turn away and cover my mouth with my hand to prevent a violent sob escaping my
throat. My whole body is trembling and I can’t control it. I feel like my legs
are about to give way beneath me and the only thing that keeps me standing is
the sight of my best friend walking towards me with a smile on her face.

She
quickly notices my dismay and follows my gaze over towards Cole. He’s still got
the girl pressed up against the building and she’s moaning loudly. Neither one
of them seem to care that they’re performance is being observed and I find
myself clenching my fists to stop myself from marching over there and hurting
them both.

“Serena,
come on. You don’t have to see this.”

Lisa
takes hold of my arm and leads the way to her car. I don’t know how I manage to
make it across the car park but I somehow do it, using my friend’s arm to
support the majority of my weight.

I
feel so weak. I haven’t been able to sleep since I found out the truth and that
was exactly one week ago today. My stomach is empty and my body has lost
weight. I barely have any energy and now that I’ve just been forced to witness
Cole with someone else… it’s like I’ve broken down.

Lisa
unlocks the car door for me and opens it, gently easing me inside. She then
makes her way around the back of the vehicle so she can get in the driver’s
side.

“I
can’t imagine how much that must have hurt you.” She says, speaking gently.
“But you have to realise that was done on purpose. He did it to get a reaction
out of you. He was trying to hurt you and make you jealous.”

“Please
just drive.” I whisper, staring straight ahead of me.

Lisa
puts her key in the ignition and is about to pull out of her parking space when
my passenger door is yanked open.

Cole.

He’s
standing right there with a ferocious scowl on his face and his fists clenched
at his sides. He’s glowering at me in fury and I even notice the flickering
muscle in his jaw beating rapidly.

“Get
out.” He orders brusquely, widening the car door for me to step outside.

“Excuse
me, what do you think you’re doing?!” Lisa yells, slamming her hands against
the steering wheel.

“I’m
not talking to you.” He retaliates dismissively, directing his entire focus
onto me again. “Serena, get out of the car.”

“Go
away.” I murmur dispassionately, refusing to look in his direction.

“If
you don’t get out in five seconds, I’ll drag you out of there myself.” He
threatens me, placing one hand on the roof of Lisa’s car.

“Don’t
even think about it, Cole.” My friend cautions him, scrambling out of her car
so she can go to where he’s standing. “You have no right to touch her and I
won’t let you.”

He
ignores her completely, remaining calm and entirely confident when it comes to
his intentions. He’s unfazed by her warning as he begins to count.

“One…
two… three…”

“I
mean it, Cole. Stop this right now!” Lisa demands, trying to shove him
backwards.

“This
is your last chance, Serena. You really want to see what happens when I you’re
your ass out of there?”

I
slowly turn to face him, scowling when I watch him raise his eyebrows at me in
ridicule. He’s laughing at me and this angers me even more. I know he thinks
I’m being petulant and he regards my behaviour as something comical but
entertaining. It makes me want to wipe that smug smirk off his face and that’s
why I choose to remain in the car.

“Four…”

“Fuck
you.” I whisper coldly, folding my arms across my head as I go back to staring
out the windscreen.

“…Five.”

He
grabs hold of my wrist and pulls me from my seat, slamming the car door behind
me. He shoves me against it and takes a step closer, almost brushing my lips
with his.

“I
can smell her on you.” I snarl, narrowing my eyes at him in revulsion. “You
smell disgusting.”