That's a Promise (7 page)

I moved my hands to rub his arms, and his muscles tightened underneath my touch. I arched my back in a way to show him that I needed him to touch me more, and could feel my heart beating harder against his chest. Blake moved the hand that had been in my long hair down my neck, and touched the cleavage that was spilling from the top of my shirt. He ran his hand down my ribs and then went under my blue top, to touch my bare skin. His hand, splayed against my stomach, made the fire that was building inside of me turn into a wildfire. I let out a loud moan, but I was too distracted by his lips to be embarrassed. He moaned against my mouth as I moved my hands down his chest and underneath of his shirt. I could feel his hard stomach against my hand, and I knew in that moment that Blake Porter would ruin me for anyone else.

He pushed me harder against the wall, and started trailing kisses and licking the side of my neck. When my back started to scrape against the brick of the building, I was brought back to reality by the agonizing torment that would follow me around like a grim reaper looking for death.

He wrapped his hand around my throat and pushed my dress up to my neck.

“You make a noise, and I won’t let you get out of this alive. No one is coming for you, sweetheart,” he growled in my ear. He shoved my back against the brick wall. I could feel my bare skin scraping against the brick, and blood trickling down my bruised back.

I gasped and pulled away from Blake. His brows knit in confusion, but once he got a look at my panic stricken face, he backed away from me.

 “We… I… no more.” I breathed heavily. I knelt down and bent over myself, trying to calm the intense emotions that consumed me. I was rocking back and forth when I felt Blake slide down next to me. I don’t know how he knew, but he didn’t touch me and I was grateful. His presence was enough to help me. There were no tears. There hadn’t been any tears since that night.

After a few minutes I calmed down enough to sit back against the wall. I looked over at Blake and saw him with his knees pulled up, arms on his knees, and face in his hands. He looked up at me, and the look on his face almost broke my heart.

“I’m s-,” he started while at the same time I said, “I’m so sor-.” We paused because we both were talking at the same time, and I looked away from him.

“Blake, there’s a lot you still don’t know about me. I’m sorry I freaked out.” I looked back over at him, and I saw him sit up straighter and crease his brows together.

“Josie don’t ever say you’re sorry for wanting to stop or for needing a freak out moment. And please don’t ever feel bad for making the choice to stop. I will never force you to do something you don’t want to.”

I nodded, and felt a little better hearing his words. I wasn’t ready to delve into the reasons behind my change in mood. I was simply grateful that he understood, and wasn’t going to press me for anything more than I was willing to give him.

“So, I’m pretty sure you shocked the hell out of that guy earlier. You were lightning fast. I was getting up to go tell him to shut up or leave, but you sprang out of your seat like you were on fire!” he said, with a light laughter in his tone. He was easing the tension that was surrounding us, and I was only too glad to change the subject.

I laughed, shook my head. “Yeah well, I couldn’t stand what he was saying. I hate when people try to take down someone’s character and self-worth simply because they live their life differently.” I took those things personally, and I was never the type to sit back and listen to other people’s bullying.

“Rob’s been my best friend since grade school, and he told me he was gay when we were in high school. So, I take offense when people say things like that, too. I’ve seen too many people pick on him and try to bring him down.” I smiled at him; it felt good knowing that he would stick up for the people he cared about.

“My parents are gay… Like, I have two dads.” He raised his eyebrows at the new information I offered, and leaned back against the wall to get comfortable. “My dads asked a friend to surrogate for them. She found out she had a tumor while she was pregnant, but it made her so happy that she could make her life worth something by giving my dads a child. She died not too long after I was born, so it’s always been my dads and me. When we moved into the neighborhood they live in now, I would always get picked on for having two dads. The neighbors acted nice, but I always heard them talking about how disgusting our family was. Having two dads is all I’ve known, so it never made sense to me why people would be so mean.

“I started picking fights with all the kids who would say something mean about my parents. I used to get into so much trouble for it, but I only knew that my parents loved me; I didn’t understand that other people saw our lives as wrong.”

I laughed and looked at Blake and saw him smiling at me so I continued, “My dads are great. They decided to never find out which one of them is my biological father, so it’s always funny when we get together. Dad is extremely white, and Daddy has darker skin because he is Filipino. I obviously got my skin tone and hair from Daddy, but they always act like they have no idea which one of them actually fathered me.” Blake laughed with me and then looked me in the eyes. I felt like he could see through all the bullshit, and see who I really was, even if I didn’t know myself.

“So, what about your eyes? You have the most beautiful eyes I’ve ever seen. I’m pretty sure they have been changing colors since I met you.”

“Okay. So get this, Dad’s eyes change between green and blue, and mine change the same exact colors. That just adds to their confusion.” I let out a big laugh, and added, “I really think that they don’t know, because not once in the last twenty years has that debate ever let up!” I laughed so hard, I started to get tears in my eyes. I heard Blake laughing with me, and it felt good to just release the emotions that happened in the last hour. I went from angry, to passionate, to anxious, to scared, and finally to comfortable in a short span of time, and I let it all out in that moment with Blake. Maybe it wasn’t that funny, but my frazzled emotions made me think it was the funniest thing ever.

Our laughter eventually eased, and I leaned my head against his shoulder. I put my hand on his knee, and he wrapped his arm around my shoulder. Blake’s thumb caressed my shoulder, returning all of the sensual feelings from earlier. Every nerve in my body focused on where he was touching me. We stayed like that for a few minutes before Blake suggested we get up and head back home. 

I was dusting off my legs and shorts, when the back door opened to reveal Ms. Jonathon Higgins looking ready for a smoke break. He smiled when he saw us and said, “Did you see me go up? It was so much fun!”

“Yes, we loved your performance!” I said to him with a genuine smile. Blake came up next to me and squeezed my hand affectionately. Jonathon grabbed something out of his bag and handed it over to us. I looked, and it was two large T-shirts that had the bar’s name, Lantern, and his signature on it.

“Just in case one day I’m famous. You can say you saw me first.”

We thanked him and left for Blake’s car holding hands. We didn’t break contact on the way back to the dorms. His hand rested on my knee and I covered it with my hand. We were so perfect and comfortable around each other. He made me feel incredible in a situation that I had worried I would never be able to experience. When we pulled up to the dormitories, I stayed in my seat for a minute before asking him a question that had been bugging me all week.

“Why did you kiss that girl at the party after you were done talking to me?” I turned in my seat and faced him, “I’m not trying to sound immature, but I thought we were hitting it off and then you stopped talking to me and did that to that girl.” He touched my cheek and rubbed it before he answered. He leaned back in his seat and sighed.

“To tell you the truth, I haven’t ever really dated one girl before. I’ve never felt like there was a point trying to pretend that I would stay faithful to one girl when I’m not even 22 years old yet. So, when I saw you with Seth, it hit me that for once there was a girl who seemed to change my whole theory and outlook on dating, but she was already taken. So I went to that other girl so I could numb the fear and confusion I felt after talking to you and then seeing the way you were with Seth.”

“What do you mean the way I was with Seth?”

“Just how comfortable y’all were together and the way he looked so concerned for you… I don’t know. I couldn’t help but think about how I wanted to be the one who comforted you. To worry about you. To be the one you could look at like that,” he said, eventually looking out the window. He shook his head slightly as if he didn’t understand what he was saying, or why he was saying it.

He was so honest in his response, and I was so taken with what he said, that I couldn’t even stop my body from gravitating towards his and turning his face to me so I could kiss him. I licked his bottom lip, before he opened his mouth to me and allowed me access. It was a soft, sweet kiss, and it was perfect after everything that had happened that night.

We broke off the kiss before it got too heated again, and he walked me up to my bedroom door. Blake stopped at the door, and took my hand to pull me into his embrace.

“At the risk of sounding cliché, I wanted you to know that I had a great time tonight.”

“I don’t think there was anything cliché about our night together.” I stood on my tiptoes, and gave him a small kiss and added, “And I had a great time too.”

I turned to open my door as he walked backwards staring at me. He smirked and hollered down the hall, “Get used to this, Jo, I’m not gonna let you go!”

Chapter 6

Sunday Present

When I was ten years old, I remember witnessing my dads in a fight. I never really saw them fight that much, so it was something that has stuck with me. I was sitting at the table doing my homework, when I heard their conversation progressively get louder. I wasn’t trying to listen, but they talked so loud, I didn’t really have an option.

“I shouldn’t have to explain why I changed my mind!” Daddy raised his voice to Dad, which didn’t really ever happen that much.

“Will, this just isn’t something I have ever wanted for you. It’s
my
job to take care of you and Josie! You have never had a problem staying home until now! So yes, I want a damn explanation as to why you changed your mind! Am I not doing a good enough job?” Dad had a deep voice, and when he raised it, everyone listened to what he had to say.

“This has nothing to do with you! You can’t shelter me from negativity, Tony. This is an opportunity for me that could make me happy. Why don’t you see that?”

“Because it makes me feel like I’m not good enough! It just so happens that you get an offer right when the business is struggling.” Dad owned his own mechanic shop here in town, so I assumed that was what he was referring to.

“No… it really is just a coincidence. Of course you’re good enough.” Daddy’s voice got softer after hearing my dad let his fear known.

“I just need some time alone. I just can’t deal with this right now.” I heard the front door open, and heard my Dad’s car take off out of the driveway. I went back to my homework, and tried not to worry about the fight they just had. Daddy walked into the kitchen about a half an hour later and started to get things out of the fridge to make dinner. He was a little short for a man, about 5”5’, and he was extremely well dressed and slender. He had dark brown hair that he gelled to the side and dark brown almond shaped eyes. 

“Daddy, are you and Dad okay?” I asked. He turned around and looked at me, and I noticed that his eyes were slightly red from crying. He gave me a small smile and came over to sit with me.

“Of course we’re okay, Josie. Every once in a while parents can get really stubborn and then they yell at each other.”

“Why would you want to yell?” I wondered.

“Well baby, sometimes it’s a good way to get your feelings out. You should always let your feelings out. Don’t be afraid to tell the person you love exactly how you feel or else you will feel all alone.”

“But what if they don’t like the way you feel. Like, if it was really bad, why tell them?”

“You should always be honest with the one you love, baby girl. Sometimes what you have to say might change some things, but nothing gets solved unless you lay it all out on the table. At that point, you have to be willing to give it all up.” I didn’t really understand what he meant, but I smiled at him anyway.

My dad walked in not too long after that, and he went straight to Daddy. Dad was a big man, he was about 6’3,” had milky white skin, and was really muscular. He had a bald head and a full beard, and most people would have been intimidated by him, but Daddy didn’t try to move back when Dad came up to him.

“You can do whatever makes you happy, Will.”

“I love you, it’s just time for me to go out and do something.” Dad nodded and then wrapped him into his arms and kissed him passionately. Of course watching my parents kiss was gross, so I told them to stop before I puked all over the place.

*             *             *

I’m sitting in the same kitchen where that memory took place. I’m sitting in the same chair that I did my homework in each day after school. I remember how the love that they shared was always so evident in my everyday life. They showed me every day what it meant to be loved, and yet, I must not have learned much since I still pushed the only one who loved me away.

Blake got to the house about a minute after my dad and I did. He saw my dad just standing in the doorway, and looked at me with a sad expression on his face. He didn’t even ask, he just took dad’s arm and helped him walk upstairs. So, I sit here listening to the sounds of murmuring coming from the upstairs bedroom, and I can’t help but wonder how Daddy would have handled this situation if the tables were turned.

Why did Blake have to show up? Why did he have to come here and make an already terrible situation worse by looking at me the way he does? I am doing better,
finally
, and now all of the emotions that I felt and abandoned a year ago are starting to pour back into my heart.