That's a Promise (16 page)

Seth and I asked our parents to pitch in and throw us a send-off party at a nice restaurant in Raleigh. It was a way for us to celebrate with friends one last time before we all went our separate ways for college. I wore a red Grecian style dress that had one strap going over my left shoulder, and my hair was in a slightly mussed side bun. I felt beautiful, and I was fully intent on having a good time with my best friend and classmates.

We had about thirty people come to party that night, and I was hoping it would be the night that Mark and I would take things a step further than kissing. Mark was a guy that I used to make out with for the fun of it. For the past couple of years, we would sneak into my room and make out, but never took things further than that. No matter how many times I tried.

Seth looked very handsome in some black fitted jeans and a black button down shirt. He was hoping Toni-Ann would let him take her in the bathroom before the night was over… and not for any bodily functions. We weren’t the only ones at the restaurant, but that didn’t deter us from making it our own. There was a ballroom area that we turned into an under aged night club for the night. We were having a blast.

Our parents were sitting in a booth in the corner of the restaurant laughing and having a good time too. I went over to them and told them I was going to go get something to drink, and asked if they wanted anything. They didn’t, so I went over to the bar by myself.

I sat down on the stool so I could catch my breath from some hardcore dancing, and tried to get the guy’s attention behind the counter.

“Here, I’ll help. What do you want?” A man in a nice blue tailored suit asked from the seat next to me.  His demeanor and clothing screamed wealthy. He was an older man, but he was still pretty handsome for being older. I smiled back at him, and told him I wanted a coke. Somehow, probably because of his powerful aura, he was able to flag down the bartender to get my drink.

“Thank you so much! That was awesome. I would’ve been there for like
ever
if you hadn’t gotten that for me! I’m Josie, by the way.” He gave me a charming smile, and took my hand, giving it a lingering kiss. It felt like it meant too much, so I pulled my hand back before he got the idea that I was looking for a sugar daddy.

“I’m Michael, and you are most certainly welcome. I don’t know how they missed you, you’re the most beautiful person in here,” he said.

Okay creeper,
I thought.

I smiled and moved to leave, but not before he placed his hand on my thigh and rubbed it roughly against the light fabric of my dress. I immediately tensed, and started to think it had been a bad idea to let him help me. He drank the rest of his glass that was full of dark brown liquor, and pressed a little harder on my thigh.

I was panicking. I couldn’t think and my heart started pounding in fear. I swallowed my trepidation and tried to pull away, but his hand remained on my leg.

“Well, thanks again, but I better be going back to my party.”

“That’s your party over there? Not too many chaperones is there? Busy. You should be careful about who you meet. You’re pretty enough to be the one that someone wants to take advantage of,” he said calmly, but menacingly. I shivered at his words and pulled away even harder.

“Please don’t touch me ever again, you pervert!” I say forcefully and pulled as hard as I could to get away from him. I was able to get away, but not without the fear of what happened weighing heavily on me.

I was walking back towards the ballroom when I saw a familiar brown haired boy in a shirt he used to wear all the time at school. Mark was leaning against the wall talking extremely close with someone in the back corner.

I could tell he wanted to be hidden, but I slipped against the wall to get a better sight of him. Mark was kind of a scrawny guy, and I could tell the other person was much bigger than him. The next thing I saw was something that surprised me. He was pushed back against the wall by a muscular man, wearing the uniform of the restaurant’s waiters. He grabbed Mark’s face and then starting kissing him forcefully. And Mark let him!

What the hell?
I thought, unable to stop watching. Mark never tried to pull away from him in those few minutes that I stared at them, shocked.

How the hell did I miss that? You’d think I’d have better gaydar!
I thought, while I searched for Seth. He was letting Toni Ann grind her little ass against him, and seemed to be enjoying it, but I had to talk to him. I grabbed his arm and pulled him back towards the bathrooms.

“Guess what I just saw!?” I asked him when we were in the hallway.

“I don’t know, but it better be good, because I almost had Toni’s tight ass ready to go,” he said to me. I rolled my eyes at him and made a gagging sound. I proceeded to tell him what I saw Mark doing, but I did not, however, expect Seth to crack up laughing.

“What are you laughing for? I just saw the guy I’ve been making out with for the past couple years going at it with a GUY!” He continued to laugh at me, and it took him a minute before he calmed down enough to get out a coherent sentence.

“Oh Pussy Cat, in those two years has he ever tried to have sex with you?” I shook my head, knowing he never pressured me once. I always thought he was being a gentleman. “Well there you go, sweetie. No guy our age would have you humping him in your room, and not even try to make a move. Hell, even I get hard around you sometimes! And you’re my best friend, practically a sister!” Someone walked past us and went into the bathroom, so I waited to respond until we were alone again.

“Ew Seth, I didn’t need to know that. You could have told me you know! I wasted all that time…” I lost my train of thought, because I was putting the pieces together. How could I have missed all of that? Seth chuckled and patted my head.

“Right, I’ll let you go over what you missed. I’m going to get that girl ready for me to take her in the bathroom. I’ll see you out there.” He turned and left for the ballroom. I went to the water fountain to get a drink of water, realizing that I left my drink at the bar. I didn’t know in that moment, that I would regret turning my back to a hallway for the rest of my life. I heard a door open, and before I could even register what was happening, I was grabbed from behind.

An arm wrapped around my stomach, and the other pushed my shoulder towards the back exit. I should have taken those two seconds, when he didn’t have his hand around my mouth, to scream, but I was completely shocked. When I finally did open my mouth to scream, his hand was there in an instant, squelching my desperate cry. I started to wiggle myself, in hopes of getting him to let me go. I kicked him from behind. I squirmed. I cried. I clawed. I tried to punch. I tried to run and bite. But nothing was successful in getting out of his grasp.

He had effectively taken me to the darkest part of the alley behind the restaurant, without a flinch from my fists. He took me to the place where a piece of my soul would soon die. He had let me squirm, kick, and try to get out of his grasp on purpose, I realized. It was a game to him, like a cat and a mouse. Play with the food until it is too weary to fight any longer, and then devour it whole so there is no life left inside of them. I was the prey.

He turned me around, and I immediately recognized the man at the bar. He told me to be careful, and I wasn’t. I was stupid. I practically walked into his trap. There was nothing charming about his features as I looked at him then. He wore a look of pure hatred. His brown eyes screamed evil, and I knew then that I wasn’t going to make it out alive.

He wrapped his hand around my throat, and pushed my dress up to my neck.

“You make a noise, and I won’t let you get out of this alive. No one is coming for you, sweetheart,” he growled in my ear. He shoved my back against the brick wall. I could feel my bare skin scraping against the brick and blood trickling down my bruised back.

He won’t let me live either way,
I thought.

He kept a firm grip at my throat, and I could feel myself suffocating. My vision was blurry, but I could still feel every disgusting thing that he did. He ripped off the panties that I had on, like they were nothing. Those things didn’t protect me from anything that night. They were barely an obstacle for that beast of a man. No… Monster… that
thing
was not a man; he was a monster.

“I have a knife in my pocket, so when I take my hand off your throat, you better remember that I have no problem killing you before I fuck you,” he sneered at me as if I was the vile one. He removed his hand, and I couldn’t make a sound because my voice had grown too hoarse. He smirked at my failed attempt, and then grabbed my arms with one of his hands to pin them above my head. His other hand undid the buckle on his pants.

 
I’m going to throw up!
I thought. That unmistakable sound of his zipper would haunt me for the rest of my life, because following that sound was the start of the real pain. He pulled himself out of his pants and situated himself in front of me. First he grabbed my breast so hard, that I knew it would bruise, and then he grabbed himself.

He then led his unwelcome appendage into me, and I tried my hardest to scream out from the pain. There was nothing more discouraging than having the opportunity to scream, but being too hoarse to make a sound. I felt myself rip open as soon as he shoved himself inside me. My scream wasn’t loud enough.

He was right. No one was going to come for me. I could feel my innocence break the further he went into me. The agony and sorrow that plagued me forced tears to stream down my face. He was so rough with me. He was an animal. His nostrils widened with each push, and I could see spit foaming at his mouth from breathing so roughly.

No words could ever describe the minutes that passed while he assaulted me. There were tears from me, and animalistic sounds from him, but there was so much more than that. There was the sound and burn of him tearing my insides apart; I could feel it throughout my body. There was the drowning sound of death as it beckoned me to let go. There was the scraping of skin against the wall. There was the sound and feel of blood running down my back and in between my legs. There was the sound of a belt buckle clanging from his attack on me. There was the sound of his revolting skin hitting mine. There was the feel of vomit rising to my throat. The blood running through my veins sounded like crushing waves in my ears. The most shattering sound to hear while standing helplessly, was the pounding of my heart that beat in terror, suffocation, and brokenness.

He grunted loudly, and pulled out abruptly. I was going to pass out any minute, I couldn’t handle the pain. My blood and his semen dripped between my legs, and even though he was done, I knew I still wasn’t safe. He was going to keep torturing me until death finally took me.

“You’re a fucking tease. You disgusting bitch!” He spit on me, and I continued to cry. “You did this to yourself,” he growled at me. He put his hand back at my throat before moving me away from the wall.

He grabbed my hair and shoved me to the ground and continued his assault on me, shoving himself into me roughly again. He kept his hand on my throat to constrict my breathing. I threw up as he ripped me open again, and the lack of air and the throw up made me choke. He was going to kill me while he raped me. The look in his eyes, the brown eyes turning black with murderous rage, will haunt my dreams. I was going to die. I was losing focus, and I was seconds away from slipping away from the world forever.

He was so focused on ruining me that he didn’t see my avenging angel come out of the back door. The look on his face screamed vengeance, and I felt a glimpse of relief knowing that I could be saved.

Chapter 14

March Three years earlier

I had never gone into detail about all of the feelings that I felt that day.

There was the immediate scare of being attacked from behind, the actual rape, the relief I felt when Seth came to save me, and the sickness I felt from being defiled. I talked to my counselor for two years, but I still never talked about it. Seth knew what he saw, but he never pressured me for more details. It would have broken Daddy’s and Dad’s hearts if told them. So, I kept my disgusting story to myself, and didn’t think it needed to be shared. Why bring more grief to this world?

I wasn’t going to tell Blake either, until I saw the look on his face. We had never told each other that we loved each other, but I knew when he looked at me that there was something fierce formulating between us. I could feel the anger radiating from his body, I could feel his desire to protect wrap its arms around me, and I could feel him pleading for me to open up and let him love me. So, I decided to let him in.

I will always wonder if it had been the right choice to explain to him about what happened to me that night, but I think that it ultimately would have come out. I explained every thought, detail, and feeling to him, while we laid in my childhood bed holding hands. I didn’t cry for the life I lost that night, but I did feel the overwhelming relief from talking about every detail of what happened. I felt his hand tighten, saw veins start to protrude in his neck from clenching his jaw so hard, and saw him share the emotions I was feeling while I recounted my story.

“What happened to him?” he ground out when I finally fell silent.

“Seth beat the shit out of him, but I didn’t find out about that until later, because the last thing I remember before I passed out, was Seth throwing him off of me and throwing up again. There was no denying the DNA evidence on me, and the fact that Seth had witnessed it, so he went to jail. He was guilty of first degree rape, and sentenced to twenty years to life.” It was a relief to know he would be put away for that long, but it would never take back what happened to me.

Blake let out a jagged sigh, and then sat up on the bed. He pulled his knees in and put his hands in his hair. There wasn’t much hair to play with, but he managed to make it messy anyway. He looked at me, and I saw so much sadness in his eyes. That wasn’t what I wanted. I wanted us to be able to connect better because I was able to unveil my whole being to him. I wanted him to understand, not hold back from me. Even Seth held back from me, though he would never admit it. I didn’t want Blake to be that kind of person too. I didn’t want to be looked at as a delicate doll who couldn’t handle being touched.