That Wedding (61 page)

He can talk me out of being mad? He's never talked me out of being mad! Who does he think he's marrying?

Do you ever hide from your true feelings? Do you ever use the silent treatment, lie, blame each other, or stop talking to each other?

Oh, boy. We're in big trouble.

What went wrong with your longest relationship?

Describe your courtship.

I swear, he's delirious. We didn't really have a courtship. No late night make out sessions in front of my house, no should I let him come in, no wondering if he's going to call again, no how far should I let him go without him thinking I'm a slut.

How did I miss out on our amazing courtship?

How will you make major decisions together?

In other words, get Jadyn tipsy, and she'll agree to just about any crazy idea.

Shit.

Is it easy for you to talk about your feelings?

Uh, wrong.

I can't read anymore. I wad the questionnaires into a ball and throw them in my bag. It's clear. We've failed couple's counseling.

I go to work and am surprisingly productive. I just finished up the rest of my preliminary drawings and am feeling really good about them. Going to the museum, letting off a little steam, must've been just what I needed.

I check my emails and see one from Amy. She wants to know what our first dance song will be.

Shit! Phillip and I don't have a song!!!

Apparently, when you don't have a courtship, you also don't have a song.

Sure, there are lots of songs that remind me of him. The song we all danced to like maniacs at his house whenever it came on the radio. The song that was playing in the car the night of my parents' accident. The song we danced to when he was my mercy date for winter formal. Songs from summers by Danny's pool. But they're not songs you'd want to play as your first dance. I don't think anyone wants to see us dropping what our mamas gave us or having us get low, low, low. Pretty much all the songs we love are more like dance and party type songs.

Then I remember that movie,
The Wedding Planner
, and how the wedding planner could tell by the song a couple picks, how long their marriage is going to last. How crucial the first dance song is to the success of a marriage.

I picture the dream. My dad telling me that we're moving too fast. I think he might be right. Phillip and I are moving very fast.

We're talking warp speed.

If we were on a Starfleet spacecraft, we'd have gone into hyperspace by now.

We got engaged on our first date.

We bought a house.

We've only dated for four months.

AND, we don't have a song.

I don't need a wedding planner or a pastor to tell me.

We're doomed.

And I don't wanna be doomed with Phillip.

I need Phillip, like I seriously need him, but maybe we need to slow down.

Maybe we should postpone the wedding.

No, calm down. It's just cold feet. Every bride feels this way. It said so on the website. It's normal to feel this way.

You love him.

It doesn't matter that your wedding guests almost got eaten by crocodiles. It doesn't matter that God turned you into a burning bush. It doesn't matter that you answered all the pastor's questions wrong. It doesn't matter that you solve conflicts with sex. It doesn't matter that you don't have a song.

You love Phillip. That's all that matters.

Everything will be fine.

It's a freaking song. It's not a barometer of your relationship.

I'll text Phillip, and we'll figure out a song. No big deal.

I'm just getting on the phone when Phillip sneaks up behind me and kisses my neck.

"Phillip, you're distracting me. I'm working hard here."

He chuckles. "You just sent me a text about wedding songs. I have a feeling your mind isn't completely on your work."

"Actually, it is. I'm ready to show you my designs. They're still rough, but they're all very different directions. I need to set up a meeting with your dad, but I thought maybe you could look at them, tell me what you think. Like if you think he'll like them, or if you have suggestions, or whatever."

"Sure, I'd love to see them."

I move off my chair and spread my big sketchbook out in front of him. Phillip flips through the pages. He goes back and flips through them again. He has an odd look on his face. I'm pretty sure he doesn't like any of them.

He finally says in an extremely shocked voice, "Damn, Princess, these are, like,......really good."

I know he said good. He may have even said really good, but what I keep seeing is that shocked look on his face. Why is Phillip shocked? He hired me, wanted me to do this, and now he's shocked?

WTF????!!!!!

He shouldn't be shocked. If he hired me because he thought I could do it, he would expect them to be good.

And then it hits me. Why he really hired me.

"OH MY GOSH, PHILLIP! I was a pity hire?!! You didn't think I was talented, you just hired me so I would move to Kansas City with you????!!!"

I can't tell you how pissed I am.

No, scratch that. I'm not pissed.

I'm really hurt.

I feel like I just got the wind knocked out of me.

"What? No, I just....."

"Why are you acting shocked that they're good then? If you hired me for real, you'd
expect
them to be good."

"I did expect them to be good, but..."

No way. I saw the look on his face. I saw his shocked expression. I know exactly what he was thinking.

"Never mind, Phillip. I don't wanna hear it. Here, take these." I shove the plans into his hands while I fight back tears. "You can use them if you want when you hire someone else."

"Hire someone else, why would we do that?"

"Because I'll be damned if I'll be your pity hire. Some stupid family member you carry along in the business because you don't think they can make it on their own. Well, fuck that. I quit."

I grab my purse, march out the office, and to my car.

I put the key in the ignition and realize I should probably call Phillip's dad. Regardless of why they hired me, yelling,
Fuck that, I quit
, is not very professional.

"JJ," he answers. "How's it going?"

"Um, not great. I just wanted to let you know that I appreciate the opportunity, but I'm afraid I have to quit. Well, I just quit."

"You quit? Why?"

"No offense, but I want to work someplace where people believe I'm talented and creative, not because I'm marrying the boss's son."

"Are you in your office? I'd like to talk to you about this in person."

"I'm in my car. I told Phillip I quit and was getting ready to leave, but I thought I should tell you first."

"I'm not letting you quit until we talk in person. Come to my office and bring what you've worked on so far."

"I don't want Phillip in the meeting."

"Fine," he says and hangs up.

Shit.

Okay, so I'll go back in there, take him my drawings, and officially quit.

My phone buzzes.

It's Phillip.

The only reason I answer is because I'm on my way back in there. "Hey," I say coldly.

"Hey," he says back.

"What did you want?"

"What do I want?"

"Yeah, why did you call me?"

"Because you just QUIT on me?!!"

"Yes, Phillip, I quit, and I'm on my way back to your office to get my drawings, so I can give them to your dad. Then you can all move on and hire someone who has talent."

"Jadyn, you have talent."

"I
know
that I do, but
you
don't!" I say as I walk in the office, grab my papers out of his hands, and leave.

He follows me down the hall.

"You need to stop and listen to me."

"No, thanks. I've heard enough." I try not to, but when I look at Phillip, I get tears in my eyes because, honestly, what Phillip did hurt.

I was willing to overlook all the warning signs. I was willing to believe it was just cold feet, that it didn't mean anything, but this, I can't overlook. I totally anticipated, foresaw, and predicted the BOOM, but I didn't really expect it to happen so soon.

Or in this way.

I walk into his dad's office and shut the door in Phillip's face.

Of course, he's stubborn, opens the door, and walks in like he owns the freaking place.

"Phillip," his dad says, "I would like to speak with JJ privately."

"Daddd," Phillip says with pleading in his voice, kinda like he used to when he was younger and wanted to do something that his dad didn't think was a good idea.

"I'll come talk to you when JJ and I are through," he replies in the tone dads get when you better not argue.

Phillip looks at me. He looks mad at me.

My eyes are kinda full of tears. I swallow, put on my game face, and turn to face Mr. Mac.

Mr. Mac says to me gently, "So why do you want to quit? Did you and Phillip have a fight?"

"No, sir. I quit because I was hired under false pretenses."

"How so?"

"Well, I believe I was only hired because of Phillip, not because of my skills, my talent."

"And why would you think that?"

"Because I just showed Phillip a few of the ideas, and he was surprised they were good."

"And it upset you that he thought they were good?"

"No, I'm upset that he was
surprised
they're good. If you would have hired someone else, you would've looked at their portfolio, known what they were capable of, and would've been upset if their work wasn't good. I don't want a job like this. I know I haven't been working all that long, but at the job I left, at least I felt valued. I can't work like this."