Thawing A Duke's Heart (Faces of Love Series #1) (6 page)

* * *

I
was wringing
my hands that night as we waited for the guests to arrive. Mother had insisted that I wear a royal blue evening dress, and even gave me the pearl necklace from her grandmother. She made Josie spend an extra amount of time on my hair. She insisted that each ringlet was to be perfectly placed. It was easy to see that in her mind what happened tonight would determine the rest of my life.

She didn’t know how right she was. If Dunlop hadn’t gotten to the Duke in time, or worse, had and Gaffton’s anger hadn’t ebbed, I would be ramping up for a lifetime of nagging disappointment from Mother.

Finally, the moment had arrived as we greeted our guest at the door. Both the Cadwells were as warm and friendly as ever. I never let my eyes leave Gaffton’s though. He was his starch, stiff, formal self as he greeted my parents.

Julia leaned over to me and whispered, “I have to admit, I didn’t like him much in the beginning. The man is so cold. But it’s all worth it with a face like that.”

I nudged her in the ribs. I was about to give her a very strong-worded reprimand, and a reminder for probably the fifth time that day alone, that I didn’t have feelings for Gaffton. I was halted in my words when the Duke himself stood before me.

I politely curtsied before him. He was smiling down at me, but not in the way I had seen before. Though to anyone else he seemed happy and pleased to see me, his emerald eyes told a different story. He took my hand in his and affectionately kissed it. I could hear my mother’s whispers to my father. I couldn’t take my eyes off of the cold green ones looking back at me. I knew in that moment that I would soon feel the wrath of His Grace Jacob Fitzroy, Duke of Gaffton.

We were seated across from each other at the dinner table. Gaffton was more sociable than he had been at other parties. Though my mother was jumping for joy, mostly inwardly, at her matchmaking skills, I couldn’t help but notice the fact that Gaffton’s eyes landed on everyone but me. I knew he was probably too disgusted by my deceit even to gaze upon me. I thought it would have been worse for him to come out and call me on my lies, but seeing him play along, the charming gentleman coming to have dinner with an interest’s family, was much worse.

If a hole could have formed in the floor and swallowed me up, I would have been all too happy to fall into it. Dinner dragged on endlessly. Gaffton happily chatted with the whole family. Occasionally, he would slip in sly comments about his ‘affection’ for me. He even winked in my direction once. To all the others his act was pristine, but I knew him well enough now to understand that what he was saying and doing didn’t reflect the particular emotion he was presently feeling toward me.

Dinner was finally coming to an end. We were all to go to the large sitting room. The men would smoke their cigars with brandy, and a game of cards was to be brought out. I wasn’t going to bear the guilt of his glare any longer.

“I think I shall retire to my room,” I said to Mother as quietly as possible. “I am not feeling well. A headache, I think.”

“You will do no such thing!” she snapped back at me. “After all my hard work, and everything going so well,” she said and huffed. “I won’t let you foil me again. Not this time, Mary. You ruined your chances with William. I refuse to let you do this again.” She sighed. “I am sure it is just too much wine or something. It will pass.”

“Is everything alright?” Gaffton asked from behind us.

“Quite fine, Your Grace. Mary was feeling a bit dizzy is all. She is fine now.” Mother made sure to say that last part poignantly in my direction.

“Ah, wonderful,” Gaffton said.

He took my hand and nestled it in into the crook of his arm to escort me out of the dining room. I don't think he really meant anything by it. It was just a usual habit for him to take my arm and escort me after all the months we had spent paired off with Dunlop and Elisabeth. Of course, my mother didn’t see his comfort with me the way it truly was. I settled into the fact that at least it had its purpose in the presence of her ladyship.

He tilted his head ever so slightly and whispered down to me, “It would seem that even with a little effort it is not hard to convince your family of your lies. Then again, with a title like a Duke, and all that comes with it, I am sure they care little of much else. It’s entirely too easy to convince them that I am your beau when it is so obvious that I could never…”

I filled in when he paused, “Have feelings for someone like me.” I added this mournfully. It had been stupid what I had done. I had wanted an easy fix, and it had blown up in my face.

He tugged me with his arm and pulled me off to an alcove before entering the sitting room. The space was small and we were nearly touching chest to chest. He looked down at me. I was preparing for the full of his wrath. I don't know why, but the thought that I had disappointed and shamed him this way was more then I could bear. In a way, I was happy to get it over with, to end my suffering. I looked down, closing my eyes, preparing for the onslaught.

I felt both of his hands cup around my chin. He slowly lifted my head. I opened my eyes to see sorrow in his. I knew I must have hurt him more than I could imagine. Acting the beau must have brought up memories of a time that he did love, of Abigail. It tore knots inside to know that I had not only enraged him with my conniving, but made him relive heartache and sorrow.

“Why would you say such a thing?” he asked me softly.

My eyes filled with tears. The emotion of the last two days began to spill out suddenly. I did my best not to cry, but once one tear made its escape, I couldn’t seem to make it stop. He sighed deeply and wrapped his arms around me. I melted into his embrace. I soaked in his sweet lemongrass smell as I buried my head into his strong chest.

“Shhh, Mary. My sweet Mary,” he cooed to me as he held me tight against him. He waited patiently for my fit to subside.

Reluctantly, I pulled back from him and he handed me a cream-colored handkerchief from his coat pocket. He brushed a stray lock that had fallen, and tipped my chin to look at him again. “I only meant that I am the last person in the world for
you.
I am incapable of love. I have lost all faith in it. You know this. How your family could ever think that someone as alive and energetic as you would want someone like me is unfathomable.” He sighed heavily. “I am not angry with you. Granted, I was when Dunlop told me, but now meeting your family, well your mother, I understand your motives.” He was still speaking to me in cooing tones, gently brushing my cheek with his thumb. “You are so…you could do so much better than me.”

I simply nodded my head in understanding. He was being kinder than I deserved.

“Just because there is no love doesn’t mean you can’t find happiness, contentment, with,” he paused for a moment. “With another man.”

I looked up at him again. He was struggling to get the words out, as if the thought of me with another man sickened him.

I put my hands on his chest. “But you know that love is real. You have felt it, Your Grace. Dunlop told me about Abigail.”

I immediately regretted what I said. I had promised Dunlop secrecy. It had just come out. I wanted him to know that he could find it again. That there was still hope yet for him to find his one true love somewhere. He didn’t need to give up and shut himself off to the world. I had this desire for him to see that he could be happy again.

He tensed under my touch and took a step back. There wasn’t much room in the alcove. He must have decided it didn't put sufficient space between us. He quickly looked around the corner, and seeing that everyone had already gone into the drawing room, grabbed my hand and pulled me down the hall.

* * *

H
e was practically dragging me
. I could feel the heated anger radiating up from his touch. Finally, he stopped in front of the library. Opening both mahogany doors, he shoved me in and shut the doors promptly behind us.

He was pacing back and forth, clenching and flexing his fists. I could tell he was working hard to put his emotions in check.

“That rake! How dare he tell
my
personal business to the world?”

I was afraid to answer. I wasn’t exactly sure if he was talking to me. I had to do something to calm him though.

“In Dunlop’s defense, it was only Elisabeth and I. He didn’t mean it in a malicious manner. I’m sorry I brought it up.”

He huffed and continued pacing. I watched him march back and forth, the sound of his rich brown boots clicking on the wooden floors in front of the mantle. I debated sitting on the small sofa behind me, or one of the reading chairs. I was afraid to move though; I didn’t want to anger him more. So I stood still as a statue, waiting for his emotions to subside.

“I know that it must be heartache for you to think of it. I am truly sorry I brought it up,” I tried to pacify him. “But it
is
proof that deep down inside, you
do
believe in love, that it is possible. You could find it again.”

“Now stop right there!” he said in his commanding Duke tone.

He stopped his pacing and came down on me with all of his anger. “I was stupid! I was a stupid boy! Frivolous and innocent and unrealistic!” He was waving his hands around. “Nothing good can ever come of that kind of irrational behavior. I didn’t
love
her. I was attracted to her. I was settled in the fact that we would be matched together, nothing more. She, on the other hand, lusted after others, and was not sensible enough to be responsible about it.”

“She hurt you, but that doesn’t lessen what you felt for her.”

He gave a cynical laugh. “It was attraction and nothing more. Love is nothing more than a fabrication of carnal desires. It is simply a whimsical name for irrational behavior. It can happen to anyone, no matter who the person is. It is animalistic and nothing more.” He said all this with irritating finality.

He was standing in front of me now, having stopped his pacing. I could feel the heat of his heaving chest from his rage. I wasn’t frightened by him though. As angry as he was, he was also open and truly vulnerable for the first time. I was so frustrated that he couldn’t see it himself. The simple thought of this woman brought so much emotion into him; I couldn't understand that he didn’t see that it was the loss of love that he felt.

I was just as stubborn and willing to dig my heels in as he was though. “Just because you have suffered at the hand of love,
Your Grace,
doesn’t mean you need to ruin it for everyone else. Your heartache is understandable, but that doesn't mean you need to be such a…such a rotten man toward everyone else! You shut everyone out, you put every small bit of happiness down as naught. You are so rude and unfeeling to a whole gender because of one woman. You have taken all your emptiness and made others around you suffer for it. Dunlop told us because he cares about you. So many care about you and would do anything to see the
real
you, the one that is happy and smiles and laughs, but you won’t let anyone into your heart!”

I was practically on my tiptoes, doing my best to raise myself up to my full height in squaring off with him.

“I’m sorry that I care so much for my friend that I won’t let him make the same mistakes I did. I have resigned myself not to marry, and yes, it is because I no longer have faith in your sex. But Dunlop has insisted upon it, that is his choice, but I will not let him go into it without the full knowledge I have received from such endeavors. I can’t expect
you
to understand.” We were practically nose to nose now.

“Why? Because I am some temptress woman incapable of any real purpose or feeling without alternative motives?” I wanted to scream and wring his neck in frustration. How could one woman rattle him so?

He moved back from me for a moment and seemed to ponder this. Then his mouth split into a wicked grin. He took a step closer to me, closing the small gap between us.

“I bet you have never been kissed before.”

I took a step back from him. I couldn't believe he was asking me that. I flushed red and refused to answer. Of course, I had never been kissed before.

He nodded in understanding and stepped forward again.

“How do you feel about me right now?”

“Honestly,” I said. “I would like to box your ears,
Your Grace
.”

His grin widened even more, and he slipped his hands around my waist, pulling me hard against his chest. I pushed against his chest with no success. He looked down at me, ignoring my futile tempts to release his grip.

“You see, I am probably the last person in the world that you could find yourself falling for. You can’t stand me. But with a simple kiss, I could change all of that. It is emotions and nothing more. Love is the name we give to that animal desire to procreate. And just as fleeting as it is for our animal brothers, so it is for us. Love suggests a commitment and eternal bond. It is impossible and nonexistent.” He wrapped one hand completely around my waist so as to keep me from escaping while he brushed my cheek with the other. He lifted my chin again to look him in the eyes.

“I will scream,” I protested.

“No, you won’t,” he said before cupping my cheek and dipping his head down to mine. He lightly brushed his lips against mine. It was a feather touch. My heart started to pound and race. I stopped pushing his chest and instead gripped it to keep steady. I involuntarily tilted my head. I could feel the smile of satisfaction to my reaction on his lips as he brushed mine again.

“Why do you insist on being so stubborn? No matter. I will enjoy proving this to you.”

Then he kissed me. Soft and delicate. I couldn't help but reach up to his neck, and urge more from him. I parted my lips and let him explore my mouth. I let my hands explore his hair while he pulled me harder against him. A small moan escaped as he released my lips.

He was looking down at me in a wild wanton manner. I imagined my expression was much the same. He was doing his best to control his heavy breathing. Luckily, he kept his hands tight around me. I don't think I would have been able to stand on my own if he hadn’t.

“See, what you’re feeling isn’t love. It’s nothing more than carnal desire. A natural reaction to the coming together of a man and a woman. You wanted to box my ears, remember? It is simply passion, and nothing more.”

I wondered who he was telling more, himself or me. I could see that he was just as out of breath as I was. He was looking down at me, debating whether he should kiss me again. I wanted him to so badly. I couldn’t lie; I had wanted box his ears a moment ago, but at this particular second, I couldn't remember why. His hands tightened around my waist and his head dipped just slightly.

“Gaffton,” I moaned from somewhere deep and carnal inside of me.

He took my mouth again, urged on by the whisper of his name. This time, there was nothing soft or gentle about it; it was full of passion and desire. I met him with all the vigor I held inside myself. He released my mouth long enough to lift me into his arms. His emerald eyes were alight with wanton desire. He laid me down on the small sofa behind me and came down on top of me. I barely had time to adjust to his body on top of mine before his mouth enveloped me again.

He was carrying the bulk of his weight with his arms on either side of me. He lifted his mouth from mine, out of breath. I could feel his need against me. I arched my hips instinctively to meet him.

He moaned in satisfaction. “Mary,” he hoarsely whispered. “Please, tell me to stop.” He rubbed one thumb lovingly across my lips. He was pleading with me to stop him. I seemed not to be the only one who had forgotten all the malice we had felt toward each other only a moment ago. This man seemed to rattle me in every way possible.

I wouldn’t stop him though. I couldn’t stop myself, let alone him. I arched my hips again, never letting my eyes leave his. He gave another moan of satisfaction and came down on my mouth again. He was ravaging me, but it wasn’t enough. I felt him grab my leg. Slowly, he pulled up the silk of my royal blue gown, exposing my silken leg underneath. He wrapped it around him, settling himself deeper between my legs. I lifted my hips again in hungry desire. This time, he grated his own hips against mine. I arched my back, closing my eyes, and moaned. I had never felt something so exquisite in all my life.

“My sweet Mary, open your eyes,” he whispered against my lips.

I opened them to find him looking down at me. It wasn’t fire or passion I saw; it was pure affection. He kissed me softly on the nose before grating his hips again. I moaned in satisfaction again, but didn’t let my eyes leave his. He was smiling down at me. It was euphoric to see that my pleasure brought him pleasure. I would to do anything to make this man happy.

I knew in that moment that it wasn’t lust anymore, at least not for me. Yes, I was attracted to him, and I was certainly intoxicated by his kiss, but it was more than that. I loved him. I would give the world for this man. He may have successfully shelled his emotions from the rest of the world, but I saw him now for who he was. He was so kind and caring. His hurt had guarded him from letting anyone else in, but even with his determination to make himself a lone man, alienated from all others, he had still cared enough to protect Dunlop and to protect me from the scorn of my family.

I wrapped my leg tighter around his as he continued to move on top of me. I wanted more though. I didn’t want the confines of our clothes between us. I could feel something growing inside of me, something I had never felt before. It was hot and wild and strange and I never wanted it to stop, but felt as if I would explode all at the same moment.

“Gaffton, please!” I begged. I didn’t know whether it was to stop or to continue.

His hand had been making its way up my silk stocking. He gripped the back of my thigh now and pulled me in tighter against him as he pushed his hips one last time. I let out a small scream in an explosion of emotion. It was as if a dam had burst. He took my mouth with his to quiet me. Suddenly, he stilled.

“What was that?” I heard my mother’s voice from nearby, not far enough down the hall.

Gaffton bolted upright in an instant, grabbing me and pulling me up also in the process. I could hear the turn of the library door. It all happened so quickly, and with the explosion I had just felt, I wasn’t right on my feet. I fell into Gaffton’s arms. He caught me just as I heard a gasp from my mother.

I turned my head to see my mother and Lady Cadwell standing in the doorway. Mother looked like she was about to faint. I could imagine how horrible the scene was. I was completely disheveled, trying to kick the last of my dress down to the ground, my hair was probably a wreck, and my lips still tingled from the liberties he had taken with them.

Gaffton immediately took a step back, still keeping one arm outstretched at my shoulder to keep me steady for a second longer. He cleared his throat. “Lady Mary was just giving me a tour of your fine library.”

I was still doing my best to catch my breath when my father and Lord Cadwell came in behind them.

“Ah, there you are, Your Grace. We have been wondering where you went off to. Come and try some of my fine brandy,” Father said, completely unaware of what Mother just interrupted.

Worse, she didn’t even see the full severity of it. Father must have thought that Gaffton had been here with us three women and not just myself, because he was completely innocent to any wrongdoings.

Mother immediately burst into tears, turned and fled the room. Father looked after her, confused. Lord Cadwell was just as confused. “What was that about?” Cadwell asked the group in general. Lady Cadwell stood as still as a statue, unable to respond.

“I am sorry to say that I must take my leave,” Gaffton said finally. He turned to me and bowed properly. I curtsied out of habit, but was unable to look him in the eye.

He stopped in front of my father before leaving. “I am sorry. I…I am grateful for your hospitality. I highly respect you.”

Father stood there, confused at the meaning of Gaffton’s words. “Of course, Your Grace is welcome here anytime.”

With that, Gaffton walked out of the library and quickly out the townhouse. I immediately excused myself to my room.